Rewriting The Ending
by Authors Tune
Summary: AU Fic: By chance, Arizona Robbins and Calliope Torres meet at an airport; how much will a brief intersect of their lives influence their future?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Rewriting The Ending

**Rating: **M (overall rating) – minor curse language, sexual references

**Storyline: **AU Fic: By chance, Arizona Robbins and Calliope Torres meet at an airport; how much will a brief intersect of their lives influence their future?

**AN: **Thanks everyone for following Burdened and sticking with it through to the final part. :-) I've had this idea for a while now and have been working on the chapter plan, which I now have pretty sorted so I thought I would post the first chapter and see what you think. It is AU…just in case you missed that in the summary…definitely AU.

* * *

**Chapter One: **

"_People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home._

_Dagobert D. Runes_

It had been an absolute battle to get to the wide opening of the Emirates Lounge of LAX. Or rather, their partner lounge by Korean Air, and all she wanted now was to slip through the doors, pour herself a glass of white wine and sit down. A chair, a bed, a lounge, she wasn't fussy; she just wanted to be off her tired and sore feet. Not that it mattered what she wanted, as the immaculately dressed young man behind the counter turned her business class ticket over and over in his hands. His face deadpanned as he peered over and ran his eyes up and down her body. It was barely perceptible, but his eyebrows raised slightly before neutralising, judging her unworthy by the faded yoga pants and slightly stretched capped sleeve t-shirt she was wearing. And her matted blond hair was probably not helping her cause, nor the Merrells that her feet were slipped into. "I'm sorry Ma'am, but all Business Class Boarding Passes must be stamped for Lounge entry." Arizona swallowed heavily and sighed, casting her stare to the Los Angeles skyline print on the wall. "Unless you have your Skywards Membership Card, I'm not able to grant you access without a stamp."

"Right, ah, Jeremy is it?" she asked, squinting at the name badge pinned to his left chest.

"Yes Ma'am, it's Jeremy, however I cannot allow you access on this boarding card."

"Yes, Jeremy, you have made your policy very clear. However, let me just tell you a little bit about how I've come to be standing here, in front of your delightful tone. Not one, but two cancelled connecting flights on a code share ticket which was followed by being caught in the middle of an absolute string of expletives between screamed by another passenger, grossly intoxicated by the way. And, to cap it all off, one of _your_ employees, used me as a protective shield and I earned a very significant bruise to my shoulder when I body blocked a laptop bag being thrown at her. Add to that, about thirty-eight hours of being awake, it taking me three security checks and two hours to actually get to stand in front of this lounge and I now have five hours to wait until a very long flight to Dubai which will still not be my final destination."

Although he gave a fleeting look of disbelief, to his credit, Jeremy mostly maintained an air of quiet confidence and the resolve of a security guard. "I understand that you have had a difficult day, however I am still not able to approve your entry."

"You have my original ticket, you have my boarding pass and I'm sure there is record of my upgrade in the system; I strongly suggest you work your magic, Sir; before I make my third consecutive complaint." And under her breath, the distinct murmur of the term _asshole_ was carefully disguised as he shuffled a few papers on the desk.

"Perhaps I can be of some help." They both turned their heads at the sudden interruption to their exchange, clearly unaware that there was another passenger waiting patiently. "Your name?" she asked softly, deep brown eyes sparkling as she smiled widely, tucking thick dark hair behind her ear.

"Ah, Arizona, Arizona Robbins," she stuttered in response, mouth slightly ajar as her body shrunk into itself.

She earned a nod and a wink before the woman pressed herself over the counter, ample breasts being exposed by the plunging neckline that she wore, a thick gold chain and pendant dropping into the hollowed space within her cleavage. "My card Jeremy, Skywards Gold and my Boarding Pass. Now, Ms Robbins will be joining me as one of my permitted guests while you go about sorting out this unnecessary debacle. It sounds as if Ms Robbins has been through enough today and I would appreciate you contacting John, my Emirates Consultant who will ensure that she is adequately compensated."

Awkwardly coughing and with a slight blush to his cheeks, Jeremy handed the card back and glanced at his computer screen, briefly reading a number of alerts that identified the woman as a VIP. "Of course Mrs Torres, go ahead, I will find you inside and advise you of the outcome. I apologise for the inconvenience."

Eyes falling and hands nervously reaching down to her hips, she smoothed the skirt over her thighs and toyed briefly with the silk belt tied just over the right of her pelvis. "It's Ms, thank you, but Callie is fine."

Handbag over her shoulder and taking the handle of her Louis Vuitton cabin bag, she nodded to Arizona to follow. Arizona complied, slightly stunned as she wordlessly trailed behind, laptop bag across her chest and faded Mont daypack over her shoulders. "Thank you," she murmured eventually as Callie came to still in a quiet corner, two excessive lounge chairs with a low white coffee table between them.

"Oh of course, not a problem; the kid is a waste of space." Leaving her wheeled case in the middle of the walkway, Callie slumped down on the chair and raked her fingers through her styled hair. "He told my ah," she hesitated momentarily, before shaking her head and pressing a smile to her lips. "My sister, he told my sister she wasn't appropriately dressed. Something about exposed toes or something equally ridiculous, I mean she was wearing Jimmy Choos."

Arizona politely laughed, and a quick rake of her memory hinted at some fancy heels that she would never be caught wearing; or never skilled enough to walk in, perhaps. "Well, thank you again. I am just desperate for a shower and some food, and to finally sit in something more comfortable than a plastic airport chair."

"Yeah, sounds like you've had an absolute _shit_ of a day," Callie emphasised and the surprised expression on Arizona's pale face didn't go unnoticed. She gave the characteristically practised smile another go and Arizona laughed again, more genuine this time and her cheeks exposed two deep and mesmerising dimples. "So leave whatever you don't need here, and I'll have a wine waiting for you after your shower. Red or white?"

"Umm, yeah okay, sure. As long as you don't mind my company."

"Not at all, long haul flights, always nice to have someone sane to have a conversation with."

"I could be a serial killer," Arizona prompted, and one of her dimples creased as she turned just the corner of her mouth.

"Ah, a serial killer that can't manage a power hungry but very juvenile desk boy?"

"Fair call, thanks. I would love a white wine."

"Blend?"

"Sorry?"

"Blend, you know, what kind of white is your drink of choice?"

Arizona blushed slightly. "I don't mind, a sauv blanc if they have it, but at this stage I would take whatever was offered."

"Go, shower," Callie instructed as she gave the smallest of waves to a staff member. Arizona dropped her laptop to the chair opposite her and wandered off, suddenly grateful for the clean clothes, hairbrush and travel sized perfume she had stuffed down the bottom of her backpack. She couldn't wait to stand for at least ten minutes under steaming hot water and if she ever successfully arrived in Belgium, she was never stepping foot on another plane again.

* * *

Walking back towards Callie, Arizona had an uninterrupted view for almost thirty seconds as she manoeuvred past tables and stepped over the occasional briefcase. Callie had clearly relaxed, heels discarded and bare feet now on the edge of the coffee table, elbow on the side of the lounge as she nibbled at a small piece of herb bread. Her dark hair was long, past her shoulders and half way down her back, cut with a fringe that brushed across her forehead and styled towards her temple. And she had the most incredible figure that Arizona had seen, beautiful curves and a strong posture, delicately smooth dark skin.

"Hi," Callie acknowledged when Arizona returned, placing her backpack on the floor and sliding slowly into the soft seat opposite. "You look a little more refreshed."

Again, Arizona couldn't help but feel her cheeks warm and she nodded. "I never expect to use the emergency change of clothes, but I just discovered a good reason for packing them and more."

"I'm not beyond doing a bit of airport shopping just so I can change, I must admit."

"True, always an option."

"Well, you look good," Callie confirmed, somewhat an understatement as she caught a peek of white skin as Arizona repositioned her fitted, long sleeve shirt over the waist of her jeans. "And so ready for a wine."

"Absolutely, exactly what I need after today." She took a long sip and dropped a few macadamia nuts into her mouth before settling back. "So, I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself properly. I'm Arizona, and completely indebted for you saving me from young Jeremy."

Callie grinned and held up a boarding pass, handing it to Arizona. "I know, Ms Arizona Danielle Robbins," she said, laughing lightly and grateful when Arizona joined her. "Always a good way to find out someone's full name, just look at their boarding pass or passport."

"And it's only fair to share then," Arizona bantered easily, relaxing as she leant forward, lifting herself slightly off the chair to successfully grasp Callie's passport sitting on the table. "Oh, it's not Callie," she declared and Callie audibly groaned. "Calliope…that's gorgeous. I like it."

"Yeah yeah, unless you're my father yelling at me, it's not really used."

"Well, you should. It's unusual, nice."

"On a different note," Callie murmured, quickly changing the subject, "you're sorted with the rest of your trip, a little upgrade to first class."

Arizona's eyes widened in surprise and Callie, not for the first time, absorbed the amazing blue that stared back at her. "Really?"

"The downside is that you're stuck next to me until Heathrow, but you can always block yourself off, these flights have the dividers in them."

"You organised this?"

"I called in a favour, no big deal. My family have a pretty hefty account with Emirates; they wouldn't like to upset me."

"So for the second time today, I owe you a thank you."

"Really, not a drama at all."

"I haven't even left the States and this has already been a crazy trip. Stuck in Dallas forever, and then having to come to LA when I was meant to be flying directly and then the crazy prick that threw the bag. It's just surreal; and I started the trip in cattle class and have ended up in first, nothing like a silver lining."

"Oh yeah, I heard you mention the person throwing a laptop bag at you…what the hell?"

"I know," Arizona exclaimed, losing some of the tiredness she had been feeling earlier and emulating Callie's positioning on the lounge. "This drunk guy was clearly unimpressed at having had his flight cancelled or diverted, I don't know, he wasn't even at the right airline counter. But the check in girl freaked out and pushed the security alarm, but then came out from behind the desk and kind of subtly moved behind me. I wasn't even involved! And then he saw security running through the airport towards him and he just threw his bag, well I assume it was his, which cracked me in the shoulder. He was bundled off in an ambulance, probably been using as well, he was pretty off his face."

"I'm always amazed by some of the crap that people do, I mean, who expects to get on a flight like that?" Callie rhetorically asked, shaking her head. "How's the shoulder then?"

"Ack, has a massive bruise," Arizona responded, fingertips dancing over her clavicle and under her arm. She lifted the corner of her shirt and peered inside, wincing. "Yeah, a nice shade of purple already."

"Show me," Callie demanded rising from her seat, perhaps a little too forcibly as Arizona's fingers stilled. "You didn't need an x-ray or anything?"

"Oh, it's just a bruise. Nothing broken or too sore," she elaborated, but conceded in pulling her shirt further to the side and cocking her head opposite.

"Ouch," Callie exclaimed, "that's pretty bruised. You deserved more than a bloody upgrade for wearing that."

Arizona shrugged. "Makes a good story I suppose, presuming I actually make it to Belgium. Anyway, how about you, where are you off to or where have you started?"

"Hold that thought," Callie murmured, "we need a top up while I'm standing." She strode over to the bar and returned with two fresh glasses, adding another quick trip and placing two plates of various canapés in between them. "I had one of these smoked salmon pastries before, divine." Arizona happily took one and nodded her approval, offering soft murmurs of satisfaction. "I haven't come far today, just drove from Vegas. I caught up with a friend there for a few days 'cause I'm headed to Scotland for a while. Not really sure when I'll be back."

"Really?" Arizona asked, licking her lips and sitting herself up a little straighter. "That's a long way to go for an indefinite amount of time. What's over there?"

Callie hesitated to answer, breathing deeply and using what Arizona guessed, was a calm expression that had been perfected over years. When she was probably feeling anything but calm. "Just a family property over there, so I'm having a bit of a break and checking up on things. We haven't had anyone actually oversee it for a year or so, when the tenants moved out, so I thought I may as well do some relaxing and getting back to nature."

"It's meant to be beautiful in Scotland; I haven't seen a lot, just spent some time in Edinburgh when I was younger. Or rather, I drank my way around Edinburgh, like most of my time in the UK and Europe."

"It really is, I've spend a couple of summers there and it's just stunning."

"Not so summery at the moment, though."

"No, I think _freakin' freezing_ is what you're looking for. Though Brussels won't be any better!"

"I know, no idea what I'm thinking actually. I'm not a huge one for the cold."

"So what sends you over there?"

Arizona sighed heavily, though she smiled. "My Editor, I've missed a crapload of deadlines and if I don't finish this book I'm going to have to pay back my advance and lose my contract. We're calling it a sabbatical and if he hears that I'm recapturing my backpacking youth, I'm in trouble."

"A book? You're an Author?"

"Well," Arizona muttered, eyes cast briefly to the ceiling, "if that's what you call writing one book and then failing to produce another…then I guess so."

Callie laughed but nodded eagerly, and her fingers seemed to subconsciously examine a mini quiche. "I can't see why that would possibly not count, and what better place to focus on your next one than in a European city."

"You sound like my Editor, a little cheer squad. I'm actually heading to Bruges, a bit quieter and cheaper too. My budget isn't quite first class."

"And what's the plan, how long will it take?"

Arizona scoffed, dramatically dropping her head back. "Honestly, I have no idea. I've said six months but I'm not sure…I'm not convinced it will ever get written." There was a hint of sadness that edged into Arizona's voice and she stretched her neck out, repositioning herself yet again. She focussed on reaching over the table, lingering her hand. "Was that good?" she asked quietly, nodding towards the small piece of quiche remaining in Callie's fingers.

"Yeah, good. It has bacon though, so if you're not a vegetarian…"

The dimples returned. "Definitely not, and bacon, everything is good with bacon."

"Thank God for that, I might have had to get you kicked out if you were one of those vege types. My father always said, never trust a vegetarian…mind you, he also said that wearing a hat when driving saved him the hassle of using the sun visor, so his logic could be questioned."

"Well, that could make sense, to some people I suppose. I'm not sure putting a sun visor down is a huge inconvenience, but, ah, men aren't great at multi-tasking, so I've heard."

"Hopeless actually."

Resting back again, Arizona yawned, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. She turned her wrist and checked her watch, working hard to mentally calculate the time they had until boarding. "Still three hours," she offered, nose screwing up.

"Why don't you sleep a little? I won't let you sleep through boarding."

"Sorry, I'm not great company after all. It's been a long day, or two days."

Jumping up quickly, Callie padded barefooted to an adjacent chair, gripping a cushion by the corner. The pendant around her neck bounced against her chest as she bent over and the silk top that she wore rode slightly up her back, exposing a muscular lumbar. Arizona allowed herself to cock her head slightly, indulging a prolonged stare; it had been a long time since she had permitted herself an unfiltered fantasy. And this woman was perfect stimuli for her imagination, beautiful, robust and with lips that she could devour in seconds. She had a wry smile on her face when Callie was suddenly standing over her, perplexed. "Here, put this under your head; you're dazing out. Get some shut eye."

"Ah, thanks, yeah, thanks." Taking a final sip of a half finished glass of wine, Arizona pushed it back towards the centre of the coffee table and smiled as she took the grey coloured cushion off Callie. "Make sure you wake me. And I'll apologise in advance if I start snoring, just throw something at me."

"I promise I'll be gentler than that, " Callie said, grinning as she withdrew her iPad out of her handbag and opened the cover. By the time she checked her emails and glanced over, Arizona was sleeping soundly, mouth slightly ajar and face relaxed. Her hands were tucked up under her chin and knees drawn towards her chest; she looked calmer, peaceful almost as she slowly breathed in and out. Callie watched her quietly, hands stilled over the sides of her iPad; she could see the edges of a tattoo on the inside of Arizona's wrist, a slightly faded blue colour though she couldn't quite make out what it was. The same wrist had a handmade bracelet around it, black and red braided thread with some small patterned beads; it was dull and clearly worn and combined with the fraying jeans, it was clear that Arizona lived a very different life to Callie. Her clothes had no visible label and despite a clear lip gloss, her face was make up free.

Callie, in comparison had black eyeliner carefully applied and the mascara brush had grazed her eyelashes twice. A deep blush highlighted her cheek bones and an illuminating powder had been the final touch to multiple layers of various foundations and powders. Her lips wore a frequently applied bright red lipstick. Playing her role in living up to the family name, the expectations that had been placed on her, whether she liked it or not, as she carried their reputation on her shoulders. There was something very appealing, in the way Arizona was casually dressed and the lived in look she carried. She appeared genuine and real, authentic; nothing about her screamed façade, though Callie suspected that everything about her own presentation yelled false pretences. Maybe one day she could buy an old backpack and disappear; leave the Chanel behind and don a pair of yoga pants. Maybe she could meditate in Indonesia or attend a Hindu retreat in the crowds of India, maybe she could write a novel too, lazing around an apartment in Bruges.

Not for the first time in her life, Callie found herself envious of the freedom other people were afforded. Arizona had the luxury of making independent decisions, booking economy class tickets and blending into the hordes, going wherever and whenever. She was suddenly insanely jealous of the stranger in front of her, snoozing her way through a stopover as fate had entered her into a first class lounge. She hadn't planned it, hadn't even expected it yet she was just going along, no idea of what was next bar a loose plan to end up in Belgium with her backpack and laptop. How freeing it must be.

Callie, on the other hand, had a driver picking her up when she arrived in Edinburgh, and at a minimum, it would be a Bentley, leather interior and champagne in a chiller. The property had been staffed for a month, pending her arrival and the kitchen would be brimming, grass trimmed and horses groomed. Three boxes of belongings would be awaiting her arrival, just a range of necessities she had shipped a few weeks ago. Still, after she left Arizona in Heathrow Airport, no one would call her by her first name or joke with her about vegetarianism. Everyone would be walking on eggshells, doing whatever they could to keep her happy and content, just one bad word from Callie and their jobs could be lost or company contracts cancelled. But Arizona didn't know about all of that, and presumably wouldn't care. She didn't need to be liked by Callie, she was just someone whom she crossed paths with for twenty four hours, nothing more and nothing less.

Slowly, Callie smiled. Her wide brown eyes creased at the edges and she gave a silent laugh as Arizona released the softest of tiny snores. How incredible it must be, for Arizona to be able trust a stranger enough, to fall asleep in her presence. All of her belongings on the floor and her boarding pass on the table.

Maybe, this was the push Callie was looking for; this blond haired vision of mystery in front of her. She had a day to figure out how to be someone new, someone less like the person she was raised to be.

And more like the hauntingly stunning woman that had literally fell across her path.

**TBC…**

**AN: **No offense intended to any airline...:-)


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Thank you so much for all the interest! AU is a new adventure for me, so I'm all motivated – which means a quick update. Any of you who have followed my previous longer fics would know that's a minor miracle. :-) And it's a long part too.

Anyway, thank you heaps for your reviews, comments, alerts and favourites. I hope you continue to enjoy reading! I did forget to mention that this isn't something that will make complete sense all the time, these Chapters are part of an entire fic – so some things won't make sense until way way way into the storyline. Things are there for a reason though, you may have to just trust me on that or maybe pick a different fic to read. :-)

Thanks again, you're all fantastic.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

_"The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart"_**  
**

_St. Jerome_

"Arizona, it's time to wake up," Callie said quietly, standing and placing her handbag where she had been sitting. Arizona didn't move. Glancing at the monitors, Callie paused for a moment, locating their flight and nodding to herself. "They're boarding Arizona, we need to make our way to the gate."

Arizona released a soft moan, eyelids shivering but staying tightly closed. Callie took a few steps and relocated Arizona's bags, placing them next to her own and returning to crouch to the side of where Arizona lay. "Hey," she murmured, slightly louder but still trying to politely and gently rouse her. "We need to move, it's time to board."

"Huh?" Arizona gasped, eyes shooting open when Callie tugged at her forearm. "What?" she added, heart rate racing.

"Our flight, we have to go."

"Flight?" Arizona questioned, momentarily confused and eyes darting from Callie to their surrounds. "Oh, yeah, flight."

"Sorry, you can sleep more on the plane…" Callie feebily offered, rubbing her thumb multiple times over Arizona's wrist before standing. "You were very peaceful."

"Agh, I feel like a train wreck."

"Well, you don't look like one," Callie complimented, hoisting Arizona's daypack on to her own back before holding the laptop bag out. Arizona slowly rose to her feet, rubbing her eyes and stretching her back. "Here, they won't go without us but I really hate having my name called out over the loud speaker."

"Thanks, yeah. Umm, do you know our gate?"

"Yep, got it sorted, just follow me. Grab that water if you want it, I got an extra bottle."

Arizona just nodded, again rubbing her eyes and trying to orientate herself. "Hey I can take my bag," she murmured, blindly following Callie towards the exit and towards the first travelator.

Callie smiled at her and shrugged. "I got it, you just concentrate on staying on your feet."

"I don't really know you, but you seem to be enjoying this far too much."

"Me?" she mocked, "I'm just helping you out remember. Without me, you would have been snoozing those hours away in a very uncomfortable sterilised chair or worse, a patch of revolting carpet."

"Have I mentioned that I owe you one, Calliope? Because I do."

Callie scowled. "Just because you saw my passport does not mean you get to throw my full name around, you know."

"Oh crap," Arizona suddenly declared with a loud gasp. She patted her pockets repeatedly. "My boarding pass…"

"Relax, I got it. It was on the table the whole time, I have it in my document wallet, don't stress."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Arizona calmed and finally returned Callie's smile. "I swear, I've travelled around the world and never once lost a passport or boarding pass, or missed a flight."

"That's what happens when you have no sleep for a couple of days, it's not great for your cognitive abilities." Callie repositioned Arizona's bag on her back, appearing strangely dichotomous as she wheeled her cabin bag behind her. It was oddly appealing. "Next gate," she added, breaking the silence and falling into step next to Arizona. Their height was dramatically different as they stood side by side, though if Callie were to slip off her heels, they would only differ by an inch or so. "But don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to sleep over the next eighteen hours."

"Which reminds me," Arizona murmured, expression perplexed. "I know why I'm flying this ridiculous route to Europe, but what about you? I was just saving money and then they completely screwed up."

Callie shrugged. "It was booked for me, sort of, I didn't really mind. I was originally going to spend a few nights in Dubai, to go…umm, yeah to go and, ah, what is it? Do some shopping, sorry; I'm getting tired too. I ended up changing my flight though. I quite like flying." Her cheeks flushed red, though if Arizona noticed she allowed Callie to indulge the appearance of truth.

"Really? I hate it."

"That's because you're always cramped at the back of the plane."

Arizona laughed and sheepishly rolled her shoulders. "Maybe. I mean I do fly, it's not like I don't but I don't really like it. The whole take off and landing, the idea that we're all stuck in this little tiny cylinder in the middle of the sky."

"You want to take something? I've got a relaxant in my purse," Callie offered casually, as if everyone in the world carried a supply of Diazepam.

Arizona laughed but shook her head. "No, no, I'm good, thank you. You shouldn't take that crap you know, it's not good for you."

Callie glanced sideways, surprised; no one in her circle would ever had cared enough to make such a comment. Not to mention it was expected, along with the boutique party pills and lines of cocaine that occasionally popped up after the wine flow slowed. The dark side, and there always was one, of the wealthy. "Yeah, worse things though I suppose."

"Of course, there always is," Arizona agreed, falling behind Callie as they headed directly past the economy queue and on to the aircraft, boarding cards scanned as they entered through the front. Arizona worked at swallowing her amazement, eyes wide as Callie stopped and deposited the backpack on Arizona's seat and her own case was taken for her and placed in the overhead compartments.

"You need anything out of that?" Callie asked.

"Ummm, I might just get the book I'm reading out…" she murmured in return, scurrying beneath the zipper as an attendant patiently waited.

"Anything good?" Callie asked, plopping herself down in her seat, across the aisle.

"An oldie but a goodie, Wurthering Heights. I thought it might get me feeling nostalgic and in the writing mood."

"Is it working?"

Arizona laughed loudly and it elicited a chuckle from Callie, she had the most incredulous, infectious laugh. "Not even remotely."

"I'm sure once you arrive, you'll be writing non-stop."

"Hmmm," Arizona said, smirking as she sat down and started opening various compartments, exploring the seat and controls. "I appreciate your confidence."

"Something tells me that you could do anything you set your mind to."

"Really? You think? You've made a quick assessment of me, Calliope."

Callie nodded. "I do, and I'll have you know that I'm seldom wrong."

"We'll see; we'll see."

* * *

Long-haul flights often feel like an unending, special kind of torture. Planes are filled with passengers; some are devastated at their reasons for needing to board the plane - funerals, a bad breakup, a forced work transfer. Others are ecstatic, brimming with nervous excitement at a long planned trip or return home to see family or attend a wedding. A smaller number seem quieter, reflective; lost.

Callie and Arizona were none of those things; they were something unidentifiable. Something that was hard to pinpoint, travellers that couldn't be stereotyped into clichéd groups. They were on their way, somewhere, for a reason they probably didn't even know themselves.

And it was taking forever to get there.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. As you may have noticed, we have begun our decent into Dubai, where the local time is seven pm and the temperature is a balmy thirty degrees Celsius. The crew will be moving through the cabin shortly to collect headsets and if you would kindly ensure your bags are stowed and seatbelts fastened, as the seatbelt sign will be switched on shortly. We're expecting our descent to be slightly bumpy this evening, but ground control has indicated that we should have you at the departure gate shortly after landing. We thank you for flying with Emirates and trust that you have enjoyed your flight, for those staying in Dubai, have an enjoyable time and for those continuing on with us to other destinations, we wish you a pleasant onward journey."

Arizona sighed heavily as she kicked at her bag, conforming it into a small cupboard at her feet, she confirmed that her seatbelt was firm at her hips and her fingers twisted the blanket that was still extended over her legs. She cast a sideways glance at Callie, surprised to find her watching her movements intently. They had both slept the first eight hours of the flight before slowly rousing, though Callie was watching a movie by the time Arizona finished her attempt to fully wake. The remainder of the flight they had varied between chatting and watching television, reading magazines and newspapers and sharing comments on everything from current affairs and politics through to the latest celebrity gossip. It was smooth and surprisingly easy, simple.

"Best part of the flight right? The landing?" Callie softly teased, and Arizona appeased her with an anxious half-hearted chuckle. "Come on, relax, we'll be on the ground in a half an hour and after a small amount of duty free shopping, we'll be sipping wine or coffee in the best lounge."

"You'll be duty free shopping," Arizona clarified.

"True."

"In one of the worst airports in the world."

"Oh, that's harsh. Surely there's worse, I mean you were saying you've been to some of those small and smelly airports in India."

Arizona screwed up her nose. "Yeah, but even they're not as busy; Dubai is like central station in New York. I don't really do crowds."

"You don't do crowds and you hate take off and landings on flights; I'm learning so much about you Arizona Robbins."

"Hey, you shouldn't pick on me when I'm stressing out, at least save it until I can give as good as I get."

Holding her hands up in front of her, Callie conceded defeat. "Okay," she whispered, "I'll wait until we're firmly on the ground."

"Wait," Arizona murmured after a moment, "maybe I'm getting confused, is Dubai the airport with just the one long section with all the gates off to the sides? And there's shops and cafes just in the middle and there's hardly any room?"

"You clearly have been through too many airports if you can't distinguish between them all! But yes, that's it. There's always a crapload of people and randoms running through, late for flights. But the lounge is like a haven, they even have massage chairs."

"So you're not wanting to take this chance to lose me; leave me alone, drinking bad coffee while you get back to your solo, relaxing six month break?"

"Not a chance," Callie responded, grinning before she suddenly hesitated, face falling. "Unless you want some time to yourself?" She had the sudden realisation that perhaps Arizona felt forced to spend time with her, after the issues in LAX, she probably felt as if she owed it to Callie. "Sorry," she continued, "I know I'm probably not your usual type."

Arizona shook her head before the plane jerked and she gave a small, barely audible, surprised cry. Recovering her composure, Arizona returned to meet Callie's eyes, finding them fixed on the flight path screen in front of her. The infallible confidence that Callie had been emanating since their meeting had disappeared, an awkward, self-consciousness in its place. "We have over seven hours in this God forsaken airport and then yet another flight, eight odd hours long, so the answer is no, I'll save my own company for the months I have ahead of me." Callie nodded and offered a small smile, but her shoulders remained hunched as she folded in on herself in the plane seat. "But back up a little, what's this crap about my _usual type_?"

"I just thought that you probably only socialise with arty types…" Callie trailed off hesitantly.

"Mmmm," Arizona replied, "like, other authors, artists, musicians, that kind of thing?"

"Yeah."

"And free spirits, save the forest types…"

"Exactly."

"Mmm, you're right. I usually just sit around camp fires and pass around bongs."

Callie looked up suddenly, eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar; Arizona grinned back at her, concealing a laugh. "You're joking obviously."

"Yes, yes I am. I don't have a type Callie, I like meeting people from all different backgrounds; and I don't judge a book by its cover. As a supposedly decent writer, that concept just annoys me. Although, something tells me that you probably haven't spent your life talking to people like me."

"I'm not that interested in being who I've always been," Callie said softly, leaning forward and scooping her hair away from her neck. She secured it in a bun by a gold clip as the plane again shuddered through a change in atmospheric pressure. Arizona closed her eyes and moved her hands to grip the armrests, the seatbelt sign flicked on and the air attendants rushed past them to finalise their pre-landing tasks. It didn't make sense to Callie, why someone, obviously frightened, would continue to do the very thing she was afraid of. "You good?"

"I hate flying."

"I can see that. Ten minutes, fifteen tops. We'll be on the ground."

"This is why I never travel with anyone, people feel compelled to try and make me feel better."

"Does it work?"

"Never."

"You poor thing," Callie eventually conceded, reaching across to offer a friendly squeeze of her shoulder. Arizona managed only a tortured expression in return. "Alright, distraction, does distraction work?"

"Nope."

"What if I told you that while you were sleeping, I saw those two over there, in two A and two D, sneak into the bathroom together," she said in a forced, low whisper.

"What?" Arizona perked up, raising her eyes though her hands maintained their death grip. "Who?"

"Over there, two A," Callie said slowly, nodding toward a window and then casting her eyes to the right, added, "and two D."

"Oh my God, really?"

"Yep."

"She ah, she has to be twice his age?" Arizona commented with a slight intonation.

"Jamie, the attendant we had, thinks at least twice."

"That's…that's pretty horrific actually, I used that restroom after that." Arizona shuddered. "I mean, those bathrooms are small."

"Maybe she's more flexible than she looks."

"Callie!"

"What? It's possible, sit on the toilet or against the wall."

"Are you about to tell me that you've done it?"

Callie coughed, and a glimmer of a scowl crossed her face. "No, definitely not."

"I suppose we should be impressed, or at least encouraging. We shouldn't be criticising."

"Oh, I think we can," Callie insisted incredulously. "She is at least twice his age and my guess is that he's more our age than that teenager sitting back there."

"Okay, that's enough distracting. My eyes are burning with just the thought of it, so enough talking." As if on queue, the wheels of the plane dropped and the engines slowed, another jerk and uneven roll of the aircraft. "Oh God, just land already. I need my feet on solid ground for a few hours."

"Almost, just think of Abuela over there and her toyboy if you're feeling uncomfortable."

Arizona laughed and nodded. "Yeah, thanks for that." They shared a glance and laughed slightly louder before Callie turned her gaze to the view out the window. Arizona continued to softly giggle as she closed her eyes, knuckles white as they hovered unsteadily towards the runway.

* * *

"You know," Arizona said softly as she tried to keep up with Callie as they weaved through crowds of rushing people in Dubai International Airport. "That lip gloss you bought, it pretty much cost…ouch!" she exclaimed, shooting a middle aged man a disgusted look as she earned an elbow to her stomach. "That lip gloss, is more than my weekly rent in Bruges is going to be."

"What?" Callie questioned in disbelief.

"Yep, more than."

"Where the hell are you staying?"

Arizona shrugged. "Details, I don't really know. I'm sure it's okay; it has a bathroom and heating. What more do I need?"

"Ummm, safety, cleanliness?"

"You haven't lived Callie, until you've swatted cockroaches in your kitchen and had to kick the front door three times to get it to close. Or having to step over roommates having sex on the lounge room floor when you get home from a twelve hour waitressing shift and you have finals the next day."

Reaching the desired elevator, they paused in front it, waiting. Callie seemed to consider Arizona's description before asking, "You really lived like that?"

"Hmm mmm, absolutely. And that was a good day," Arizona insisted, smiling.

"Crap, what did the worst look like?"

"You really don't want to know."

"I do, I so do."

"I might put you off the Moet that you're craving…"

Callie laughed, pushing the elevator up button multiple times, as if expecting it to result in door immediately opening. "You know what I really feel like now?"

"Please say coffee?" Arizona prompted, having been complaining about a lack of quality caffeine for the last six hours of their flight.

"Nope, I want a chocolate bar, some fries and a coke. A real coke, none of that diet, aspartame filled crap and I want to drink it out of the can. Not a straw or a glass; or a glass with a straw." She opened her mouth to continue the diatribe but stopped, Arizona was giving her an amused look. "What?"

"That's unusual for you?"

"Are you kidding me? Everywhere I go there's someone watching, waiting for me to screw up so they can tell their wives or the freakin' token wives club. I once bought a chicken from the store, one of those cooked ones, and a friend of my sister saw me go through the checkout. Seriously, by the time I got home, there was a personal trainer, diet consultant and a brand new treadmill waiting for me."

"Bullshit, there is no way that happened."

"Oh it happened, and that's only one example. So while you were using your shoe to kill insects, I had a drawer full of stomach control pantyhose before I even finished high school."

Arizona softened; there was a real look of hurt across Callie's expression. "Well," she said quietly as the doors opened and they slipped inside, "_we_ are going to go upstairs, which is completely your world and, I'm going to introduce you to my world. Are you game?"

"I have no idea what that means; do I get to drink a coke?"

"Do you trust me Calliope Torres?"

"Ah, you remember that I barely know you right? We met yesterday, at the airport…" she trailed off.

"Do you trust me?"

Callie hesitated; trust was a concept that she didn't do. That was the concluding factor of her thirty-two years, that she no longer trusted anyone or anything. And standing next to her, was a grinning blond enigma, casually asking her to trust, as if it were barely a risk. Barely a question worth considering.

"Come on, I'm not asking you to base jump off a building with me! I promise it will be completely safe and it may just change your life."

"Big call, change my life, hey?"

"Yep, absolutely."

"Alright," Callie conceded, "I'm game. What are you going to make me do?"

"Make you?" Arizona asked, laughing as she pushed Callie out of the elevator. It was in a manner that screamed life long friends, those small moments of relaxed interaction, the boundaries that aren't so readily crossed between strangers or acquaintances. It happens though, those quick connections and hastily established rapport, usually when it's least expected. The friend of a friend, met at a birthday party or the stranger in the adjacent seat at a concert.

"Ah huh, what are you going to make me do?"

"That all depends, what do you have in that ridiculously inconvenient suitcase?"

"It's not inconvenient, it's useful. It's easy. It's part of a set."

"What's inside of it, Callie?" Arizona repeated, standing back quietly as Callie handed over her card and confirmed their onward flights. It took barely a minute before they were inside the first class lounge and standing to the side of the food buffet.

"I don't know," Callie eventually answered, "what you're looking for; but I have some clothes, a few toiletries, some jewellery that I didn't want to check in. And a few magazines."

"I don't suppose you have a pair of jeans in there?"

Giving Arizona a perplexed look, Callie nodded. "Yeah, I've got two pairs."

"Two?"

"One dark blue and one faded blue, so I had, well, options." She felt slightly embarrassed for a moment, she wasn't used to feeling as if her life was extravagant, in fact, she usually felt as if she needed more to compare to those around her. But Arizona made her feel like it was completely unnecessary. It's felt uncomfortable, foreign.

"Okay, faded blue out and heels off, and take all of that gold off while you're at it."

Callie nodded slowly, hand slowly tracing over the thick chain around her neck, a number of bracelets bouncing against her wrist. "Right," she murmured, lifting her bag on to a chair and unzipping it. Her belongings were profoundly ordered, folded and placed in a jigsaw type arrangement. Mesh zippered bags held various toiletries and power cables, adapters in each corner of her case.

To the contrary, Arizona reached blindly into her backpack, tossing a rolled up hoodie over the back of the chair and a hairbrush falling to the floor. "What's your foot size? Like an eight?"

"And a half," Callie responded distractedly. "Are you dressing me like an…ummm…like ah you?"

"Hmmm, yep. You, are going to spend the next, what, twenty hours, being more phleb like. Consider it a social experiment, take notice of how people treat you, or don't treat you. How no one and I mean no one, looks twice if you shove a double cheeseburger and fries down your throat."

"Be anonymous?"

"Exactly. You never know, you might like it."

"Why? Why would you do this?"

Arizona shrugged. "Maybe it'll help my book," she offered light-heartedly, and with a wide grin. Callie didn't believe it for a moment. "So go on, go get changed and I'll be right here. Oh wait," she added, giving a slight cheer as she tugged a pair of brightly coloured flip flops from her bag. "These, don't even remotely match this shirt – but that's half the fun." Arizona held out the items to Callie and indicated with her head towards the restrooms. "Oh, and you just use the shampoo and conditioner they have in the shower cubicles, you don't take your own travel sized organic hair and body products in."

Callie laughed lightly. "How did you know I have organic products?"

"Just a guess. And hey, I'm all for saving the environment and treating the body well, but hell, that stuff is expensive."

Callie rolled her eyes and disappeared, leaving Arizona to reorder her backpack and find a fresh shirt to get changed. She kept her hoodie out; the blasting air conditioning was making her shiver. By the time Callie awkwardly returned, Arizona had jotted down almost two pages of notes in her moleskin notebook; reflections and ideas for her novel. "Oh, now you look awesome," Arizona exclaimed, blue eyes wide as she glanced up.

Callie rolled on her feet, looking down at her manicured toes with their deep red polish. "I feel…ridiculous, but comfy."

"You look good, come on, sit down and relax. The next plan is food."

"There's no way this shirt fits you, is it from the ex-boyfriend pile?"

Arizona laughed immediately in response, shaking her head. "No," she said, laughing again. "No. My brother's actually, it's an army football team."

"It's loose and light, I don't have to suck in my stomach."

Arizona rolled her eyes. "As if you do anyway. But yes, it's a few years old, pretty well worn."

"I'm not so sure on the shoes, they make me short. Really short."

"You're my height, that's not short. And look around, who cares? No one is even looking at you and so what if they do?"

Callie nodded slowly, casting her eyes around their surrounds. No one was looking at her, just business men reading newspapers and couples sitting on laptops or eating soup. No one cared about the two women who had spread themselves out over a range of lounges and recliners. "I guess so."

"Why don't you put that necklace in your purse too," Arizona suggested, watching Callie's fingers curl around the pendant until it was clasped inside a closed fist.

"No," Callie responded simply and she gave no room for negotiation. Arizona watched her silently as she went about putting her belongings away, back into their carefully designated space with meticulous precision. Finally, Callie stood back up and exposed her smile, and Arizona couldn't help but think the casual brown haired woman standing in front of her, could have been a woman she met at a bar or the supermarket. She was make up free and the natural glow of her skin, even post a long-haul flight, was beautiful. Her physique, beneath the loose three quarter sleeve jersey, looked fit and strong; healthy and like someone she wanted to walk down the street with and share a meal. She suddenly didn't look like she belonged a world away. "Next?" Callie eventually prompted to Arizona blank expression.

"Oh, this is where I get to have a quick shower and you get to go to the buffet and get whatever food and drink you want. Not what is healthy or good for jetlag, not what some bitch from LA would expect you to eat, so definitely not a carrot or celery stick with a small dollop of hommus. And when I get back, I expect you to have a few delicious options for me as well."

"Now this, sounds like fun."

"It should be, meals shouldn't be a trauma, Callie."

"Mmmm. Anything you want in particular? Drink?"

"I would like a coffee and a beer, please."

"A beer?"

"Yep, ice cold beer, preferably out of a bottle but they might kick us out if we get too carried away. So a glass is okay." Arizona grinned, standing up and taking a few steps before turning back. "Hey, make sure you wait for me, there're some instructions to go with the food. You want to enjoy eating."

Callie laughed and nodded. "Yes, Arizona."

By the time Arizona returned, wet hair half caught in the neck of her hoodie, Callie had a range of decadent treats on table and two tall glasses of beer waiting. She had spent half the time Arizona was away staring at the food and salivating, the rest of the time, she was preoccupied with managing the rising anxiety in her gut. A lifelong of habits was hard to break, even momentarily. "Nice choices," Arizona murmured, raising her eyebrows at the range of items. "And that looks suspiciously like a tumbler of soda?"

Callie shrugged. "It may have been diet. I was going to lie and say I got that Coke, but I caved."

Laughing, Arizona slumped down on the other end of the two seater sofa and tucked one leg up underneath herself so her body was tilted towards Callie. "You're excused, to tell you the truth, I drink diet soda too. Sugar and caffeine, I'd never sleep."

"From what I've seen, you could sleep through an earthquake."

Arizona's grin fell to a weak smile and she gave Callie a fleeting, defeated look. "I wish." A moment later, the expression was gone. "Anyway, the point is, that if you want to have a Coke occasionally, then you can."

"Yeah yeah, easy for you to say though…I mean, you're all skinny and you know, hot."

"I don't pretend to know everything about well, anything actually; but if you think the most important thing in life is what size jeans you fit in to, then I've overestimated you Calliope. I took you as someone with much more substance than that kind of shit, as if it matters at the end of the day. Being a reasonable person, treating people well and with respect and kindness, that is what you want to go home to. Not some false, size zero who can't form an independent thought."

The conviction that Arizona spoke with was not something that she was used to; in fact, that kind of impassioned spiel would likely be interpreted as sarcasm in her circle. "I didn't mean that it's the most important thing; I just meant it," Callie hesitated briefly, "as a compliment."

"It's the hoodie that does it," Arizona said seriously, narrowing her eyes and nodding.

"What?"

"The hoodie, it makes me hot. I mean, what's not to love about the Gap logo that really draws attention to my very awesome cleavage." Callie laughed and Arizona's face lost its forced control, breaking into a soft snicker. "Alright, I'm starving," Arizona continued, reaching on the table to eat two fries first and then picking up a brownie square, dropped it into her mouth. "Mmmm," she murmured loudly, licking her lips and chewing. "That is good," she continued, licking her fingers slowly and deliberately. It was quite the performance. Swiping the back of her fingers against Callie's shoulder, she silently encouraged her.

Callie slowly leant forward, deliberating momentarily before picking up a fork. "Ummm," she whispered, as if to herself.

"Hey, put down the fork. We're using our fingers, it's all part of the fun."

Laughing, Callie dropped the fork to the table. It clipped the side of a plate and bounced noisily, she gave Arizona a sheepish look, surprised when Arizona wasn't the least bit fazed. Quickly, she took a small piece of blueberry cheesecake and held it up to her lips. Arizona reacted, fingers curling around Callie's forearm.

"Wait," she murmured, "what are you eating, Callie?"

"Ah, cheesecake, Arizona."

"Are you going to enjoy it?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Then bite it in half, taste it. Finish it, lick your fingers."

"You're nuts."

"So they say," Arizona retorted, and her tongue peaked out of her lips as she smiled, teeth biting down.

It seemed so simple, eating and not thinking, and it certainly wasn't about the food. Everything she did, every item she bought, every word that came out of her mouth was considered. She analysed, even in the smallest of moments, what the outcome could be; the consequences. It wasn't the impact on her that she really worried about, but the complex domino effect that could result from something seemingly insignificant. Food was an example, a symptom of the life she was so caught up in. A life where she didn't really fit, but was where she was raised and belonged. Where she was meant to belong, rather.

"Mmmm," Callie purred, eyes fluttering closed. She dipped the end of her thumb and index finger into her mouth and sucked on them with a loud pop. Arizona released a childish giggle, though her eyes were fixed on the pads of Callie's fingers, disappearing beneath her plump, pink lips. "I so need another one of those." Arizona dropped her hand nervously to the lounge as Callie opened her eyes again, oblivious to Arizona's knuckles, grazing her thigh where she landed. With brown hair falling across her eyes, she felt empowered and strangely free, unbelievably, over something so small. It felt crazy; she felt mildly insane but when she finally exhaled, her dark eyes were glazed with tears. "Thank you," she articulated to Arizona, though there was a perceptible catch to her voice.

Arizona softened and sadly smiled. "I'm going to try the passionfruit one," she said with a sigh, holding Callie's stare for just a moment too long.

And when she averted her eyes, it still felt just a little too soon.

* * *

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **Thank you so much for the continued interest and thoughts! You are all great, excellent motivation! :-)

* * *

**Chapter Three**

"_Not to have felt pain is not to have been human."_

_Jewish Proverb_

"You know what? I just realised, that I have no idea what day it is or what day I left home." Arizona sat next to Callie in a hard plastic chair, with her face in her hands.

"I so hope this apartment you've organised has a bed."

"I'm wrecked. I literally feel like I've been run over by a B-Double."

"It's your last flight, potentially for six months, so just relax and enjoy the…oh wait, maybe don't enjoy the flight. But enjoy the fact that you are so close now." Callie smiled, feet crossed out in front of her with red flip flops on display. She still wore Arizona's shirt and her jeans had stretched slightly over the course of the flight, loose now around the legs and waist. "Hey, are you sure you don't want your shirt and shoes back? I feel bad for taking them."

Arizona shook her head vehemently, eyes blood shot and tired when she raised her face. "Definitely not, I hope you wear more of them actually. Though it'll be a little cold for flip flops right now."

"True, but I think I might just do that, wear more comfortable clothes, it's been kind of amazing. When I bought our coffee before, no revolting old men accidently touched my arse. Or my breasts." Callie gave a contemplative glance to ceiling, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, that would be disappointing," Arizona shot back quickly, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"If you come and visit me after you've finished your book, I'll hook you up with a new shirt. Apparently the Scottish Rugby jersey is pretty good. Or the team is good? I'm not actually clear on that, but either way, I'll get you something socially appropriate."

Arizona laughed. "Sounds like a good deal to me. So, you'll still be there in five years when I eventually get this manuscript done?"

"I have more faith in you than that, Arizona."

"You're the only one," Arizona said, groaning. "You realise that when I actually get there, I'm going to have to write? I won't be able to procrastinate any longer."

"Please take a couple of days to relax and recover," Callie requested gently, she had gotten the impression over the two days that Arizona wasn't anywhere near as kind and gentle with herself as she was with other people.

"I might need a reminder of that."

"Well, consider it done. Is email and text okay or will I need to leave long and detailed messages on your cell as well?"

"Probably email and text will have the effect needed. You know it feels kind of weird, we've spent every minute just about of the last forty eight hours together and now we just go in different directions."

Callie slowly nodded, propping her head up on her hand, elbow on the armrest next to her. "I know, I was just thinking that earlier. You'll stay in contact? I'm really keen to hear how the book goes."

"Absolutely," Arizona said softly, glancing up at the 'go to gate' message against her flight. "And I want to be kept up to date with how the change of scenery is treating you."

They shared a look, eyes locked for a few prolonged seconds before Callie finally broke the silence. "Are you okay?" she asked gently, helplessly watching tears well in Arizona's eyes, blue iris glazing over.

Arizona coughed lightly. "Yeah," she murmured, shaking her head as if shrugging the emotion away, "just being silly." She forced a smile, though it appeared more a hybrid grimace than an expression of happiness. "You umm, have to change terminals, right?"

Callie nodded and lifted her hand; she went to reach for Arizona but was halted, when Arizona quickly stood. "Afraid so. You ready to go through?" she asked, allowing the blond to divert the attention.

"I better."

"Sure," Callie said, taking her handbag off her lap and dropping it onto the chair as she stood. "So, I just want to say thank you, I've actually had a great couple of days. And I'm really glad that I saved your butt with Jeremy in LAX."

Arizona scuffed her feet slightly, fingers toying with the hip pockets of her jeans. "Me too," she offered, placing her laptop bag over her shoulder and across her chest. "It was really nice to meet you, Callie." She took a step to the side, eyeing the screen again.

"Hey," Callie interrupted, "I at least want a hug. I mean, you've seen me eat cheesecake and fries after all."

It was enough to elicit a weak laugh from Arizona and she stepped to Callie, meeting her with a tight embrace. "Thanks, for keeping me sane."

"You're welcome," Callie replied, leaning back and pressing a kiss to Arizona's cheek. "I hope this flight goes okay and I look forward to your emails."

"You too," Arizona stepped away and towards the security point before turning back. "Don't forget, do what makes you feel good, Calliope. Okay?"

Callie nodded, a smile spreading across her cheeks. "Okay."

And with a brief wave, they went in different directions; away from different pasts and towards different places, somewhere and something neither of them really knew. Armed solely with a few contact details of a stranger, a stranger who they strangely felt close to, more than anyone else.

* * *

The further they drove, the more snow Callie observed out the window of the car; a black Bentley with wheel rims polished and tyres shined. She sat in the back seat, contemplative as she slowly took notice of snow capped hills before small pockets of white ice began appearing at the side of the road and in grassy fields. She checked her watch and phone, Arizona would hopefully be settling in to her apartment and with any luck, managing to stay awake through the afternoon.

On arrival at Edinburgh airport, Callie had met her driver, one of the staff at the property and she had greeted him with a slightly more friendly edge than she might have previously. A warm smile and a shake of his hand, a light peck to his cheek. She knew him relatively well, having spent a few months at one stage in London, where he again had been the family driver. He had a wicked sense of humour although it only appeared occasionally, when he was sure it was appropriate. Callie had always appreciated his cheeky wit, and the wink that he would give her when everyone else went oblivious to his humour.

As expected, he had a small cooler in the backseat, stocked with a two small bottles of white wine, a freshly squeezed orange juice and a can of traditional lemonade. Callie avoided the wine and sipped occasionally on the juice, unscrewing the top with her fingers and drinking out of the bottle. They had been travelling for almost four hours when the window between the backseat and front slowly descended; she met his eyes in the rear view mirror. "Ms Torres, we are coming up to a service centre, would you like a comfort stop?"

Callie smiled and nodded. "Please," she said softly, "thanks Martin."

"You're most welcome. After this we leave the dual carriage way and it's mostly single lane from here. We'll be travelling a little slower."

"The view is beautiful, I can hardly complain."

He smiled again. "It is nice to have you again Ms Torres," Martin said after a moment, "and I was sorry to hear about…" he paused, trailing off. "Well, I was sorry to hear about things."

Callie swallowed. "Thank you," she murmured, "I appreciate that, but please, I'm here on my own so what I would really like, is for you to call me Callie."

"Of course, I always thought you had such a beautiful name."

She blushed slightly and tucked some loose strands of hair behind her ears, though it was a little matted and messy. "Is Jasmine still there?"

Martin shook his head, indicating as he took a short exit off the main road. "No, she met a young man in Glasgow and he is in his final year at Dundee, about to become a Doctor no less. They married not long ago, just a few weeks I heard."

"A Doctor?" Callie asked, eyes widening and mouth opening, "how lucky."

"To marry a Doctor? All those long hours, I'm not sure I would want my daughter marrying a young Doctor."

"No, to be studying medicine I meant," Callie explained and she shrugged. "Who would marry, right Martin?"

"You're a wise girl, Callie. A wise wise girl."

* * *

Having successfully, and if Arizona was being honest, quite easily navigated the train from Brussels to Bruges without uttering a word of mispronounced, grossly incorrect Flemish, Arizona was stuffed. Completely, utterly and deliriously exhausted. And it was highly possible, that not one of the four locks on her apartment door actually fastened adequately and the kitchen she had been assured it had, housed no more than a small fridge and a microwave on the bench. But it did have a bed, an oddly sized double mattress that was a few inches too short for the frame but it did have clean, crisp white sheets and two new pillows. And the bathroom, the glorious bathroom was no larger than a closet but it had hot running water. Scalding hot. Which was good, because the heater seemed to rumble loudly but barely emanate warmth.

She literally stumbled from the bathroom to the bed, catching her shoulder on the corner of the door and having her knee buckle slightly. She'd never had a knee injury, never even had so much as a twinge in it, but even it was begging her to stop moving. Or it was going to physically prevent her from walking.

And it was only six in the evening. Pulling out her cell phone, she double checked the settings and time zones, checking her watch to make sure everything matched. Blinking heavily and running her eyes, she tried to focus on the screen. _Made it to the apartment and it even has a bed. Thank Fuck. Have you made it too? _She had to read the message four times and go back and correct her typos, but eventually she got it readable and pressed send. She made a mental note to get her hands on a local sim card in the morning, or whenever she regained consciousness.

Only a couple of minutes passed before her phone beeped, though it was enough to make her physically jump. She was sprawled across the bed, freshly showered and dressed in sweats but she was yet to slide under the warm covers; trying to maintain an allusion of alertness. Who was she kidding, she was already dozing.

_Getting close. So pleased you've made it, is the apartment up to standard?_

Arizona couldn't help but laugh. _Mine or yours?_

Quickly, her old Nokia chimed. _Somewhere in between? :-) I hope you sleep well tonight, I know I will._

_The apartment is fine and has a bed, which is all I care about right now. Sleep well too and take care. _Arizona kept her phone in her hand and curled on to her side, reaching across the bed to tug the blankets down. They were thick and heavy, and she could already feel her eyelids sporadically closing against her will as she manoeuvred herself underneath without having to get herself up.

After a few minutes, her phone again received a message and it jerked her back awake. _You too_

* * *

It may have taken five days, but as Callie settled into the driver's seat of a 2010 Jeep Wrangler, the sun was shining over a clear blue sky. It wouldn't last; and even in the best conditions at that time of year, she would only have six hours or so of light. It was bitingly cold, much cooler than the weather she had arrived to thanks to a wind that seemed to cut through layers of clothing. She had taken a few days to get her energy back after the lengthy trip, just lazing by the fire and drinking cups of steaming soup. She had ventured outside on a few occasions, through some snow and to the stables that sat almost three hundred metres from the main house. The horses had relished her attention, and accommodated her short rides, as she tried to rebuild her confidence. They seemed far higher than she remembered or perhaps it was that her sense of invincibility was progressively vanishing with every month and year.

She had a specific destination in mind, a one hundred mile return trip that in the midst of summer would only take three hours, but with her cautiousness in winter, it would take her close to four or five. Add in a coffee and lunch, and she would easily be out each minute of sunlight. The drive though, despite her vigilant awareness of ice patches and other cars on the narrow country roads, was relaxing. She loved the view, stone fences that ran along the shoulder of the roads and sweeping, rock filled fields. Mountains loomed in the distance and out of her driver's side window, steep ascensions that were cloaked in a thick, pure white.

And she was alone. There was no one checking on her or offering her food and drinks, and although the maid, Marilyn, had relaxed since her arrival, she still felt smothered. Even her insistence that she travel alone to Durness had elicited an hour of concerned banter and an eventual survival package which she was fairly sure had enough supplies to keep her alive in the car until the end of winter. She appreciated the concern, but she wasn't breakable. She wasn't made of glass and about to shatter at any given moment; she was not useless.

So the drive was a pleasant reprieve and essentially drama free, if she didn't count the very small, furry and grossly unidentified animal that may have had a misfortunate run in with one of the all terrain tyres. Which she didn't; some things are a little different in the country.

Eventually, she pulled in a small parking space outside a bed and breakfast that doubled as the local café. There was a fairly well stocked Spar just up the road and a hotel just a few hundred metres in the other direction, which, in the warmer months had the most delicious sight of the ocean – the North Atlantic with a view towards the Norwegian Sea. Making a quick run between the car and café entrance, she didn't bother with a final layer, fingers curled inside the knee length woollen coat that covered a plain, long sleeve top. She left her scarf on the passenger seat, planning to spend her time inside with the warm comfort of a log fire and gas heating.

Just one other patron sat quietly in the corner, focussed intently on the laptop that he had in front of him. It took a few moments for staff to respond to the old fashioned bell hooked on to the front door. "Hi," Callie said warmly, blowing in to her hands to warm them.

"Good morning," the middle aged woman responded, apron tied around her waist. "Can I get you anything?"

"Mmm, please," Callie responded, scanning the laminated menu on the counter. "Could I have, ummm, a skinny latte and the Caesar salad?"

The woman chuckled lightly. "I can do it," she said politely, "but the ingredients aren't the freshest around here at this time of year. I can recommend the soup, it comes with a crusty bread that is to die for. Or, the lasagne and chips are popular amongst the locals."

Callie blushed, and returned to the menu. "Of course, I didn't even think. Sorry…" Contemplating, Callie suddenly heard Arizona's voice in her mind and she smiled. "Actually, the lasagne and chips sounds spectacular. Thank you."

"Not a problem, just take a seat and I'll have it out in twenty minutes or so. Help yourself to the magazines or newspapers."

"I heard that you have a book store here, is that right?" Callie asked, taking a step back and peering around the corner.

"Ah huh, just around there. Go ahead and browse, I'll give you a call when your lunch is ready."

"Thanks."

Stepping away and around the corner, Callie walked past a small line of tables positioned next to the wide windows until floor to ceiling shelves appeared. The narrow corridor opened into a large expansive room, bookshelves lined around the walls and in tightly squeezed rows in the middle. She picked up a small calico bag and worked her way through the sections. Although her goal was to try and find Arizona's novel, she didn't particularly expect it to be stocked and went about selecting a range of reading material, something to keep her busy for a few weeks. With eclectic tastes, she chose two autobiographies and a thick crime book; another last minute inclusion by an Australian comedian she had once been privy to at a women's health fundraiser in Los Angeles. Focussing her attention then, she started scanning the spines for Arizona's book and working her way through different genres. Arizona had been incredibly inept at disclosing to Callie anything about the content, and Callie's sense was it was more a book of self discovery and philosophy than anything fiction.

She was wrong. There, in the middle of the fiction section, under _R_ on the bottom shelf, were two copies of a novel by Arizona Robbins. Callie tugged at one of them, pulling it out from the tightly packed shelf and sat back on her feet where she had knelt down.

_Things My Mother Should Have Told Me _

_a story of being anyone, but who you were meant to be._

Callie was grinning widely when she earned a tap on her shoulder, jumping slightly at the contact. "Found anything you like?"

"Yes actually, I'll take these five…and the bag." Callie reached a hand out to one of the wooden shelves and winced as she still maintained a smile, hoisting herself to her feet. She couldn't believe she had found Arizona's book.

"I've just put out your lunch, go ahead; we'll fix these up when you're done."

"Thank you, is it alright with you if I start reading? I'm keen to start this one."

"Absolutely, you go ahead love. And a fabulous choice, that's up for a few awards this year; one of the best written, literary brave fictions that I've read in a long time. I hope it does win an award or two, might be the publicity it deserves. Actually, a media release that we got through from the publisher a few months ago said the author had another in the works and was due out this Christmas. Guess it didn't happen."

Callie nodded slowly and gave a half smile. "I know the author actually, Arizona. Well, met her recently."

"You did?"

"Ah huh. I did."

"Well, lucky you. If you can ever get me a signed copy, there's a week long stay here, just for you."

Callie laughed quietly. "I'll have to work on that."

* * *

Blank.

It didn't matter how many times Arizona closed her laptop and reopened it, the document was still glaringly blank. Empty; void of anything profound, thought provoking or insightfully brave. It was even absent of something crap; even a small, tiny sentence that was grammatically flawed and sickeningly clichéd.

It was completely and utterly blank.

Crap.

And she didn't know what to do. Dramatically and with a tortured cry from her constricted airway, Arizona dropped her forehead to the small, chipped desk. Her computer emitted a familiar buzzing sound of a key being struck and when she raised her head, biscuit crumbs were pressed to her right eyebrow and the screen was no longer a mocking white. It now had two and a half lines of a lower case 'c' across the top of the page.

That was never going to win her a Pulitzer.

* * *

"Can I ask you a question, Marilyn?" Callie asked quietly, curled up in the corner of a long sofa, a hand knitted wool blanket over her lap. The lounge seemed to almost swallow her in its comfort, a wide seat and deep, cushions.

"Of course," Marilyn responded, pausing to return a polishing cloth to the bucket she was carrying as she worked her way around the wooden furniture. She smiled at Callie, having finally started to relax after her initial anxiety of starting to work at the property. The Torres family reputation preceded them and just the mention of one of them returning to stay had sent the small local towns into a flurry. It seems as if most had a story to tell, of conflict at some point with one of the family members; everyone from the local produce suppliers through to the royal mail outlet. "Do you need something?"

"No, not at all. I'm good, really good."

Panicking ever so slightly, Marilyn asked, "Have I, done something? Have I done something incorrectly?"

"No no, I didn't mean anything like that. Relax." Callie stated quickly. "I just wondered, well, I'm reading this book and, I suppose it's making me think a little. Do you have parents?"

"Oh," Marilyn looked surprised at the question before squirming back on the single recliner and crossing her legs. "I do, yes. My parents live in Ireland now, not far from Galway."

"Do you have a good relationship with them?"

"Yes, I do. I always have, and it would be great to see them more often but it's a way to go and it takes time and money."

"Do you think that people either become…someone I suppose, because of their parents or despite them? That's what this book is talking about at the moment, the idea that although there are so many variables and different aspects, but that essentially, who we are is because we were either supported and encouraged and directed by our parents or we looked at them and who they were, so became someone entirely different." The concept came out a little disjoined and unclear, as Callie externally processed what it was the storyline was eliciting in her.

Considering, Marilyn nodded slowly and gave a small smile. "It's a reflective book that you're reading," she commented. "It makes some sense I suppose, how can we not be influenced by the people who raised us? Whether that's a negative or positive thing."

"I was raised to be a very specific person, to have the opinions that I was told to have, to believe what I was told to. And to live within the rules that were already established for me. And when I couldn't really do that, it all fell apart."

"From what I've seen, the world gets a little bit of a shock when someone acts a certain way for a long time and then suddenly draws a line that they can't cross. It's like someone suddenly saying 'no' when they've spent their life saying 'yes'."

"I was meant to be a trophy wife who withstood whatever was thrown my way."

"And what happened when you didn't?"

Callie sighed heavily and drew her bottom lip into her mouth; she felt a familiar lump swell in the back of her throat. She shrugged. "It all fucked up."

If the language surprised Marilyn, she didn't show it and just nodded slowly. "The way I see it? For what it's worth; things will always…_fuck_ up, to everyone, everywhere. It's what you do next that counts."

"I'm trying," Callie whispered, a stray tear tracking down the side of her nose until it curved in over her lip. She could taste the salty remnants.

Marilyn gave a sad smile, although Callie went oblivious, eyes focussed on the closed book in her lap. "I can tell."

* * *

Wandering through the centre square of Bruges for the fourth time since she arrived, Arizona kept an open umbrella close over her head. She was wrapped from head to toe in a number of layers, gloves, scarf and boots all included, and the slight drizzle of rain was effectively being kept off of her. Her internal dialogue as she walked slowly, was edging on a panicked self-criticism. The idea that she would arrive in Europe and be inundated with great ideas and a fluidity of writing, had been spectacularly destroyed. Over the past two weeks, it had exploded into a mass of tiny, miniscule pieces. Just remnants of her hopes and dreams now lying discarded around her messy, barely secure apartment.

But she had to somehow keep herself trying. She didn't have a choice; she no longer had anywhere to return to, no job to reinstate. This was her life now, and she had to perform. Failure wasn't an option; yet she felt as if she were precariously close to a complete meltdown. She would probably end up in a mental health facility, rambling incoherently about a book she had to write. About the writer she once was.

Arizona shuddered and forced the thought away; it was just a little too close to home.

So she stopped at a corner pub, with its promise of mashed potato and German sausages with a bottled Duvel. And the facility was warm and dry, though filled with an odd combination of loud tourists and seemingly quiet locals.

She happily settled into a small booth by a window and peeled off a few outer layers, not changing her initial food thoughts when her order was taken. She shouldn't be eating out, she knew that; she should be skimping on money, making cheap meals at the apartment and focussing on writing. She should be keeping herself alive with instant coffee and marmalade on bread; that was the fantasy she had when making her plans. The thought that she would arrive and literally not be able to write hadn't really occurred to her, although she had kept it as a running joke with her Editor and Callie.

At the thought of Callie, Arizona withdrew her phone, having texted Callie her new number a few days ago, she hadn't heard much from her. She lingered her finger over the keys, but put it away before she typed anything. Callie needed her space, her time to have her time out from the world and do whatever it was she planned to do. She didn't need Arizona texting and complaining, the crazy nomad that she had accidently come across and then been stuck with for two days.

Arizona sighed and shook her head to herself; she needed to get a grip. And fast.

* * *

Curled up on her side, Callie was positioned deep beneath sheets and heavy blankets to the edge of the king size bed. If she rolled on to her back, she would be precariously balanced on the side of the mattress, risking a two feet fall to the plush white carpet below. She was enthralled in Arizona's book, tears steadily flowing over the bridge of her nose and falling to the feather pillows she was propped against.

She finally released a shuddering breath, and found herself staring at the blank inside page of the back cover. Slowly, she closed the book and tucked it under her arm, squeezing her eyes shut and crying.

The book had remained loosely held in one arm when she woke later on that night, bedside light still on and illuminating the large room with an eerie glow. Placing it on her bedside table, she gave it a tired lingering glance before she switched the bedside light off.

She had questions for Arizona.

* * *

TBC.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **So, the one good thing about being literally flooded in and being one suburb that actually has had power for the last twenty four hours…there's little else to do but write! And clean…but I prefer writing. :-)

Thank you! All your feedback and alerts/favs are fantastic – so thank you!

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"_The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."_

_Ernest Hemingway_

Callie had chosen an intense action movie to watch, with the purpose of successfully distracting herself. The scenes played across the black rimmed flat screen that had been mounted to the wall, a small, specially designed hanging shelf, housing a Blu-Ray Player and the Satellite set top box. She still wasn't concentrating though; even the brilliant of Quentin Tarantino couldn't manage to hold her focus.

Flicking distractedly at the screen of her iPad, Callie started a game of spider solitaire but quit after two minutes. She tried looking through her photos, but they were nothing that she hadn't spent hours staring at over the past few months. They were nothing new; and just the same old emotions surfaced that they always elicited. Eventually she returned to her mail; first deleting the two new spam emails. She was thrilled the Pamela Anderson wanted to offer her diet secrets, and couldn't be more pleased that a long lost relative from an oil reserve in Saudi Arabia had left her a trillion dollars. Thrilled.

Arizona had sent her a short email the day before, and it was simple and polite but lacking in the kind of connection that they had seemed to form. So Callie hadn't responded straight away, just waiting as she pondered what it was her novel had created in her and how she went about asking Arizona. She cast her eyes over the text, rereading.

_Hi Callie,_

_I'm trying to trick myself into thinking that if I'm emailing you, than it's not actually an avoidance strategy. Because obviously, I'm on my computer so I must be being productive. Right?_

_How are you? How are things going in Scotland? Freezing cold?_

_Things are fine here, nothing too exciting to report. I can't say I've managed to get the writing happening, but I'm not panicking yet. _

_Any news to report from your side?_

_:-) Arizona_

Callie poised, turning the tablet and lingering her fingers over the keyboard imagery. She had to admit, one of the better skills she had learned throughout her thirteen years of private school education was an ability to touch type, although her aptitude in multiplying matrices and using vector products were slightly less useful. She was sure she had managed to acquire other useful knowledge; it was just that nothing else was coming to mind. She had certainly developed an ability to be an absolute conniving bitch if she need to, and in that environment, with a school of spoiled girls who had an ability to create havoc, that skill was needed. Wearing the perceptively wrong nail polish in eighth grade had cost Callie a place on the Equestrian Team, or rather, her invective retort that echoed through the classroom had.

She smiled at the memory; impassioned was one thing she had always been, though she had probably learned to contain it. Or forced to contain it.

_Hello Arizona,_

_It's great to hear from you! You can't just email and say that things are 'fine', tell me about Belgium? Have you eaten some chocolate and had at least a pint or two of beer? I know you told me that your apartment had a bed, but what's it like? Is it okay?_

_I could just keep firing questions at you, but you probably wouldn't find that too enjoyable! So I'll be good. _

_Things are pretty good here, though it's taking me some time to get used to the weather. I forgot how crazy barely any sunlight and just constant drizzle is. Not to mention the snow and sleet…and the ice. No wonder people get that depression thing over here, what's it called? Seasonal Depression or something? _

_I've been focussing on relaxing, long soaks in the bath and watching movies. And I've been doing heaps of reading, picked up some new stuff to get stuck into. Actually, I picked up your book…I think I've almost stopped crying. :-) Where was my heads up?_

_Amazing by the way, oh and there's a lovely owner of a B&B a couple of hours from here who is quite the fan. She's promised us a week long break there if I can get her a signed copy. What do you think? Up for a mini-break in the snow? It's an incredible spot actually, by the water…not great for swimming, but views to die for. I'm not really making it sound appealing, am I? :-)_

_Hope to hear from you soon._

_Cal xo_

With her fingernail tapping the screen, Callie pressed 'send'.

* * *

Arizona slumped in the makeshift desk chair, shoulder blades working over the black plastic frame as her head dropped back. Eyes closed, she opened her mouth and groaned loudly, and then again. She couldn't figure out why she hadn't even considered the possibility that Callie would seek out her book. And not for the first time since she wrote the thing, Arizona cursed the fact that she hadn't used a pseudonym. Her editor had told her it was silly and unnecessary; that she would never be able to do an interview or media tours. The publisher would have pulled their deal or reduced the number of copies.

She should have lied; she should have said she was an administration officer or worked in publishing. Her fall back factitious job was always that of a non specific office worker; but then Callie asked and the truth flowed from her mouth without a second thought. She had no idea why that was, she hadn't had any difficulty making up some inconsequential lie to any other woman she had made small talk with before taking them home. And she never saw them again, so it hardly mattered.

But she didn't sleep with Callie.

And she wanted to see her again, at some point.

Arizona tapped her head back, ponytail squashing as her neck crushed. She grunted a long, varying noise; drawn out until she had no breath left. She wanted to see Callie again; where the hell had that thought just come from?

Motionless for a few minutes, Arizona stood up and walked to the corner of the living area where the small kitchen was. She stood at the two small benches in the corner that made up the entirety of the kitchen and switched the kettle on, it hummed into life. Once, it was possibly an automatic device, but now it just whistled until she came over and switched it off. She supposed if left alone, it would eventually burn off the water and then blow up in a display of smoke and potentially fire. It would probably burn the entire apartment block down which would include her computer, which had nothing useful on it anyway and all of her belongings. Maybe that wouldn't be so disastrous?

"Just make your tea, a nice peppermint and relax," Arizona instructed herself, talking somewhat towards the white plastic cased kettle. "And stop talking to yourself," she added, finally laughing at her idiosyncrasies and tendency to panic. Not about anything major though, huge life dramas and disruptions to travel or health issues, she would barely bat an eyelid. But come to anything resembling emotional connectivity or someone having access to a part of her that she kept in a tight vault, then that elicited the most crazy of thoughts. Or someone seeing her faults; her failures.

Screwing up her face at the insulting noise, she turned it off and poured the boiling water into a large mug. She toyed with the teabag for a minute, tugging it up and down through the water until a pleasant odour started to infiltrate her senses. She tossed the tea bag into the trashcan under the sink.

Returning to her laptop, she sat the mug aside to cool and contemplated Callie's email again. She had to respond and she wanted to; and she wasn't going to sit around for two days trying to figure out what to write.

_You slipped that in nicely, Calliope. Very sneaky. Having someone you know read your book is a bit like standing naked in front of your greatest enemy. Awful. ;-)_

_Sounds like things are going really well for you though? You're sounding kind of relaxed and I have to say, I'm fairly jealous of the bath. There's nothing better than a few candles and some music, and lying in a steaming bath for an hour. I don't know if I ever quite got the essence of this six month break? Is relaxation the big goal?_

_I'm with you on the weather thing. Cold weather always seems like a better idea in theory than in reality. It's pretty cold here too, although I wouldn't think anywhere near as chilly as you have it. And to answer your questions – I have, as a matter of fact, had a number of beers, classic Belgium of course and a few chocolates. There's this little shop in town and the chocolatier makes the absolute best white chocolate pralines. They are…well, I'm not sure I have the words. Melt in your mouth, orgasmic type bliss. _

_The apartment is okay, I mean, it's not the Taj Mahal or anything but it's quiet and clean. I really need to get out and buy a decent desk chair though; I'm just using one of these plastic seats from a dining setting which is about as comfortable as sitting on a line of pins. I think that's my only complaint really, I'm in Europe – what's not to like, right? _

_I might try and do a few days of writing and then catch the train down to Paris for the day as my reward. I can go and buy a coffee and stare at the Tour Eiffel, I've never actually seen it with snow, so I should try and time it for that. I'll make sure I send you a photo! :-) Jealous? You may have a bath but…_

_Okay, I better get back to 'work'. (Can you read my non-verbals from there?)_

_Take care, Arizona :-)_

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when Callie read Arizona's email, though she worked her way through every word three times before she set her iPad aside. The email was positive enough and polite, somewhat casual, but it lacked an authenticity, though Callie couldn't quite put her finger on it. Arizona had skilfully avoided Callie's subtle hint to bring up some talk about the book, and she supposed it wasn't surprising. Arizona hadn't been particularly forthcoming with details about her life, and neither had Callie. With time, Callie could see herself telling her entire life story to Arizona, but she wasn't sure that was reciprocated. And maybe she's just reading too much into an email, it's a crappy form of communication at the best of times. Still, it was all they had.

She left the reply until the following morning, curled up in bed and not at all interested in facing the cold. She had dreamt vividly throughout the night, bright images and loud noises that woke her multiple times, just her subconscious playing tricks on her. One dream had even continued after she had woken and rolled over, repositioning her pillow and slowing her heart rate. She was still running when sleep washed back over her, running at full speed and effort, checking every wall for a gap and turning a range of door handles down a long corridor; each one locked. And still the crying became louder and more distressed, even though she had the intense feeling that she was getting further away. It didn't make logical sense, but dreams seldom do.

Pushing an extra pillow up behind her, Callie sat slightly on the bed, covers pulled up to just above her waist. She wore a thigh length black camisole, and the neckline ran deep into the concave of her chest, lace edges sitting snug over the swell of her breasts. One of the thin straps was off her shoulder and made the material gape near her armpit, but the other, although twisted, fitted firmly in place.

_Good Morning Arizona, it's great to hear from you!_

_I have to confess, I know that it's nine in the morning here, but I'm still in bed. And I only really just woke up – crazy! I don't think I've ever slept in this long. I'm loving it. Had some super crazy dreams last night and I hadn't even had a nightcap. Bizarre! _

_Relaxation is pretty much the goal, to answer your question. Things have been…hmmm, how should I phrase this? I've been through a bit of a rough time, just lots of stuff has been happening and I had the opportunity to do this. So I thought, why not? It's gotten me away from things, given me some space and for the first time in ages I feel like I can breathe again. _

_Changing the subject completely, you've made me have a real craving for some white chocolate. I love white chocolate and haven't had it in forever! Might have to put in an order for the next grocery run. :-)_

_I'm not sure why you would think that someone reading your book is awful? I mean, Arizona, it was incredible. You should be standing on street corners and selling it, I don't know how these things work, but somehow telling the world that this is a book they need to read. And I hear it's up for some awards, when do you hear if it's been shortlisted?_

_I did wonder when I was reading it, how much of your own life influenced the storyline? You mentioned when we were jetlagged and exhausted, that you had been to a few specific places and I just noticed them in there. I know it's a 'fiction' but still, I wanted to ask. The character, she just seemed so alone and haunted, and there was no one in the world that had her back. And it ended that way, with a defeated realisation that there was nothing else. _

_Do you believe that? Is that what you think? Is that you? I thought maybe it was me too, but it's not. Tomorrow is…tomorrow…there has to be hope._

_I know that all probably sounds crazy like, but I've done hardly anything except think about it for days. And I wanted to ask you questions straight away, but I wasn't sure if that was okay. I don't want to offend you or upset you, so please don't be. I've got this overwhelming need to just delete this email and send something that is just drab and boring, but I'm trying to be this new person. Or at least a different person, someone who doesn't just keep their mouth shut and toes the line. Someone who takes risks when the risk is worth it, and you seem worth it. And I don't know why, and it doesn't all make sense, but yeah, it is what it is._

_Sorry, I know that probably reads like someone is on acid…Please let me know if I've offended you, I really haven't meant to. _

_Hope to hear from you soon._

_Callie xo_

Taking a breath, Callie pressed send before she could second guess herself; and immediately she was filled with a sense of regret. She had no right to be questioning Arizona, they barely knew each other but she felt compelled to. She felt something, something unidentifiable, but it was there. She wasn't imagining it; she was sure of it. Wasn't she?

* * *

Gathering together her notebook, ballpoint and granola bar into a satchel, it was a last moment decision for Arizona to put her laptop in as well. Acting by habit, she checked her email before she shut it down and gathered up the cable. Callie's email stared at her and continued to, unmoving on the screen as Arizona slumped back into the chair. She raked a hand through air dried curls, tumbling them into each other so they twisted over the crown of her head.

Closing the top of her laptop, Arizona left it on the desk and collected her satchel from the kitchen bench. It was a bag she bought in India, where she spent a few weeks backpacking after spending several months at a Buddhist retreat in Cambodia. She'd gone with her hostel manager to an orphanage outside of Jaipur where the owners of the hostel provided some financial aid to the facility as well as some left over food. Some of the older children learned skills at the in-house school and made bags, purses, tapestries and jewellery. So Arizona had bought a bag for herself, a brightly coloured across the body satchel, a large open design with a zippered opening and a flap that hung loosely. She had picked up her brother a bracelet too, black and red, the most masculine she could find and it matched the tokenistic Cambodian Beer shirt she had picked up for him too.

Taking her thick jacket off the back of a chair, Arizona slid her arms into it and knotted a scarf around her neck. She pushed her hands into her pockets, thankful to find her gloves tucked snuggly inside; she would have had no idea where they were otherwise. Glancing back at the computer, Arizona hesitated, unzipping her bag and reaching into it. She fumbled blindly and with her forehead burrowed she eventually withdrew her phone. Quickly, she typed a text to Callie, knowing that she was feeling a whole lot of something but it definitely wasn't anger. She needed to tell Callie that. _Hi, just got your email and about to head out. I just wanted to say I'll reply later, not offended at all. Hope you're okay._

She was standing at the bus stop before a reply came through. _I'm so relieved, I was worried. Enjoy your day and stay safe._

Much later that afternoon and with several afternoon drinks under her belt, Arizona finally sat down to write her email to Callie.

_Hey Call,_

_I should warn you first up, I've had a few drinks this afternoon so hopefully I'll make sense in this email. I had to celebrate, I actually got some ideas on paper today. Yes, I did say paper; but they're actually down in black and white. Or blue and white, I was using a blue pen._

_I'm not sure where to start with the things you wrote, but I'll give it a go. I'm sorry to hear you've been having a crappy time, and I guess that's probably an understatement. The break is a good idea and takes some guts to do that too, but if I can help at all, let me know. I've been told that I'm not a bad listener…any time you want to talk about things or if you want to tell me anything, you can. I'm yet to be shocked, and I've seen a thing or two over the years, so don't feel like you can't talk to me._

_You've probably got all these great friends that you talk to and that just ended up sounding stalker-like, right? Damn._

_Hmmm, and on to your questions about the book. That fucking book. Sometimes I wish I never wrote it, I could still be at college or teaching or something. It is a fiction, you're right and that's what it is. I know there are some parallels that can be drawn and I definitely used places that I've been to and experiences I've had or ones that others have had, but it's mostly a complete mix of real and exaggerated and completely made up. That's how I write, I just take something small that is familiar and then I build on it. Sometimes it becomes unrecognisable and at other times it becomes the opposite, too close. _

_I'm not sure if that answers your questions well enough but yeah, that's kind of it. You really didn't offend me, so don't be worried. You shouldn't ever stress about bothering me, I'm pretty resilient. It takes much more than that to annoy or hurt me. :-)_

_Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems a bit like the themes upset you? _

_Sending a virtual hug your way…_

_Arizona :-)_

* * *

Woollen hat pulled low over her forehead, Callie sat atop a white mare, speckled black feet sinking into a thin layer of snow. She rode slowly, distracted as she headed towards the corner of their first paddock, a few bare trees in her peripheral vision. She felt unsettled, anxious; Christmas was only two days away and it was just another anniversary that she despised. Yet another reminder of the life she'd lost, the future that seemed certain yet fell spectacularly apart.

And she still hadn't replied to Arizona's email.

Arizona had quite the skill of saying something whilst not saying a lot at all. She was oddly neutral and Callie wondered if she ever fired up in anger or dissolved in hysterical tears; another similarity with the character in her book, just void of emotion and fight. Callie felt suitably unstable in comparison.

Loosely holding the reins, she allowed the horse to idly walk at will, only mildly correcting her direction when she moved towards the stream that weaved from past the west boundary to a loch miles away. Callie only returned to the barn when a drizzle of rain started to fall, realising then that her nose was icy cold and lips chapped. A glance at her watch and she realised she had been out for just shy of two hours and was grateful when Marilyn interrupted her shaky hands, as she tried to unbuckle the strap. "There's some soup on the stove," she said softly, gently rubbing the horse's neck. "You should take that wet jacket off and warm up."

Callie shivered and nodded, wrapping her arms around her middle. "Thanks," she murmured, shoulders trembling with cold.

"Go on," Marilyn encouraged again, glancing sideways at Callie standing motionless a few steps away. "I've got this."

Silently, Callie slipped away, walking back to the house, careful not to slip in the slush. She went straight to the shower, using the steaming water to slowly warm herself. When she emerged half an hour later, her face was pale though her cheeks were tinged with pink, a combination of the cold from outside and the too hot shower. She had applied a clear hydrating lip gloss, though the chapped skin still stung when she spooned some thick pumpkin soup into her mouth.

Cloaked in a blanket, she finished a cup of soup before refilling it again and sitting on the floor, close to the fireplace.

She opened her iPad and sighed.

_Hi Arizona,_

_Thanks for your email and sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I've been trying to get my head together, but it probably hasn't been going quite as well as I would like. I tried to phone you yesterday, thought we could talk over the phone but I get that you're a little busier than I am. All my relaxation and all._

_Great to hear that you've been able to get some writing done, I knew you would. And you deserved to reward yourself with some drinks._

_So what I'm getting from what you said about the book, is that there were some of your own experiences that you put in there. It had an incredible effect on me, I would really like to hear more. What do you think?_

_If you can picture it, I'm sighing right now. I'm sitting on the floor by the fireplace and I've just regained feeling in my fingers (seemed like a good idea at the time, to go for a ride in freezing temperatures) and I have no idea how to say what I want to say. I don't you know, I don't have all these people in my life to talk to. And I'm only just realising that I never really have, but you probably figured that out two minutes after you met me. You're good at reading people aren't you? I don't know what makes me say that, I just think your book is all about saying the things that people don't say. Or don't even think about._

_Do you hate that? People telling you what your book is about? Feel free to throw something at me, virtually that is._

_I think I mentioned to you that I have a sister, Aria. I'm only eighteen months older and we spent our entire childhood together, constantly playing and talking, doing everything together. We even had some of the same friends when we were going through high school; we still talked heaps, even when we lived in different places, went to different colleges. I was her bridesmaid when she got married. _

_When I was seventeen, she caught me in bed with woman. But she also found me smoking weed on at least five occasions, cigarettes in my school bag, major dents in my car - you get the idea. So we didn't really talk about it again, it was as if it didn't happen. She never mentioned it, so I never did either. Six months ago, she arrived at a jazz bar, where I was meant to be meeting my husband for a drink and dinner, although there's a bit more to that story. Anyway, I was standing in the corner, kissing the female violin player. Aria walked over, dragged me to the door and asked me what the fuck I was doing. I had a long prepared speech, should the need ever arise (I won't bore you with that five minute diatribe). But, I told my sister that I was bisexual. She didn't say a word, just looked and me and walked away. And I haven't heard from her since, she even changed her phone numbers, email addresses. I heard they moved too. Who does that?_

_We were always different, she was really into the high profile, socialite scene but I wasn't. I did it, but I wasn't in to it. But we always got along, we never fought or argued, always stayed in touch. And then suddenly, the one single person who had actually been around for my entire life, was gone. Because of what? Because I…_

_I don't know what I should have done. Lied? Lived an entire life that was a lie? I don't know._

_I'm sorry. That seems to be a theme for my emails, I end them with an apology. And it's Christmas in two days, I hate Christmas. But I feel like I should wish you a Happy Christmas and holiday season and all of that. But then, that just makes me want to cry and I'm trying to not be a crazy person right now. _

_I'm sorry._

She didn't sign off; just closed her eyes and sent the email. Then she curled up against the foot of the recliner and stared at gentle flames.

Until the room was cloaked in darkness.

* * *

**TBC.**

**AN: **That formatting was a little challenging in this Chapter, trying to make it flow and still be readable! It's slightly different on my document, but I couldn't get it to work on this site. So hopefully it wasn't too crap to read.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: **Well, the floodwaters have receded, I'm not longer stuck at home and I'm excited to report that the drinking water hasn't been cut off (woohoo!). :-) I'm working at keeping up these regular updates, and having no problems so far. Hopefully it stays that way. :-) A huge thank you to you all for all of your reviews and opinions! I really appreciate it - you're fantastic. Thank you.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"_On top of the world, or in the depth of despair."_

_Johann Wolfgang von Goethe_

One hand to her chest, Arizona reread Callie's email. Her stomach somersaulted and a lump swelled in her throat; she felt an incredible mix of emotions. She could sense the hurt in Callie, the disbelief and uncertainty; an awareness of what she had lost. And Arizona assumed it was only the tip of the iceberg, there was obviously a lot more to the story. She was even envious of Callie, of the openness and honesty; Arizona could barely conceptualise the anxiety she would feel if she were to attempt the same.

And a big part of her wanted to now, never before and never to anyone else. But to Callie, there was the distinct hint of a possibility.

It had been a slow progression for Arizona, she hadn't always been so closed off. She had always been close to her family, had a range of friends during her childhood and youth. She even had a string of relatively stable relationships in her early twenties, none of which ended particularly traumatically. In reflection though, she had never been as open and communicative as her partners had been; she was the listener, the supportive one. And that built the foundation, so when things changed later on and the challenges piled up, one after another, she didn't have the capacity to lean on anyone. She didn't have the self-awareness, and gradually, she became more insular; more self reliant.

The same qualities that she had received compliments on, all of her life and the ones she had once valued, had become her deficit.

There was something different about the effect Callie's words were having on her. Caring about others wasn't an issue for her, she watched the news and felt sympathy for strangers; she smiled at people crying in the airport and helped customers reach high shelves in the supermarket. But there was something more happening for her, she didn't just feel sorry for Callie, although she supposed that aspect was there. She was feeling Callie's hurt; she was empathising with it and relating the emotions to her own experiences. She was connecting.

But she couldn't.

Without a conscious thought, Arizona formed two tight fists and found her hands flying through the air and slamming onto the desk with a loud bang. The laptop bounced slightly and the desk groaned at the unexpected pressure. Squeezing her eyes shut, she stood suddenly, stumbling as the chair flipped back and crashed to the floor. She paced around the small living area, back and forth and into the kitchen before back again. She walked into her bedroom, stood at the food of her bed with her hands on her hips and shook her head. After a few minutes, she walked purposely into the bathroom and stilled, hands outstretched and gripping the chipped basin, head bowed with her weight on her arms. Slowly she raised her face to the mirror, staring at her own reflection.

Her eyes looked sullen and ringed with darkness underneath the lower lids. They almost looked bruised, but it was only tiredness that had evoked the telltale sign of exhaustion. She hadn't been sleeping that well, just a few hours here and there, intermittent with periods of staring at the ceiling or listening to the wind outside. It made a distinct noise, catching the miniscule gaps in the double glazed windows. Haunting almost, mystical.

She shook her head at her mirrored image, briefly distracting herself with a promise to eat better and more. She had only been in Belgium less than two weeks, though it was more since she had left the United States. She guessed she had lost a couple of pounds, maybe a few.

She stared a little longer, closely examining every detail; her eyes had a few laugh lines, crows feet they call them in some places. She didn't mind that, they told the story of the life she had lived; or at least, they provided evidence that she had lived. Her eyes were still blue, and she had always liked her eyes, they were clear and bright. Though even she could tell that they were nowhere near the highlight that they once were, they seemed dull and greyer now. The lack of sunlight wasn't helping her pale complexion either, but if she blamed it solely on the cold European winter than she was deluding herself. It told of long hours spent staring and thinking, rather than living.

Taking one hand off the basin, she turned the hot water on to run through the faucet, fingertips trailing under the flow and waiting for it to warm. She cupped both hands when it did, splashing water on to her face repeatedly. It ran down her neck and into the collar of her polo shirt, a few trickles running down into her chest where they were caught by the soft cotton on her bra. She stopped when the water became too hot, reaching for a handtowel to press her face into.

Instead of returning to her computer, she slumped to the floor of the bathroom, shivering slightly on contact with the cool tiles.

It was dark before she moved again.

* * *

The bedside clock flashed bright red digits when Callie rolled over and opened one eye. _07:55_; Callie shuddered; she had last glanced at the time at five in the morning, having lain awake all night. She had at least managed to get a couple of hours though her head was pounding with a horrific headache. She felt as if she had consumed two bottles of champagne, but she hadn't touched a drop. She wasn't game to, no matter how much she wanted to numb herself.

Her phone, next to her on the bed flashed suddenly and she reached blindly for it. Sliding her thumb along the bottom of the screen, she waited for it to unlock before clicking on her messages. She had four new ones.

The first three were generic, mass sent 'Merry Christmas' texts, from people she hadn't spoken to in years. They were like New Year messages, sent on the eve of midnight, alcohol fuelled as if it's the perfect time to touch base with friends and enemies. The most recent was from Arizona and Callie released a sigh of relief; she hadn't heard from her since she had sent the email.

_I'm reluctant to wish you a Merry Christmas but I wanted to check in on you. How are you doing?_

Callie closed her eyes in a prolonged blink; her chest ached. _Happy Christmas Arizona, how are you? I'm okay, thanks._

The reply was quick, and if Callie were to guess, Arizona was curled up in bed just as she was. And words couldn't describe how much she wished to have Arizona's company, someone gentle and smiling, to get her through the day. _Snug in bed! Are you really okay? I know today is tough without family and I wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. _

Shrugging to the vacant room, Callie deliberated for a few moments. She started at the screen and lingered her thumb over the letters, eventually typing. _Not really, but it's just a day. Thank you though._

_You should be here, we could have started with a champagne breakfast, followed by a beer lunch and then a cocktail finish._

A single chuckle rushed air through Callie's nose and her shoulders briefly moved with the exhalation. _That would have been better._

A few minutes passed before Arizona responded, thinking about the best strategy, humour or empathy. She went with empathy. _Is there anything that you need? Anything I can do? _

_No, not at all. I'm just wallowing in my own misery, I'll try not to share._

_Oh honey, you share as much as you like._

Callie burrowed further into her pillow, tugging the duvet as high as she could, just one hand poking out the top and holding her phone. She squeezed her eyes shut; she was determined not to spend the entire day in tears. Some of it yes, but not all of it. It wouldn't help; nothing would. _Maybe I'll come see you for a few days soon, would that be okay?_

_Yes! Of course, book some flights today, maybe that'll help. Hey, we could go to Paris when you're here._

_Only if it snows, right?_

_Ha ha, I'll make an exception. Take care today and call me anytime, k?_

Not crying was easier said than done. _Thanks A. Can I call you that? :-) You have a good day._

_I won't complain today, you're having a rough day already. :-) Talk soon._

Callie did eventually get out of bed, though it was hours later. Marilyn had left the day before, flying to see her parents at Callie's insistence. Callie had even booked last minute flights for her; she couldn't not after Marilyn spoke so highly of her family. And Martin had left that morning, going to visit his eldest son who lived in Aberdeen. He had two daughters as well, but they were further afield, one living in London and the other studying in Sydney, Australia. Callie had chatted to him just a few days earlier about this children, hearing all the details of their careers and families; an incredible story given he had raised the three of them on his own after his wife died suddenly of an aneurysm when she was only thirty eight. He still maintained his wicked sense of humour, even drier since Callie had not been even remotely offended. They had shared a few comments about Kangaroos at the Opera House and the Crocodile Hunter's children wrestling crocs under the Harbour Bridge. They knew how ludicrous it was, they were just being facetious, though they may have crossed the line with a joke about stingrays.

When she made her way out of the bedroom, wet hair tied back in a twisted bun and a designer v-neck sweat over the shirt Arizona had given her, she found a row of gifts waiting her on the coffee table. She cast her eyes over them briefly, fingering the tags before heading into to the kitchen and making herself a cup of strong coffee. Her instinct was not to bother with breakfast, she wasn't in the least bit motivated, but ended up spooning herself a bowl of cut up fruit from the fridge and tossing a handful of toasted granola over the top. She flopped herself down on the sofa, flicking the television on and changing channels until she fixed on the world news, anything to avoid a carol, Christmas tree or oversized Santa.

She reached first to the delivered item, obvious by its clear cellophane and company sticker and displayed small card poking out the top. It had a large box beneath the extensive gathering of cellophane. She withdrew the card and a sad smile caught the side of her lips; it was a gift from Arizona.

_Dear Callie,_

_Just a little collection to indulge in and cheer up your day – maybe this one won't be so bad. I hope this aids the relaxation, a few of my favourite things and hopefully yours too._

_Happy 'look after yourself' Day,_

_Arizona _

_PS. I'm not sure there's a person in Durness that doesn't know the Torres family; you were super easy to track down. Oh, and we have that accommodation by the sea whenever we like. _

Rechecking the sticker, Callie was surprised to see it had been made by the same place she had stopped to buy Arizona's book, the one that had wanted a signed copy. She figured Arizona had quickly worked some magic and it added to the confusion Callie felt about her. Her emails seemed caring, but detached; and her text messages were almost to the point of worrying, yet she seldom mentioned herself. Callie had no idea what Arizona was doing for the day or even if she celebrated Christmas. Did she hate the holidays as much as Callie? She had no idea at all. Yet, she was someone who obviously made a range of phone calls from a separate continent, just to have a gift delivered to Callie, who she seemed to care about, but not really connect with. It was odd…or complex. Arizona was complex.

The gift box had a range of items in it, a small number of handmade chocolates including some white chocolate covered coffee beans and dark chocolate truffles. There was an early edition Kahlil Gibran book – Sand and Foam, not The Prophet, his most well known volume. Also in the box were a few bath products, a milk soak and body scrub; to go with the two half carafes of French Champagne. The final item was a beautifully handcrafted leather notebook, a deep red colour that had two long leather ties to secure it shut. A pen was clipped on the top and embossed on the cover were two eagles, wingspan wide.

And Callie was crying.

Sniffling, she opened the other two gifts, a pair of earrings from Martin, which probably cost a third of the Christmas bonus Callie had transferred into his account as a surprise. She had done similar for Marilyn as well, although the flights home had been the focus; she had bought and wrapped Callie a voucher for a full day treatment at a day spa in Edinburgh. Callie really had endeared herself to the two of them; she couldn't remember a time when any of the staff, in her childhood home or later on, had ever bought them gifts. Except the Nanny that raised her and Aria, she always gave them the doll or toy they wanted, when their parents didn't get it right.

It should have made her feel better, but it didn't.

* * *

Arizona, lying on her side on the couch, buried deep within the duvet she had dragged from the bedroom, was perfectly content to watch crap television all day. Every minute of the entire day. Except she had to keep shifting her weight, the springs in the cushions poked into her hip and ribs, and her feet had to either hang off the end or up over the arm of the sofa; it was only a two seater.

She had her cell phone next to her and even though the volume was up high, she was worried she would miss a call or message from Callie. Which she shouldn't be; she should be letting the day slide by watching old Christmas movies and reruns of sitcom specials. Thinking with increasing constancy about the gorgeous Latina hadn't been part of her plan; thinking about anyone for that matter, hadn't been part of her plan.

She didn't really mind that she was spending the day on her own, holidays and birthdays had no real meaning to her anymore. She had sent the two gifts that she needed to, and she hoped that Callie at least had been appreciative of her efforts. Or that it cheered her up, even a little. Her mom wouldn't; she could have sent a box of nails and she wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

Shifting again, Arizona brought her knees up towards her chest and kicked at the quilt, hooking it under her feet to try and sustain the warmth. She shivered, it was cold; really cold and although the heater in the room sporadically rumbled, it was doing very little to raise the temperature.

She would make a cup of tea soon; when summer hit.

* * *

Barely able to move with the number of layers she had on, Callie worked at saddling her horse. It took longer than it should have, fingers numbing quickly without her gloves on, snow softly falling outside the barn. Before mounting, she double checked her coat pocket, two folded up pieces of A5 notepaper still securely inside. She settled into the saddle, feet in the stirrups and after tugging gloves on to her hands, she gently held the reins and tapped her heels to the horse. She started walking out in the elements.

Callie had spent most of the day wallowing, agitated as she restlessly moved from the lounge room to her bedroom, pacing through the kitchen or distractedly looking out the window. She couldn't concentrate to sit in front of a movie and when she tried to read a book, she kept having to reread paragraphs and flick back a few pages; just not able to absorb the words. Usually the quietness didn't bother her and having the place to herself was enjoyable, but she was feeling uneasy and locked in; claustrophobic like.

Now, riding across a postcard perfect paddock on a muscular and healthy horse, she looked every bit the picture of tortured. Her back rounded where she slumped slightly forward, and her chin frequently falling to her chest. She would cast her eyes to the dimly gray sky and sob, before dropping her face back down and shoulders trembling. The horse calmly walked, slowly moving as if cautious of her fractured rider, protective. It could have been a scene from a movie, frame zooming out from a distressed face to expose her as lone rider amongst undisturbed snow falls with mountains in the distance, beautiful and poignant, but troubling.

* * *

Arizona poured her first glass of wine, a room temperature merlot that was still a little too chilled for her liking. The microwave was heating some frozen mini pizzas and leaning back in front of it, she fished her phone out of her back pocket. Tossing it around in her fingertips for a moment, she briefly debated whether or not to text Callie. Arizona hadn't heard from her since that morning, and it concerned her. It was instinctual rather than anything specific, a little niggle in the back of her mind despite her attempts to distract herself.

_Hey! How are you coping with the day?_

Half a bottle of wine consumed and numerous pizzas, and Arizona still hadn't received a message back. She shrugged to the television and gave herself an internal talking to. As delusional as it might sound to an observer, she chastised herself for becoming too close. For allowing herself to feel drawn to Callie, to be not just attracted to her but to also want to so much more. She hadn't felt about someone in that way for a long time; and it wasn't comfortable.

She didn't like it; she didn't want to feel drawn to someone. She wanted to be independent and strong, unaffected by silly emotions like trust and love. Having relationships with people, having ties with them, it meant she wasn't free. The idea frightened her, that she couldn't just book a one-way ticket anywhere at anytime. It made her feel trapped and stupid, because it all fell apart in the end anyway. It wasn't like the risk paid off; it never had. That kind of connection was just an invitation for more heartache, more loss.

She couldn't do it, she wasn't willing to put it all on the line. The outcome just wasn't worth it.

She had her writing and her travel; she could work her way around the world again, meet people and have casual unattached flings. She wasn't made for relationships, and she had long ago made her peace that a life alone, filled with adventures and experiences was her purpose. And she was okay with that.

Until she found herself continually checking her phone, time and time again. Until she worried herself through three glasses of wine and then poured another.

And Callie still hadn't replied.

* * *

Callie's knees and shins were wet, snow melting with her body heat and soaking into her jeans. She was shivering intensely, though she wasn't even remotely aware of the cold.

Momentarily, she was tear free, half crawling down a small embankment until her fingertips could reach the freezing flow of a fresh water stream. If she followed the current for sixty or seventy miles, she would hit a beautiful loch, surrounded by small log cabins and old wooden jetties. Fumbling, she sat back on her feet; legs folding under her as she unzipped the pocket of her jacket.

She withdrew the two pages of lined paper, filled with her own cursive writing. The pages had been torn out of the notebook that Arizona had given her, after Callie had spent thirty minutes penning a tearful goodbye. It had been in the back of her mind since she arrived, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to actually do it. The words had run around her head at will, different phrases and thoughts, but she hadn't put any of it on paper. And that was the idea; well, that was what her therapist had insisted was a key task in her journey, her recovery.

It had all sounded like a load of bullshit to Callie, yet she had gone back time and again, in hope of some sudden epiphany. But it wasn't something that happened, and when she had relented and reluctantly committed to writing a goodbye, she had found that she couldn't do it.

She had thought it would be easy, fluid and simple, a sarcastic and purposeless task. It wasn't.

It was downright difficult, impossible and unpleasant. It hurt; it ached her entire body until she felt like she might disappear under the pressure. Her hand shook and trembled; the words seemed superficial and hollow, completely inadequate for what she was trying to describe. She wanted to represent the depth and complexity, and every thing she thought of seemed clichéd or insincere.

And now that she had written it; she couldn't let it go.

So she grasped the thin pages to her chest, and they wrinkled under her tight hold. The lightly falling snow caught the edges of the paper and it wilted. A few words on the first line began to run.

She had to do it before they disappeared.

* * *

Almost a full bottle and not a single word from Callie.

Not even an 'all good' or 'fine' response, no response at all. Arizona was desperate for a phone to beep, just that little message jingle that would tell her that Callie was fine and then she could go about moving on.

Moving on from what she wasn't sure, but sobriety would bring some clarity. She was just certain that her perceived connection with Callie was exactly that, a symptom of her stage in life and being alone and without a safety net. She wasn't specifically attracted to Callie, it was just that she was attracted to the illusion of someone stable and supportive in her life; the kind of person that could rescue her in an airport. But that's all it was, an illusion of some happy ever after story.

Arizona had apparently, despite her better judgement, subconsciously created Callie into the person that she had always assured herself that she would settle down for. Her travel and independence, as strong and fulfilling as it was, wasn't planned for forever. She would one day, meet the woman that was worth making sacrifices for and who would make sacrifices for her. The reciprocity was important; this person would be her partner and her equal.

But that wasn't Callie; equal they were not.

Arizona took another long drink from her glass, the liquid sliding down her throat now with barely a warm burn.

If only Callie would respond and then Arizona could go about forgetting her.

* * *

Flicking the small blue lighter she had brought with her, Callie tried to blink through her tears. The snow was starting to turn into a sleety rain, and cold droplets of water sneaked against her neck and into her scarf.

Trying again to quickly turn the thumbwheel, a small flame jutted up before fading. Her hand was stinging and each digit felt oversized and weak. She had written the letter and now she couldn't burn it.

How cruel was this world?

Using the paper as a shield for one final attempt, Callie forced her thumb down hard, teeth gritting as a sharp pain ran through the palm of her hand. The flame appeared and held, catching the long edge of the letter and burning quickly. Callie breathed a sigh of relief and stumbled to her feet.

She tried to keep the slowly smouldering object close, until she was forced to hold just the corner as the red line became closer and the paper disintegrated. It was almost done. Holding it out in front of her, arm outstretched, she watched tiny pieces of ash drift and then disappear. They were too tiny and the afternoon too dark and wet to keep track of them.

She wasn't meant to anyway.

And then it was gone. Her words, her goodbye; everything she felt, was now a part of the landscape. Some would have drifted into the stream and carried away, others into the rocky edge or atop snowflakes on blades of grass.

Her apology; the desperate request for forgiveness from somewhere it would never and could never come from.

An endless flow of repentance.

She couldn't bring herself to do what she had been instructed to do though. To forgive herself.

* * *

Dramatically, Arizona was spread eagle over the top of her bed. The duvet she had used on the sofa was half bundled next to her, one arm and a leg underneath it while her face rested on the sheet, just below the edge of her pillow.

Knotted blond hair was over her face and her mouth was slightly ajar, eyes staring straight ahead, trying to focus on the window at the side of her bedroom.

She tried to move her other arm from where it was folded under the same shoulder, her body barely moved an inch and her limbs felt heavy. She hoisted herself with more effort, crawling up the bed until she fell against the comfort of two pillows on top of each other.

Arizona groaned, licking her dry lips, the taste of red wine still vivid. She glanced to her bedside table, a half full glass waiting for her attention. She had brought it in when she had stumbled to the room a few minutes before, quickly losing the desire to finish it when she collapsed on to the mattress. Or mostly slumped; she needed some water.

Rolling to the side she slid off the bed, an open palm seeking out the wall to lead her towards the bathroom, steadying each step. There was a quiet sense of achievement when she ducked her face down to the tap, cupping her hand and lapping at the water when it gathered. She exhaled; it already made her feel better. She took another long drink before repeating her return to the bed, rubbing her hand to try and warm it. "Fuck that was cold," she muttered into the dark room, bedside lamp offering the only light in her apartment.

She was half way through trying to eloquently lay on the bed when a sharp shrill sounded from beneath the pillows; her phone. She fumbled to locate the insulting noise, and then hastened to answer. "Callie?"

A loud sob emanated through the earpiece.

* * *

**TBC...**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Thank you so much for the continued interest and thoughts, it's so great to hear your thoughts. And of course, thank you for your patience with the storyline, I'm glad you're mostly enjoying the ride.

* * *

**Chapter Six**

"_We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."_

_Kenji Miyazawa_

"Callie, is that you?" Arizona quickly tore the phone from her ear and checked the caller identification; it was definitely Callie's number.

"I'm sorry," Callie murmured through the phone, voice muffled.

Rolling on to her back and scooting up the bed, Arizona leant back against the wall, knees up in front of her. "No, no; it's fine. It's okay. What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call."

"Hey, it's fine. Honestly, what is it? What's going on?" Arizona's pace was a little faster than she would have liked, pitch higher. She took a slow breath and rubbed her eyes, panicking would not help Callie.

"I fucking hate this day," Callie irrationally declared, "and I can't keep doing this all the time. It's making me crazy."

"Okay," Arizona replied softly, encouraging Callie to continue.

"I fucking hate it, I hate this day, Arizona. I really hate it."

"You want to talk me through it?" Arizona asked softly, earning a shuddering cry from Callie. "Or we can go with distraction if you like."

"I'm sorry I called," Callie stated again, and Arizona could hear the strain in her voice, the effort to articulate words through her breathlessness. "I just needed to hear someone; there's no one else here and I…" Trailing off, Callie drew in a calming breath, Arizona patiently silent. "I'm not always like this," she whispered.

"Hey, don't worry, we're all sometimes like this."

Callie hiccupped a laugh. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, seriously."

"I don't…I don't know what to say," Callie murmured, and Arizona could imagine her blotchy skin and the tears coursing down her face.

"It's okay. If you want me to just stay on the phone while you cry, I'm good with that. Or we can talk, whatever might make you feel a bit better."

"Are you this nice to every girl you meet in an airport?"

"Only the hot ones," Arizona replied a little too quickly, squeezing the bridge of her nose at how easily the words rolled unfiltered off her tongue. She should never have had that bottle of wine.

Callie laughed. "Is that right?"

"Was that a laugh?" Arizona asked. "Because if that's all it takes, than the rest of this phone call should be pretty easy." She heard Callie sniffle and the distinct sound of skin on skin; she was likely wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't phone every blond I meet in a flood of tears."

"Just a select few, hey?"

"Just the mysterious, cute ones."

"Hmmm, so they have to not just be cute, but mysterious too. You've got standards."

They fell into a brief silence before Callie asked, "Were you doing something when I phoned? I hope I didn't interrupt you."

Arizona smiled and shook her head at her empty room. "Not at all, I may have just polished off a bottle of wine and was contemplating getting under the blankets rather than where I collapsed on top of them. Are you at home? You're not in some dark ally somewhere?"

"I don't think a drink would have helped me tonight. And yeah, I'm at home. A dark ally? I'm not in London you know."

Arizona laughed. "That's right, you're in the middle of nowhere. So, you're at home and what? Curled up on the sofa having a meltdown?"

"Pretty much. I'll umm…I'll explain properly sometime. Tomorrow even, but I just really need to not be thinking about this, so to answer your earlier question, distraction would be great."

Arizona hesitated only momentarily; she understood the need to be distracted. To have someone take you outside of your head for a while, it felt safer and more comfortable. "I get that," she murmured, kicking at the sheets underneath her until she could slide down the bed. She reached to the side with one hand, trying to spread out the duvet over the top of her. "And I promise I won't talk about the weather, but I just have to say that it is freezing over here. I'm going to have to sort out some better heating, because this is insane."

"Tell me about it, the weather anyway. It's been snowing on and off here most of the day, in between rain and sleet. Although I've got the heat high, so it's more like summer in here."

"Oh that's cruel! I need more clothes on inside than I do outside. I hate that snow and rain thing, snow is beautiful but throw in some rain and it's just dirty slush. Not at all nice."

"You need a better apartment, Arizona."

"Nah, it's alright for the moment. It'll do, anyway. Speaking of, have you given some more thought to coming to visit?"

Callie seemed to settle through the phone, voice more stable and breathing even. "I would like to, but only if that's okay with you. I mean, I can come whenever suits, it's not like I have a schedule."

"And clearly I have a whole heap of structure too! Come whenever you like, no stress at all. You can fly into Brussels or Paris, even Amsterdam isn't far. And I can show you the sights of Bruges, or the best pub; I'm trying out a few to make sure I know the best one."

Laughing, Callie replied, "It's a tough job to try them all out. Do you just go on your own or have you met some people?"

"I just go in on my own, a few drinks and I end up talking to anyone. Not much different to back in the States."

"I could never go into a bar or club on my own, I don't think."

"What?" Arizona asked loudly, laughing. "Where's those feminist principles? It's empowering, I'll show you the ropes."

"I would to a café or restaurant maybe, even a movie – and I do, I'm not that tight. But I don't know about a bar."

"What's the worst that could happen?" Arizona asked lightly, incredulously.

"I don't know," Callie answered softly, "someone takes advantage of you."

"Maybe I'm the one taking advantage of others," Arizona deliberately teased. "I'm kidding, I know what you're getting at. I just figure that anything can happen, anytime I walk out the door so some risks are worth taking."

"True, fair call. So, how has the writing been going?"

Arizona dramatically groaned, palm of her hand smacking lightly against her forehead. "Did you have to ask?"

Callie laughed. "That good, huh?"

"Worse. I have written some, a little you know. Maybe a chapter, but it's shit. It really is."

"I'm sure it's not."

"Oh it is," Arizona stated firmly. "I should delete it and start again, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'll delete it and then have nothing. I have no idea what I'm going to do."

"Do you think you're just stressing too much and so there's too much pressure?"

"Thanks Doctor Phil," Arizona muttered, again shaking her head to the empty room. "Probably, who knows actually? Either way, I don't have anything decent written. I keep thinking that maybe I should just phone my Editor and call it quits, try and figure out a way to pay back my advance."

"No don't," Callie insisted, "not yet. Just give yourself some time, you've got six months right?"

"With days ticking away…"

"Well, wait until the end of the six months and if it's still all out of the question, I'll take care of that advance for you."

Arizona quickly laughed, a mix of awkwardness and amazement. Until she absorbed the genuineness in Callie's voice. "I couldn't let you do that."

"We'll argue about that in six months time," Callie insisted and Arizona couldn't place the unsettled feeling in her stomach. Six months? Callie and her would still be talking in six months? "Got that?" Callie asked when there was no sound from Arizona.

"Yeah," she murmured softly, "got it." Arizona sighed; she needed to turn the conversation around somehow though it seemed ridiculous. They couldn't talk about what made Callie phone her for the first time, and in a flood of tears. Arizona could only talk so much about herself in the interest of distraction, before she started to feel conflicted and uncomfortable. Even when she messaged and emailed Callie, it wasn't as simple as it was with anyone else. The topics edged past superficial without her even realising it, and it wasn't as easy as keeping things polite. So what did they talk about? If the line was crossed, then it was crossed; but one of them need to make that happen. "So, what's your plan for the rest of the night? Straight to bed? I'm a little concerned that I'll hang up and you'll just curl back up on the sofa and see in midnight crying."

"I'd like to say that won't happen," Callie said quietly, breath heavy all of a sudden, "but there's no guarantee. I'm not quite as foetal as I was a little while ago."

"I'd kind of prefer that not to happen, can I help?"

"You have, trust me. I probably should have phoned you when I didn't sound completely suicidal, sorry about that."

"You really need to stop apologising to me, and I mean, really really need to stop," Arizona insisted, chuckling lightly. "So, have you eaten tonight? Showered?"

"Ah, no and no to that."

"Right, so when you're ready, you're going to get up and walk into the kitchen. You're going to open the fridge and tell me what's in there." Arizona's tone was authoritarian and her pace slow, serious.

"Mmmm?" Callie asked and Arizona could almost hear the small smile.

"Yep, that's right."

"I've got it sorted really, I'm okay."

"I know. This isn't about you, it's about me. I have no food, so I'm living vicariously through you. So go on, on your feet and tell me what you have to eat."

"I know what you're doing."

"Then get on with it. You need to eat Callie and I bet you haven't had a thing most of the day."

"I had breakfast."

"And now it's eight thirty at night."

"Okay okay," Callie murmured and the sound of the seal breaking on the fridge met Arizona's ear. "There's heaps of food, Arizona."

"Awesome, what looks good?"

"Ummm, there's a pasta salad which is good, some cut up fruit. Yogurt, juice, soda. Ah, some cold meats, cheese, eggs, a few jars of…something. Olives maybe…"

"Talk about well stocked, this definitely isn't a game we should both play. I think I've got an old loaf of bread and some cheese; and a shitload of wine. Of course. Well, what do you think? Some pasta salad and a juice is probably good, no preparation and all."

"Yeah, I guess. I'm really not hungry though."

"So grab a bowl and a glass, or you can eat straight out of the containers if you like. I won't tell anyone."

"Nah, I think I'll go a bowl. You're not going to need photographic evidence of this are you?"

"I expect that I'll be able to tell when you're chewing actually."

"Arizona!" Callie exclaimed and they both laughed simultaneously. "You are quite insane, you know that?"

"What? It's hard, I'm all the way over here and you're all crying and upset and not telling me what it's about. What am I meant to do?"

"I have never met anyone like you," Callie replied, clanking a bowl on the bench and filling her glass with fresh orange juice. "Where have you been my entire life?"

"Ha ha, running amuck, you know that."

"I find that hard to believe; surely you haven't spent your whole life going from place to place."

"For the most part, bar a few attempts at settling down."

"Didn't work out?" Callie asked, piercing two pieces of herb encrusted pasta and a piece of sundried tomato into her mouth.

"Not so much," Arizona said quietly, "my choice in women, not so great. Or maybe their choice in women is not so great, I'm not sure I'm a great catch."

A brief lightness washed over Callie, her instincts weren't so shabby after all. "Maybe you just haven't met the right person – yet."

"Yeah, sounds like a good excuse to me."

"Sometimes we run for a reason right? It doesn't have to always be our fault, there are reasons. Contributing factors, it's hard to not blame ourselves."

"What makes you think I've run, Calliope?" Arizona asked gently, curious.

"Hmmm, oh, I don't know. You don't talk about anyone or anything like it belongs somewhere, so I'm just guessing. Sorry."

"I didn't say you were wrong," Arizona admitted, "And I'm obviously more transparent than I like."

"Are you kidding me? You're like a puzzle, and the pieces are spread all over the globe. Don't be less transparent, I won't stand a chance then."

Arizona laughed lightly. "How's that dinner going?"

"Nice segue; dinner is fine. How much do I have to eat, boss?"

"Just a little, I'm happy as long as you've had something."

Callie took a long drink of juice, until just a little remained in the glass. "Are you going to direct me to the shower as well? 'Cause this conversation could take a whole new turn?"

"That sounds suspiciously seductive," Arizona muttered, grinning. The conversation was finishing with a completely different tone to what it started with, thankfully.

"You know what I said about mysterious blonds."

"Now, I'm not mistaken. That is perceptively flirtatious, right?"

"Maybe a little," Callie laughed, a few more mouthfuls of pasta before she placed the dishes in the dishwasher. "Which is useful, given I'm in a different country."

"True. And you really do need to shower and get into bed and sleep. Sleep is good."

"You need to sleep as well, you were in bed when I called weren't you?"

"Still am. I would have gotten up, but I was hoping the slight drunkenness that I was feeling wouldn't be obvious through the phone if I just stayed in bed and didn't move. Did it work?"

"Very well, I never would have been able to tell."

'Too kind. I have to back up actually, some of my neighbours are insisting on drinks tomorrow afternoon or night. Apparently the gossip mill says I'm some lonely chick that needs buddies to show her around."

"Oh you'll have to call me and tell me how it goes, that sounds like great distraction for me."

"Ack. They'll probably try and set me up with some guy or do shots off the table; fun!"

"As I was saying, that would make a great story, perfect distraction."

"I'll keep that in mind, try and get some material for you. Hey, are you in your bathroom yet?"

"And if that was flirting, you need to do some work on your skills," Callie said. "I should let you go."

"You going to be okay?"

"Yeah, thank you. So much, you got me back to sane."

Arizona murmured a soft laugh. "Any time. I'll touch base with you tomorrow okay?"

"Thanks. And hey, before you go, Arizona," Callie said, voice dropping back to barely a whisper.

"Mmmm?"

Callie drew in a breath and it whistled down the phone line. "Today, umm, today was, is, the anniversary of a death. Someone really important, it was a…a big thing."

"Oh Calliope, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

"I know. I just wanted you to know that, I'm not crazy. I'm just…"

"You're sad. I know, I really do understand. Today sucks for you."

"It does. Thanks."

"Alright, take your shower and get into bed and try and get some sleep."

"You too," Callie replied, unsure as to how to end the call.

Arizona smiled. "Yep, and just so you know, I'm looking awesome in jeans and a hoodie, and socks too. And my hair hasn't been brushed, still think I'm hot?"

"You can't wear jeans to bed!"

"No such thing as can't; it's definitely not the first time."

"Thanks, for making me laugh. Talk to you soon okay? Keep me up to date with how your drinks go tomorrow."

"Will do. Night Callie."

"See you."

Hanging up, Arizona sunk back and scooted down the bed, covers up to her neck. She rolled on to her side and curled the duvet into her fists, tugging it close. Maybe she owed it to herself to try, just one more time. Maybe Callie was worth one more risk.

* * *

Reluctantly, when five young people knocked on her apartment door, Arizona had picked up her bag and left with them. She laughed and she smiled, chatted idly and tolerated the introductions; all the while her mind wondered, contemplating when it was that she had gotten old. And when seemingly intelligent people in their mid twenties had changed their approach to fashion, short skirts and knee high ugg boots did not a winter outfit make.

Aided by a number of wines and one unfortunate tequila shot, Arizona lasted a few hours, listening to tales of their last 'huge' night and what the going rates for various drugs were. All oral of course, intravenous was apparently for the young and stupid. And addicted, Arizona had added.

She texted Callie after a few hours, needing a brief break from the perfectly nice, but somewhat immature group that she was spending the evening with. _Hi, out with the youth of today. Odd. How are you doing tonight?_

_Doing okay, thanks to you. Any setups yet?_

Arizona smiled, though her neighbours went oblivious, disappearing in pairs to the bathroom and returning with pinpoint pupils. "You want?" One asked Arizona and she politely turned down their offer. She quickly texted Callie back. _Not yet, just got offered an unidentified tablet though – score._

_Don't take unknown substances! You'll end up in hospital._

_Don't worry, turned it down. The tequila was rough enough for me._

_Easy on the tequila, that crap is harsh._

"Arizona, you kicking on? We're going to move on, got some dancin' to do." There was a brief display of uncoordinated movement, supposedly dancing.

"No, no thanks actually. I'm good; I'm thinking of heading back home."

"Oh come on, come on girl! You look like the dancing type." Arizona shook her head, the British couple reaching for her hands in an attempt to tug her to her feet. The other three were from Belgium, perpetual students at the nearby college.

"Nah, honestly, I'm exhausted. You guys go ahead, I've had a great night. _Dank uwel._"

"Oh Flemish!" one of the male students declared, bending down and kissing Arizona's cheek where she still sat at the bench. "_Het is niks, graag gedaan."_

Arizona laughed. "Say what?"

"He said you're welcome."

"Oh, right. I need to learn a few more phrases! Have a good night, don't do anything too crazy."

"Are you right to get home?"

"Yeah, I'll just finish this drink and take off. I'm fine."

"Nice to meet you Arizona, we should do it again some time." A few more choruses of the same sentiment rounded and they disappeared out the door in a range of cheers and loud comments. She was definitely feeling old.

Picking her phone back up again off the sticky table, she wiped it on her jeans and tapped a reply to Callie. _The kids have gone, just finishing my drink and I'm heading home to bed. I think the tequila went to my head._

_Go home and go to bed. Drink lots of water._

_Getting there. How many hours crying on the couch/bed/floor today?_

A few moments passed and Arizona sipped on her wine, enjoying her time people watching as the bar seemed to swell with a wave of patrons. _None at all actually, just some quiet reflection. You must have fixed me._

_I doubt that, but I'm glad you had a better day. You deserved a reprieve. Alright, I'm going to head home, talk to you later?_

_Let me know how you pull up tomorrow. :-)_

_Will do. _

Arizona pushed her wine glass across the table before pocketing the phone in her jeans and grabbing her bag, sitting next to her hip on the seat. She weaved through the crowd, tucking some strands of curled hair behind her ears as she secured the bag across her body. She reached the door and stepped out, groaning as a rush of freezing air met her. Tugging her coat closer around her body, Arizona shoved her hands into her pockets and with head down, started to make her way along the sidewalk. It was only a fifteen minute walk back to her apartment, or if she wanted, she would come across a taxi rank just a bit further up the street and on the other side of the road.

She didn't get a chance to decide, feeling a rough and calloused hand wrap around her mouth and a tight arm grip her around the middle. She managed only a muffled cry and a slight struggle before she was pulled down the side of a closed shop. A range of words were harshly spoken into her ear, but she couldn't understand one of them; just the tone of the coarse voice and the large body that was controlling her struggling limbs.

She arched her back and tried to shake her head, to rid herself of the palm pressed into her mouth, failing as her face met the corner of the building, bricks tearing at the skin over her cheekbone. A wave of nausea spread through her as she was turned and forced back, shoulders and head taking the brunt of the force. A knee connected with her abdomen and she doubled over, crying out as the hand dropped from her face to her neck.

The bag across her body was being forcibly tugged, caught around her as the man tried desperately to tear it from her. She fell towards the ground and again, she found his knee connecting with her ribs and stomach as he crushed on top of her. He pulled so hard on her bag that the strap tore, but not before the material ripped at her neck, gashing at the soft skin. "Just take it, please," she pleaded, though if he understood what she was saying, he didn't acknowledge it.

Holding the bag, he stared at her, one hand lingering at her neck. He pulled her up, just a few inches off the ground and then strongly slammed her back down. The grey light from the street front dulled and her vision tunnelled, slowly fading to black as she lost consciousness. She never saw him leave.

* * *

**TBC…**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **As always, you're all fabulous and amazing with your reviews and thoughts and opinions! I just wanted to note that I take warnings pretty seriously and this fic doesn't have a warning for sexual assault (swearing and consensual sex scenes only). So sorry for those who wanted this to head in that direction, it just wasn't quite part of the plan. I hope that doesn't deter you from reading. :-)

Alas, on with the fic! (I can hardly believe this quick update, but I'm about to have a few days without writing, so I thought I would post)

Thanks again!

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

_You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing that you think you cannot do."_

_Eleanor Roosevelt_

Blinking, Arizona tried to orientate herself as her surroundings slowly came into focus. Blurred, but slowly sharpening. She groaned and tried to move, elbow grating on the cement and a sharp pain piercing from her side and wrapping around her abdomen. She slumped back, head cushioned where she expected to meet the hard ground.

A hand gripped gently to her shoulder and a middle aged man talked at her, voice slow and gentle though she couldn't make out any words. Realisation dawned on her, she wasn't in America, she was in Belgium and she was meant to be walking back to her apartment. A flash crossed her vision, the tall strong male ripping the bag from across her body. She whimpered again and her eyes drifted up to a woman standing a few steps away, cell phone to her ear. She murmured a few soft words to Arizona.

"Engels…" Arizona whispered, bringing a hand up to tap at her cheek and forehead. "Engels," she repeated.

The woman, dressed elegantly in long black slacks and thick red coat muttered something to the man and crouched down to Arizona. "English, you speak English?"

"Yes," Arizona said, bringing blood tinged fingertips in front of her eyes. She tried again to move.

"Lie there, I've called an ambulance."

"My bag?"

The man coughed and gently repositioned the rolled up coat under Arizona's head, he dabbed at her forehead with the sleeve. "He ran off with it," he explained, throwing a hand back over his shoulder to indicate towards the street. "Don't try to move."

"Thanks," Arizona murmured. "I think I'm okay."

"The ambulance will be here soon, they'll take you to the hospital."

"I don't think I need…" she trailed off as she moved her legs, trying to tug them up. The flexing of her hip sent another sharp pain across her stomach.

"You need the hospital," the woman insisted gently. "What's your name?"

"Arizona."

"Do you have insurance, Arizona?"

"Hmmm, yes."

"Then you need the hospital. Is there someone we can call?"

"No, thank you. I'm here," she moaned again, "I'm here on my own."

Soft fingers wrapped around her forearm and squeezed gently. "We'll wait with you until the ambulance arrives, you'll be fine."

Arizona nodded awkwardly and closed her eyes; tears burning. Her entire body hurt.

* * *

A few hours later and Arizona was sitting up on a gurney, the back of the trolley raised and a pillow behind her head. She had been treated exceptionally well, from the kind strangers that found her and called the paramedics and the hospital staff that went out of their way to communicate with her in English and gently calm her. It was a confronting environment, being in an emergency room in a country where you didn't speak the language; it was frightening. And Arizona wasn't so sure that foreigners were treated with the same kind of care back home. They would probably just call in an interpreter for a few minutes and get frustrated that their visitor couldn't speak English; many countries were arrogant in that way.

Arizona couldn't praise the staff enough.

As she had been patiently told a number of times, the scans of her head were clear, no bleeding of the brain or skull fractures. Her eye socket and mandible were heavily bruised, but not broken and the two lacerations on her face had required a few stitches. One along her hairline, just above her temple and the other across her swollen cheek. Another cut to the back of her head had been stitched too.

Her ribs were the most damaged, multiple fractures and she was lucky to not have one of them pierce her lung. Scans did show some bruising and a small laceration to her liver, thankfully it required only conservative management. They were insisting on keeping her overnight and if Arizona was honest, she was in no rush to leave the safety of the hospital.

She was moved to a short stay ward, an area for observation for patients not being admitted to the hospital. It was quieter than the emergency department, and she was fortunate to get her own room. Arizona deduced that her insurance must have been more than adequate. Again, they made sure she had a nurse whose English speaking skills probably rivalled most teenagers in the States. "How are you feeling, Arizona?" the scrub clad nurse asked with a genuine grin.

"I'm okay, thank you." Arizona responded quietly, offering the young woman a smile in return.

"Do you need some pain relief?"

Arizona shook her head. "No, thanks."

"I'm just going to get some water, see if we can't clean some of this blood off you. Is that alright?"

"Yes please. Ummm, can you tell me what time it is?"

"Mmm," she responded, nodding as she turned her wrist. "It's two thirty, in the morning."

Arizona's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, I had no idea."

"Do you need to make some calls? I can arrange a phone if you need to contact someone back home."

Shaking her head, Arizona tensed her shoulders and relaxed them. She was starting to feel stiff and uncomfortable rather than the initial sharp pains she had felt, probably a combination of the analgesia and lack of movement. "Did I have a cell phone when I came in?" she asked, aware that her clothes had been quickly removed and replaced with a thin gown on her arrival. Only her plain cotton panties had remained on.

Squatting to the floor, the nurse reached under her bed and beneath her rolled up jeans and jacket, she stood back up and passed the phone to Arizona. "That's all you had on you, other than your clothes."

"Yeah, my bag got taken."

"Police were here earlier, they'll come back tomorrow and take you back to your apartment. Your keys were in your bag, right?"

"Yeah, keys and wallet. Nothing else really, everything else I left back."

"Passport?"

"Ah, in my backpack in the closet." Arizona shrugged. "Thankfully, it's such a hassle to get a new one."

"Well, if you need to make some calls, just let me know."

"It's a little late to be phoning at this hour."

"People don't mind being woken for things like this, I assure you. I've never once had someone get upset for being woken to come in."

Arizona smiled. "She's in Scotland, can't exactly come in; it would just worry her. I'll message at a better hour."

"Okay," she nodded and smiled, hands on her hips. "I'll be back in a few minutes, see if we can't make that hair of yours blond again."

Sighing, Arizona pulled the sheets higher until they reached over her chest and tucked under her armpits. She pulled a few strands of hair away from her head, looking up from the corner to her eye and shuddering slightly at the red tinge. She hadn't glanced in a mirror yet, but she assumed she was quite the sight, bloody and bruised. The bruising would only get worse too, they had mentioned her face wouldn't fade for a week or so and her ribs would take just under two months to fully heal. She should be able to move more freely in a few weeks though, cough without agony in a couple.

She should have stayed home and worked on her book; what had she been thinking?

Returning with a round green bowl, a number of wash clothes and a packet of wipes, the nurse placed it all of the meal tray table and wheeled it closer to Arizona's bedside. She sat gently on the edge of her bed and surveyed her face. "Pretty bad, huh?" Arizona asked softly.

"It'll look better once I've finished," she explained quietly, smiling. "So tell me about what brings you to Belgium then," she prompted, wetting a cloth and starting to wipe at the dried blood on Arizona's face. She worked her way across her forehead and down to her jawline, particularly gentle as she moved closer to the small plasters covering her stitches.

"I'm a writer," Arizona explained softly, "sort of. I'm meant to be working on my next book while I'm here."

"Sounds exciting."

"Not really, more of a last chance to get it written."

"This probably won't help you, I suppose?" Arizona winced as some of her hair was tugged on. "Sorry, I know this hurts."

"It's okay, better than covered in blood. Ummm, no, probably not. This wasn't quite what I had in mind."

"Gives us a bad name, these fools."

"Oh not at all," Arizona said. "All cities are the same; I've travelled a lot. Been lucky until now, I know a lot of people who have been mugged and had their belongings stolen. One girl I knew had her entire backpack taken, everything she owned in the world. These things happen to locals as well."

"Yes, they do. You're very tolerant, a lot of people would be on the next flight out of here and blaming us."

Arizona offered a sad smile. "You've all been amazing to me, really lovely. I can't really complain."

"Will your friend from Scotland come over? Look after you for a bit?"

Shrugging, Arizona pondered the question. "I don't know, maybe. We don't know each other that well, but she was planning a trip over here soon. Maybe she can bring it forward, I'm not sure. It's not so bad, I can look after myself."

"You're probably looking forward to some sleep."

"Kind of, I don't know if I can sleep, but I'm tired. Exhausted actually."

"It's been a big night."

"Yeah, big night," Arizona acknowledged, allowing the nurse to quietly finish cleaning her up. "Thank you," she said softly when the tugging on her hair ceased and she moved away from Arizona's bed.

"It'll do until you can shower, you feeling alright?"

"Yeah."

"The Doctor has written up something to help you sleep, would you like it?"

Arizona considered it briefly, before shaking her head. "No, thank you. I'm fine." She thought she could probably manage a few hours and she figured she would wake up sore enough and didn't want the added fatigue from a sedative.

"Alright, well, you're due for some more pain medication, so that should help a little. It's important you get some rest Arizona."

Arizona nodded, waiting for her to return and taking the two white capsule shaped tablets with water out of a small paper cup. "Thank you," she murmured, for what felt like the one-hundredth time that evening.

"Rest, it's nurses' orders."

Arizona smiled and closed her eyes in evidence of her attempt, waiting until the door was closed before opening them again. She sighed heavily and grazed her fingers over her face and through her hair, just a small amount of artificial light coming through the glass window on the door to her room. Despite her efforts to push the evening's events out of her mind, she continued to replay the moment a rough hand appeared from nowhere and covered her mouth. She felt the involuntary push of her legs, taking steps even though she didn't want to as she was dragged from the sidewalk.

She forced her eyes open and around the room, heart rate raised; she wanted to sleep. Sleep would be a nice reprieve from the horrific memories that seemed intent on preoccupying her every thought. Forcing her mind to concentrate, Arizona focussed on the phone call she had with Callie, the sob that had half caught in Callie's throat and the way she tearfully laughed. If she could trick herself into concentrating on Callie for a few moments, perhaps sleep would find her. She knew it would, eventually; sleep always did.

And aided by the slow metabolism of the pills, she did slip to sleep. Slowly and sporadically, back and forth from being fully awake, but eventually, without her control, she dozed.

She didn't wake up until a blood pressure cuff started swelling on her upper arm and a peg like device was placed on her index finger. She blinked consecutively, a tall older female in the same familiar green scrubs smiled at her. "Just taking obs," she explained, chart held against her hip as she jotted some readings into the small squares.

"How are you feeling?"

"Ummm, fine I think," Arizona muttered sleepily, confused. "Ah, what time is it?"

"It's ten in the morning, we held off for as long as we could."

"That's okay. That's fine," Arizona rushed to appease; not only had she slept but she had slept for longer than she would usually.

"You take your time, the Doctor will be around later on. I expect he will discharge you, the police and your insurance company have already been on the phone." Arizona nodded, placing a hand on the mattress by her hip and trying to slide herself up the bed. "I'll put the back up a little, is that better?"

"Yeah, thanks. Can I have a shower at all?"

"Of course, don't rush up, just wait a few minutes. I'll get you some soap and a toothbrush, a towel. Were your clothes cut off? We have some supplies to get you home if you need another top or sweatshirt."

Arizona shrugged. "I don't know, they weren't cut off."

Reaching underneath, the ball of rolled up clothes were placed on Arizona's lap and she went about untangling them. Her jeans were still okay and top fine, the jacket she had been wearing was splattered with blood. "Don't worry, I'll get you something warm. It's cold out there today."

Nodding absentmindedly, Arizona waited silently until she returned with a sweatshirt, towel and few toiletries. Hand on her arm, Arizona allowed the nurse to slowly guide her off the bed, grip still firm until she was sure Arizona wasn't going to collapse at her feet. "I'm okay," she murmured.

"Nice and slowly, I'll show you to the bathroom."

Left alone in the bathroom, Arizona used the toilet first, gasping as she tried to lower herself smoothly onto the seat. Every muscle pulled with the effort and her ribs seemed to emanate agony with every twist that was slightly outside a straight position. A wave of nausea brushed through her with the exertion.

When she finally stood in front of the mirror, above the basin, she slowly untied the gown and let it fall to the floor. She wasn't sure if she had convinced herself that it would be worse, but she didn't react to the image that stared back at her. She just worked her way from her face and down to her hips, the rest of her body hidden from the reflection. Her face was swollen and mostly red, the bruising would appear shortly and the stitches were just visible behind the clear sticky plasters that covered them. Her ribs were a dull red and there were dots of blue that signalled the first signs of bruising, her neck splattered with specks and lines from where her bag had been torn from her. It was surprisingly sore though.

Turning back to the shower in the corner of the room, she turned the water on and let it wash over her chest and stomach, down to her legs. It stung in places, as the warm water met exposed skin lacerations, she would never complain about a shaving cut again. It took her almost ten minutes, but she managed to work some shampoo unevenly through her hair; the nurse had assured her that they would redress the stitches but not to be too enthusiastic with the washing.

By the time she left the bathroom, dressed in jeans, her top from the night before and an oversized sweater, she at least felt slightly more human. And she was moving a little easier too, not quite as afraid of every turn and flex; she could manage the pain. When she returned to her room, some breakfast sat on the wheeled table and her phone was dormant next to it.

She had a message from Callie when she checked it. _Hey, so how did the night end up? You didn't end up going out with them did you?_

She took a sip of juice, peeling the edge from a small sealed plastic container and wetting her lips. The liquid felt good in her mouth and her stomach didn't jolt at the sudden intrusion. She took a single bite of toast, an unknown marmalade spread over it. _Turns out not so great, I'm in hospital(!)_.

Her phone rang instantaneously and she debated whether or not to answer it. As she stared at the silent ringing, the option was taken out of her hands as the call ended. A text followed seconds later.

_What happened? Are you okay? Can you talk?_

Arizona was halfway through typing a reply when her phone rang again; she answered it this time. "Hey," she said softly, too exhausted to manage much of a façade.

"Arizona? What happened?"

"I'm alright Callie, don't stress out," Arizona directed, trying to swallow the emotion in her voice; she had unappreciated the value of a familiar voice. Callie was emanating stress though, where Arizona had been calm and controlled when Callie phoned her upset; it wasn't quite the same, positions reversed.

"Were you in a car accident? Are you hurt? I thought you were heading home after we messaged last night?"

"Not exactly. I'm okay, I was just walking home and got mugged, some guy took my bag."

"What?"

"I know, fucked right?"

"Are you hurt? I mean, you're in hospital, of course you're hurt." Callie was pacing, Arizona could hear it through the phone, the hasty steps that she was taking and the slight breathlessness.

"Ah a little, I'll survive."

"Arizona," Callie muttered, "can you not do that? I'm worried and you're being all vague."

Arizona sighed and blinked consecutively, trying to wash away the tears before they threatened to fall. "I've got some bruises, a few stitches in my face and head." She hesitated, throat tingling with a slight burn and her voice caught as she tried to elaborate. "A couple of fractured ribs; I kind of look like I've gone a few rounds." She squeezed her eyes shut and a few tears gathered on her lower lashes.

There was a long exhalation from the other end of the line. 'Sweetie," Callie murmured softly.

Arizona clenched her teeth, a precarious hold on control. "You'll make me cry," she managed to articulate, a slight scoff mixed in.

"You want me to come?"

Shaking her head, Arizona took a moment to respond. "No, no, not right now. I have to see the police and get back to my apartment. I might need your help to sort out replacement cards and stuff though, if that's okay."

"Of course, whatever I can do. There's a fax and internet and everything here, I can phone places and pretend to be you. You'll need some money to tie you over, I can get some sent to the manager of your block or to the local bank. But we can sort that later, you sure you're right to be discharged?" Callie moved quickly to problem solving mode; an ability to manage a crisis was one of her strengths, not that she had been given much opportunity to show it over the years. And she did it with a combination of tender care and directedness, a tough combination to master.

"Yeah, there's a doctor that will come around soon, I suppose they do ward rounds or something. Apparently the police have already phoned, I don't even have my keys. Everything was in my bag, this is just a hassle as much as anything else."

"Yeah well, the logistics we can sort. You have to look after yourself though, that's more important."

Arizona chuckled softly. "Says the girl who hasn't just had all of her cards and shit stolen."

"Fair point," Callie said softly, "but you have broken bones and stitches. Priorities, okay, you need to take it easy."

"I know, I do. Hey, the Doctor is here, can I call you back later?"

"Yep, any time. Or I'll call you."

"I'll let you know what's happening, thanks Call."

"Bye."

"Bye," Arizona responded, eyes fixed on the team of doctors standing at the end of her bed. "Hello," Arizona acknowledged, eyes dropping to the barely touched meal still on her table.

There was some brief communication between them, presumably in Flemish before they focussed on Arizona. "How are you feeling?"

Forcing a smile, Arizona nodded, though if one more person asked her how she was feeling, she may just walk herself out of the hospital. "Okay, thank you," she politely answered instead.

"Pain?"

"Only a little, manageable," she answered.

"Would you like to leave?"

Arizona raised her eyebrows, was it up to her if she left the hospital or not? "Umm, yeah, I guess so. Yes."

"You can be discharged with some pain management and you'll need the stitches removed in a week. Here or a local practitioner is fine; you have some papers in your chart and I will sign those. For your insurance company."

"Okay," Arizona nodded, immensely appreciative of the English communication and somewhat in awe. "Umm, the nurse was going to redress the stitches," she said, tapping her face, just above her eyebrow and they all nodded in unison at her. "And the police were coming back?"

"Yes, they are outside waiting. No rush, you should eat breakfast," he checked his watch and smiled. "Or lunch."

Arizona emulated his smile. "Thank you so much, you have all been wonderful to me."

As if on cue, the nurse from earlier returned, a few sealed dressings in her hands; she had a brief conversation with the team before they all filed out of her room. "Teaching hospital," she explained to Arizona. "That's why there's so many of them. Only trust the ones in scrubs, the others are interns and students."

Arizona nodded and asked, "Black scrubs are the bosses?"

"Yes, and blue are the trainees."

"I remember the black scrubs from last night."

"They probably checked you over first, ordered some scans and xrays. A loss of consciousness means you come in as a high priority." Arizona nodded slowly; she hadn't spent much time around hospitals, just the occasional visit. "So, we'll just change these and you can head off."

Reaching over to the table, Arizona took a couple of bites of cold toast as the nurse went about putting gloves on and peeling back the plastic dressing covers. "I gave a statement to the police last night, didn't I?" Arizona asked quietly, staring at the wall as she tried to place all the pieces together in some sort of chronological order.

"There's notes in your chart, you spoke to police before they moved you around here. They might have some more questions for you though."

Arizona shrugged. "If it's anything like home, these people don't get caught anyway."

"You never know."

Rolling her eyes, Arizona stilled as the adhesive was peeled from her skin, some antiseptic being applied before being recovered. The same process occurred three times, one for each wound. "Any doctor can take the stitches out in a week?"

"Yes, there are plenty of local doctors around and I've got some discharge papers for you to take, so they can just be given to them. Any new pain or if there's any changes or concerns, you should come back."

"Thanks."

"I wish all my patients were as polite as you. Now, just stay and finish what you can and just stop at the nurses' station on you way out. I'll have your papers and some analgesia ready for you."

Arizona nodded and smiled as her phone vibrated next to her on the bed. When she was left alone, Arizona finished the slice of bread and recovered the plate, reaching for her phone. Another message from Callie. _Sending you a virtual hug xo._ Almost the exact words Arizona had typed in an email to Callie a week or so earlier.

Pushing her feet into shoes, Arizona sat on the edge of the bed and tapped at her phone. _The hug made me feel so much better. :-) Just about to leave hospital, talk to you soon. xo _

A kiss and a hug, right there in black and white for the first time.

* * *

Inserting the card into the small slot just above the door handle, Arizona cursed quietly at the buzzing noise and the resultant red light. It took her three attempts before it lit green and she could open the door and enter the hotel room. She breathed a heavy sigh of relief, a huge king size bed with folded fluffy white towels at the end greeted her vision. Not to mention the flat screen television that was mounted to the wall, should could already envisage herself collapsing on the bed and watching some terrible cable shows.

She hobbled to the opposite side of the room, leaning on the doorway and poking her head into the bathroom. There was a large bath and given her knee had only just started aching, the idea of a soak in soapy water was deliciously appealing.

The day had been long and generally crap, despite the support and understanding everyone had shown her. When the police had taken her back to her apartment, it has been entered and her belongings ransacked. The only saving grace was her passport, still held securely inside a zippered side compartment in her backpack and her clothes too, although tossed around the bedroom, were still all there. Her laptop and cables however, were nowhere to be seen. She had given a minor cheer of excitement when she found a small usb stick on the floor of the kitchen, whether deliberately discarded or having just fallen out of her computer, she wasn't sure, but she was endlessly grateful. Or she would be, in a few days.

She was surprisingly ordered and calm, just going about collecting her gear and liaising with the police. She made sure she had the police reports and had them scan and email a copy to her and Callie's email addresses as well. Callie, at Arizona's hesitant request, had taken care of some of the insurance side of things and within a few hours, she had them arrange more than adequate accommodation. In fact it was perfect.

Although it was somewhat ironic that the best accommodation she had managed to have in years, was a result of a traumatic assault. Her life was nothing but absurdities.

Not unexpectedly, her phone started ringing, it was at least the fourth time that day she had spoken with Callie. And Arizona was starting to want to answer each call, and if she was being honest, waited for them. "I owe you," Arizona said immediately as she answered.

"You do?"

"Yep, this place is incredible. What did you do, threaten the insurance company?"

Callie laughed. "Would I do that? No, not at all. It fails the PR test, if they put you up in some dive, so it definitely didn't take much convincing. Those med reports you had sent through helped as well, guilt them into things."

"I can't wait to sleep," Arizona murmured, "and the bed looks awesome."

"You must be exhausted."

"Yeah, pretty knackered. It's been quite the day."

"How goes the pain level and stuff?"

Sighing, Arizona muttered something nonsensical. "Alright I suppose. Not great, trying to pack my bag and just moving in and out of cars…bit rough on the ribs. I'm starting to look delightful too, my eye can barely open with the swelling."

"Ack, that's awful. You poor thing."

"Oh don't be too sympathetic, you've just about organised my life today; not sure I how I would have gone without you." Callie grinned and a snigger drifted through the phone. "What?" Arizona asked.

"Nothing," Callie said softening, "I'm just happy to hear you okay with me helping you out."

"Oh, have I not been grateful? God, because I am. So much."

"I know, I'm only kidding. There're a few more things I need to organise for you though, so you have to put up with me a little longer. Your insurance company…oh, by the way, I'm now best mates with your file manager, Jerry, he's oddly chipper. Anyway, they want to move you tomorrow, to somewhere different for a week, I don't really get why, something about vacancies with their usual motel chain I think. So you'll need to be sorted around ten, they'll arrange transport and all that jazz."

"Are you kidding? I just want to hide in the one place for at least a week, I really shouldn't be seen in public."

"Have you thought anything about what you're going to do? This wasn't really part of the plan."

Arizona sighed and she felt her chest tighten, she hadn't really expressed it, but the idea of continuing with her initial sabbatical idea was frightening. She knew it would take some time, but the tense feeling she had was unnerving. "I'm not sure, I really don't know. Can you just, stay in touch though? I mean, you don't have to and I know that you're going through…something…something too…"

"Yes, of course Arizona," Callie interrupted her before she could talk herself out of the simple yet cautious request. "It's okay to be scared you know."

"I'm not _scared_," Arizona emphasised, embarrassed and vulnerable.

"Yeah," Callie said lightly, with a soft respectful chuckle, "and I'm not grieving."

"We're a pair, huh?"

"Absolutely. So, are you going to take a shower and get some rest?"

"I think I'm going to run a bath actually, soak for a little while. I thanked you right, for sorting my insurance stuff? I really couldn't have done it today, I don't know what I would have done."

"We're just even now," Callie placated, her instincts were correct, Arizona hated to feel like the victim, the person who needs. "I owed you for my Christmas…thing."

"Thanks. We'll talk tomorrow?"

"We'll talk tomorrow," Callie confirmed, "and hey, I'm giving you a hug right now, kind of gentle though, wouldn't want to hurt you."

Arizona laughed lightly, open palm protecting her ribs. "Don't make me laugh."

"Bye Arizona, get some sleep."

"Will do, see ya Calliope."

Hanging up, Arizona tossed her phone on to the bed and took a mental note to charge it overnight. She turned the faucets over the bath and padded back across the room. Peeling her clothes off, she left them on the floor, she wasn't sure she wanted to keep them, but she would make that decision in the morning. The closet held two robes on wooden hangers, so she withdrew one and carried it to the bathroom, testing the temperature of the water before lowering herself in. She slowly stretched back until her shoulders rested back against the porcelain. Uncomfortable, Arizona sat back up and reached for a handtowel, rolling it into a ball and placing it under her neck as she lay back down. The water lapped over her bruised stomach and up over her breasts. It didn't quite reach her neck, where the two inch wide track wrapped over her shoulder and collarbone.

Arizona closed her eyes and locked her damaged body out of her vision. And in the silence of the bathroom, the isolation of the hotel room; she cried. Thick, heavy tears that didn't stop until her shoulders shuddered and her side protested with a painful throbbing.

* * *

**TBC…**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** So, you all know that you're fantastic right? Well, you are. :-) Thanks for continuing to read and comment.

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

"_Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you."_

_Mother Teresa_

Squinting at the small digital clock across the study, Callie rubbed at her eyes and stifled a yawn. It was almost three in the morning and she was fairly sure everything had now been sorted. The liaison with Arizona's travel insurer had continued until one am her time, when their office in Los Angeles closed for the day. It was no mean feat, the red tape and documentation requirements had been enough to send her crazy, and she suspects that her raised voice at some stage in their communication had probably been evident of that. _Just forget it,_ she had demanded and proceeded to disconnect their call. The apologetic email from Jerry had arrived within a few minutes and even by then, she was more understanding of the organisational constraints he was trying to negotiate as well. She supposed every person trying to claim was just as agitated and demanding.

Tapping quickly into the address bar of Safari, Callie checked the weather forecast for the next day; or that day as it turned out to be, before shutting down the computer. A bundle of printed pages held together with a bulldog clip next to her. She stumbled directly to her room then, a dismissive glance at the glass and plate she had left on the desk. She made a note to tidy up over the coming days, before Marilyn returned in early January.

She managed only a quick brush of her teeth and a splash of water over her face before sliding into her comfortable bed. Setting an alarm on her phone, Callie was asleep within a few minutes; throw cushions still in position, just slightly skewed from where they had been centred that morning. She barely moved until her alarm loudly chimed.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Arizona flexed her bicep and lifted her backpack, weighed down with clothes, books, some emptying toiletries, cables and a few food items that she had collected from her apartment's pantry. She audibly cried out in pain and doubled over, bag falling to the floor and toppling on its side. Bending over, she placed two open palms on her thighs and tried to ease air into her lungs. She opened her eyes and stared at the offending object. It was probably only thirty five pounds but it was thirty five pounds she couldn't lift.

Tapping her pockets and digging her hands in, she tried to fish around for a stray bill, unimpressed when she predictably didn't find a random euro. Tapping her thumbs together, Arizona checked the side zippers on her large pack before digging inside her daypack and around the messy main compartment. When her fingers withdrew with a collection of discarded breath mints, she threw them in the trashcan before returning to scavenge further. Eventually she drew out a rolled up collection of US bills, secured with an elastic hair tie. She figured there must have been some logic in her doing that when she left the States, but for the life of her she couldn't remember what that was. But it would have to do.

Crossing the room she picked up the handset, and a cursory glance at the clock indicated she was late to check out. It was ten fifteen and she was meant to be out by ten. "Hello," she said softly to reception, "could I have someone collect my bags please? I'm in room twelve ten."

A knock on the door sounded a few minutes later and she gingerly opened the door, guarding her ribs. "Thank you," Arizona said warmly, holding out four dollars. "I'm so sorry, it's all I have," she explained though the porter waved his hand at her offer. She insisted again and he took the tip, though not before staring openly at her battered face.

"Go ahead," he said, "and I will bring."

"Thank you," she repeated and exited the room, taking the room key with her. Entering the elevator she travelled down from the twelfth floor to the lobby, walking directly to a vacant front counter. She really had missed the check out time. "I'm checking out of room twelve ten, my travel insurer should have arranged payment."

The woman behind the desk smiled at her and nodded, not managing to hide her second glance as she looked up from the computer monitor. "Yes," she said slowly, holding an index finger out in front of her as she scanned the notes on her file. "Yes, all done. There is a gentleman by the chair over there waiting for you; your bags won't be a moment."

Arizona nodded and slowly turned, following the invisible line of where the woman indicated. Her eyes fell on a sole man, standing dressed in long black slacks, a white collared shirt and double breasted jacket. "Hello," Arizona acknowledged, "I'm Arizona Robbins."

Holding out a hand, he smiled and gently shook Arizona's when she laid it limply in his palm. "Ma'am, your bags are on their way down and then we can get on our way."

"On our way?" Arizona asked.

"Yes Ma'am, your flight is at ten past three from Brussels. I'll have you there in plenty of time."

"My flight?" The words were softly out of her mouth before Arizona realised before she repeated with significant disbelief, "My flight?"

Reaching inside his jacket, he withdrew a folded up piece of paper. "My instructions state SN two zero six three with Brussels Airlines, departure time, three ten. Is that correct?"

Arizona shook her head. "Ah no, I don't understand. My insurance company was arranging alternative accommodation. Umm, a change in hotels, there must be a mix up and you're here for someone else."

Taking out a cell phone, he pressed a number of keys and held the phone to his ear, jotting down some notes as he carried on a quick conversation. Disconnecting, he met Arizona's expectant look. "The flight is from Brussels to Edinburgh and booked by a Ms Callie Torres. Is that familiar?"

Arizona opened her mouth to speak and then closed her lips again, air rushing in through her nose. "Ah," she managed to express, facial muscles tensing and spreading a dull ache into her temples. "Can you wait a moment?" she asked, stunned as she drew her phone from her hip pocket, the only thing of value that she really owned. The driver nodded and stepped back, indicating to the single lounge chair for Arizona to sit. He walked over to the lobby counter to collect Arizona's bags as she hastily dialled Callie. "So there's this man here who thinks he's driving me to the airport to get on a flight to Scotland?" Arizona blurted out, cutting off Callie's soft greeting.

A prolonged silence drifted between them before Callie asked quietly, "You're mad?"

"I'm not mad, but I thought I was changing hotels. I mean, you said last night that they were arranging another hotel," Arizona disjointedly clarified, and the spontaneity was eliciting some panic given the trauma of the previous thirty-six hours. She softened. "You organised this?"

"It was all starting to get a bit crazy, the insurance will only cover you for so long and you were going to have to do all this running around to get new cards and I just thought that if you come here, you can get some rest and I can help get everything organised." Callie paused to draw in a quick breath, flustered as she tried to explain. "And then you can go back, when you feel better. I have a guest room here and there's heaps of space." Again, she stopped momentarily, giving Arizona opportunity to interrupt. "I'm sorry, I should have discussed it with you. I just thought that if I gave you time, you would not want to do it or would want to sort everything out yourself. I didn't mean to just make the decision for you."

"Okay," Arizona responded quietly. "Okay."

"Okay? So you'll come? I mean, if you really want to stay I can sort something else out for you there…"

Arizona glanced around the hotel lobby, eyes scanning from the revolving glass door and across to the restaurant where she had a buffet breakfast. She looked at the driver Callie had arranged, chatting idly to the staff and a couple of guests. "I have nothing," Arizona murmured, "and I've never been in this position before. I have nowhere to go and no money and no one to turn to."

Sighing sadly, Callie took a moment to answer. "It's not conditional Arizona, if you want to stay, I'll get back on to Jerry and abuse the crap out of him if that's what it takes. But you do have someone, okay? You hear me? I know it feels strange, but I'm right here."

"I really don't want to stay," she whispered, voice shaky.

"Then you have a flight to catch."

"I do."

"You do. Okay?"

"How do I…I mean, I can catch a train or something from Edinburgh?"

Callie laughed. "I'll be there, I'm not putting you on a train."

A sigh of relief emanated from Arizona's mouth and it didn't go unnoticed by Callie. She didn't need gratitude or even anything overt from Arizona, the small subconscious actions were more than enough.

"Now go on, you've got an hour or two drive ahead of you I think. Have you got some water? Something to eat? The guy driving you should have your flight details, just check in with your passport but if you need any of the paperwork, just let me know. I have it all here."

A slight smile tugged at one corner of Arizona's mouth. "Yeah, I got a bottle from the room and I may have taken a muffin and apple from breakfast this morning. They're in my bag."

"Nicely done. I'll see you in Sunny Scotland, 'kay?"

"Sunny?"

"Shhhh, that's your only job – bring some bloody sunlight with you."

"Calliope?"

"Mmmm?"

Voice dropping low, Arizona said, "Thank you."

"See you soon, hot girl."

"Bye."

Shaking her head as she ended the call, Arizona stared at the floor for a moment. With one eye mostly closed, and her head pounding, she slowly leveraged herself into a standing position. She shifted her body to face the driver and nodded, smiling as much as she could. She was ready to leave.

* * *

Arriving in Edinburgh airport, Arizona was quickly off the plane, through immigration and aside the luggage carrousel; of course she'd been in a priority business class seat. She shuddered to think how much the fare was and the transport Callie had arranged for her; she would find a way to pay her back. Somehow.

Lining up a trolley, Arizona placed her daypack in the top shelf and waited for her backpack to appear. She pushed the trolley as close as she could, hoping that both her coordination and strength were enough to tip the bag onto the metal frame. She had taken some codeine and paracetamol with her meal on the short flight, and it kept her pain to a reasonable level, if she didn't really move.

Seeing her bag, Arizona shuffled forward, forgoing her original idea and just gripping one of the straps. She stifled a whimper as she walked back with one arm straight and fingers wrapped around the padded part of the strap, other hand uselessly guarding her ribs.

"I got that." A voice interrupted her action and the weight she pulled vanished, eyes gradually focussed on an alternatively dressed woman, dreadlocks long down her back. "You alright?" she asked, placing it on the trolley and crouching to twist and tuck the straps in, careful so they didn't catch on the wheels.

"Thank you so much," Arizona gushed breathlessly.

"No problem."

She was gone as quickly as she appeared, gathering her own backpack as it arrived in front of her and hoisting it easily on to her back. Just another person for Arizona to be grateful for, and she could hardly believe the care everyone had provided her with. Strangers in lines and staff in hospitals; on aircraft, it was all a bit surreal. Humanity wasn't at all as bad as she had come to believe.

Walking straight through customs without being given a second glance, Arizona found herself pushing the trolley through a relatively thick crowd and she bowed her head. She had been the same as soon as she got out of the car outside Brussels airport, though the driver had ushered her inside and carried her luggage. He had even offered his arm as she stepped on to the escalator.

Callie, unremarkable in jeans and a hoodie, weaved past a few anxiously waiting people, half over a small child and then under a waving arm as she made her way closer to Arizona's huddled form. She had only just made it with a few minutes to spare, having not quite judged the post Christmas traffic in her haste to get things ready for Arizona's arrival. "Arizona," she said assertively, falling into stride next to her and reaching across to take control of the luggage with one hand. Her other palm softly tapped to Arizona's lower back. She led them towards the end of the corridor, stopping next to a bundle of long chairs outside the restrooms and a small café. "Let me look at you," she asked gently, placing two hands on Arizona's shoulders.

"Hi," Arizona murmured, raising her dramatically bruised and swollen face. Callie smiled, though she was sure her lips trembled, and she couldn't help but swallow loudly to keep the bile from rising in her throat.

"You're a mess," Callie assessed, fingertips lightly travelling up Arizona's neck until they tenderly touched the edge of red and blue colouring over her cheek. The coverings over Arizona's stitches were peeling just at the corners too, giving her a slight roughness in contrast to the petite figure and soft clean hair that was tied at her neck.

Arizona nodded and her blue eyes unexpectedly filled with tears, not resisting when Callie gently stepped her body closer and placed one arm around her shoulder until her hand flattened in between her shoulder blades. Her other fell to Arizona's hip and she relaxed immediately, propping her chin on Callie's shoulder. "I'm so glad to see you," Arizona said simply and it was all she could manage without completely dissolving. She hadn't known just how alone she had felt until Callie's arms had wrapped, without question, around her.

"Me too," Callie agreed. "I had no idea what to expect."

Another few moments passed and Arizona made no effort to move, trying to blink away her tears before stepping back. "You look good," she said, changing focus, "and I like the hoodie." Arizona bundled the thick fleecy material in a fist.

"I told you I would do a little shopping."

Arizona smiled and stepped back, finding Callie widely grinning at her though her dark brown irises were glazed as well. She squeezed Callie's hand before releasing it, using her fingers to carefully wipe at her swollen eye, unable to successfully blink away her emotion. "It was a good choice."

Callie nodded. "Alright, so I figure we should get moving, it's going to be dark for most of the drive back. But I desperately need a coffee to go and something to eat, you'll have a coffee right?"

"Ah…" Arizona hesitated and Callie immediately headed them towards the café queue.

"Skinny flat white, right? No, a caramel latte? Espresso? Damn, I swear I knew your coffee order when I was driving here."

Arizona gave Callie an incredulous look, like she could barely believe that they were in front of each other again and things were anything but awkward between them. "Flat white," she answered, after Callie gave her a wide eyed look, hands up in the air as if wondering what the delay was. "With one sugar."

"Hmm mmm, and what else? One of these packaged sandwiches maybe?"

Arizona shook her head quickly. "I'm not really a sandwich fan."

"Oh thank God, me either."

"I could go a Thorntons Bar?" Arizona asked softly, tone rising at the end.

Callie nodded, fingers grazing the counter and collecting a few different chocolate bars. "Can you eat crackers or does it hurt to chew?"

Shrugging, Arizona replied, "Sort of, I had some granola for breakfast and had to take really small bites."

Clicking her tongue and withdrawing her purse from her leather hobo bag, Callie added a cylinder of Pringles and requested a tub of grapes and two bottles of water from the fridge. Who knew where the grapes had been imported from in the middle of winter, but something to balance out the chocolate was probably important. "Now, just so you know, I will probably ask multiple times a day, and I don't want to be rude or to smother, but I genuinely care…" Callie started, handing over some money and taking the plastic carry bag of items. They stepped to the side to wait for their coffee order.

"And?" Arizona prompted.

"Can we have a deal that you answer honestly?"

"Ummm? Can I know the question before I make that deal?"

"I just want to know how you're feeling, and if you are in pain or feeling okay or needing space or whatever, I want you to feel like you can tell me."

"Of course," Arizona replied, probably a little too quickly.

Callie laughed lightly. "So that was genuine!" she exclaimed and reached to affectionately rub Arizona's forearm.

"Sorry," Arizona acknowledged sheepishly, "I will. I'll make you that deal."

"Okay, so how are you?"

"Not really one to just brush over things are you?" Callie shook her head, not at all really. "Well, to answer your question, I'm sore and stiff, but thanks to some pain killers earlier, I'm okay if I'm not bending or lifting at the moment. And, I kind of can't believe how relieved I am to see you."

"Relieved?"

"Yeah, I wasn't so sure. I know I wanted to come, but it just felt weird that we have only known each other what? A couple of weeks, three maybe."

Callie nodded slowly, though she couldn't completely relate to Arizona's concern. The thought hadn't even entered her mind that things would be tense or uncomfortable between them and maybe that should have occurred to her. She had thought Arizona might be upset or angry, but how they would be together hadn't been given a thought. Callie's instincts hadn't treated her particularly well over the years, but she still continued to trust them nevertheless. Maybe that was the definition of naivety, not that it mattered. "That's not exactly crazy," Callie said slowly, "but I promise you I'm not maniac that has a car full of axes." Arizona laughed softly, wincing at the painful tug. "Besides, I trust you more than some people I've known for most of my life."

Head dropping slightly to the side, Arizona smiled. "I'm trustworthy," she said slowly and clearly, and with more conviction than Callie had ever seen; she was so in awe of Arizona.

They were interrupted before Callie could respond, stepping forward as their coffee order was announced. Arizona shadowed Callie's back as she slipped past her, balancing herself with the aid of the luggage trolley. Returning, she held the two large paper cups up to Arizona, black lids in place. "If you can handle these, I've got your bags."

"Easy," Arizona murmured.

"It's not far to the car, this airport is hardly massive. There's a multi-story carpark just through the walkway, maybe only a few minutes. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Arizona watched Callie hoist her backpack on to her shoulders. "What are you doing? We can probably push the trolley through."

Callie gave her a wide grin and a subtle wink. "I have always wanted to do this," she explained.

"Carry a pack?"

"Be a backpacker!"

"You're insane, Calliope,' Arizona said lightly, watching in amusement as Callie started to walk, day pack in one hand and large handbag in the other. "And remind me to show you how to fit a backpack sometime. There's a bit of an art to it."

"Really?"

"Yep, see those straps you have around her waist?" Callie nodded. "They're meant to take all the weight on your hips, and there's some other adjustments too, the shoulder straps and the length of the harness."

"Seriously?"

"Ah huh, it's hardly an issue walking to the car but if you were going to take off on a hike or spend every second day walking between train stations and hostels, it's important. Or you end up with a screwed up back."

"I'm not so sure I could hike with this on my back."

"And that's without food and water in it."

"True," Callie muttered, leading Arizona towards an elevator at the start of the car park. "How was the flight by the way? It was only just over an hour wasn't it?"

Arizona nodded, standing next to Callie as they waited for the doors to open. "Really short. Although I think anything would be short compared to the nightmare trip over here."

Callie laughed. "Yeah, but the company was brilliant."

"Can't argue with fact," Arizona teased and if she weren't keeping hold of two coffees, Callie probably would have earned a playful slap to the arm. She wasn't quite sure how to articulate her gratitude to Callie, so she didn't, just falling into a comfortable silence. She needed to find the words, and she would at some point, but for the moment she was content to just ride out the day. It all felt like a blur, as clichéd as it sounded, but she still wasn't entirely sure how she went from having a few casual drinks to standing bruised and battered, in Edinburgh Airport, with Callie protectively glancing her over. She had never been able to predict the events in her life, and these circumstances were just further proof of that.

"The car is just over here," Callie explained, breaking the silence as she led Arizona from the elevator. "It's the black jeep," she added, using the remote to unlock and the parking lights flashed in front of them. She opened the trunk and deposited Arizona's belongings in, and opening the passenger door, she tossed in her handbag and their bag of snacks. Taking the coffees off Arizona, she placed them in the centre cup holders before holding the door open and indicating for Arizona to sit in. "It's a bit high," Callie admitted, "sorry."

"It's fine," Arizona murmured, but quickly dropped her arm when she went to reach for the handle just above the doorframe. "Ouch." She turned her back to the seat and slid in that way, using her foot to step up and shuffle backwards. "Graceful, but effective," she said, smiling.

"Looked good from here." Callie gently closed Arizona's door and walked around the car, climbing into the drivers' seat. She secured her seat belt and took multiple long gulps of her coffee before releasing a satisfied sigh. "God, that's good for airport coffee." Arizona nodded her agreement, sipping from her cup, both hands wrapped around. "Okay, you good to go?"

"Yep, ready when you are."

Pulling out of the parking space, Callie waved her hand towards the back seat. "I put an extra jacket back there, if you get cold or it works well as a rolled up pillow."

"You thought of everything, hey?"

"That one's for me actually, I know how much you can ramble on; if you're napping I get some quiet time!" Callie teased with an impressively wide grin and Arizona's stomach involuntarily moved as she tried to stifle a laugh.

"Don't," she pleaded. "Don't make me laugh."

Chuckling, Callie shrugged. "That's a little hard, I'm not sure who's more sarcastic, you or me."

"Me?" Arizona asked, smirking. "So, I realise I'm looking a little fragile, but why don't you fill me in with how you've been doing since Christmas?"

Callie cast her a quick sideways glance, placing the parking ticket and her credit card in the machine before exiting. "Jeez, that took you at least five seconds to ask. Impressive."

"What can I say? You're a captive audience and there's only so long I can wait for you to bring it up. I've learnt through the years that if you don't ask, you don't find out."

"I'm not sure I've seen that on a greeting card," Callie bantered, easily negotiating the city bypass to meet the M90, making her way towards the A9, without touching the satellite navigation on the dash.

"Mmmm," Arizona prompted eventually, not buying into the distraction, nor the road focus, "and?"

"Shitty things happen to a lot of people, right? I mean, look at how you've spent the last couple of days. I'm just crap at anniversaries, I turn into a mess. I get all…miserable and it all spirals until I'm kind of…fucked."

"So every Christmas it's the same?"

"Well, if _every_ Christmas equals the last two, then I suppose so." Callie laughed, one hand on the wheel as they settled into the left hand lane of a dual carriageway, the other lifting her coffee to drink out of.

"What? It's only been a year?"

"Yeah, one year and a few days now."

"Shit, you're hard on yourself. That's not long."

"You sound like the therapist I had…she told me the second year was the hardest. I threw some little annoying ornament across her room. She's lucky it wasn't the zen garden, all that sand and crap; but who the hell tells some traumatised person – don't worry, it'll get worse? She was like three hundred and fifty bucks an hour, waste of space."

Arizona nodded, rolling her eyes. "I had therapy once, and by once, I mean literally once. I never went back. He asked me my thoughts on God and the afterlife, though I'm still not sure what that had to do with my relationship breakup. I think he might have been Catholic and not so keen on counselling _my type_", Arizona said, emphasising her last words with air quotes.

"Oh don't talk to me about Catholics, my family…devout. As in, able to quote bible passages devout."

"You're kidding?" Arizona asked. "How do they go with…" she trailed off, mouth slightly ajar. "Sorry, none of my business," she added when Callie's expression tensed.

"No, not at all. They're not…keen. That's probably an understatement. Your family doesn't mind?"

Arizona shrugged. "Not particularly, my family is a bit complex though, in plenty of other ways; can't have everything I suppose," she murmured, not elaborating. "So, how long is this drive?" she asked, changing the subject.

Callie glimpsed across the console, still taken aback by the starkness of Arizona's facial injuries. She could only imagine all the other wounds hidden under her baggy clothing. "About or just under five hours, if we only stop once and don't hit any ice or snow. The weather hasn't been as bad today though, thankfully."

"I really could have caught a train you know, I feel bad for everything you've done."

"Life of leisure, remember? Besides, it was good for me to get out of the house. Misery and all."

Slowly bending forward, Arizona tentatively reached for the snack bag, plastic handles just to the right of her knee. "Do you mind if I open something?"

"Mmm, please."

"Go me halves in a chocolate bar?" Callie nodded eagerly. "Caramel good with you?"

"Perfect."

Halving the chocolate, Arizona handed a piece to Callie and smiled her good cheek, as she licked dripping caramel off her fingers. Callie cursed her immediate inner dialogue; she could only imagine the other talents Arizona's tongue had. She shrugged the thought away; even if she wasn't saying it, Arizona was frightened and hurt. She was lost and out of her comfort zone, she didn't need to think that Callie had only brought her over just so she could ogle her. Or sleep with her. And it wasn't, it definitely wasn't. She wouldn't even hold her hand if it meant Arizona stayed a little longer.

* * *

When they pulled up next to the main house, Arizona was sound asleep, head propped up against the window with Callie's rolled up jacket under her neck and ear. She had probably been asleep for almost an hour, though they had chatted constantly up until that point; mostly about places they had both been, sights they had travelled to.

She left the car running, quietly taking Arizona's bags from the back and placing them just inside the front door. It was dark and cold out, and a wind had picked up through the day, which cut right through her. Callie shivered, returning to the car with her hands inside her sleeves. "Arizona," she said softly, taken back to the moment she had to wake Arizona in the airport lounge. "We're home," she added in a lyrical tone.

Arizona stirred, lifting her head and blinking in confusion as the jacket fell down her shoulder and on to her lap. "I fell asleep," she said quietly, looking around her as Callie moved, reappearing at her door and opening it. "Thanks. I didn't keep you much company there at the end."

Callie shrugged and held out an arm for Arizona to use if she needed it getting out of the car. "No problem, I was concentrating on the road and you were snoozing like a baby."

Sliding out, Arizona landed on her feet with a slight jerk and she lingered her open palm above Callie's forearm. She dropped her hand away when she steadied.

"Come on," Callie instructed with a small wave, leading Arizona into the house. "I'll give you a very quick tour around and then leave you to settle in for the night."

"Thanks, you'd be exhausted wouldn't you? It's kind of late and you have driven over ten hours today."

"I really am, I'm pretty sure my bed is calling me actually. I can put you out some dinner if you want though."

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine. Just ready for some meds and bed."

"Oh, you're sore?" Callie asked and Arizona nodded. "Okay, quick tour then, just so you know where everything is if you need anything through the night. So, kitchen is here – there's heaps of food in the fridge and the pantry, cups and mugs are up there. Eat and drink anything you find, it's all good. Marilyn and Martin are back soon-ish, so everything will be restocked. Or we can always pick up anything we need."

"Marilyn and Martin?"

"Oh, staff. They've gone to visit family for Christmas, Marilyn is mostly around the house, cooking and cleaning, that kind of thing. Martin is a driver, but he also manages the property, general maintenance, problems with the horses."

"Yeah," Arizona said softly, a slight laugh. "Of course."

"They're really nice, you can chat to them or ask them for anything, it's no issue. Ah, through here is a sitting room, the fireplace is usually going, it's really nice to read a book or magazine out here. There's a television both here and in the lounge room, which is through those double doors. The other way out of the kitchen is the dining room, but I never eat there. Feels a bit weird sitting by myself at an eight setting. Now, through this way is my room, so if you need anything just knock."

"Beautiful," Arizona whispered, respectfully poking her head through the door but not walking in. It was an impressive room, a large king size bed in the middle with an intricately designed dark wooden frame. Bedside tables matched with simple lamps atop, just a couple of books sitting on one.

Walking further down the corridor, Callie pointed to another room. "It's set up as a study or an office, there's a desktop computer and a laptop, feel free to use, there's no passwords or anything. That's just a spare room, a bit of a day room type thing in there," Callie pointed opposite, continuing to walk further down the hallway. Arizona caught sight of a small white bookcase before the door was pulled closed, a large teddy bear sitting on the floor. At the end, Callie opened another bedroom door and stepped through. "This is your room," she said, taking a few steps inside.

Arizona gasped. "This is amazing, just stunning. I might never leave."

"I hope everything is okay, I've put some towels in your bathroom, and there's all toiletries and things there. This place is mostly stocked for me right now, so unfortunately you get my shampoo and conditioner, face scrub, body wash. But we can get whatever you like if we go out, or if there's anything I've forgotten, just let me know. Ummm, I've got the heat pretty high, but there's a control just next to your bed, it'll change the temperature for the room. Ah, phone is on the table and there's a small fridge underneath the TV cabinet. I've only put some water, juice, fruit and yogurt in there, but just grab whatever from the kitchen. Save you getting out of here if you're hungry or thirsty. What am I forgetting? There's extra blankets in closet, I put them on a bottom shelf…there's also a bathrobe and a few spare shirts and things if you need them."

Arizona took a few steps away and turned in a circle, voice unsteady as she stepped back toward Callie. "Calliope, I…just, thank you."

"Oh no drama. Is there anything you need? I'll just go grab you bags while you have a quick poke around and see if I've forgotten anything."

Arizona nodded dumbly, slowly easing herself to sit on the bed. She was perched on the edge when Callie returned with her bags.

"Here," she said, placing Arizona's backpack in the walk in robe and her day pack on a recliner that sat in the corner of the room, near the window. "You might not need to unpack if you're tired, just grab a shirt and there's toothbrush and all that kind of stuff in the bathroom."

"Perfect."

"Did you think of anything else?" Callie asked, returning to stand in front of Arizona, where she sat on the bed.

"No…nothing. There's nothing I could possibly need."

Callie wasn't so convinced, she was sure she had forgotten something completely obvious. It was why she was almost late to pick up Arizona, having run around the house trying to get the room set up so that Arizona could disappear into it if that's what she needed. "Okay, so your pain meds are easy to get?" Arizona nodded. "In that case, I'll leave you to it. Just remember, I'm right down the hall if you need anything at all. Just knock and wake me, or give me a sharp jab."

"Hey," Arizona said, using one hand on the mattress to push herself to stand. "I'm completely overwhelmed, thank you." She stiffly leant forward and lightly pecked Callie's cheek and Callie just smiled at her in return, tucking loose brown hair behind her ears. "Completely overwhelmed," Arizona repeated.

Callie nodded and ran her thumb over Arizona's upper arm. "I hope you sleep well."

"You too, good night."

"Good night, Arizona," Callie said in return, quietly closing the door until the latch clicked. She breathed a heavy sigh; Arizona had arrived and was safe in the spare room. She was hurt, but she wasn't broken; wasn't falling apart at the seams. And she was pleased to be there.

That was the biggest relief; Arizona wasn't angry with her and actually seemed genuinely happy to be there.

Callie had done the right thing.

* * *

**TBC…**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: **Your thoughts and reviews are just awesome! Thanks so much for continuing to read and comment, so appreciated! :-)

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

"_Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret."_

_Jean De La Fontaine_

Waking to the sound of dishes clanking, Arizona rolled from her back to her side and tried to clear her sleep filled vision to check the time. It took her a few attempts, the digits slowly coming in to focus. It was almost ten; she had slept undisturbed throughout the night. Lying there for a few minutes, she eventually worked herself into a sitting position, drawing the covers back as her feet hit the carpet. She was even stiffer that morning, but the pain was still the same; jabbing at her side and catching her with the slightest of twisted movements.

Taking her time, she slowly showered, taking the opportunity to sit on the edge and shave her legs and armpits. Winter didn't bring out the best in her self-maintenance, it was too easy to don the multiple layers and forget about what was underneath. The mirror didn't lie though, blue bruises that were purple in the centre and yellowed towards the edge. She turned her face away; she didn't want to see her reflection.

Back into the bedroom, she pulled the sheets and duvet up, returning the colourful throw cushions to the centre. Dressing carefully, Arizona pulled on a pair of yoga pants from the top of her pack, through they could probably do with a wash. She chose one of Callie's shirts, a v neck striped Tommy tee that was a little too big and hung off one of her shoulders. It exposed the faded grey bra strap underneath. The heat was high enough that she didn't need another layer for the moment, and taking a water bottle from the fridge she broke the seal and opened the door to her bedroom.

She followed the corridor until it opened up into the living area; she could make out Callie's deliberately low and soft voice emanating from the kitchen. Arizona was almost at the breakfast bar when she heard the distinct sound of a male voice, and she self consciously untucked damp hair from her ears and smoothed it across her forehead and eyebrow. "Good morning," she said softly and both Callie and the tall middle aged man turned to face her.

"Oh, hi, good morning," Callie said, watching Arizona gingerly slide on to a stood and place both hands on the bench before she exhaled. "How did you sleep?"

"Well thank you," Arizona answered politely, one eye widening as if asking for an introduction.

"This," Callie murmured, leaning back against the sink, "is Doctor Swinn. I thought it might be good to get you checked out, see how everything is healing."

"Lucas, actually. Lucas is fine," he interjected.

"Ummm, sure. Sorry, you do house calls?" Arizona asked softly.

"Sure do, I do three half days a week at the hospital and then the rest of the time is out doing visits. I've done the odd callout here over the years."

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting; Callie, you could have woken me."

"Oh no, not at all. Sounds as if you needed your rest and I did get a very nice cup of tea."

Arizona shrugged, sharing a glance with Callie before her gaze fell back to the bench. Callie cleared her throat and said, "I'll make you a coffee and then leave you to it."

"It's alright," Arizona answered, "you can stay."

"Good," Lucas said quickly, "I'll show you how to change these dressings, I'm assuming there's a few stitches under there." Arizona nodded. "And did they tell you a week or ten days before you need them out?"

"Ah, a week I think. I was a bit dazed, but yeah, I'm pretty sure a week."

"Good," he confirmed, crouching down reaching into an open backpack, it almost looked like a camera bag crossed with a first aid kit. He stepped up to Arizona, gloves on his hands and slowly peeled off the half stuck dressings. "Did they give you antibiotics?"

Arizona shook her head. "No, should I have been given them?"

His forehead burrowed and Callie stilled by the percolator, one hand holding a white mug. "Mmm," he responded, "not necessarily. They're a little red, but not too bad. I'll leave some topical antiseptic, just put it on each day." He turned to indicate for Callie to come closer. "See this," he instructed, finger tip at the edge of a small line of stitches on Arizona's forehead.

"What am I looking at?" Callie asked, and Arizona tried to breath slowly, struggling with the two bodies crowded just inches from her face.

"You can just make out the line, where the cut is; see how it looks a little red and irritated. You're looking for a white discharge, that's what we don't want, so if you notice even a couple of speckles of a white paste, your job is to call me straight away."

"Yep, got it," Callie confirmed, nodding and giving Arizona a reassuring smile.

Arizona tracked her, watching as she crossed back around to the kitchen and poured her a coffee. "Changing the coverings is easy, just peel them off, leave it for a few minutes so that it dries out and then just cut these to size…although these pre-cut ones should be pretty right. Just a few dabs of this red antiseptic will do the trick, careful of your clothes." Lucas explained as he went about dressing the wounds. "Think you can handle that, Callie?" he asked with a soft laugh.

"Got it," Callie replied, "don't get it on clothing; can't go wrong."

Arizona smirked. "What can go wrong, right?"

"Exactly, it's hardly surgery," Lucas bantered. "Alright, so how's the pain level? That mandible wasn't fractured?" he asked, placing the pads of two fingers over her cheekbone and palpating lightly.

"No, just bruised."

"And the eye socket?"

"Same," Arizona stated, head drawing back slightly as he went about tugging her lower eyelid down to glimpse at the surface of her eye. "Ow."

"When was the assault?"

"A couple of days ago," Arizona explained. "Boxing day."

"Ah, it should start going down tomorrow, you might actually get to see out of that eye."

"That would be good." Callie leaned across the counter, and kept Arizona's coffee between her hands, watching intently.

'Callie said you have a couple of fractured ribs?"

Arizona nodded. "Yeah, on the right side. A couple at the front were broken and I think one at the back. Others were just bruised."

"Causing you any problems?"

"They're sore, and hurt when I move or twist, cough, sneeze. Laugh; but I'm told that's just the way it is. There's nothing that can be done."

"Which is right, they just take time to heal. I fractured one playing rugby league when I was at med school, worst injury I ever had."

"Yeah, it doesn't exactly tickle."

"Make sure you take your prescribed pain meds, don't wait until you're in agony before you take them." Arizona gave a guilty nod; that probably wasn't one of her strong points. She did it with her life too; waited until it all fell apart before she started fixing things, who needs to be proactive, right?

Moving around behind her, Lucas wrapped a stethoscope around his neck and slowly drew her shirt up. Her back looked like a kaleidoscope of colour, her abdomen not quite as bad. "Now I want you to rest alright?" he said strongly. "No lifting or twisting, just plenty of time lying on a bed or lounge." He pressed the base of his palm against various areas, quietly noting where Arizona guarded against his pressure. "Breath in and out," Lucas instructed, stethoscope in his ears. He repeated the same pattern standing in front of Arizona. "Still sounds clear."

"Yeah, I can breathe fine."

"No blood in your urine or stools?" She shook her head, no. "You haven't felt light headed? Heart palpitations?"

"Nope."

Checking her blood pressure, he finally lowered his instruments back to his bag and peeled his gloves off. "Everything looks okay, but you need to take some time to rest. Don't push yourself, you need to heal." Arizona nodded. "Was there anything else mentioned when you were discharged?"

"Oh, I did have discharge papers if you needed them. Sorry, I forgot about that. They mentioned something about my liver too, a small tear or laceration. They weren't worried though."

"Even more reason to take it particularly easy. Any stomach pain or cramping, give me a call. And I'll cast my eyes over that letter when I'm back in a few days to take those stitches out."

"Thank you," Arizona said quietly, adjusting the shirt she was wearing to fall back over her hips. She indicated to Callie to slide the coffee across. "Thanks," she whispered, smiling.

"You're more than welcome," Lucas assured warmly, looking up from where he crouched on the floor. "I'll see you again in a few days, say Tuesday or Wednesday."

Callie nodded and showed Lucas to the front door, thanking him and pocketing the account. She would transfer the fee later on; Arizona didn't need anything else to think about at the moment. When she padded back into the kitchen, Arizona was standing at the open fridge, taking one item at a time out and placing it on the bench. "Can I get it for you?" Callie asked softly, though predictably, Arizona shook her head.

"Nah, I'm gonna go some of this fruit and yogurt. Is that okay?"

"Oh don't ask, just go for it. It's probably the last day for the fruit, so we should definitely eat it. I'll go to the supermarket tomorrow or the next day."

"Mmm, and I've been craving good yogurt. This looks great." Arizona said, opening up two cupboards before she remembered where the bowls were. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Like a log, I don't think I moved for nine hours. I had the a crease from the pillow across my face when I woke up."

"I'm sorry I missed that," Arizona said with a smirk. She finished preparing her breakfast and followed Callie into the lounge room, settling slowly into the soft sofa. Callie turned the television on and handed Arizona her bowl, leaning back with her slipper clad feet on the coffee table. "Hey thanks for organising the doctor this morning, I hadn't even given that a thought."

"No problem, I just phoned and was sussing out what days he was doing home visits this week. I kind of fluked that it was this morning, but it's good. Made me feel better to have you checked out, even if you didn't really need it."

"Well it's one thing ticked off the list, pity there's a few more to sort. The idea of phoning my bank is about as appealing as stabbing myself in the eyeballs. Or an eyeball…I can't wait for this swelling to go down."

Callie laughed lightly, sliding her elbow up on the back of the sofa, hand supporting her head. "You cancelled your cards didn't you?" Arizona nodded. "So there's no huge rush; I think today should just be relaxing for you."

"I'm not sure I've got the strength to do anything but that," Arizona conceded, spooning yogurt into her mouth but pushing hard pieces of melon to the side of the plate. Despite the long sleep, Arizona still looked incredibly tired and rundown. Her eyes were dull, and apart from the bruises, her skin was pale and cheeks sunken. In just a couple of weeks, Arizona had lost her strong, fit and energetic appearance, and it was noticeable to Callie. The same yoga pants Arizona wore in the airport were now loose around the waist and thighs; they tapped under the heals of her feet now, sitting lower on her hips.

"Pretty uncomfortable today, huh?"

"Yeah, kind of. Everything hurts, and all the time. I could cope with the ribs if everything else didn't ache too, my legs, arms, face. Even my neck and shoulders are annoying me this morning, guess I tensed up when I was trying to get away."

"Ack, you poor thing, drugs…the answer is always drugs." She offered Arizona a sympathetic smile. "Do you remember much about it?"

"The mugging?"

"Yeah, you didn't really say much on the phone."

Arizona shrugged. "I was knocked out at the end, but he had my bag then so just took off, I guess. Fuckwit."

"So you were just walking home?"

"Yeah, I had just left the bar we were at. The young guys that lived in my block had kicked on, I'm not sure where they went but I stayed and finished my drink and then just wandered out, I didn't even think about it. Where the bar is, there's a cab rank kind of up along the road and down a side street, or if I kept walking, I would hit my apartment in ten or fifteen. It really wasn't far. I suppose I should have had someone walk me to a cab but I don't know, why would I?"

"Exactly, and it's not something I've done heaps, walked through a city alone or from a club. But I figure that's kind of what you do? Why would you even think twice about it?"

"I know, and my first thought when I was grabbed, he put a hand around my mouth - I thought it was one of the guys I was drinking with. They were trying to get me to go out dancing, I just figured one of them had spotted me so was messing with me. Stupid hey?"

Callie shook her head strongly, stretching her hand out in between her and Arizona, emphasising the _no_. "How is that stupid?"

"I probably wouldn't have even gotten hurt if I had just given him my bag."

"Agh, twenty twenty hindsight. Surely you were just acting on instincts? How do you think in the middle of that?"

Arizona nodded slowly. "He pushed me, trying to get me to the ground maybe or he could have just been trying to get my bag. I don't know, it's all a bit blurry. I think that's how my back got bruised, against the side of the building…but then I landed on my back and he fell on top of me, so maybe then too. He landed with his knees on me, on my stomach."

Head bowed slightly, Arizona focussed on the bowl in her hands, resting on her lap. It was the first time she had thought through the attack since it happened, step by step. She had been remembering bits and pieces, even waking herself up when she dreamt of parts, but trying to piece it together in order was hard. It was confronting, and she found herself losing herself a little, struggling for air like she did that night.

Callie watched Arizona intently, the way her fingers tapped sporadically at the bottom of the porcelain bowl and the way her own good eye would stare and then suddenly blink in rapid succession. Callie said the only thing that came to mind, words failing her. "Shit."

Arizona scoffed. "Yeah, shit. It didn't hurt, but I couldn't breath. It was like one of those drowning dreams, where you can't get to the surface or you're stuck under waves. I don't know if you've ever had that one."

"I've had it," Callie murmured, "a few times. It's an awful feeling, not being able to get air in, but you didn't get to wake up."

"No, I thought it would be better when he got off my chest. It seemed to take ages, he was trying to get my bag. I don't know why he didn't just threaten me; I would have given it to him. That's what I've been taught about travelling, in most of the places I've been, they always say just give it. It's not worth it. But then, again, I don't know, I can't remember if he was yelling at me in Flemish." Arizona drew in a slow shallow breath. "Anyway, he tugged until my bag broke. I thought he was going to rip my fucking neck off, he was pulling so hard."

"Weren't there people around?"

Arizona shrugged. "Mustn't have been. I mean, people came, this lovely couple who called the paramedics. I didn't yell out or scream, he had his hand over my mouth and then when he didn't, I couldn't breath. I couldn't get any air into my lungs." She tapped lightly at her chest. "And then he got up and slammed my head back, or maybe he did that first and then got up, I'm not sure. But I blacked out. The next thing I knew was this guy was leaning over me, trying to get me to stay still and a woman was on the phone."

"You're lucky they were there or found you."

"I know, I really was. And they were gorgeous, once they figured out that I spoke English, they talked to me and than they would have told the paramedics, and even the driver, at least five times that I only understood English."

Callie forced a smile, stretching out her hand along the back of the couch, thumb just lightly tapping the curve of Arizona's shoulder. She made a few gentle movements, rubbing at the sleeve of her shirt that Arizona wore. "Scary, hey?"

Forcing a smile, Arizona nodded but shrugged, and it came off as complete indecision. "You don't really know me, but the idea that I'm even here; that I got on a plane that you booked with barely a protest…" She dropped her voice low. "That's how much."

Callie waited a moment before responding, respectfully letting the admission linger in the air. She wasn't afraid of it, wasn't shocked by it; in fact, she respected it. If only she had known when to call it quits and ask for help; but she hadn't. She had struggled on, losing herself deeper and deeper each day until she ended up on some kind of journey of discovery, by herself, in the highlands of Scotland. And with a bucket load of baggage, both figuratively and literally. She quietly said, "With some rest, and letting your body heal, you'll feel better."

"I hope so."

"I know you will. This place is pretty amazing, I'm sure it has healing properties in the water or something."

"Healing properties? You know I've been on a Buddhist retreat in Cambodia…spent some time in India learning about Hindu religious practices? I even once learnt the death and dying rituals of the Greenlandic Inuit."

Callie laughed, head dropping back and mouth opening wide. Arizona watched and couldn't help but release a careful giggle. "Well, this place, as in this house, has absolutely no traditional religious or…dying…beliefs. Unless you count the odd crucifix that you might find shoved in a cupboard and apparently some previous owners have their ashes scatted in on of the far paddocks. But healing, take all the yoga and meditation you like, but how could you deny how awesome it would be to go for a horse ride and not see a single person? Or even stare at the fireplace for hours, and not be interrupted. Seriously, that's healing."

"Who needs the four noble truths when you have a fireplace!" Arizona said lightly, teasingly and Callie gave her a perplexed look.

"Are you taking the piss and I have no idea?"

"Oh, how very Brittish of you. No, Calliope, I'm just messing with you." Arizona dropped a hand across to push lightly to Callie's knee before her hand fell back to the fabric between them.

"Well," Callie said, grinning, "it's hard to tell when you can't laugh." Standing up, Callie collected the remote controls from below the television, holding them out to Arizona. "There's quite the movie collection, what's your vague out genre? A revolting romantic comedy? Violent thriller? Lesbian sex romp?"

Arizona rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, made for every man's enjoyment. So definitely my choice."

Shuddering, Callie nodded. "Makes me nauseated…"

"Tell me about it. Nah, my choice…maybe something that doesn't require much thinking. Not a drama, our lives are dramatic enough. Oh, sorry, you probably have things you want to be doing, rather than watching movies with me."

"Nah ah. I'm settling in for the morning. Then I might do something productive, like start collecting forms for you to fill out to get your cards replaced. But this morning, I'm taking up at least a little of this sofa."

"Well, I don't mind then. Why don't you choose? I trust your tastes."

"Really? No one ever says that to me, I could be obsessed with supernatural thrillers or something."

"Are you?" Arizona asked tentatively.

"No," Callie answered quickly. "Not at all. How about something upbeat, a musical. You can hear me sing along!"

"Oh now that sounds like something I'd like to experience! Bring it; and I can tell by that humming you're doing, we're watching Mamma Mia aren't we? I'm going to have ABBA songs in my head for a week."

"How did you guess?"

"That was Dancing Queen you were just humming, don't worry, I'm a fan from way back. Put it on."

Callie grinned as she went about finding the DVD and putting it into the player. She sang loudly with her back to Arizona, swaying her hips and shoulders as she released the most incredible voice.

Arizona admirably watched, fishing out two capsules from her pocket dropping them in the small amount of yogurt in her plate. She swallowed them easily, slowly leaning forward and sliding the plate across the table before resting back.

Callie was still singing as the menu screen appeared and Arizona couldn't help but track her with a slight smirk on her face. She had met a lot of amazing people in her travels, most of whom she learned something from; practical advice or important life lessons. But Callie, Callie was something entirely different.

* * *

Two days passed in much the same way, days spent watching movies and reading books, quietly talking and getting to know more and more about their lives. Or not so quietly as it was at times, debating current policy decisions and petitions for law reforms back home. They had started to move around each other with familiarity, and that morning was no exception. Arizona appeared in the kitchen, wide leg flannelette pyjama pants and a plain long sleeve top slightly askew. She pulled the milk from the fridge and two cups from the cupboard while Callie poured their coffee.

"Morning," Arizona murmured, voice husky with sleep.

"Oh, she speaks pre-coffee this morning."

"Mean," Arizona claimed, sliding on to a stool and wrapping her hands around the mug when Callie placed it in front of her. She took a mouthful of the deliciously bitter liquid.

"Better?"

"Much." Arizona rubbed a little at her eye, now opening almost as wide as the other with the swelling going down. "How did you sleep?"

"Okay I think. You?" Callie opened the freezer and withdrew two apple and cinnamon muffins, she placed them in the microwave. Pressing a few digits, the appliance hummed to life.

Arizona nodded. "Good, I can finally move my head without it hurting…which is a big help for sleeping."

"Your eye is looking better today," Callie acknowledged, leaning across the bench and placing her fingers under Arizona's chin. She tugged slightly, drawing Arizona's face towards her, examining the faded purple and yellow skin. "Is your vision okay?"

"Ah huh, I can see peripherally; which is also a big bonus. Maybe I won't walk into furniture now."

Callie smiled, using her thumb to move the area slightly under Arizona's eye, checking the sclera for specks of blood. She pressed at the side of Arizona's nose and nodded when Arizona didn't react, just tracked her. "Heaps better," Callie confirmed.

"You playing Doctor?"

Laughing, Callie nodded. "I'll have you know, I was pre-med at Harvard, so not such a stretch."

"What?" Arizona gasped, swiping at Callie's wrist and gripping it. "You were what?"

"Yep. Did pre-med and was into a grad program."

"And you dropped out?" Arizona asked, shocked. "No one drops out of Harvard."

"Not exactly."

"Really? What did you do? Oooo, tell me you slept with a professor?"

Callie shook her head, smiling. "No, though there was the hottest anatomy professor with legs that literally went on forever. She was hot, I definitely would have slept with her."

"Mmmm,' Arizona murmured, cocking her head to the side as if processing a delightful mental image. She grinned and waved a hand in front of her. "So what happened?"

Callie shrugged, drawing her hand away from Arizona's grasp, though she had found herself craving the most simple of touches. And Arizona had surprised her in that way, she was always tapping Callie with the back of her hand or pushing at her shoulder; holding her elbow as she muttered something unimportant in her ear. Picking up her coffee, Callie sipped from the cup. "It wasn't so much my choice," she explained and Arizona shook her head confused. "Being a doctor – not quite the life my parents had mapped out for me."

"Are you kidding? So what happened?"

"Oh, they just refused to pay my tuition and threatened to cut me off. They had a plan for me and that wasn't it, not even close."

"I don't get it, they pay for you to do pre-med and then just…"

"Yeah kind of. I was expected to go to college, it filled in some time between high school and everything else, I was to be smart but not too smart; mature but not too mature; have some life experience but not too much. You get the idea. I chose to do pre-med, they would have preferred maybe history studies or some sort of English literature degree, even creative arts. And when I didn't, they were kind of okay with it but then I just got almost too good."

"Too good?"

"Yeah," Callie said, exhaling loudly, "I was in the top ten percent, walked straight into the graduate program no problems. And I was out there, living my life and forming opinions, I was just starting to not want what they had planned for me. And they knew that, so they made sure I didn't have much of a choice."

"Shit," Arizona muttered, shaking her head. "You couldn't have transferred, gone to a different school and worked."

Callie laughed lightly, turning back to wait as the microwave ticked down the last few seconds. "In theory I suppose, but that's not that easy when your reputation precedes you. My father would have blocked any college application and where would I work? I was a spoiled kid who hadn't ever even made a bed or a meal, what was I meant to do?"

"So what was their idea?" Arizona asked, scoffing softly as she took a warmed muffin from Callie. She broke a piece off straight away, dropping in her mouth and relishing the fact that she could chew without issue. "That you would get married, be a token wife and pop out some kids?"

Callie stilled. "Yes."

Arizona blinked, mouth slightly ajar; she licked her lips and closed her mouth before opening it again. After three times of repeating the same process, Callie laughed. "Sorry," Arizona muttered.

"Don't be, do it a few more thousand times and you might be where I am when I look back at that nice stage of my life."

"So you did?"

"I did," Callie confirmed softly, turning her back and hoisting herself to sit up on the counter top. She rested against the wall, a large round analog clock above her head. "They had him set up for me from before I was in elementary school; we both knew it too."

"But you…" Arizona said, trailing off.

"My parents didn't know and I've never talked to them about my sexuality. Why would it even occur to them? It's against their religion, their beliefs; and it's all very 'under wraps' in their world. My father's business partner has a wife, and they both have mistresses. No one cares about what happens behind the scenes, just keep up the fucking façade."

Arizona shook her head incredulously. "What about your sister? Aria, she knew."

"My sister thinks I should have spent my life with my mouth shut, played the part. She only cares about her image, little else these days."

"Shit Callie. I had no idea."

"Nothing like having some baggage, huh?"

"Oh honey, we've all got baggage. Craploads, most of us. So what happened in the end? You're obviously here alone, no rings," Arizona pointed out, index finger grazing over the place where a diamond would sit.

"Divorced," Callie confirmed, sighing and casting her eyes to the ceiling. "Yet another way I've brought the family into disrepute."

"I can imagine they were impressed." Arizona dropped a large piece of crumbling muffin into her mouth.

"Another understatement; It's like a cult, I've been excommunicated. Apparently, there's some story that I've gone mad, but it's as if I no longer exist. I hear nothing from them."

"Delightful people, really nice. Sorry, I know they're your family and I'm probably not meant to say what I think, but fuck, that's just disgusting behaviour."

"Yeah," Callie murmured softly, offering a sad smile. "I can do what I want now though right? Silver lining and all."

"You can, absolutely. You can make decisions that are only about you, no one else. Just you."

Callie nodded, rubbing her hands over her thighs and leaning forward. "Speaking of," she said after a small silence, "do you feel up to going out for a while today?"

"Umm yeah, where to?" Arizona couldn't quite keep up, the change in conversation sudden; she went with it though. The one thing she was learning about Callie was that she would always share what she was willing to, and a time when she felt comfortable. Arizona was probably no different; they were both incredibly apt at politely curving the conversation when they needed to.

"I just thought we could go into town, pick up a few things. We need to let the post office know about your replacement cards and stuff coming through, they'll be registered mail. And we need some food; Martin's back the day after tomorrow but Marilyn is still a few days after that I think. I don't know, she sent me an email to check."

"Okay, I definitely feel up to it…I just, well I still look pretty awesome," Arizona stated sarcastically.

Callie shrugged. "Who cares; we'll just ignore anyone staring. Besides, I want to take you out to lunch."

"Out to lunch?"

"Yep, that meal in the middle of the day, that's lunch. We can sit down, order, have a wine; what do you think?"

"Sounds great Callie. I probably can't wear my pyjamas though, hey?"

Callie peered over the side of the bench and laughed. "Well, I like them; little ducks and all. How you managed to find pyjamas with ducks on them is beyond me, but I think they're very cute."

Arizona rolled her eyes, tipping the mug to her lips and drawing the last drops of coffee out. "Cute is exactly what I'm going for in bed. Just let me shower and I'll be right out, okay?"

"Take your time," Callie instructed, watching Arizona grin at her and then slowly walk down the hall with her coffee, and she was filled with a sense of relief. Her shoulders felt lighter and her head clearer; it felt good to be one secret less.

* * *

**TBC…**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: **Thank you! :-) You're so wonderful with your reviews and comments. Thanks.

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

"_I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I'm not afraid of falling into my inkpot."_

_Ralph Waldo Emerson_

They would be delusional to think that the day was warm, but it was _warmer_. Distinctively so, and just a few degrees made the difference between walking along the street and driving the few hundred metres. It wasn't snowing or raining, and the sun would at times peak out behind white clouds, not quite regularly enough to earn the use of sunglasses.

Even the hour long drive to town was enjoyable, roads dry and with only the occasional car to wave at. The snow covered mountains looked particularly spectacular when the sun reflected a glistening white layer. Arizona had murmured at one point that the view alone was healing, earning an eager nod from Callie.

Throughout the drive, Callie had talked a little more about her family, and the relationship she no longer had with them. A sense of betrayal emanated from her, and a real disbelief at how people can walk away from their children, their family; the very people they're meant to love unconditionally. In an academic or rational sense, she could understand the complexity; that people are so torn between being something of importance and being someone important. It was becoming so clear to Callie that she was no longer interested in the disguise that everyone wore, she wanted to know what was underneath; who they were was suddenly more imperative than _what_ they were.

And Arizona did more than peak her interest. She had to read between the lines with Arizona, it wasn't as simple as just listening to her words, which generally flowed in a relatively carefree manner. But there was something in what wasn't being said, it was how she answered questions that really resonated with Callie. She spoke about relationships as if they were filled with heartache and tragedy, but then she seemed envious of the concept of marriage, of being willing to take that risk even knowing the statistics. It was like her head and heart were constantly in battle, more so than most; and Callie found herself gathering questions that she was waiting for the right time to ask.

When Arizona talked in the car about her family, she spoke about her mother as if she were dead. It was later in the drive, when the conversation went back and forth, that Callie realised her mother was not only alive, but also living in Kansas. It fit with Arizona's book, but then it didn't; the story ended with the character having never made peace with her mother for the things she should have done; the things she should have taught her daughter. So why then did Arizona talk with such sadness and loss when she was so accessible?

There was no reason for Callie to think that Arizona wouldn't tell her, when she was ready. In the same way that Callie would return the privilege, it wasn't easy to trust. And trust was something that was earned over time; and it shouldn't just be handed over. No wonder people get hurt if they throw their trust around like it's a cheap baseball.

Callie wasn't quite sure where the baseball analogy came from; she didn't even like baseball.

"Do I even want to know what you're thinking about?" Arizona prompted, standing next to Callie as she bent down to check her Post Office Box.

The awkward smile fell from Callie's lips. "Whoops," Callie said, laughing, "I was just ranting about baseball in my head."

"Baseball? Righto, I thought you were anti-baseball?"

"I am, hence the humour. Don't worry, just cracking myself up; I'm that sad." Callie stood up and pushed a small pile of envelopes into her bag. "You're not too cold, right now?"

"Nope," Arizona said, shaking her head. "It's not exactly super warm, but I'm not ready to sit on a fire either."

Happy to see Arizona's eyes rising from the ground, Callie nodded slowly. "Well, down the end of this road is a pretty good Pub or we can get back in the car and drive to the next town, which is maybe twenty away, and there's a funky café there."

"I don't mind," Arizona said, shrugging. And she didn't seem fazed either way; she was more confronted by the stares that had fixed on her, random strangers that couldn't draw their eyes away from her visible bruises.

"Ah," Callie hesitated, drawing the sound out as she looked along the road and around their surrounds. There were a number of people about, the clear weather having drawn everyone from their homes for supplies and top ups, and a change of scenery. "If you're okay with it, how about we walk down to the end and have a look, if you think it's okay than we can go in and have a late lunch, otherwise we'll wander back and go for a drive. Sound like a plan?"

"Sure," Arizona agreed, smiling as she looked to the sidewalk. They walked slowly and carefully, Arizona on the cemented path and Callie stepping on to the grass whenever it narrowed or a tree branch intruded on their space. After a few hundred yards, and a number of gasps and muttered observations from strangers, Arizona shook her head. "Do they have to all have something to say?" she asked Callie frustratingly.

"People are rude, no social skills whatsoever."

Widening her scarf, Arizona pushed her hands into her pockets and dropped her head, lifting her eyes occasionally to keep track of where they were going. Dropping an arm around Arizona's shoulders, Callie muttered, "Fuck 'em. Just ignore them, who cares if they stare?"

"I care," Arizona murmured.

"Wasn't it you that made me get changed at an airport, just to prove some point about opinions?"

"Maybe…but this is different. They probably think I'm some weakling who, I don't know…"

"Mmm? Who does what?" Callie enquired, knowing by Arizona's tone that she had no real argument to validate the way she was feeling. She kept her arm in position and Arizona slowly closed the small gap between them, pressing into Callie's side.

"I just wish they wouldn't stare."

Callie nodded, clearing her throat as another middle-aged woman approached from the opposite direction. "Eyes to yourself, hey?" she muttered, just loud enough to break the women's subconscious fixation on Arizona's face. Arizona chuckled lightly as they made the woman step off the path for them to pass. "You want me to say that to every person that dares to look? 'Cause I will."

"No," Arizona replied softly, drawing a smiling face up to glance at Callie, "you might scare someone." She held Callie's gaze longer than necessary, expression slowly losing its lightness. Callie's eyes were dark, really dark, and they seemed deep and vibrant. They drew her in and she felt comfortable, safe; like she could stare into those irises and never tire. "Ouch, fuck," Arizona suddenly exclaimed, foot catching a slight rise in the footpath and she stumbled, one hand immediately slamming against her ribs as she braced for the inevitable fall.

But she didn't.

Callie tightened the arm at her shoulder and rushed another to her elbow, easily stopping Arizona from falling further as she landed hard on the ball of her foot and her upper body jerked and folded forward.

"Ow," Arizona murmured, and she released a childish whimper as she fell back into a smooth step. She dropped her head to the side, temple on Callie's shoulder and eyes squeezed shut. Multiple waves of sharp pain rolled away from her ribs and curved around her abdomen and down into her hips and back.

"Are you okay?" Callie asked gently, fingertips grazing over her shoulder and the thick material of  
the jacket she wore.

"Owwww, but yes."

Picking up on the frustrated catch in Arizona's voice, Callie released Arizona's other arm and brushed some loose curls away from her hair. "I'm sorry," Callie apologised, "I wasn't watching where we were going."

A few more slow shallow breaths and Arizona raised her head. "Neither was I," Arizona muttered, but a smile gradually tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Jesus Christ that hurt though."

"I could tell."

"I could do with sitting down," Arizona admitted, back still curled as she huddled slightly, open palm still pressed to her injured side. "It's just here?"

"Yeah, yeah; just up these steps. Careful, they're kind of uneven."

Straightening up a little more, Arizona winced and allowed Callie to direct her to a quiet booth towards the back but next to a wide window. The view stretched to the street they had just walked down and towards a green valley behind some shops and houses, a stream running along a deep dip in the pastures. "Better," Arizona admitted, blowing hair out of her eyes as she unknotted her scarf.

"Let me," Callie interrupted, stepping behind Arizona and drawing her jacket down from her arms, exposing a deep blue long sleeve shirt with a white camisole just poking out at her chest. "I'll grab us a drink and the menus; I'm getting something hot, a coffee I think. Do you want a coffee or hot chocolate or something else?"

"Is there ever a question? Coffee please."

Reappearing and sitting down opposite her a few minutes later, Callie placed her handbag on the seat next to her and cast her eyes over Arizona. "You feeling alright?" she asked. "Breathing okay?"

"Yeah," Arizona responded slowly, "it hurt, but it's okay, settling down now. I just needed to stop and sit down."

Callie nodded, running her fingers along the edge of the table. She swallowed and looked up at Arizona, breaking her gaze quickly when she found Arizona intently watching her. "Was there…" Callie closed one eye and pondered her phrasing. "Was that a…_moment_, back there?" She tried to keep her tone light and jovial, but it came out more tortured and doubtful.

Arizona opened her mouth to answer, but waited as Callie continued to nervously examine the indentations on the polished wood. Maybe she found just another area that Callie wasn't quite the confident and capable person she was in some other aspects. "I'm a little out of practise," Arizona said quietly, "but if my memory is holding up, I would have called that a moment."

"Really?"

"Hmm hmm, I would."

Callie exhaled noisily and gave a tense chuckle. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot then, sorry."

"It's okay," Arizona softly soothed. "It's your eyes you know, how have you ever managed to have a conversation with someone and not have them want to kiss you?"

A deep blush spread up Callie's neck and through her cheeks; her eyes fell as she shook her head. "You haven't really…I mean, I wouldn't have thought you were…interested," she stated, chastising herself for such awkward phrasing and use of words.

"Interest isn't an issue," Arizona said softly, one hand raking through her hair. "I could have had sex with you in the lounge bathroom in LAX or Dubai…or Heathrow." She laughed and shook her head. "But Callie's, that's not the kind of person you are."

"How do you know?" Callie deliberately teased. "I could be." Arizona widened her eyes and gave a perplexed expression. "Okay, so maybe not. I'm a little confused about where you're headed with that thought."

"I was flying to Europe, I was likely, never going to see you again. And here, I have to go back, I have a book to write. I don't want to mess you up, you've had enough shit to deal with without me letting you down."

"Why would you let me down?"

Arizona sighed. "Because I'll be leaving, Callie."

"I guess I thought that I just wasn't your type." She couldn't quite find the words to say that she didn't think that Arizona found her attractive; that she wasn't the kind of person Arizona would want to jump into bed with.

"No, that's not it. Not it at all, you are, well, you're something amazing. And you don't deserve to have me fall into your life, like some broken winged bird and then fly back out again."

"What if I wanted that? What if I just wanted something that's just…brief?"

"Well," Arizona said quietly, "it's not what I want for you. Or for me, right now. Besides, there's nothing fun about this body for the moment, it would be a very anti-climactic fling."

"Oh I didn't mean," Callie muttered, rushing to tone back her intent, "I didn't mean that now, you're here to recover and just chill for a while. And I'm not pressuring, so please don't think that. I just, what happened out there, was like two seconds, but I'm not going crazy; so that's good."

Arizona nodded and smiled, pulling her arms back off the table when their coffees were brought over and two menus placed on the table.

Callie quickly grabbed a menu, and focussed on reading it. "No idea what I feel like," she said, heal of her right foot tapping nervously under the table. "Some soup maybe, do you know what you want?"

Having not moved, Arizona slid her coffee to the side by the saucer and reached across the table. She could only just tap the back of Callie's hand where it held the menu in front of her. "Callie," she said gently, "I didn't take offense and I don't feel pressured. And I want you to know that this is about me," she murmured and Callie rolled her eyes. They both shared a soft laugh. "Yeah I know, terrible line. And honestly, if my entire life didn't feel so completely fucked up right now, things might be different. But I can't do this to you now, it wouldn't be fair. But I don't want this to be awkward, and you are, and this place is, the best thing for me at the moment. Is that okay with you?"

"Oh of course," Callie said, shaking her head ashamedly.

"Good."

Callie hesitated and Arizona patiently waited, reading Callie's facial expression and waiting for the imminent question. "Can I just ask you one teeny tiny thing though?"

"Mmmm?"

"Can we revisit this? In a few weeks, when things have settled down a little?"

"Callie…"

"I don't know how to explain to you how comfortable I feel. It's been so long; too long actually, since I've felt whatever this is. And I know I'm not being articulate, because it doesn't all make sense to me either. But for the first time in forever, I want to spend time with someone rather than being by myself."

Arizona gradually nodded her head and there was a huge part of her that was empathising with Callie; because the feeling at ease, she was experiencing it too. And if she allowed herself, she could easily capture Callie's lips in a searing kiss and then fold in to her body; she could so easily melt into her embrace and feel safe and secure. But then her greatest character flaws would kick in, she would slowly disengage until she either walked away or was walked away from. And she wasn't so sure at the moment that she could cope with either; and she was damn sure that Callie didn't deserve to be screwed over by yet another person in her life.

"So yes? We'll relax and enjoy our time and talk about this again in a few weeks when you're feeling better and life is back on a bit more of an even keel. Yeah?" Callie asked.

"Yeah," Arizona conceded and her eyes unexpectedly sparkled, laugh lines creasing. Despite her internal reservations, she was probably happier about that concept than she was willing to admit. Time, time was good; she could breathe and think. She could do some processing and make a considered decision, she wasn't so great with impulse, nor the chaotic feelings that being put on the spot elicited. But if she could find a way to manage that perceptible weight of expectation, then there was a slim chance that she was willing to give her heart just one more go.

"You're too quick to get rid of me," Callie said with a deliberately inappropriate wink, somehow reassured that they had made it unscathed through that brief conversation. "You shouldn't write me off just yet."

Arizona smiled and shrugged, nodding at the same time. Suddenly her face screwed up and her eyes roamed to the ceiling, mouth slightly ajar. "Tell me you just didn't quote that movie…shit, what was it?"

Offering only a confused expression, Callie shook her head.

"Ummm, that Hugh Grant movie with the blond woman. Oh God, he writes a song…except the line is _don't write me off just yet_. You just quoted a Hugh Grant movie!"

Callie looked positively guilty, but she continued to shake her head and eventually held her hands out in front of her as Arizona held her side, trying not to laugh. "I have no idea what movie you're talking about. Really!"

"Oh it's awful. No, I shouldn't say that, it's not that bad, as long as your expectations are low and your intellect has been left aside for a couple of hours. Ack, I wish I could remember the name. It'll come to me."

"I have no idea how your mind works," Callie observed, laughing. "It's very tangential."

"Mmm, welcome to English Literature, Ms Harvard Med… Where creativity and independent thought is encouraged."

"Oh that's right, you studied English Lit, and what was your minor again, something lesbian?" As quickly as they had dipped into a serious conversation, they had left it semi-finished for the moment. It was how they conversed, topics and discussions happening in waves, back and forth as they digressed at will.

"Hey!" Arizona mocked, feigning offense. "Gender studies were not just for lesbians, there were also a number of delightfully arrogant post modern young women who spent their college years challenging the construct of language and spending as much time holding picket signs as they did in class."

"Sounds stimulating," Callie muttered, stifling a snigger.

"I so clearly remember doing this class lecture in final year; it was one of my final pieces of assessment and I was already sorted and through with a good GPA. But I chose to do it on the depiction of women in visual media, because who doesn't study gender and not look at the representation and exploitation of women in movies. Anyway, I dared to cite one study, out of about thirty, that challenged the negative construct of pornography, no shit; one chick threw her half full coffee cup at me."

"Yeah, see, no one threw things in pre-med. Unless you count a few inappropriate actions with cadaver parts."

Arizona shuddered. "Firstly, ewww. Secondly, I kicked that chick's arse academically, I got a GPA of 3.8 and a faculty award. I wonder where she ended up?"

"Probably working at Walmart."

"I can only hope."

The banter continued unbroken, and their previous discussion wasn't mentioned again that day, though the stolen glances were observably mutual and their internal thoughts reflected a move in their friendship. Arizona's eyes would at times fall to the hollow of Callie's breasts and her face would distinctively flush. Similarly, when Callie shadowed Arizona's lower back with her palm, the pad of her little finger would tap at the curve of her buttock, deliciously muscular and inviting. She would twitchily move higher, so that her hand rested platonically on the waistband of her jeans.

Arizona started accepting Callie's proffered hands too; up and down steps and at the side of the car. Even outside of the house when they arrived home, along the path where shade dominated and a thin layer of ice made it slippery and dangerous; she curled her fingers around Callie's knuckles and gripped tightly.

There was a sense of safety in their multiple week time frame and the invisible barrier that seemed to have pulsated between them, slackened. They were genuinely free to take a deep breath and act fluidly, like they had all the time in the world.

It made for a very pleasant week.

* * *

Wearing knee high sheepskin ugg boots, Callie slipped quietly into the office, mug of hot peppermint tea in her hand. She gave the door a soft knock with the toe of her shoe and Arizona distractedly spun the chair. Callie couldn't help but smile at Arizona's image; two pens poked through a messy ponytail and eyes red rimmed and hastily blinking. She had barely left the laptop in a week, just emerging for the occasional bathroom break and food, although more often than not, only stopping to eat or drink when Callie insisted. The desk was covered with scribbled note paper and the extra sheets were scattered on the floor, which Arizona insisted were in a specifically ordered system. Callie wasn't so sure.

"I brought you tea," she declared, "and cake; Marilyn makes the best pound cake."

Arizona released a satisfied groan of approval. "Awesome, thank you."

"How's the writing going?"

A grin slowly appeared on Arizona's face, and she nodded, eyes wide and tongue just nudging out between her teeth. "So good."

"Wow, you look pleased."

"I sent three chapters to my editor last night and by all reports, they are loved!" Callie clapped her hands and gave Arizona a quick hug, a gentle squeeze around her shoulders. With her stitches removed almost a week ago, Arizona's face was finally free of bruising and the swelling had gone. The lacerations were mostly healed, just a slight red line that would occasionally itch or jab at her if she happened to catch it with her nail. Her ribs were still causing her trouble, although it would have been impossible for her to sit in a desk chair all day, up until just a few days ago. She was doing better, and she hadn't once mentioned any intent to leave.

"Does that mean you might take a break tonight?"

"I think that sounds like the best idea you've had all week. And I've earned it, I really have."

"In that case, can I interest you in dinner and drinks?"

Arizona paused, a small broken piece of cake halfway to her mouth. "What, out?" she asked, still chewing on the last bite.

"No, no way. It's snowing again out there, it's freezing. I was thinking more here, we have things to celebrate."

"We do?"

"Absolutely. Aside from your writing, we need to celebrate the fact that you're gradually starting to feel better. I know the side is still painful, but I think no bruises of any shape or form is something to drink to. And," she added slowly, "it's twelve months since I've been footloose and fancy free, sans husband, and I would like to take you on a date to celebrate. What do you think?"

"We're celebrating the demise of your marriage?"

Callie chuckled. "That makes it sound very dysfunctional…but no, we're encouraging each other in our new focus and direction. It's about our future, and new horizons."

"You sound like you swallowed a greeting card."

"Well, you're the writer, help me out here. What should I say?"

"Ah huh," Arizona said, pondering for a moment before leaning back in the chair. She cleared her throat. "Okay, you might say something along these lines." She tapped an index finger to her lips, teasing Callie as she deliberated. "Say; Arizona, tonight at seven, I'm taking you to dinner."

"That's not a question."

Arizona shook her head. "Nope, if you want something then I'm a big believer in making it happen." She took a sip of peppermint tea, washing the buttery crumbs down her throat.

"Mmmm, good point."

"So?"

"So, what?"

"Are you going to?"

Callie rubbed her eyes. "Are you doing this deliberately?"

"Maybe a little."

"Mmmm," Callie murmured, stepping back towards the doorway, "well, now that you've asked yourself out on a date tonight, I better get some things organised. I assume you've accepted." Callie's heart skipped a beat, she had called their dinner a _date_; she waited for a reframe from Arizona.

She got the complete opposite. "Does that mean I have to get out of my pyjamas?" Arizona asked, glancing down between her hands, where both were wrapped around the steaming mug. Dancing ducks stared back at her.

Callie couldn't help but laugh. "It's been a little while since I did the traditional dinner date thing, but it would certainly be unique if you came in…those. I've always wanted to _woo_ a duck."

"I won't come in pyjamas, hell, I might even shower and wash my hair," Arizona said jovially, running a hand through dirty and knotted hair. She really had found her muse, and everything else went out the proverbial window when the words were flowing. "But I might need to borrow some items, if we're going traditional. Clothes, hair straightener, heels…"

Tapping her fingers together, Callie formed a sly grin and pursed her lips. "Do you do dresses?"

"What do you mean do I _do_ dresses?"

"Oh, I have one that would be perfect for you but then I second guessed myself, I mean, not everyone likes dresses. Do you?"

"Do I like dresses?" Arizona strung Callie a little further, swallowing a laugh and burrowing her forehead. She thought briefly about pretending to be insulted, but relented when Callie started to nervously roll her feet.

"Yeah."

"Of course I like dresses," Arizona affirmed, breaking into a smile, slightly amused when Callie visibly relaxed, relieved.

"Soooo, I'll leave some items on your bed? Is that okay? You're welcome to rummage through my wardrobe but mostly, my stuff will be too big." Arizona rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Ah yeah, anyway, there's a few things that I think will fit though."

Checking the time on her watch, Arizona nodded. "Sounds great, I'm in. I'll get a couple more hours of writing in and then I'll do some prettying up."

"You could wear the ducks and still be pretty," Callie responded quickly, smiling before she disappeared out the door, pulling it half closed behind her.

She had some organising to do.

With a fluffy white towel wrapped around her chest, Arizona considered the items laid out on her bed. Callie had banished her from the kitchen and dining room, insisting that she would be knocking on her door at seven. Arizona had played along, distractedly typing and talking at the same time, teasing Callie.

But now that she stood in front of the dresses, a tumble of butterflies took flight in her stomach. She tried to calm herself, a series of reminders that her and Callie had shared countless meals and there was no pressure or expectation. They weren't at the mystical multiple week mark.

Yet she had four dresses in front of her; and they weren't just outfits. They were subtle messages, carefully wrapped up in powder blue and cherry red. And she had to choose one.

Trying on each, she examined herself in the full length mirror.

The crimson strapless cocktail dress screamed, _tear me off; _it signalled nothing but wild sex against hotel room doors. Wearing it would evoke images of the red material gathered around her hips and lace panties discarded across the room somewhere, the zip at her back only half down. As tempting as it was, that message wasn't quite what she was going for. Besides, the bodice gaped at her chest and the fitted waist was a little loose, meaning the thigh high split lost its impact. Callie however, Callie would kill that dress and Arizona could only fantasise about the way the material would hug her fabulous curves.

At the other end of the spectrum was a simple black wrap dress with three quarter length sleeves and a conservative neckline. Arizona considered her reflection only momentarily, she wasn't sure what she was going for, but that wasn't it. Perhaps combined with knee high red boots and a large pendant that drew eyes towards her breasts, it could pass as an emergency date night outfit but she had neither to accessorise with. She carefully returned it to the hanger, practising taking some long deep breaths without flinching in pain.

That left two options. One was another simple black cocktail dress that was made out of a light and flimsy material; thin spaghetti straps that held a loose bodice in place. It wouldn't look out of place in a semi-formal restaurant or an early evening celebration, an engagement party or birthday. Arizona deliberated, struggling to twist and see over her shoulder, trying to examine the back.

Switching to the final option, Arizona pulled the soft blue dress over her head and shoulders. The straps were fine and had a thin and transparent cap sleeve that bounced over the curves of her slender shoulders. The neckline was similar to the black, loose and light and fell in place over the swell of her breasts. The blue followed the line of her waist and hips a little better, not snug but falling effortlessly to her knees. The skirt drifted slightly as she walked, and it came off with an almost bohemian natural look. In Arizona's mind, it whispered rather than yelled, and it spoke just a few simple phrases, something like, _hey, I'm beautiful and sexy but I can hold a conversation too._ It said, _kiss me, but don't put your hand beneath my clothes._

Decision made. Checking the time, she grimaced. Ten minutes was not enough to apply some basic makeup and do something with her hair; perhaps she would be fashionably late. She tried on the two pairs of heels that Callie had left on her floor, discarding them when a couple of centimetre gaps were at the back and slipped with every step. She didn't think her body could cope with a spectacular stack into a piece of furniture.

She managed to style her hair, tamed curls falling over her shoulders, thanks to the straightener Callie had left for her. She had pinned a section of hair from the front and again, it similarly appeared graceful and easy. As if she would look just as beautiful first thing in the morning.

When a knock at the door interrupted the quick make up application, Arizona cursed and her stomach reflooded with nerves. She opened the bathroom door and stuck her head out. "Come in, I'll be ready in a few minutes."

She heard Callie open the door and step inside, and Arizona hoped that she had tossed the black bra from the bed and back into her underwear drawer. "Sure," Callie answered and Arizona retreated back into the bathroom.

Callie remained painfully quiet, lingering towards the foot of Arizona's bed and alternating between smoothing her dress and rechecking her makeup in the small mirror adjacent to the windows. She fiddled with her bra, tugging it down at the back and trying to make sure it stayed hidden from view, worrying that it made the skin under her arm gather. She suddenly questioned her choice in dress; maybe she should have gone with something brighter rather than an elegant black.

Jerking at the sound of the latch scraping, Callie stood up straight and tried to calm; it felt ridiculous to be nervous. Her eyes quickly met Arizona's though and she couldn't help but sweep down and over the dress. She had been right; it looked absolutely stunning on Arizona. Giggling lightly, Arizona pulled her eyes away from Callie and down to her feet. "I've discovered something new tonight, my feet are a little smaller than yours."

Callie grinned, pulling one foot up to slip the impressive heels off that she wore, tossing them at the end of the bed. She rested on bare feet and waited for Arizona to take a few steps closer. "So, you look incredible, Arizona. Beautiful," she huskily murmured, one hand on the inside of Arizona's elbow as she kissed her cheek.

Arizona's eyes were still closed when Callie leant back, slowly opening as she smiled. "Thank you," she half acknowledged, embarrassed. "You," she hastily said, "you are gorgeous. How did you get so incredibly hot?"

They both laughed and the awkwardness dissipated. "Just noticed, huh?"

"Definitely not."

"You ready? I'm…walking," Callie said, chuckling. "I was about to say driving, but that's not right. It's a long way to the dining room."

"I'm ready," Arizona murmured, smiling widely. She ran her hand down Callie's back and the smooth material of the fitted black dress was thick under her touch. Arizona ran the pad of her fingertips around her side and her hand traced down the inside of Callie's forearm; she slipped their hands together.

Callie glanced down at their entwining fingers, surprised. Still, she drew in a deep breath and nodded, squeezing Arizona's hand and leading her out of the room.

They were off to an exceptional start.

* * *

**TBC…**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:** I'm thrilled to still be getting reviews and alerts! Thank you so much! I hope this part doesn't contain too many typos or errors, I just did a very tired proofread… :-)

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

_"Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it."_

_Jacques Prévert_

Despite looking slightly out of place sitting at the large wooden eight-seater table, Callie and Arizona intensely talked. Callie sat at one end and Arizona next to her, along the vertical side of rectangular setting. The lights in the room were dimmed and a large white candle splintered a glow across their features, eyes locked as they talked and sipped on wine.

Callie had planned the menu with Marilyn that afternoon, ensuring that it was all mostly prepared so that she could just go quickly into the kitchen and return with their meals. Marilyn had made herself scarce, disappearing into the old workman quarters from when previous owners had run a working property. She usually spent a few nights a week there, other times she drove back and forth from a flat she had in Inverness, depending on the hours and days she was working.

The wine, Callie had taken care of, matching each dish with a specific blend from the cellar. The canapés to start with were complimented by two generous glasses of a 1996 Dom Pérignon and they sat on a pale white double seat recliner in an adjacent reading room as they drank and listened to music.

Callie only directed them to the table for the first dish, a tasting plate of sashimi, accompanied by a Chilean Semillon. Second were small slices of seasoned chicken breast with homemade cabbage salad; a glass of Sauvignon Blanc went down nicely. By the time the third main was in front of them, the conversation was louder and more vibrant than ever, hand gestures eagerly supplementing the conversation.

"I'm not sure I can do it," Arizona complained, groaning, "but it looks amazing."

"You have to try it, it's a local lamb. Absolutely delicious, I swear. And the yogurt dressing is one of Marilyn's specialties."

"It's all been good, and I'm complaining about being full but I'm pretty sure I've got room."

Callie nodded, cutting a small piece of lamb cutlet and coating it in the homemade mint and chives sauce. She slowly placed it in her mouth seductively, emulating a pleasurable moan. "Mmmm, so good."

Laughing, Arizona copied her, savouring the taste before sipping at the Merlot Callie had poured into wide red wine glasses.

"We'll take a break before dessert," Callie said, resting back, hands flopping onto the linen napkin on her lap. "Work a bit of this off with some dancing," she added, winking at Arizona and laughing again.

"Dance?" Arizona asked loudly, one open palm to her chest and the other reaching out to squeeze Callie's shoulder. She dipped her head and swallowed, buzzing with the copious amounts of wine consumed over the couple of hours. "I don't know if you've noticed, but these ribs, not so good for dancing."

"What kind of dancing do you do?" Callie teased, taking Arizona's hand and holding it between both of her palms.

"Awesome dancing," Arizona answered, relaxing her arm into Callie's hold. "I've spent a lot of nights dancing in bars…on bars, ordering drinks in a heap of different languages." Her voice dropped a little and she drew in a breath. "Well I did, maybe not so much now that I got the crap beaten out of me. Time to lay low."

Callie melted, tugging Arizona's hand up to her mouth and pressing a long, messy kiss to the back of her hand. "Have I ever mentioned how shit that was? I hate hate hate, that guy for touching you."

Arizona smiled. "Whoever he was."

"I was so worried about you," Callie said softly, words a little mumbled. "But I didn't want to tell you 'cause I thought it would freak you out."

"It probably would have," Arizona acknowledged, squeezing her fingers around Callie's.

"Am I allowed to worry about you now?"

Arizona laughed, reaching for another long drink from her wine. "Why would you want to do that?" she asked, lips close to the rim of the glass.

"Oh I don't know, Arizona; why would I?" Callie tossed back and her tone was light as releasing one of her hands to take a mouthful of the pale red liquid.

Moving her arm and slightly tugging at her hand, Arizona tried to slip out of Callie's hold but she steadfastly gripped. "Do I not get my hand back?"

"Nah uh," Callie muttered, "I like it here."

"What if I want to finish my lamb?"

"Do you promise I can have it back?"

Arizona inaudibly laughed, lips closed as air rushed out of her nose. "Yes," she responded, "I promise."

"Then you can have it back," Callie declared dramatically.

They quickly took the few remaining bites of the single lamb cutlet and settled their cutlery on the plate, washing it down with the remnants of their glass.

Callie stood and tucked her chair in, holding a hand out for Arizona to accept. "May I have this dance," she asked formally, steadying herself with the back of the chair.

"Uh huh, if you can hold that thought for two minutes while I use the bathroom?"

Nodding, Callie still offered her hand and Arizona took it, sliding out of the chair and into a standing position before heading into the kitchen and to the restroom. She focussed on her walking, deliberately trying to evenly place each foot in front of the other and keep a smooth line. Still, she needed the odd furniture item to aid her walking, eyes hazy.

When she returned, Callie was standing in front of the iPod docking station, connected to a hifi system. She had switched playlists, playing a softer and slower collection of songs. "Better?" she asked standing in the middle of the reading room and swaying her hips gently.

"Definitely," Arizona murmured, eyes drifting down from Callie's face and sweeping across her exposed clavicles. "I could just stand here and watch you, you know," she added approvingly.

Callie shrugged. "I'd probably rather you here," she insisted, holding her arms open and palms up in the air. "I'll be gentle."

Arizona conceded, gingerly stepping forward until she could slowly slide her fingers through Callie's. They stood momentarily, connected by one hand, space wide between them. Giving a childish expression, Callie widened her eyes as if inviting Arizona in before edging her closer. She folded their arms between them, joined hands coming to rest in front of her shoulder. Slowly, Callie slid her other arm around the small of Arizona's back, fingers splayed over her hip. Ducking her face, Callie pressed a light kiss to the nape of Arizona's neck, inhaling her delicious scent. Although the perfume she wore was Callie's, it smelt characteristically different on Arizona and the aroma was more intoxicating than their wine.

Arizona allowed Callie to lead them, just ever so slightly swaying, not quite in tune with the music in the background, not that either of them minded. "Okay?" Callie asked.

She nodded, turning her face so that her forehead pressed into Callie's cheekbone, breath tickling her neck. "I so intended to just be friends with you."

"Is it such a bad thing if we're more?" Callie asked, casting her eyes to Arizona, though a bundle of blond curls obstructed her vision. "I already feel like we're more."

"It just wasn't my plan," Arizona whispered, and plans were important to her. They kept her in control; they kept her safe. But nothing about this working sabbatical had gone to plan.

The material of Arizona's dress gathered under Callie's hand as she stroked her hip. She sighed and continued to slowly move them, feet firmly fixed as their upper bodies rocked. "I won't hurt you," she hushed.

Arizona melted into Callie, face burrowing into the nape of her neck and shoulders curling. Callie released her hand, relieved when Arizona wrapped both around her waist and joined her fingers behind Callie's back. "I'm not perfect," Arizona murmured, voice muffled, "I've got a past, insecurities."

Callie smiled. "You don't scare me; intrigue me, yes. But scare me, no."

"I've had a lot of wine."

"Yes, we have. I like it, I feel relaxed."

Callie continued to sway them, fingers soothingly tangling through Arizona's hair, thumbs rubbing over the back of her neck. After a number of minutes, Arizona placed her hands on Callie's hips and arched her back, leaning her upper body away from Callie. Her face contorted in pain, and she stepped back, straightening and relieving her tense abdominal muscles.

Callie gave her a sympathetic look and said, "Hey, I was enjoying that."

"Calliope," Arizona said, scanning her eyes over Callie's face, "It's true that it wasn't my plan, but I do like you."

Callie immediately smiled, reaching a hand to slip behind Arizona's neck. "Then do you trust me?"

Hesitating, Arizona half nodded. "I trust you more than anyone else," she answered.

"Maybe you should let me earn a _yes_ to that question." Not waiting for Arizona to acknowledge the way Callie saw straight through her disguised answer, Callie leaned forward and captured her lips in a searing kiss. It was tender and passionate, a little messy and tasting of red wine. More importantly, it was every bit of mutuality.

Breathless, Arizona stepped back into Callie's hold, chin on her shoulder. "Do you trust me?" she asked softly.

"I do."

"You do?"

"I have no reason not to; and honey, I have a past too. That doesn't matter to me, if mine doesn't matter to you."

"Then I want to try, but Callie,"

"Hey," Callie interrupted quickly, "I'm in no rush; as long as you're not disappearing back to Belgium, we'll just go slow. Okay? You'll have to be patient with me too." She added the last comment for Arizona's benefit, more so than hers. Arizona seemed much more comfortable when she perceived she was being altruistic or helping out someone else. So if Callie could give a few hints that she needed nurturing too, then maybe Arizona wouldn't feel as panicked. Especially when it was that far from the truth.

"Thanks."

"I think, it's almost time for dessert, what do you think?"

"Ah, I think I have a little room," Arizona said, turning her body and awkwardly pushing off Callie; she steadied herself. "But before we do that, I just need to do one thing. 'Cause that kiss, that kiss was really nice." Running her thumb along Callie's bottom lip, Arizona tugged her closer and promptly captured it between her lips. She sucked on it lightly, running her tongue across and gaining a glimpse of the matted taste of lipstick that was applied hours earlier.

They broke apart and Callie couldn't suppress a wide grin. "Now that I could do all night. But how about you sit down and I'll be right back."

Callie disappeared into the kitchen, and similar to Arizona twenty minutes earlier, she used the restroom before heading back and removing their desert plates. She spooned some whipped cream to the side of a small decadent brownie and risked tucking a bottle of desert wine under her arm. She placed the Portuguese Croft Porto Vintage on the table, but indicated for Arizona to move to the recliner. "I could go comfy, you?"

"Sure, need a hand?"

"I left some biscotti on the kitchen bench, can you grab that?"

Arizona nodded and returned in seconds. "I didn't think I was hungry but I definitely have room for that…tell me Marilyn didn't just whip up brownies this afternoon?"

"Mmmm, no, actually. These she brought back from Ireland, but they are divine. They have macadamias in them and are all gooey. Fucking brilliant." She placed the items on the small coffee sized table and returned to collect the wine bottle and small sherry glasses. "I know we've had a bit to drink, but this is like a tawny port, beautiful." Arizona nodded and slowly lowered herself, controlled until she hit the cushion and slumped back. Callie rearranged a few items before scooping up Arizona's feet and placing them down on the table. "Comfy?" she asked, handing her a plate.

"Very," she answered, nodding. "Sit," she instructed, patting the space next to her.

Taking two huge bites of brownie, Callie put the plate down and leant back, taking a sip of wine. She burrowed her forehead and licked her lips, taking another small taste. "Mmmm, it needs to air a little. I should have opened the bottle a little while ago."

"How did you end up such a wine connoisseur?"

Shrugging, Callie gave a half smile. "I'm not sure I could count the number of vineyards I've been too. And my ex-husband, his family owned a couple of wine production companies around the world. One in France, and one in California, but they had vineyards all around the world. They have small ones at their production sites but then they import from massive vineyards in the Barossa Valley in Australia; and Mendoza, Argentina."

"Whoa, no wonder you know your wine then."

"Sorry," Callie apologised, "I don't mean to be arrogant. But I do kind of appreciate a quality bottle."

"No I like it, maybe I'll learn a few things." Arizona held out her plate, laughing when Callie took it without question and replaced it with her glass. "That was easy."

"You're still injured, I'm looking after you."

Arizona smiled and nodded; not giving a thought to the fact that accepting the kind of care and attention Callie had been affording her, was something she hadn't done for a long time. She filled her mouth with the sweet dull red liquid, and swirled it around her mouth. It was smooth and wood infused, and tasted almost nutty. "Very nice," Arizona muttered, and her body started to feel tired and heavy. She took another mouthful and, as she had with the mostly consumed brownie, held out her glass to Callie.

"You won't get away with this forever," Callie said, relaxing back next to Arizona and they sat in silence for a few minutes. Slowly, Callie crept her fingers towards Arizona's, latent on top of her thigh. She intertwined them. "You look tired," Callie observed, pressing a kiss to Arizona's shoulder.

"Mmm, I am. Too much writing, food and drinking, I think."

"You want to go to bed? I'll clean up out here."

Arizona shook her head. "Nope, I'll help. But I kinda, want to sit here awhile."

"Maybe we can finish cleaning tomorrow, I put most of the stuff in the dishwasher as we've been going along."

"Smart move."

Tenderly playing with Arizona's thumb, Callie eventually chuckled lightly and trapped it. She dropped her head to the side, temple resting on Arizona's shoulder. "You okay, Arizona?"

She felt Arizona move faintly as she nodded. "I'm good."

"Good, I'm good too."

"Will you be good in the morning?"

Callie laughed. "Not a chance, I'm going to have a massive headache."

"Me too."

"You know what would make it better though?"

"Mmmm? Water? Coffee?"

"Probably, but I was more thinking that waking up with you next to me in bed would be kind of helpful too." Arizona drew in a hasty and audible breath. "Oh, in your ducky pj's I mean, totally dressed. Just sleeping."

It took a moment for the tense reaction to leave Arizona and she swallowed the instinct to apologise for her unfiltered response. "Well if the ducks are invited…"

"They are, they totally are."

"Then I'm so exhausted," Arizona declared loudly, body deflating.

Callie shifted her weight, sitting up and releasing Arizona's hand. "Go on then, I expect to see those dancing ducks in less than ten minutes. My cupcakes will be waiting."

"Cupcakes?"

"Yeah, I have equally seductive flannels, with giant cupcakes on them."

Arizona laughed. "Can't wait to see 'em."

Clapping, Callie stood, holding a hand out and gently pulling Arizona to her feet. They both stumbled slightly, a gradual curve in their path to the kitchen. Callie hastily shoved half rinsed plates into the dishwasher and stained wine glasses into the racks. She cast her eyes over the wine bottles, an empty bottle of champagne, two partially empty whites and a half finished bottle of red. Maybe a little more; the glasses she had poured were obviously generous. She would deal with those in the morning.

Switching off lights as she walked, Callie made her way to her room and into her ensuite bathroom. She left her dress over the side of the bath and removed her makeup as best she could, slipping into her comfortable pyjamas and brushing her teeth. Too tired to bother with her blurred reflection, she sat on the side of the bed and waited for Arizona who appeared at the door only a few moments later. Callie grinned. "I do love those pants."

Arizona blushed and played with the drawstring, retying it into a bow. "I can come in?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes yes, come in. God, you don't have to ask. Do you have a side preference?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "Nope, I don't mind."

"I'll take this side, if that's okay…I often use the bathroom at night, maybe it won't wake you if you're further away."

Arizona nodded. "Sure, I don't mind. I'm sure it won't." She closed the door behind her and crossed the room, sliding gingerly under the covers when Callie held them up. "It's cooler in here."

"Yeah, I had the heat up outside. I didn't want you to get cold."

"Nice." Arizona relaxed into the pillows, lying on her back as Callie settled in next to her. "This is a pretty good way to end an awesome day."

"Couldn't be better," Callie agreed, leaning up on her elbow and switching off the light. She fumbled a little, finding Arizona's arm, before curling up and pressing into her side. Nuzzling into Arizona's hair, she worked her lips from temple, across her cheek until Arizona turned her head and captured her mouth.

They slowly kissed for a few minutes, hands immobile yet tiny satisfied moans escaping at will. Resting back, Callie sleepily whispered in Arizona's ear, "I think the ducks are hot."

She earned a quiet shudder, torso moving. "The cupcakes look tasty too," Arizona said softly, turning away from Callie and on to her good side, she couldn't yet lie on the other. She dragged Callie's arm with her and wrapped it around her shoulder and chest. "Careful of the ribs," she murmured.

"Got it," Callie assured her, eyes closed as she shared Arizona's pillow, nose pressed into Arizona's hair. "Good night beautiful."

Arizona smiled into the dark. "Night Calliope."

* * *

Blinking fogging eyes, Arizona lay on her back with her foot poking out the side of the covers. She ducked her toes back in and tugged the blankets up around her neck, tongue thick and furry as she swallowed against her dry throat. Her head pounded with that familiar, post drinking binge ache.

Dropping her head to the side, her eyes came to rest on Callie; spread eagle across three quarters of the bed. Her hair was spread across her face and one arm stretched back over her pillow and the other thrown over to the side so that her fingers slightly grazed Arizona's hip. Her mouth was slightly ajar and she breathed noisily.

Arizona couldn't help but smile; it was one of the most naturally gorgeous images she had ever seen. Her first thought when she woke up was that her toes were cold and then her next, was the dryness that made her mouth feel thick. This was quickly followed by how she might get her hands on some paracaetamol without leaving the comfort and warmth of Callie's bed.

Only then did she realise, that there wasn't a single part of the previous evening that she regretted. It was quite the epiphany.

Except there were things that she needed to tell Callie; the parts of her life that she kept hidden, even from herself sometimes. If they were out of sight than they were out of mind, she could get on with living and creating a future for herself. But the reality was that they did impact on her, almost every day.

When she felt herself feeling anything but in complete control, then she worked so hard at holding it all together. She did everything she possibly could to squash the emotion, to bury it deeper inside herself so that she could maintain the calm and collected façade. The pretence was for her though, not for anyone else. She couldn't even entertain the idea that she let herself go and succumb to the humanness. It was a slippery slope; and she knew exactly where she would end up.

Next to her, Callie stirred, mumbling something nonsensical in her sleep as she curled on to her side. She opened her eyes and snapped them back shut again, seemingly insulted by the light that crept in around the curtains. She groaned and fumbled a little, hands hitting Arizona's shoulder and then her elbow. Her knee jutted out and clipped Arizona's hip.

Callie squeezed her eyes tight and nuzzled into her pillow; she licked her lips. Arizona took her hand and traced small circles over Callie's wrist, gently rousing her. "I thought you were the morning one," she whispered.

Shuffling, she pressed her face into Arizona's arm, nose swiping back and forth over her smooth skin. She liked Arizona's smell, so characteristically feminine and sweet. "Hmmph, I feel like hell."

"Shhhh, keep sleeping grumpy girl."

"I really don't want to get out of bed today."

"No? Not even for…bacon and eggs?"

Callie gasped. "Maybe for bacon," she muttered, lifting her head up on the pillow and wrapping both hands around Arizona's arm, lying between them on the bed. "Did you sleep?"

"Mmmm, really good. I just woke up not long ago."

"And you stayed."

Arizona widened her eyes, but smiled and nodded. "You didn't think I would?"

"I wasn't so sure. I hoped."

"I'm staying."

"Good," Callie murmured, screwing her face up as she tried to tuck some pieces of hair behind her ears. It was matted and thick strands went in random directions. "Ack, not sure how you slept, I seem to have done some Lady Ga Ga hair styling in my sleep."

"It's cute," Arizona insisted, swiping hair from across Callie's forehead.

"I don't understand how you're cheery? Without a drop of alcohol, you're like the morning Grinch but after a binge, you're chipper? It's like the universe is upside down."

"Mmm, I'm not really, but I'm trying. I have a killer headache and I'm dying for a huge glass of water, but I thought I had better try."

Callie groaned. "Much better, because I really do feel half dead. I need a shower and to brush my teeth. Can I kiss you good morning after that?"

"Consider it a plan. Meet you in the kitchen in twenty?"

Nodding, Callie gave Arizona's arm a tight squeeze. "You know last night was awesome, right?"

"It was," Arizona agreed, looking intensely into Callie's eyes. "It was, awesome."

"Good, as long as you know. Okay, now you can go shower."

"Ooo, permission. Thanks Callie," Arizona teased, quickly indulging her fondness for sarcasm. She lifted the covers up and sat up to hang her legs over the side of the bed, exhaling the breath she still held when she tried to sit up. Callie's fingers scratched at her lower back until she stood, smiling despite the distinct unsteady feeling and nauseous roll of her stomach. "Don't fall back asleep," Arizona reminded her.

"Yeah yeah," Callie muttered, voice already muffled as she rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in the pillow. Just another minute and she'd get up.

* * *

Arizona was in the kitchen before Callie, half a mug of coffee consumed as she chatted with Marilyn. She had some whisked eggs in a bowl and a few rashes of bacon defrosting in the microwave when Callie appeared, wet hair around her neck and face void of makeup. "Good morning again," Arizona murmured, meeting Callie with a cup of steaming coffee and a chaste kiss to her lips.

Marilyn did little to hide her wide grin. "I can't handle this morning you," Callie muttered, catching her hand and leaning in for a longer, more passionate kiss. "You taste like coffee."

'I got a head start."

"I see."

"Arizona wants to cook," Marilyn interrupted cheekily, rolling on to the balls of her feet and back down. "I provided some instruction."

"I can cook," Arizona said, defending herself, "Reasonably well actually, and breakfast, so my specialty."

"Made a few breakfasts for women over the years, huh?" Callie teased and Arizona shot her a dirty look, but smiled.

"Not at all. I just like breakfast; most important meal of the day and all."

"Yeah yeah, likely excuse," Callie continued to banter and Marilyn laughed. "I might leave you two to it, give me a yell if the kitchen's on fire. Martin and I are going to clean out the barn today, wish us luck."

"I might take one of the horses for a ride later, I've been a bit lazy, they haven't had too many runs."

"Sure, I'll give 'em a brush down today too. Maybe have a second coffee first, you look like you had a few last night and by the bottles I collected this morning, that's an understatement."

"I was going to clean up," Callie insisted but Marilyn waved the weak protest away.

"Not a problem, it was cleaner than I thought it might be."

"Thanks though, you didn't need to."

"Enjoy breakfast," Marilyn said as she pulled a thick waterproof jacket on. "Or should I say good luck?"

"Hey!" Arizona interjected, throwing a tea towel across the bench though it only made it as far as Callie, falling over her shoulder. "Whoops, sorry Call. You want some Turkish bread with your eggs? I can toast it."

"Sure," she confirmed, nodding and sipping coffee. "Hey, I heard your phone ring a couple of times just before I came out of the room."

"Oh," Arizona acknowledged, surprised but shrugging, "probably one of the card companies or something. Although I thought I had everything, it's just my US drivers license I don't have now."

"I can't believe how quickly you got most stuff. Having the police report seemed to help, right? And your passport I guess, helped with the ID side of thing."

"Thanks to you. If I'm remembering those pleasant few pain filled days, all I did was sign on the line when you shoved something in front of me."

Callie shrugged. "It was easy."

"Mmmm, I doubt it somehow. Time consuming much?"

Laughing, Callie nodded. "Just a little."

"Maybe it's my turn to take you to lunch later this week, now that I actually have money…"

"Oh, we should go to that B and B that I wrote to you about when you were in Bruges. It's so nice, I actually think you would really like it. Hey, there's your phone again, you hear it?"

Arizona stilled, spatula held over a thick pan where she had just tossed the bacon in. "Oh yeah, they can just leave a message, I'll phone them back." She manoeuvred well around the kitchen, multi-tasking with speed and skill. She had two thick slices of Turkish bread toasting under the grill and two plates heating in the microwave. She subconsciously rubbed at her side at times, and Callie could just detect the tiny grimaces in her expression. "Do you want to pour some juice?" she asked distractedly.

"Orange or Pineapple?"

"Oh, orange please."

"Two orange juices coming up. So, more writing today?"

"Yep, I keep having more ideas and thoughts, I'm not stopping now. It's weird, when I wrote the first one I spent half the time pissed and crying; a quarter of the time angry and swearing at the screen and the other quarter of the time, somewhat high. Something tells me this one might have a different feel to it. My editor is thrilled."

"Oooo, happy then?"

"Ah," Arizona paused and laughed, "I wouldn't go that far. Reflective maybe, with a positive spin?"

"Sounds intriguing, will I get to read it?"

"When it's finished."

"What?"

"Yep," Arizona insisted, but Callie looked shocked and crestfallen. "Oh fine, maybe I'll give you little excerpts to read, tasters."

"I suppose I'll have to happy with that, yeah?"

"Yep, you will."

Callie observed quietly for a few minutes, watching Arizona plate up their breakfast with a wry smile on her face. "Hey Arizona, you look really happy right now."

She paused and looked up, slowly walking across and placing Callie's plate in front of her. She fished out cutlery from the draw and tossed it on the bench before leaning in to press her eager lips to Callie's. She cupped Callie's cheeks with her hands and lingered them there when she pulled back, tongue still tingling. "I really am."

Callie grinned with a hint of pride, and waited patiently for Arizona to slide in beside her before taking a bite of scrambled eggs. "Far out, there's your phone again," she murmured, mouth full of food. "Maybe you should check it."

"After breakfast."

"They're persistent, whoever they are."

'Mmm," Arizona mumbled, a large piece of toast topped with bacon and eggs in her mouth. "This is great. I don't know who would be calling me, no one really does. That's what email is for; and Facebook."

"Have I mentioned I hate Facebook?" Callie asked. "I refuse to be on it, I was once. But then it just became a bitch fest, I was quite the topic of discussion."

"Yeah, good for stalking, not so good for keeping your private life, private."

"Not even remotely. And I can tell you now; I could not give a fuck what my friends from elementary school are now doing. Who they've married and how many kids they have; oh and of course, who got the most expensive birthday or Christmas gift from their dickhead husband."

"Tell me what you really think, Call."

"I really need to work on that filter, huh? You've trained me too well, now I just say whatever. And eat whatever too apparently, lucky I haven't put on two stone."

"You say whatever you like and you are super hot, with or without two stone."

"You wouldn't say that if I had to waddle instead of walk."

Arizona grinned. "I don't like this conversation, have I mentioned that you're hot? That seemed like a safe space to stay in."

Callie dropped her fork to the bench and slipped her fingers through Arizona's damp hair, she pressed consecutive messy kisses to her cheek until Arizona squirmed. "You want me to stop?" Callie asked.

"You're tickling," Arizona responded, screwing her nose up and taking another bite, plate almost clean. She tipped the tall tumbler to her mouth and swallowed several mouthfuls of juice.

"Oh my God," Callie declared, sitting back up straight. "Go and answer that bloody phone."

Grunting, Arizona slid off the chair and tried to hurry into her room, she had left her phone sitting on the foot of her bed. Callie continued eat her breakfast, giving up on the cutlery and picking up the last section of toast, piled high with egg and bacon. She turned when she heard Arizona murmuring into the phone, eyes fixed on the ground as she stilled near the television in the lounge.

Arizona seemed to freeze mid-movement, one arm held out in front of her and the other holding the phone loosely to her ear. Her mouth hung open and hair fell over her face, a slight breeze coming from the central heating vent. Callie tossed a piece of crust back on her plate, continuing to chew. Her instincts were a little slow, only sliding on to her feet when the phone in Arizona's hand tumbled to the ground. She raised wide, petrified eyes and emanated just a small whimper, motionless.

Callie stilled too, and she wasn't sure why; they stared at each other across to room until Arizona suddenly raked her hands through her hair and tilted her face to the ceiling. Callie rushed forward.

Stopping in front of her, she shadowed Arizona's hands, standing close as she tried to entwine their grasp. Arizona wheezed, squeezing her fingers so they gripped to Callie in a tumbled mess of blond hair; she released a jumble of non-specific expletives until they morphed into a half sob.

And as her life always did, everything fell apart in an instant.

* * *

**TBC…**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: **Thank you – you're all fabulous with your reviews and messages. I love reading your thoughts and comments. This was a bit of a hasty proofread, so I'm sorry for any errors.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

"_Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist."_

_Michael Levine_

Arizona slowly drew her hands down from her hair, pieces now wayward and extending out at all angles. She accepted Callie's touch, fingers running up and down over her arms, but she could barely detect the sensation.

Staring at Callie, Arizona's eyes were wide and she seemed to have trouble focussing. Not blinking but staring into Callie's gaze without really connecting. "What was the call?" Callie asked gently, but she may as well have asked in a foreign language.

Starting to take a step forward, Callie hesitated; Arizona immediately stepped back, sensing the approach. Panic filled her blue eyes, and she shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Callie said gently, maintaining a light touch. "What's happened?"

"I ummm, I have to go home."

"Home?"

"Ah huh."

Callie could see Arizona trying to catch her breath, her chest rising and falling rapidly. And when Arizona looked over her shoulder and turned her foot, Callie stepped in again and held her wrists, tenderly stroking over her pulse points. She could feel the rapid beat under her thumb. "What's happened?" Callie repeated, reading every chaotic and confused feeling playing out in front of her. The battle between an instinct to just stop and dissolve, and knowing there were things that had to be done. And done quickly, falling apart is sometimes a luxury.

"It's my dad," Arizona murmured and her voice was splintered. "He's died and I have to go home, there's things to be organised; to do."

"Oh God," Callie said, eyes closing briefly. "Arizona."

Arizona nodded and swallowed loudly; she stepped out of Callie's grasp and bent down to pocket her phone. "I just, I have to book a flight and make some calls." Callie could see the forced control, the need to be focussing on something other than the complicated mix of feelings and thoughts. Callie had been there too and it was all still so fresh.

"Yeah, definitely. Let me help."

"They're going to organise getting him back," Arizona murmured, more to herself than Callie. 'But I have to let my Aunt know, and I should call Jack…" she trailed off and put her hands on her hips, blowing air out of her lungs. "They're going to be devastated."

"Should I call them first or book my flight? And I have to call Northwest…shit."

"Okay, let me sort flights and you can make the calls that you need to. But Arizona, just take a second okay."

Nodding, Arizona tried to lose some tenseness in her shoulders and she focussed on Callie. "I'll get you my card," she said softly, gritting her teeth when she felt a burn in her throat. "Ummm, to Kansas City, just economy."

"I'm not letting you go on your own." It wasn't quite the soft insistence that Callie was going for, but the message was clear and her tone left little for room for arguing.

"I can't take you to my home," Arizona murmured sadly, "I just can't Callie. It's complicated; it's so fucking complicated. And now…this…"

Callie nodded. "Yeah yeah, I'll stay in a hotel or if you need time, space, I'll disappear for a few days. I am not, not going with you," she emphasised.

"I don't want to do this."

"Oh I know, I know so much. And you can yell and swear, and cry and punch things…and whatever else you need to do."

"I have to make these calls and I don't want to," Arizona whispered and her fingers trembled as she brought them to her lips. "I have to do it and I have to tell them and I have to get on a plane and I have to…and, and I, I need you to wait," she muttered in one long, breathless drawl.

Callie shook her head, confused.

"Just wait until I can stop," she explained. "Be here, when I stop."

Nodding, Callie reached forward and squeezed Arizona's shoulder. "Okay. I'm going to sort the flights and you go make your calls. I'm right here if you need anything."

Arizona turned without another comment; she was too overwhelmed to think anything more than the next step. And her next step was to make a few impossible phone calls, the ones that you hope you never have to make. And she was making them for the second time.

* * *

Somewhere mid-flight over the North Atlantic, Callie and Arizona sat quietly, earphones discarded after watching a movie and snoozing lightly. Callie had managed to get them on a flight within twenty four hours, though they had to transit in Heathrow and JFK. After a number of discussions, Callie had agreed to leave Arizona in New York; where Callie would head down to Florida where her family had their winter home. Although she hadn't had contact with them in almost a year, and she had left on horrific terms, Arizona had provided her with the gentle push she needed to make a final effort. She wasn't sure what she would do if it failed, but she was fairly certain that she wouldn't try again. It would be up to them.

Arizona would fly on to Kansas, and although she had asked Callie to eventually meet up with her, she wanted or needed, to get through the funeral and family stuff alone. Callie wasn't exactly sure of the reasons, but she could hardly question it. Callie wouldn't be taking Arizona to her home either, not in a million years.

Depending on how each of them went, they would either join up at one of their hometowns or back in New York. Neither seemed particularly hopeful.

Painfully quiet for most of the day, Arizona maintained a death grip on Callie's hand. Even when she curled away in her seat and stared out the window, small airline pillow behind her neck, she kept a tight hold. "Hey," Callie murmured after she was confident Arizona was staying awake. She pushed up the armrest between them. "Come here and lie on me for a while; I want to give you cuddles."

Arizona turned her head, with a hint of smile. "I haven't stopped yet, you know," she said, tucking hair behind her ears. Arizona had continued to tell Callie that she would fall apart later, when she could. And Callie respected that; sometimes you just do what you need to do and then worry about the rest later.

"I know, and I'll still be around when you do. But I can still have you here, can't I?" Callie asked, tapping her chest with an open palm.

Carefully curling into her, Arizona pulled her knees up and rested them over Callie's thighs. She lowered her head, cheek resting over Callie's clavicle; chin tapping the curve of her breast. "I wish we were just back at your place and having meals, and dancing and getting to know each other. Everything is crazy and chaotic, why didn't we get to just start like a normal couple?"

"It has been a bit full on, I'll give you that." She wanted to say that she liked that Arizona thought they could be a couple, that the direction they were headed in was definitely together. She thought better of drawing attention to it though; Arizona had enough to deal with. "What's the plan when you arrive?" Callie asked, picking at strands of Arizona's hair. Sighing, Arizona shrugged silently in response. "Your flight leaves JFK before mine, so I'll be able to wait with you until you have to board."

"Make sure I get on, huh?"

"I'll come with you; just give me the word that you've changed your mind and I'll be on that flight."

"No. Thank you, but no. I just need to sort some stuff first, I'm not trying to be all weird about it." She nuzzled herself a little closer. "I didn't really tell you what happened to my father."

"I figured you would fill me in when you wanted to."

"He's in the army and based at Fort Riley, hence the Kansas destination," Arizona explained quietly. "He's been in it since before I was born, we moved around so much – whenever they changed his base. He loves it…loved it I guess. I hated it; Mom hated it, though she never said that."

"I'm not surprised, it's a tough life for family isn't it? Always left at home, worrying."

Arizona nodded, tapping her fingers that splayed over Callie's blanket covered thigh. "In the last maybe ten years, Dad has been training teams to go over to Afghanistan who then mentor the Afghan security forces. They started off doing some civilian stuff, just basic law enforcement and working with local officials – well, that was the section he was in. He used to say he was safe now, that it wasn't front line."

"But he wasn't."

Arizona scoffed. "He had a heart attack Callie; he might have been over there, but that's not why he died."

"Mmmm, I know. But still…"

"It seems ridiculous, he would be pissed. He would be so pissed that after all our family has been through and all the deployments he's had that this is how it ended." Arizona tilted her head up and Callie pressed a kiss to her forehead. "He was superhuman; how did he die from a fucking heart attack?"

"He seemed superhuman...None of us actually are though."

"He always made me feel like I was nothing, like I was a failure. Because he was the hero, and no one ever lived up to his expectations. I wasn't good enough, my choices, my life was never good enough. My father was an arsehole and I have to go and say a eulogy that paints him as the…hero."

"You don't have to do anything, Arizona. You have to do what's good for you."

Arizona's nails scraped at Callie's leg, and she felt the pressure through her jeans. Moving her fingers from Arizona's hair, she snaked her hand to wrap around the back of Arizona's neck, kneading the muscle. "I can't get up there and say what I think. I just need to get the funeral over and done with, play the game. I've been doing it half my life, I can do it for another few days."

"Family sucks, yeah?" Callie massaged her lightly, soothing and relaxing her in one gentle motion.

"So much. But distract me for a while, what are your plans? You're going to rock up on your parents' doorstep?"

Callie groaned and hugged Arizona to her, rolling her eyes. "Did you have to bring it up?"

"You need to have some idea what you're gonna do, don't you?" Arizona squirmed a little before settling, the familiar tug from her healing ribs wrapping around her stomach.

"I can't call them, they don't answer my calls. Or they pretend to not be home; Aria is the same. I don't have a choice except to just front up at their door."

"What do you think they'll do?"

Callie shook her head. "Slam the door in my face."

"Really?"

Shrugging, Callie focussed on Arizona, ragged and tired. "I don't know. They'll expect that I've changed my mind, maybe. Accept that the divorce was my fault and that I've come grovelling back, to live by their rules."

"Fuck 'em."

Callie laughed. "Maybe I'll tell them that."

"Should go well," Arizona murmured, managing a light chuckle. "What are they like, your parents?"

"Evil," Callie muttered immediately but laughed it off. "No, not really. They're just stuck in the world that they know and can't see out of it, which I guess I can kind of understand. How do you relate to people when you have never even remotely walked in their world?"

"Mmmm, I wouldn't quite be so forgiving, but keep going."

"Yeah, well, I'm probably as well practised as you are. Who will I tell you about first? Mom…my mom is absolutely gorgeous, she's a beautiful woman. And incredibly intelligent, she's up on current affairs and international politics, she reads like crazy and probably could have been anything at all that she wanted to be."

"Apple doesn't fall far from the tree…"

"Well, it kind of does. My mother might be all of those things, but she doesn't care about that stuff. What she cares about is charity fundraisers, balls and auctions; making sure she wears a new dress and a different designer; finding the perfect tie for my father to wear. She fires staff on the spot if they make the smallest of mistakes; we went through a million staff as kids because they were never good enough. Of course, we loved most of them, they were warm and nice. Our nanny once had her pay docked because she didn't match our hair ribbons with our dresses; we were just going into the city for lunch. Crazy shit."

"Whoa," Arizona muttered, wrapping her arm tightly around Callie's middle. "Staff? As in plurals. I think I was like eleven and I was making my own school lunch let alone having a nanny or anyone else."

"Yeah, my mom was just a picture of maternal instinct and actually, Dad was probably better at the kid stuff. He at least would come home and read to us or play dolls. But he was strict, if there were other people around we weren't allowed to speak, we were to follow his rules. And then when we got older, Aria and I could just run amuck really. We had platinum credit cards and spent weekends going from party to party, alcohol and drugs, whatever was on."

"Wild, hey?"

"'Till a point, and then it all kind of stopped. Going through college was the same, but then you reach this age and there're decisions made. You would think the older you get, the more independent you become but it doesn't really work that way. In these families, because it wasn't just mine, you get this period of a four…five, maybe six years of playing up. And then it's all shut down, you have to grow up and head into the family business or get married, like you said, just play the game."

Arizona shook her head; their backgrounds were in stark contrast but there were a few common themes. "Dad always wanted me to go into the Army, follow in the family footsteps. But there's no way, I didn't even entertain the idea for two seconds, but it was always the unsaid, you know."

"Yeah, I get that. The unsaid, man, my life has been all about the unsaid."

"So what are you going to do, if they just slam the door in your face?"

Callie sighed and Arizona closed her eyes as she moved with Callie's heavy breath. "Probably have a meltdown."

"Probably understandably."

"Yeah. What about you?"

Arizona tilted her head up, eyes just able to focus up the side of Callie's cheek. "What about me?"

"What if you're not okay?"

She shrugged in response. "I will be."

"You don't have to be."

"But I do, for a while at least."

"Well," Callie murmured, pressing a kiss into Arizona' hair, "as long as you know you don't have to be with me."

Arizona didn't respond but she tightened her arm around Callie's waist, fingers pressing into the side of her back. Since she had been eighteen and left for college, she had been home, or to the place where her parents had last settled, on occasion. But it was seldom for something pleasurable and generally crisis driven. It didn't hold anything good for her anymore, just more heartache. More reminders of what she didn't have in her life and the loss of the things she did. There was little left to lose now; the pieces, just fragmenting over the years and slowly, one by one, disintegrating.

Callie had her own issues with her family, and Arizona couldn't even begin to conceptualise the hurt that she must feel. And maybe it was worse, to have an entire family that she couldn't touch, couldn't be a part of. That seemed just as unfair as not having family at all.

None of it was simple; and they were both heading to that odd concept of home now, to face it all again. It was as if they were walking directly into a pit of fire, and then they would wonder why they got burnt. If there were other choices, they would both be taking it.

* * *

Sitting at her gate and on hearing the boarding call for her flight, Arizona dropped her face to her hands and deflated. "I don't want to go," she declared, reluctantly turning her head when Callie tugged on her arms. She gave a tearful, guilty smile. "But I know I have to."

"Up," Callie directed, forcing a lightness to her tone despite the rush of emotion she was feeling suddenly at having Arizona continue on her own. She stood up and with both hands outstretched, waited for Arizona to reluctantly take them and gently pulled her to her feet. "So I, will be in a motel tonight, and will have my phone glued to me. Got that? I won't call, 'cause I know that you'll have things that you have to do and I don't want to intrude, but I'll be texting like a crazy woman. And you phone me, okay?"

Arizona nodded and Callie thought she noticed just a slight tremble of her lower lip before Arizona bit down on it. "What time do you arrive?" she asked quietly.

"Just before you land I think. I checked it when I booked; I think I get in a half an hour before you."

Leaning in, Arizona pressed a hurried kiss to Callie's lips; it appeared awkward and rushed. She wrapped an arm around Callie's neck and another around her lower back, clutching her tightly. "I'll call you," she murmured, barely audible.

Callie patiently enveloped her, ever so slightly rocking. "I know it's not okay, but you can do this." She felt a nod into her neck.

A few more seconds passed and Arizona lifted her face and rested her chin on the curve of Callie's neck. "You don't let them fuck you over either, okay? They don't get to control you."

Smiling, Callie drew back and cupped Arizona face, she met her in a slow, lingering kiss. And Arizona kissed her back. "I'll see you soon, and call me…"

"Yep." With a defeated look, Arizona grabbed her worn backpack and hanging it over one shoulder stepped away. She glanced back and waved. "Bye Callie."

"See ya." Callie watched her huddled form approach the counter, boarding pass scanned before she disappeared into the air bridge.

* * *

Standing in the middle of a baron lounge room, Arizona gratefully took the distraction of her phone vibrating in the back pocket of her jeans. She had met with the required Army personnel, though she was less interested in financial benefits and payments than she was with negotiating the funeral arrangements. But after hours of planning and completing forms and meeting up with extended family and friends, she was exhausted. And she was standing in the middle of a barely lived in three bedroom house, just a small amount of light from the low voltage bulb overhead.

Checking her phone, Arizona breathed a sigh of relief. It was a text from Callie, and not another voicemail message from some stranger.

_Hey beautiful. How's things going your end? I've checked in, been for a walk, gone to the shops and tried to talk myself out of the family visit tomorrow at least twenty times. Been hoping you're doing okay._

Arizona slowly lowered herself on to a small sofa, pushed to the side of the room. It was the same old two seater they had lugged from home to home throughout her childhood. Her mother never liked the furnished houses; she always wanted her own things.

_Have I mentioned I hate this? :-( No dramas though, just full on. No talking yourself out of it – you're going. xo_

_You up for a call? Or about to sleep? I'll phone your cell from my hotel._

_Call please!_

It was only a few seconds before Arizona's phone started ringing, text message box still open. She answered and said, "That was quick, did you have me already dialled?"

Callie laughed. "Maybe. Nah, just keen to hear how you're doing?"

"Blech, I'm alright. Unless you ask me to sign a form, then I may just have to kill you."

"Oh crap, is that all you've done all day? As if you don't have enough to be doing and thinking about."

Arizona swivelled around until she laid back on the sofa, head on the arm and feet hanging off the other end. "It was half the day, I had to go to the base and meet with some representative. I don't even know half of what I signed. The one good thing though, they're organising most of the funeral stuff, I just spoke with the chaplain and he's going to do it all. I suppose that's what happens when you've served for thirty five years even if half of it was like an office job."

"So that's good? Are you happy for them to do it?"

"Shit yeah, I don't have the energy. They probably knew him better than me anyway. Suppose that makes me sound like a bitch…there's just so much. I had to go and listen to my Aunt sob for hours and all these people I didn't even know kept coming to her house. I haven't even really been in his life, I mean, I have…I've known bits and pieces, but I haven't been actually _in_ his life. All these people, they know him and I don't. Didn't. I don't know."

Callie murmured soothingly. "Mmmm, it sounds awful."

"What do I do? I don't even know what to do next or what decisions to make? His closest friend, who I've known since high school, wanted to give me all this stuff to put in the eulogy. Stories to tell, so I said he could do it. And now I feel guilty, should I have? I'm his daughter, it's my job."

"Oh honey no, you shouldn't feel guilty. At all. Exactly, you're his daughter, so you do what's right for you, fuck the rest. You need to look after yourself."

Arizona released a shaky breath, pressing her thumb and index finger into her eyes. "Tell me I can do this."

"You can."

"My brother died," Arizona stated suddenly and a choked sob escaped her mouth, followed by a startled moan. "And my fucking ribs are still fucked." Drawing her knees up, she rolled on to her side and slipped off the arm of the sofa, curling up with the phone still pressed with one hand to her ear. She cried into the phone, starting to elaborate multiple times but stopping to gasp in mouthfuls of air and to wipe at her nose with the back of her hand. "He died over there too," she eventually managed to articulate, "trying to live up to Dad's expectations. Trying to be the hero, just like Dad. And he was out there and protecting people, and taking risks. I spoke at his funeral…he was my best friend and he died."

"Arizona…"

"Do you know what Dad said when Tim died? He said that he _screwed up_, that it was his fault. Who says that? And what, I'm meant to stand up and paint that bastard as a hero who loved and supported his family? I have no family left because of him and I hate him and I can't hate him because he's dead. I'm not allowed to hate my dead Father."

"You are, you allowed to feel whatever you feel."

She cried more audibly, whimpering down the line. "I can't do this. I can't fucking do this again."

"Okay, Arizona you need to slow down and breathe…just stop for a second," Callie soothed, desperately helpless on the other end of the phone. Her mind raced as well, why couldn't Arizona have disbanded back in Scotland, when she was with her and supporting her? In some misguided effort to protect herself, she was even more vulnerable. "Take a breath."

A silence fell between them, Arizona trying to breathe, to settle. "I feel like crap," Arizona muttered pitifully, crying softly.

"You don't think? It's a lot; too much."

"Yeah well, life hasn't figured that out yet."

"You shouldn't be alone," Callie murmured. "Where's your mom? Why is this all on you?"

"She can't do any of this…she just, can't." Arizona loudly sniffled, wiping at her face and trying to draw in audibly shuddering breaths. "I have to do it."

"Okay, then I'll come Arizona. Do you want me to? I want to."

There was hesitation from Arizona, and she genuinely considered the offer; for a moment, Callie thought she might agree. "It's not that I don't want you to, I just need a few days."

Callie wanted to demand _why_, to understand the decision Arizona was making. But she didn't need to; Arizona was communicating with her, she wasn't shutting herself off. Callie had no right to demand answers to something that she didn't quite understand. "Okay and I'm trusting you to tell me if you change your mind…okay?"

"I will, I promise. And in a few days I'll fly to you or whatever happens with your family, we'll sort something. I don't think I'll want to stay here."

"Fair enough. Something tells me I won't want to stay here either," Callie added with a light laugh. "I hired a car at the airport, I'll drive out to see them tomorrow."

"You got your armour ready?" Arizona asked, and her voice was a little more stable and less strangled, her throat starting to relax.

"Yeah absolutely, full body armour, helmet, the whole lot. Bring it on, right?"

"And if all else fails we have Scotland, huh?"

Callie smiled and a chuckled. "Yes, _we_ do."

* * *

It was familiar, and Callie hated that. She was being overwhelmed with memories, both good ones and the not so good ones. The road to the family winter property was relatively quiet, but the long driveway was simply deserted. The same trees that Aria and her had tried to climb as kids lined the paved track; and when she looked out the window at the wide expanse of grass, she could almost hear Aria's high pitched childish squeals.

At the large iron gate, Callie leaned out her window and punched in the access code. She was surprised when it opened.

Driving around the large turning circle in front of the house, Callie parked under a shady tree. Her hands shook at she tried to turn the ignition and she fumbled with the keys as she stepped out of the car. They fell to the ground.

She was panicking and she knew she was panicking, anxiously drawing in quick breaths and knowing that any word that left her mouth was going to come out in a pant. Her attempts to calm herself were completely futile.

Feeling tears prick at the edges of her eyes, she ducked back into the car and sat in the drivers seat, closing the door behind her. She needed to get a grip. Reaching into her handbag, she withdrew a small compact and examined her reflection. She tapped pressed powder to her chin and studied her eyes; they were unacceptably glazed. Fishing out her phone, Callie checked for missed calls before clicking on the text message she had received from Arizona mid-route.

_Good luck today. Let me know how it goes xoxo_

Callie quickly typed. _Thanks - just arrived. Feels like a lamb to the slaughter. How are you?_

_Living the dream. Another meeting with the Chaplain about song choices and readings now._

Callie screwed her face up. _:-( No fun, good luck to you too._

A message came back through quickly. _Stop procrastinating, go. Xo_

Callie gave a nervous giggle and shook her head. _Okay! I'm going…_

Exiting the small hire Prius, Callie threw her bag over her shoulder and approached the house slowly. She walked to the wooden, double front door and pressed the doorbell; she waited.

And waited.

Glancing around her, Callie could hear movement inside yet no one appeared in front of her. She rang the bell again and it was almost a minute before the door swung open. Standing in front of her were her parents and sister, a small dog running around their feet.

They locked eyes silently; no one said a word.

One by one, they each surveyed Callie, eyes drifting from her face and over her body and back up again. Their expression was one of clear dissatisfaction, jeans and sweatshirt not passing their expectation.

"Hi," Callie eventually said softly, swallowing as her eyebrows widened in surprise at the clear rounded swell of Aria's stomach. She had to be at least six or seven months pregnant.

"Calliope." She received a single nod from her father and her name was spoken in confirmation. It wasn't a greeting or a question, but a statement. They didn't seem surprised to see her.

"I thought it was time that we talked," Callie said, cursing the hesitation and nervousness that she knew was clear in her voice.

"Have you changed?"

"Excuse me?" Callie asked towards her mother, feeling the glare of her eyes.

Aria coughed. "They know, Callie."

"Know what, Aria?"

"About you, everything; the women. They know; Stephen found out and made an announcement, and I confirmed it. They know."

"Are you kidding me? How? It's none of his…it's no ones business."

"You put it out there…" Aria said slyly, arrogantly. Placing blame as if Callie had made a choice, a deliberate extravagant choice.

"Have you changed?" Callie's mother asked again, each word pronounced slowly and deliberately; her words oozed with anger.

Callie shook her head, forehead creasing and mouth slightly open. "No, I…no,"

"Then you can stop there."

Without another word, the door closed heavily in front of her face. It wasn't slammed but gently closed; Callie heard the solid latch click into place and distinct sound of a secured lock.

* * *

**TBC…**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: **Have I mentioned recently how fabulous you are? Love the thoughts and opinions and always pleased to see new story alerts popping up. Thank you! I'm hopeful of getting another part written before I disappear overseas for a few weeks…but even then, I've got so many hours in airports and some chilling out time as well, so although updates might be slightly less frequent, they still should be happening regularly. But here's a longer part as my apology. :-)

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

"_When we truly realise that we are all alone, is when we need others the most."_

_Ronald Anthony_

The drive back to the hotel for Callie was lonely and isolating. She oscillated between feeling completely upset and abandoned, to frustratingly angry. The car witnessed her distress, the closed fist that slammed on the steering wheel and the tears that carved into her cheeks as she negotiated the highway exit. She wasn't thinking particularly rationally, her mind running miles ahead to all the family events she would no longer be part of, her niece or nephew she would never see; the parts of her life that her family would never share.

It seemed ridiculous in one sense, but then perfectly predictable in another. She must have been naïve to think that she could reconnect with them. And Callie chastised herself, at some point, despite the external bravado; she had actually let herself have some hope. She had maintained a tiny dash of hope that their love for her would overpower the false pretence that they seemed so intent on indulging.

She had been wrong. And it hurt.

Arriving back in her room, Callie discarded the room key and her handbag on the small desk in the corner of the studio apartment. She kicked her shoes off and sunk to the floor, back pressed up against the bed. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she pressed her face into her knees and cried; the shoulders shaking and stomach clenching kind of crying that only bare walls ever witnessed. Mostly.

She had so little left.

* * *

Arizona was done. She was tired of placating relatives, engaging in crap conversations about how this was the perfect way for her father to have died. How he would have hated to get old and demented; how he wouldn't have coped if his body had slowly and progressively betrayed him.

It was bullshit.

And Arizona was becoming exhausted with a lower threshold for listening to false truths. She had to walk away before she said something she regretted, recognising the swell of energy that rushed angry thoughts into her mind. She was sure it would have been obvious, how she clenched her teeth to stop from muttering loud facts that reflected reality and not some fantasy world. Even the way her hand fisted her hair and her eyes cast to the ceiling. They were too busy creating false justifications to notice the impact on her.

It's strange how the living reflect on the dead; the musings are always so positive and inaccurate, lives seen through rose coloured glasses. And the poor pitiful excuses for their untimely death, as if painting a pretty picture will make it all better. What was wrong with saying that someone died and it sucked? Full stop; end of sentence, nothing else is needed.

Her father wouldn't have been happy to die from an infarct; if he had his choice, he would have died running through a barrage of gunfire, two innocent little girls under his arms, saving their life. Or some other similar grand gesture that would have earned him a posthumous award – the Medal of Honor preferably.

She didn't understand why they all had to sit around and talk about him as if this was something he wanted, as if the stars had aligned and the world suddenly made sense. Because it didn't.

But she only had to get through a few more days. The funeral was planned for the next morning and then it would only take a day or two to sort everything else and she could disappear again. She didn't mind where, though she hoped it would be with Callie. Callie was the one seemingly stable and predictable force in her life for the moment.

She kept having a little battle with herself, every time she went to phone or text, or to think about where and when they would meet up again. She told herself over and over, that it was _new_ and _complicated_. She ranted like a track record, not to fall for Callie, or not to fall too hard. That there was nothing to predict that it wouldn't end spectacularly badly.

Other than her instincts were telling her, _yes._ Her instincts never said yes, they screamed _no_ and she didn't listen to them; it wasn't hard to see why her relationships had failed when she had always tried to make the impossible work. She couldn't make a liar tell the truth, or a cheater remain faithful, she couldn't make a bitter and hurt person love her tenderly. And she had always known, in fact, she genuinely believed that most people always knew, from the very start of a relationship what the issues were and would always be. Human beings just don't listen to their instincts; she had done it too many times, that horrid innate drive that she could make someone a better person.

But right now, with Callie. Everything was a _yes._

With thoughts of Callie, Arizona checked the time and clicked her tongue, wondering whether to check in with her or not. It had been almost five hours since Callie had messaged, outside of her parents' house. Just as Callie had been doing carefully with her, Arizona wanted to give her space and time, but still be there in some peripherally supportive way. And Callie's family dramas gave her a strange reprieve from the mess she was thigh deep in; so she eventually decided on a text.

Slumping down on the same uncomfortable small sofa, Arizona couldn't wait to walk out the door and give the direction to empty the house. Donate whatever to whomever, she didn't really care. She had the few small valuables, sentimental items really, that she wanted and her mother kept the rest. Arizona would make sure her mom had her father's medals and wedding band, but everything else was fairly disposable. The family photos had already been distributed and the house was cold and impersonal anyway. Her family had left her with enough metaphorical baggage; she didn't need it in the literal sense as well.

Withdrawing her phone, Arizona typed and deleted text multiple times, rephrasing and adding hugs and kisses before reconsidering. She felt a little silly; it was her contact that was important, not the wording. _I haven't heard from you…all okay?_

Forty-five minutes passed before Arizona received a response, though she was still sitting motionless and staring blankly at her feet. She jumped at the message alert tone. _Just sorting flights to you. Late afternoon arrival tomorrow okay?_

Arizona exhaled a sad sigh, obviously things hadn't gone well. _Of course, so not great then?_

_Fucked._

Knowing she probably shouldn't, but just a slight smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. So expressive yet not so; the art of communicating with expletives. _I'm sorry, what can I do?_

_Nothing, really. How are you? Funeral sorted?_

_Yeah, tomorrow morning thankfully, can't wait to get it over with. Do you need to talk?_

In her hotel room, Callie shuddered with another round of tears. She would be more rational tomorrow and could put her energy into supporting Arizona, but the last thing they needed in that moment was to both be blubbering messes. _All good, can't wait to see you though – you're the one good thing in my life right now, hope that's okay with you. _

_Totally okay, right back at you too. What's your flight details, I'll pick you up._

_Nah, you've got enough to do. Text me the address before tomorrow and I'll just come to yours. Do you need me to book somewhere? A hotel?_

Arizona shrugged to the vacant room; she had slept the previous night on a day bed in the spare room, and hadn't really thought too far ahead. She wasn't prepared to sleep in the main room, despite the Queen sized bed. It all felt a bit strange and uncomfortable. _We'll sort it when you arrive, don't stress. Are you okay? I know you're probably not…_

_Not at all. You?_

_Not at all. Awesome, at least we're equally not okay. :-) _Arizona added the smiley face, though she knew it was a bit of a stretch. There was some ironic humour in their equally screwed up lives, but even amongst the loss, they still maintained some sense of the absurdity.

And Arizona needed some lightness; the next couple of days were going to be horrendous. And light, light was something she was definitely not going to be.

* * *

Following a few minutes of indecision, Callie hired a car and drove the two hours to the address Arizona had provided. She knew Arizona had already rented a car as well and it seemed excessive to have two but she wasn't tolerating the idea of sitting around waiting for public transport, and a cab for that distance wasn't an option. If she had thought in advance, she probably would have organised a private transfer but given her distress the previous day, she considered herself lucky that she had even booked the right flights. They would deal with the car situation later.

Predictably, Callie's level of anguish had dissipated slightly after an aided full night of sleep. She had woken up, more angry than upset which she felt was a good move. She despised the emotional response that her family elicited from her, that unguarded and raw flood of unfiltered sorrow. The amount they upset her affected her almost as much as why they did.

Following the directions on the satellite navigation, Callie easily negotiated the suburban area until she pulled into the drive in front of a neutral, simple brick home. It was surrounded by similar buildings, all basically the same with slight variations in roof colour and gardens out the front. Pulling her small suitcase from the trunk, Callie wheeled it to the front door, handbag over her shoulder. Knocking on the wooden door, the hinges creaked and it pushed open, clearly left slight ajar and unlocked. "Arizona?" Callie called out, rechecking the address on her phone and matching it with the house number. "Arizona?" She hadn't heard from Arizona since the funeral, though the text that morning indicated she would be well home by the time Callie arrived.

Stepping inside, Callie settled her suitcase just inside the door and pushed the door closed behind her. She stepped slowly down a short corridor, eyes alert and darting along the white walls. "Arizona!" she called again, louder this time and heard a slight bang from further into the house. It sounded a little like a glass landing on a table.

"Hey, come in," Arizona said softly and Callie walked a little quicker, grateful to hear Arizona's voice. She wasn't sneaking through the wrong house.

"I wasn't sure I had the right place," Callie muttered with a smile, hand pressed to her chest as she caught her breath. Arizona sat on the sofa, a half glass of wine on the coffee table. She followed Callie quietly when she dropped her bag on the kitchen bench and approached her. "Hi," Callie said, leaning in to give Arizona a soft kiss before sitting down next to her. "How are you doing?" she asked concernedly, a hand rubbing up and down her back.

Arizona was still in a knee length black dress and stockings, toes slightly visible with her shoes discarded. Even though she had a thick coat still around her, she was still shivering, the house was freezing. "Good," Arizona responded, staring at Callie wide-eyed and unblinking, voice empty and stable.

"How did today go?"

"Fine."

Shuffling, Callie turned her body further, pulling one leg up underneath her so she faced Arizona. She continued to stroke her back, slowly and rhythmically while Arizona continued to just watch, though it was as if she was watching an ant crawl across the floor. "Have you been back long?"

Arizona's forehead burrowed. "I'm not sure."

Glancing back over her shoulder, Callie squinted at the wine bottle on the counter; from where she was sitting it looked almost full. Arizona's glass had only a few mouthfuls missing. Running the back of her fingers up over Arizona's cheek, Callie elicited a few consecutive blinks from her. "Arizona?" she asked and Arizona met her gaze. "Are you alright?"

Nodding automatically, Arizona murmured quietly, "Yes."

"You don't seem so good."

"I don't?"

"No."

"Oh," Arizona said, and her face creased in confusion again. "Did your flight go okay? And the drive?"

"Yeah fine, no problems. I hired a car, so we're stuck with two but that's not a drama, I can sort that," Callie said slowly, dropping a hand down to Arizona's lap. She ran her fingers along the inside of her arm, back and forth before squeezing her hand.

Arizona slowly looked down as she felt Callie's touch, after a delay, she grasped back. "Hi," she whispered.

Callie sucked in a breath. "Hi," she returned, cocking her head to try and engage Arizona's focus before leaning forward and pursing her lips into the loose blond hair. She lingered in place though Arizona only mildly moved to rest against her. "Have you eaten today?" Callie asked.

"Yeah, an apple, earlier. This morning."

"That's not enough, you need something to eat, some water."

"What time is it? You were arriving at five."

"Yeah," Callie nodded, twisting her wrist with Arizona's hands to check the time. "It's almost eight. Maybe something to eat and then some sleep, hey?" she asked, lifting her fingers from Arizona's back to run over her head and down through her hair.

"I'm tired," Arizona acknowledged, though the lack of expression was scaring Callie.

"Okay, do you have any food here? I'll check the fridge."

"I got some bread," Arizona replied, but again, she looked confused. "I'm not sure where I put it. And I got some wine."

Callie nodded. "Yeah honey, I don't think you should drink that," she murmured, taking the glass with her as she stepped into the kitchen, Arizona still in her line of sight. She found the bread untouched on the bench, still in a plastic carry bag. Opening the fridge, Callie screwed her nose up, just a few condiments and a UHT milk on the shelves. She quickly withdrew a jar of marmalade and made some toast, filling two tall glasses of water from the tap. "Just have a few bites for me," Callie insisted, placing a plate on Arizona's lap. She reached for a slice and bit into it, swallowing. "I know, it's the only thing in the fridge to have on it."

"Thanks."

Finishing hers quickly, Callie took a few sips of water and patiently waited for Arizona to finish. She managed most of it before giving Callie a pitiful look. "That'll do," Callie said smiling, "and now some water." Arizona drank it quickly, unaware of her thirst until the water soothed her dry mouth. She looked to Callie, passively awaiting her next direction.

"Do you want to go and get changed?"

Glancing down at her dress, Arizona nodded. "Yeah, I meant to…"

Callie followed Arizona momentarily, checking the room she was staying in and where the bathroom was as she went. Content that Arizona was capable, Callie returned to the kitchen and quickly washed the two plates and a knife; she refilled the glasses and secured the front door before flicking off lights. This quiet and void version of Arizona wasn't something she had seen; the way she seemed to be floating somewhere just below consciousness. She looked smaller and timid, yet kind of lost, confused. Perhaps the events of the last few weeks were catching up with her, compounding into some mess of emotion until she disengaged.

Grabbing the handle of her suitcase, Callie wheeled it into the spare room, the two glasses precariously held in her other hand. She left her bag just inside the door and placed the water on an old dressing table. Arizona was sitting cross-legged back on a day bed, a thick wooden white frame that came to just under the window.

"I'm excited to see the ducks," Callie said, crouching down in front of Arizona, hands on her pyjama clad knees.

Arizona nodded and politely smiled. "You need your cupcakes."

"I do," Callie agreed. "Can I get you anything? Anything you need." Arizona shook her head. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight or do you want…I mean, I can sleep out on the sofa."

"Can you stay in here?" Arizona asked quietly, though she cast her eyes over the single bed. "Oh, I guess it's small."

"Ah it's fine. Good, just let me wash up and I'll be right back," Callie said, rubbing her knees. "You get into bed and leave me a little space, okay?" By the time Callie returned, Arizona was curled up on her side, facing the door. She was lying close to the edge, head propped up on a pillow and both fists curled up under her chin. Callie smiled and pushed the door closed, it tapped against the frame but didn't close. It wasn't important; there was no one else there.

Bracing herself against the edge of the daybed, Callie climbed over Arizona, laughing lightly. "Gymnastics was never my strong point," she chuckled, fighting to get herself underneath the multiple layers of sheets and blankets. The heating was completely inadequate. "Jesus Christ, this is, well, tiny."

"I can sleep on the floor," Arizona said simply.

"Not a freakin' chance," Callie countered quickly, wrapping her arms around Arizona and conforming to her back. Nuzzling into her shoulder, Callie kissed her neck and stilled. "You're going to spend the entire night, right here. Besides, I like it; it's very high school."

They laid in silence for a few minutes, breathing settling in to a slow, even rise and fall, inhaling and exhaling in unison. Arizona's fingers uncurled and slipped around Callie's wrist, tugging her closer. "I didn't ask about your family thing," she said, jerking Callie from her thoughts.

"Shhhhh. Sleep tonight and talk later, okay? There's plenty of time."

"Okay," Arizona whispered, wiggling back as Callie showered her neck with miniscule damp kisses. "God, I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too."

"I don't think I can do this without you, is that insane?"

"Shhhh, it's time to sleep, not think. Trust me, I'll be right here in the morning." As uncomfortable as the small space was, they barely moved all night.

* * *

The next morning, Arizona was only marginally more communicative. She answered questions but barely initiated a sentence, and Callie thought that she looked lost. It was as if she had built up these high walls around her, simply focussed on surviving whilst she presented a non-emotive exterior to the world. Callie was concerned but not overly worried, she figured for the moment Arizona could self protect however she wanted to. That's how people function in the most awful of circumstances, they compartmentalise so they can get what needs to be done, done. It's not dysfunctional or abnormal, it's just the way the mind has learned to function under stress. She would be worried if went on and on, but right now, she was just happy that Arizona wanted her there.

Somehow, they ended up in the car and Callie was driving, following the GPS directed route that Arizona had punched in the destination. She knew that they were going to see Arizona's mother, and the navigation system was taking them to St Joseph, just over the state border into Missouri. Other than that, she was completely in the dark. She wasn't a hundred percent sure if Arizona had actually asked her to come along or expected it, but she certainly didn't protest when Callie had opened the passenger door for her and slipped into the drivers' seat.

Despite being painfully quiet throughout the almost three hour drive, Arizona would sporadically reach across the console and place her hand on Callie's thigh. She would just rest it there, thumb slightly moving back and forth; at times she would offer Callie a sad smile but other times she continued to stare straight ahead. Callie would briefly rub her arm and cover her hand, hoping to silently portray her consistent support.

Callie tried to talk at times, just idly chatting but she only got the odd murmur from Arizona, short one word distracted answers. She was only trying to fill the silence anyway and wasn't fazed at the lack of response. Eventually, she needed direction though; taking the final few streets and watching the distance to destination count down.

"We're almost there…am I looking for something in particular? Just a house number or…" she trailed off, the signs on the streets since the main road all had hospital symbols on them. "Arizona?" Callie prompted again, "what am I looking for?"

"Oh, ummm," Arizona refocussed out the window, shaking her head and blinking a few times in quick succession. "Just take the next turn and then follow it down…" she pointed in front of herself, indicating for Callie to turn right. The GPS announced their arrival. "Keep going, and in here, there's a car park out front, see?"

"Yep," Callie nodded, indicating and turning into the facility. The large sign left little mystery, _Northwest Missouri Psychiatric Rehabilitation Center_. "Oh, a psych center? Your mom isn't well, huh?"

Arizona exhaled heavily and shrugged. "The sign's deceiving, it's not really rehab, that doesn't work, she's been here for years."

They parked in a vacant space and Callie turned the ignition off, unbuckling her seatbelt. Arizona didn't move. Reaching across, Callie pushed the release button on Arizona's belt and guided it off her. "All good?"

Arizona screwed her nose up; it was as expressive as she had been since Callie had arrived. "You don't have to come, it's probably a duty that can wait for a few more years. Girlfriend's mad mother and all."

Callie stifled a soft laugh. "Call me your girlfriend and I'll visit anyone you like." She rubbed Arizona's arm. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to come in and meet your mum. You don't have to do everything on your own, you know."

Arizona slowly nodded. "We won't be here long."

Grabbing her handbag from the backseat and getting out of the car, Callie walked around to Arizona's side, holding the door as she was halfway out. She still protected the ribs, guarding them with slight pressure from her open palm with the other holding a canvas shopping bag. Getting in and out of a low car was one of the more difficult positions to negotiate, that and twisting to look over her shoulder or reach for something behind her. Sometimes she forgot that they were still healing; they didn't hurt at all when she was lying or sitting still. Even standing.

Taking Callie's hand, Arizona led her inside the main entrance, obviously knowing her way through the facility. They signed in at the main entrance and then waited at a secure door, when Arizona gave her name and the resident they were visiting. "Arizona Robbins, visiting Barbara Robbins, please."

_Barbara_, Callie mentally noted.

A young woman appeared at the door, ushering them through before giving Arizona a quick embrace. "I'm sorry to hear about Daniel, we all are."

Arizona's eyes widened. "Had he been visiting?"

The short, slightly plump woman shrugged and a tinge of red blushed her cheeks. "Not for a while, he had been deployed, right? We got emails that we read to Barbara, much like many of our vets in here."

Nodding, Arizona glanced around the deserted hallway and Callie couldn't help but notice the upmarket prints on the wall and wide, freshly carpeted corridor. Rooms seemed to run off the corridor before it turned to the left and a huge range of leaflets and booklets lined plastic displays, defence force supports and resources. She imagined that this was the collateral damage from wars that no one likes to acknowledge, least of all politicians. "How has she been?"

"Well, no big changes, but that's expected. The odd smile recently."

"Has she been told about my father?"

"Yes. There wasn't a lot of acknowledgement, Dr Kusak isn't sure she comprehended. But I suppose we can't really know." They all paused for a moment, hesitating as if waiting for someone to make the move to Barbara's room. "And you've been overseas again, yeah?"

"Ah yeah, I have a deadline." Arizona shared a glance with Callie. "Can we go in?"

"Of course, go on in. We'll be at the nurses station if you need anything." The woman seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, for someone who worked in a psychiatric facility; she was incredibly inept at small talk.

Arizona led Callie along the corridor and to the left, curling a hand around to rest on the small of her back. Callie dropped her fingertips into it, following closely. As if solely focussed, Arizona checked the number on the door and knocked a few times before turning the handle and entering. She waved Callie in and left the door slightly ajar. "Hi Mom," she said softly, tucking hair behind her ears and walking over to the recliner where her mom was seated.

The room had a single bed in the middle and an ensuite bathroom off to the side. A small desk with a few framed photos lined the wall at the end of the bed and a tall wardrobe was next to it; a television up on the wall. Arizona crouched in front of her mother, long grey hair around her shoulders and dressed in dark slacks and a pink shirt and open black sweater. "It's Arizona Mom, I'm in town," Arizona murmured, placing both of her hands over Barbara's, resting motionless in her lap. Callie lingered awkwardly at the end of the bed, watching. Barbara didn't acknowledge Arizona's presence, blue eyes staring straight ahead.

"The walls are white, they painted the walls white. Just white, see?"

Arizona swallowed, squeezing Barbara's hands and Callie's pulse raced, observing Arizona take in a slow, calming breath. "I see Mom. I brought someone for you to meet, I hope that's okay. See at the end of the bed? That's Callie Torres, Mom."

Again, Barbara's eyes didn't move, nor did she acknowledge Callie's presence.

Callie stepped forward; she moved to sit on the edge of the bed, fingers dragging across Arizona's shoulder as she lowered. "Hi Mrs Robbins, I'm so pleased to meet you."

"I've been staying with Callie in Scotland and I've been working on my next book. I think it's going to be good." Arizona twisted her feet out from under her, resting down on her knees. She let her hands drift from Barbara's and sat back, feeling Callie's fingers immediately toy with her hair. "I umm, I got you a few things that they said you needed. I didn't have much time but a couple of new shirts and some slippers. They tell me it's been really cold, so I got you a new jacket, it comes down to your knees so nice and warm, maybe you can sit out in the courtyard some time, when the sun's out."

Callie cleared her throat and nodded. "There's some seats out there, is that right?" Callie asked rhetorically, looking out a glass sliding door and beyond a security screen. "Looks like a nice area to get some sun or do some reading. Probably a good place to be have a snooze or be read to, actually."

Arizona turned her head and smiled at Callie, who just shrugged and smiled back. She wasn't freaked out, saddened yes, freaked out, no. "I brought you some snacks too, do you still like coconut chocolate? And some fudge, I'm not sure you'll like it, it's super sweet. Remember how you never used to let us have sweet things? It's backfired, I love sweets now."

Laughing lightly, Callie's thumb found the skin of Arizona's neck, stroking it between strands of hair. "You might have to watch out Mrs Robbins, you may not get any of that fudge."

Both Arizona and Callie noticed a long blink on her expressionless face and when she opened her eyes they flittered a little, seeming to jump from Arizona to Callie. "They took them down to paint the walls white. New white walls and they took them down."

Arizona shook her head confused but Callie jumped in. "Oh, the frames huh? Yeah, they can't paint around them so they had to put them on the desk. May I look?"

Not receiving a negative or affirmative response, Callie stood and walked the short few steps to the desk, bending down and observing the few frames. Arizona peered around her. "That's Tim, my brother. We were what, maybe ten, Mom?" Arizona said softly.

"Man, you guys were alike. Blond hair, blue eyes runs in the family obviously." Arizona nodded, standing up and peering over Callie's shoulder. "That was my Dad and Tim just before Tim's first deployment and there's Mom and Dad on their wedding day." Arizona pressed her lips close to Callie's ear. "Mom was four months pregnant with me."

Callie giggled and shook her head, quite the scandal back then she presumed. She turned back and rested on the side of the table, one hand on Arizona's back. "Do you think we can take her outside? It's pretty sunny though I guess it's still cold, but maybe she would like some chocolate."

Arizona nodded and moved forward, she pulled a lever and slowly lowered Barbara's legs. "Let's have a look outside Mom, see how cold it is. How would you like to put on your new coat?"

Callie reached into the bag and withdrew the jacket; breaking the tag off with her teeth before she held it open. "Here you go, feels really warm - good choice Arizona." She guided Barbara's arms in and Arizona tugged it closed around her front, doing the buttons up. "Fits perfect," Callie observed.

Taking her Mom's hand, Arizona led her outside, opening the door and stepping out into a courtyard. A range of room seemed to open on to it, but there was only one other young man in the corner, cigarette between his lips. A bitter coldness hit them initially, but another few steps and they stood in direct sunlight. It was suddenly bearable. They settled together on a bench seat, and Arizona patted the back of Barbara's hand, they waited for Callie to appear.

Barbara followed Callie when she stepped out of the room, a medium sized block of chocolate in her hand and a small plastic bag with a piece of fudge. She looked at Arizona confused and held her hand tighter. "That's Callie Mom, remember? I introduced you inside."

"It's so nice to meet you, Mrs Robbins," Callie placated, widely smiling and Arizona couldn't help but in that exact moment, fall completely and utterly in love. In such a split second, she was sure. "I would like to take credit for the chocolate, but it was your daughter. She has a bit of thing for junk food."

"Mmmmm," Barbara murmured and it was almost a logical and appropriately timed response.

"Would you like some?" Callie asked, breaking off a line of three squares and holding it out. Barbara took it and bit into it, sucking slowly on a single piece.

"Thanks," Arizona whispered and Callie nodded.

"You warm enough?" Callie asked Arizona. "I've got another layer on, you can use my coat…"

"Nah, I'm good. I've missed the sun."

"Yeah, not a lot of sun in Scotland, or Belgium for that matter. We might get some sun in a few months. Well, maybe for a day or two anyway." Callie stood in front of them, rolling on her feet and holding her face to the sun. It was bright though hardly warming, but it wasn't unpleasant. "How was that chocolate? Not too bad huh? So I'm guessing you might be keen for this piece of fudge."

Barbara's hand was held out before Callie had negotiated the plastic wrapping, offering another murmur of approval. "I got a few pieces Mom, I'll have the nurses put them in a jar, you can keep it in a drawer. I hope they get you the things you need, we always pay extra for anything else." Arizona sighed, her mother releasing her hand to place both on the piece of fudge, nibbling slowly at it. "Guess there'll be more now…"

She glanced helplessly up at Callie, who gave her a sympathetic look. "You know Mrs Robbins, you've daughter's been pretty amazing these last few days. Weeks actually, but particularly the last few days."

Barbara paused, looking between them, just a split second passing before she resumed working on the square of fudge. "Do you remember Mom? Dad won't be visiting any more; is there anything you want to know?"

Not giving any indication that she understood the comment, Barbara finished the sweet and dropped her hand back to her lap. Reaching in to her pocket, Arizona swallowed heavily and reached for her mom's hand. She fingered a gold band, sliding it over Barbara's thumb; it fit securely over her knuckle but was loose towards the base. At least it wouldn't fall off. "I thought you would want Dad's ring."

Tearing her hand away and standing up suddenly, Barbara returned quickly to her room and settled back on the recliner, rocking slowly. Arizona bowed her head and placed hands on either side of herself before rising to her feet. Her eyes were glassy when she looked at Callie. "You're doing really good," Callie whispered, placing a hand on the back of Arizona's head and kissing her temple.

"I can't stay much longer," Arizona murmured.

"Sure, I'm ready whenever you are. This must be really hard."

Callie kept a hand wrapped around Arizona's hip as they walked back inside, both sitting on the edge of the bed. They continued for another fifteen minutes, trying to talk with each other but peripherally talking to Barbara, it was tough to have a three-way conversation when only two were really present. One and half if you included Arizona's tenuous hold on her own emotional stability. They persisted though, mostly thanks to Callie's ability to talk gently and fluidly, almost engaging as if Barbara was following and commenting on her small talk.

When they finally left, Barbara responded as similarly as she did when they arrived. Placidly allowing Arizona to press a kiss to her cheek and squeeze her hands. She stopped at the door, following Callie; turning back she said, "I'll see you again Mom, okay? I love you."

Barbara's eyes blinked once and her fingers turned the ring on her thumb over and over. She just stared ahead.

Leaving some paperwork at the desk on their way out, Arizona had a quick discussion with the manager in regards to continued financial commitments. Her mom would be the recipient of her father's life insurance and various army payments, which in addition to her brother's were more than sufficient for lifelong care.

Gripping Callie's hand tightly, Arizona held on to her arm as they walked out. "You just want to go?" Callie asked quietly. "Or do you need a few minutes."

"I just want to go if that's okay. You good to drive?"

"Yeah of course, I could do with a coffee and a bathroom stop though."

Arizona nodded, tipping her face up and kissing Callie's cheek. They stumbled a little and Callie laughed. "Careful."

"I have to thank you," Arizona said quickly, "you're better with her than I am."

Rolling her eyes, Callie's muttered, "It's a bit easier to be a stranger."

"She wasn't always like this." Arizona slid carefully into the car, waiting for Callie to close the door and head around to the opposite side.

"I figured she wasn't," Callie said, "but what happened? I mean, is there not any treatment? Or is that the result of medication or something?"

"Ah, I don't really know the specifics. What exactly when on, but it was after Tim that this kind of happened. There was once before, years and years before when we were kids. Dad got injured and she had this breakdown, I guess. But she got better. This time she didn't."

Callie started the car and pressed at the GPS before reversing out. "She's been like this since your brother died?"

Arizona nodded. "They just thought it was shock at first, and then later a type of depression. They gave her ECT for a while and she would talk a little more, have conversations. But they couldn't keep doing it forever and it didn't seem to work as well." She rested her head back and flopped it to the side to look at Callie. "Dad never really visited, they said he did, but he didn't."

"Mmmm…there's this part of me that gets that but then this whole other part that says hey, it's your wife and your career is probably part of issue. I mean, did he ever think of retiring, that that might help? Even just to be around."

"His career was everything; so much more than family."

Callie nodded. "Seems like family comes second a lot of the time." And she was talking about herself too; she had once though that family was always the number one priority. The one thing that came first, not matter what else. She had been wrong.

The conversation quietened after that, and they drove most of the way with only the occasional observation or random thought and a brief rest stop. Arizona slept most of the way, just completely spent from days of heightened stress and emotional energy. Which Callie was almost grateful for, she was content to be with her own thoughts and reflections for the drive. Soft music played in the background and with just the expanse of highway in front of her, she could lose herself in her deliberations.

Families were complicated; so bloody complicated.

* * *

After arriving eventually back at the army issued property, Callie had stopped and picked up a few Chinese dishes and spread them out on the coffee table. They ate out of the containers with forks and both had a glass of wine from the bottle Arizona had opened the previous evening. Arizona had retreated again, though she wasn't as blank as she had been when Callie had arrived from Florida. Just lost in her own world; she kept getting distracted and forgetting to eat, fork poised midway between her mouth and a container.

She would give a shuddering breath and Callie would poise, waiting for the tears.

They never came.

After dinner, Arizona sporadically went from task to task, leaving Callie watching her quietly from the uncomfortable sofa. She washed the few dishes and refilled their glasses; taking Callie's to her but walking around with her own. She booted her computer up and then closed it; checked her phone and reclosed already shut windows.

But when Arizona drew the trashcan out from under the sink and opened the fridge, tossing a few jars and sauces in, Callie stood. She walked to the edge of the kitchen. "Ummm, Arizona?" Wide blue eyes looked up from her crouched position behind the fridge door where Callie peered over. "I thought I might put the tv on, see if there's some trash to watch. Why don't you come sit with me?'

"I was just going to clean out the fridge," Arizona murmured, looking into the fridge. She wasn't sure why Callie couldn't see that, and its clear importance.

"I don't think that's a job for tonight, I'll do it tomorrow morning."

"Oh."

"You feel like talking?"

Arizona slowly stood, kicking the trashcan out of the way so the fridge door bounced closed. She drew her lower lip into her mouth and shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "Not really."

"You sure?"

Arizona drew in a rushed breath of air through her nose, and her stomach trembled a little. "I don't want to talk," she whispered, barely audible as tears welled and pooled under her lower eyelids. Callie made a split second decision; she would push just a little.

"We don't have to," Callie said, taking a few slow, non-threatening steps closer. Arizona didn't move, but watched her closely, eyes suddenly fixated. "You don't have to talk and you don't have to be okay."

Nodding, Arizona clenched her teeth and a tear slowly slipped down her cheek; Callie watched it slow over her cheekbone before tumbling down to her jawline. She gave her a few long seconds.

Then Callie moved another half step closer; she was in reaching distance but kept her arms loose at her sides. Voice husky and full of emotion, she said softly, "I know you're not okay."

Squeezing her eyes shut, Arizona's face contorted and her shoulders shook. She fell forward and with her eyes closed, she had an undeniable trust that Callie would absorb her body weight. She was right, Callie firmly enveloped her as she landed, face turning and pressing into Callie's neck as her legs weakened. She slumped against Callie, a slow, drawn out sob escaping her constricted throat.

She cried for a long time with endless tears, sporadic hiccups and soft cries. Callie at some point, lowered them to the cool tiled floor, sitting back against the kitchen cupboards with Arizona on her chest, legs tangled together.

Callie cried too, just a few tears that toppled from her eyes as Arizona's feelings of loss morphed with her own.

And when Arizona finally lifted her blotchy, stained face, Callie gripped her tightly. She bowed her forehead to Arizona's and they both sniffled and released a final spent cry. Arizona licked her lips and in a hoarse, broken voice, murmured, "There's no one left. I'm alone."

Callie curled her fingers and they scraped lightly against Arizona's skin. "Me too."

* * *

**TBC…**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN:** Thanks everyone for your patience in waiting for this chapter. Updates will be a little slower over the next couple of weeks – holidays and all! :-) Thank you for all the reviews and comments; I love reading them. You're all fabulous!

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

"_Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."_

_Norman Cousins_

The next morning, after a slow and gradual waking and daylight routine, Callie and Arizona were both hungry. It was hard to see that basic innate drive as a significant thing, but neither of them had actually really thought about food in days. It had been a necessity for function, but the constant uncomfortable, nauseous feeling had overtaken any actual interest in food. But suddenly, they were both talking about real coffee and poached eggs, thick buttered toast and grilled tomatoes.

Arizona had ushered Callie into the car and taken her a short drive to a row of small shops and cafes, a few restaurants nearby that were closed until lunch. They settled into two comfy leather lounges, a table in between, they sat opposite each other. Content finally to have received their coffees, they sipped from the large mugs and made appropriate gratuitous murmurs. Arizona giggled lightly and it sounded nothing short of blissful.

Reaching across the table, Arizona wiggled her fingers until Callie released her coffee and swapped hands so she could drop her grasp to Arizona's. Blue eyes bore into Callie's and blond hair fell across her forehead as she tilted her head. "What?" Callie finally asked. "Have I got chocolate on my nose?"

Arizona shook her head and said, "Nope, and I would tell you if you had anything on your nose, just so you know."

"Well, you're staring at me."

"Mmmm, 'cause you're pretty amazing."

"Oh I totally am, I know that," Callie muttered, blushing quickly with embarrassment.

Arizona nodded, but she earned a roll of the eyes in response. "So I've been going over this speech in my head for the last half an hour, and it's crap and completely tangential and lacking in any kind of eloquence that you might expect from someone who supposedly writes for a living." Arizona stopped and drew in a breath, while Callie watched with a mixture of anxiety and amusement. She was never quite sure what was going to come out of Arizona's mouth and she suddenly realised, that she was probably waiting for Arizona to declare she was packing up and disappearing. But then again, maybe that was Callie's fear rather than any actual signs. "You wanna hear it?"

"Ah," Callie said with hesitation, but released a nervous smile, "should I be worried?"

"Oh no, sorry. Not at all, I don't think. Unless you're freaked out by me or something, but no, I don't think so. I'm not about to tell you I'm crazier than my mom or anything."

"Maybe," Callie mumbled, "you should go with direct rather than this lead in. I'm completely confused…"

"Okay, I can do that. I ramble a lot when I'm nervous, more than usual anyway."

"Rambling is good; it's quiet that freaks me out."

"Oh yeah, which is kind of part of the speech. I know I've been out of it, almost since we met and I'm not like that. That's not me, really. But I've started at the end…this wasn't what I practised in my head, right." Arizona took a long gulp of coffee and smiled. "You are amazing, let's go back there. I was on track there. I've been trying to figure out a way to thank you for what you've done, how incredible and supportive you've been but saying thanks doesn't go anywhere near what I…well, feel."

"Arizona, it's nothing…it's…"

"No, it is. Please don't downplay it, because it's so much more than nothing. I don't do this, Callie; I don't meet someone and then cling to them and fall apart. I don't ever." Arizona paused and sighed. "It's always been the criticism; I keep everything locked up, my greatest flaw or whatever. I put on this act, of being all calm and in control, even with people who I shouldn't." She swallowed and Callie automatically squeezed her hand, Arizona smiled. "But I don't with you; I don't feel like I have to."

"And no way, you don't have to. But isn't that good?"

"Yeah, I mean yeah, absolutely. And a bit scary…" Arizona said, trailing off uncertainly.

"I get that," Callie responded softly, "and I can say that you can trust me but I realise it's not that simple. It takes time."

Nodding, Arizona sipped at her coffee, taking a quick look around the room to give herself a moment. "I don't want to stay here, I'm ready to leave this town for a while. But I want to stay with you Callie, I want to go where you want to go. There's nothing, there's no ties for me anywhere and I hope that, well, I hope that you want me to tag along."

Callie couldn't help but grin, and allow the incredible feeling of relief to wash over her. She could see the hesitation in Arizona though, the lack of confidence that was trickling below the surface. "I don't want you to _tag_ along," she insisted strongly, "but I do want us to go together."

"You do?"

"Ah huh. But where? I mean, do you want to head back to Scotland, just settle for a while. Or are you keen on somewhere new? A fresh start or change of scenery?"

Arizona shook her head and shrugged. "It's up to you. I think it's time that you get to do what you want to do; I'm flexible. There's nothing holding me back, no reasons."

"That's clearly too much power," Callie joked, but she already felt a little uncomfortable with the idea of making a decision for Arizona. Not because she was concerned about her, but she had never been empowered; never had someone truly willing to do what she wanted to do. And Arizona knew that, she suspected that Callie's life and marriage had been full of passive control and manipulation; not that Callie had articulated that to her.

It was Arizona's turn to roll her eyes. "You have had a really really crappy time and I have a feeling that whatever makes you feel good, will make me feel good too."

Callie nodded, absorbing the sentiment before slowly smiling. "I don't suppose you meant that to have a double meaning."

Laughing, Arizona shrugged. "Well, that too."

"I guess I'm keen to go back to Scotland…but does that suit you? It's my place these days, so it's kind of home."

Arizona nodded. "I'm good with that; you look worried though."

"No, sorry. That's just my mind running a million miles ahead. I just went straight to visas and shit; 'cause I've got permanent residency from all of our business stuff but what are you travelling on? A tourist visa?"

"Yeah, they allow six months I think so I'm all good."

"But is that what you want to do? Are you sure?"

"Callie," Arizona stated sternly, "yes, I'm sure, completely sure. But, there is something else that we need to talk about, and that would be the whole flight thing."

"Hmmm? Flight thing? I don't get it."

"I have money, as in, I have money to live on and travel with, at least until my book is published and that starts coming in. But, I'm not, I guess, I don't have the money to fly business class and that's totally okay that you do that. But I can't have you keep _sorting_ the flights and…"

Callie held her hand gently, halting Arizona. "It's not important Arizona, it's just…money…"

Scoffing, Arizona sighed. "The only people who ever say that are people with shitloads of it." Callie gave a brief guilty glance but conceded a nod. "And that's not a criticism, really it isn't. I've always paid my way; I'm crazy independent and it makes me, uncomfortable I suppose."

"But it doesn't bother me," Callie excused softly. "I wouldn't ever expect anything in return, you know that, right? God, really, I don't expect anything at all."

"I know, but what if one day you do? What if I really really piss you off and you want to make me as miserable as humanly possible? I've seen worse."

"I won't."

Arizona squeezed Callie's hand and gave her a sad smile. "The truth is, it's more my issue than anything to do with you. I can't accept that from you, it's too generous. And I'm not paying you back or giving you anything in return."

"Not giving me anything in return? Are you kidding me? Arizona, my entire family just slammed a door in my face, literally, they closed a door right in front of me. But I'm okay, and that is because of you. And only because of you; can't you let me thank you too?"

Arizona slowly shook her head. "Not like that, it's not, it's too much. And you don't need to thank me, and definitely not with cash. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

Smiling, Callie laughed lightly. "Is it just me, or are we debating the same concept? I don't want to insult you, but this is something that I can do for us. And honestly, I'm not just talking shit, I have got so many perks and points and contacts, that flights are like you going to the supermarket and buying a diet coke. It's nothing. So, the way I see it, there's a few choices. One, we both fly economy, in those ridiculously small seats, no leg room and cabins filled with smelly men. Or, you let me take care of the flights and in return, for this trip, you tolerate a bit of a detour."

Arizona perked up, confused. "Detour?" she asked, leaning back with her fingertips just meeting Callie's across the table. The tips of their index fingers hooked together by the first knuckle.

"Yeah," Callie said, exhaling. She looked away and back again, licking her lips. The expression on her face was unreadable, and Arizona wasn't sure whether she should patiently wait or press for more. It was difficult for Arizona, although relatively apt at reading people, she wasn't quite so accomplished in acting on that information. She put it down to her inability to trust her instincts.

"Well, sure," Arizona murmured softly.

"Yeah?" Callie asked, as if she had somehow provided the entire context and was checking that Arizona was making an informed decision.

They were interrupted then, as their breakfast was brought over. Two large plates spread with toasted Turkish bread, eggs, mushrooms and tomatoes. Arizona's also had a rash of bacon on top; because as she had declared in the car, everything is better with bacon. "Thank you," Arizona said, sliding the coffee mugs to the side to make room. "Looks great."

"Yeah, thanks," Callie said, smiling at the waitress.

"So, do you want to tell me where we're going before I start arguing the fare?"

Callie took a mouthful of scrambled eggs, dipping her fork into tomato relish before piercing a bite and carefully moving it to her mouth. She tapped her lips with a napkin. "Hmm mmm," she murmured, swallowing. "You know how I mentioned that Christmas was an anniversary for me?"

Nodding, Arizona encouraged Callie to continue. "Yep, just a year ago, right?"

"Yeah, right. Well, Dubai is where that person was…is…was cremated. Whatever, the right phrasing is. And I haven't been back; I've wanted to but haven't, I guess. And I know that it might be too much after everything with your dad, and you wouldn't have to come with me to the ummm, memorial place thing." Callie stopped and sighed. "Now who's rambling?"

Arizona's expression was soft and concerned, her breathing light. When she spoke, her voice was almost lyrical, completely non-threatening and soothing. "That's why you were going through Dubai from LA," she simply stated; no intonation to question.

"Yeah, but then the thought of it made me a little crazy, I lost it and changed my flight. And I still might panic…" The thought of it was petrifying to Callie, the idea of going back and being overwhelmed by the memories. She was downplaying her need to change her flights just before she met Arizona; she could only describe her hesitation as a panic attack, complete with shortness of breath, chest pain and silent collapse.

"Okay," Arizona whispered, nodding, "consider it done."

"I think it's something I need to do, should do."

"Yeah, makes sense. And of course I'll be there, right beside you."

"I wouldn't have made it now, and it doesn't have to be. We could go back home, back to Scotland, and then do a separate trip later. If you don't feel okay with it; I don't want to upset you or make things harder for you."

Arizona dragged her eyes away from Callie to cut a piece of toast, she added a small piece of bacon and dipped it in the bright yolk of a poached egg. Chewing, she looked back up and there were tears glazing her blue eyes. She swallowed heavily, sliding the food down her slightly aching throat. 'My dad died," she said simply, "and my brother. And I got to be there, to say goodbye to both of them, in my own way. And it's not easy and it's doesn't always make sense, especially now. But you lost someone too, and I know you'll tell me about it when you're able to, and that's okay. But Callie, I can see it written all over your face, this is something you need to do and I'd like to be there for you, in whatever way you need. And I certainly know, and I'm sure you do too, life is too short to put off the important things."

Dropping her knife to the plate, Callie reached an open palm across to Arizona, pressing her hand lightly to Arizona's cheek. Arizona closed her eyes on contact, absorbing the gentle stroke of her thumb. "And that's why you're a writer," Callie said, "I could so be crying right now."

Arizona laughed lightly. "Ha, fortunately, I'm a little more concise when writing." Callie's hand went back to her cutlery. "I know this is a bit of a change in subject, but what do you think of staying in the city in a hotel rather than staying another couple of nights at…_the _house?"

"You mean the single bed isn't really working for you?"

"No. Amongst other things anyway. I think my mental health might be greatly improved by a bit of space, a change in scenery."

Callie smiled and nodded. "Sure, we can just go back and grab our things. Once we check in to a hotel we can sort flights and stuff. I mean, I'll sort flights, because that's what we decided, right?" Callie teased.

Laughing, Arizona held her hands up in the air. "It's one argument I'm never going to win, am I? Should I just concede that now?"

"Yeah, definitely. I do get where you're coming from and I can totally promise that this is just one thing that I'll be all obsessive over. Can I have that?"

"Fine," Arizona declared with false sarcasm. "I tried! Okay, so we have a plan then. Book into a hotel, sort flights to Scotland via Dubai and, that's it I think. Anything else?"

"Nope, not from me. I'm dragging you around the world, so I think that'll do." Callie grinned. "Is there anything you need to do while you're here?"

Arizona shook her head. "Nah, just a few calls to that army rep and that's it. You probably think I should see Mom again before I leave, hey?"

"No, no, not at all," Callie said vehemently. "To be honest with you, I can't imagine how hard that must be. Seeing her, not seeing her; and it's not like it's just new. This has been a couple of years."

"Yeah, it's shit actually. If I thought being with her made a difference, or it did actually make a difference then I would do it. But it doesn't. It really doesn't, I've tried everything I can. Mental illness is just crap."

"Mmmm, it's weird…in my family, and in the family friends, everyone is on anti-depressants. It's like they're breath mints, but being there and seeing your mom. Wow, it blew my mind actually. It's full on."

"Everyone?"

"Maybe not everyone, that's probably an exaggeration, but yeah, heaps of people. I was, once. On them I mean. Not now though, definitely not now."

"You've been through some crap times haven't you?"

They both paused, gaze locked. "Yeah," Callie whispered before slowly forming a smile. "But things don't seem so bad right now."

"Good," Arizona murmured, though she knew that as time went on, there would be so much of Callie's story that she would slowly learn and absorb. She had an idea that Callie had more character strength than most people had in their little finger; and in some ways, she couldn't wait for Callie to share that with her. That said, she would wait forever if she need to.

Plate half finished, Arizona pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contact list. "I tend to stay at the same place when I'm in town, are you happy to just go with that?"

"Absolutely, whatever suits."

"An old friend is the manager, family friend kind of. He was buddies with Tim, they were inseparable for a long time." Arizona pressed the phone to her ear, pulling up her shoulder and holding it in place as she finished her cooling coffee. "Hey," she said quietly into the phone, "it's just me. How are you?" She lapsed into silence for a few seconds. "A couple of nights maybe, I'm not sure. You guys aren't booked out are you?" She laughed lightly, playing distractedly with her fork. "Nah, not twin bed, queen," she murmured and Callie felt her cheeks start to heat, she kept her eyes focussed on her plate. "Shut up," Arizona joked into the handset, "we'll be there in an couple of hours probably and yes, I will introduce Callie to you." Finishing up with a few pleasantries, Arizona hung up the phone. She shook her head and laughed. "He seems to think the fact that I mentioned you a couple of days ago means he has full access as the pseudo big brother."

"I'm happy to be interrogated," Callie said, relaxing back and raising her slightly blushed cheeks. Her mind had just gone crazy with Arizona's simple booking of a queen room. She didn't book them separate rooms, nor did she book twin beds; she booked them a room, together.

She hadn't felt this nervous energy in a long time.

* * *

The motel was simple, but more than adequate. A restaurant on the ground floor and a stairwell that ran adjacent to two elevators, six levels of rooms. Arizona's childhood friend, Nick, was in a meeting when they arrived, but had arranged a spacious room on the top level, complete with a bottle of champagne and a cheese platter. The room had a queen sized bed along one wall and just two wooden chairs against a window, a small table between them. The wood was scratched and chipped, but cushions clean and bright.

"How long has he had this place?" Callie asked, groaning as she lifted her suitcase onto the metal stand. "It's nice."

Arizona smiled, dropping to the edge of the bed and slowly lying back. "He's managed this one for probably three or four years now, I always stay here when I come back. Before this though, he's worked his way around the world, he started off pulling drinks on party islands and has worked his way up."

"Impressive," Callie said, "and he provided champagne and cheese goods, so he's already won me over."

"It's your job to pour."

"Really?"

"Yep, under the logic that you're standing and I'm not."

Callie laughed, crossing the room. She paused at the end of the bed, facing Arizona and falling towards her, catching her body weight with both hands either side.

Arizona gave her a smirk, hooking her index fingers over the waistband of Callie's jeans. "Don't think this gets you out of it," she teased, tickling the soft skin and jutting her chin up for a kiss.

Callie indulged a long exchange, softly humming into Arizona's mouth. They broke apart with wide smiles. "We haven't gotten to do that enough," Callie said, adding a series of kisses to her cheek before struggling back to standing. "Ooomph," she groaned, much to Arizona's amusement. "Sooo, drink, flights and cheese. Somewhat in that order; what do you think?"

"Yep, do you need my laptop?"

Callie shook her head, fishing her phone out of her handbag. "No thanks, I'll just give a call to my travel agent." With the phone pressed to her ear, Callie went about uncorking the champagne bottle, giving a sheepish look as it flew across the room. Arizona laughed, crawling herself back up the bed and repositioning two pillows to sit against the wall. Callie quickly murmured some flights and various dates, patiently waiting for availability.

Shrugging to herself, she turned to Arizona. "Late tomorrow night or mid-morning the day after?"

Arizona held two palms in the air. "I don't really mind, tomorrow night gets us moving I suppose."

"Yep," Callie agreed, screwing up her nose as her face contorted in concentration. "What?" she asked the agent, "are you serious?" She shook her head and bitterly laughed. "Well just start a new account under my details, you have it all on file." She paused, pacing slightly across the worn carpet. "Yes thank you, you have Arizona's details from last week as well." Muttering a curse goodbye, Callie placed her phone on the bedside table and frustratingly tucked hair behind her ears.

"Everything okay?" Arizona asked quietly.

"Yeah, just the start of many cut offs from my family I suppose. It's not a big deal, but I could do without the attitude from someone I've spoken to on the phone probably a hundred times." Callie sighed heavily, walking back to collect the cheese platter. She placed it on the bed next to Arizona and carefully climbed to mirror Arizona's position. "Nothing this won't fix," she said, softening.

Arizona rubbed soothingly at Callie's shoulder as she relaxed back. "I'm sorry."

Callie shrugged. "How's the champers?"

"Mmm, not bad. It's about time the cheese came over though," Arizona goaded, placing a slice of Brie onto a water cracker and into her mouth.

"Oh really?" Callie murmured, taking a few long gulps from her glass and placing it back beside her. She rolled on to her side and slid down the bed slightly, taking Arizona's hand and holding it to her chest. Opening her mouth, Callie waited with a half grin until Arizona dropped a square of Gouda inside. "Mmm, better."

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Arizona said suddenly, though her face flushed at her randomness.

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Callie replied, swallowing before she kissed Arizona's fingers. Popping a few pieces of mixed dried fruit and nuts in her mouth, Callie held her head up with her hand and smiled at Arizona. "How's your ribs been?" she asked softly, pads of her fingers pressing to Arizona's side.

"Mmm, okay," Arizona said, glancing down at her stomach. "Still annoying and sore, but okay. Like they're not hurting right now."

"Just when you move, huh?" Callie walked her fingers slowly down to Arizona's hip, focussed on finding the soft skin under her shirt.

Arizona watched quietly, exhaling at the distinct rush of energy that she felt through to her toes. She curled them in her socks. "Yeah, something like that."

"So," Callie murmured, "if you weren't to really move, then they might cope okay. Am I interpreting that right?"

Arizona chuckled. "I'm sensing you have some ideas, Calliope?"

"Mmmm, maybe a few." Callie continued to crawl her fingers across Arizona's abdomen, hand splayed out so her thumb just scratched the underwire of her bra. "But we did say we would take things slow."

"We did," Arizona acknowledged, yet she slipped her leg to fall over Callie's, calf running over Callie's shin. "But that said, we've hardly had the smoothest start."

"True." Curling her upper body, Callie pressed a kiss to the curve of Arizona's shoulder, shirt material under her lips. "And there has to be a limit to our self restraint, doesn't there?"

Arizona hastily turned her head, seeking out Callie's mouth. They kissed deeply, warm tongues pressing into each other, fighting for space as lips were sucked on. Callie's hand gradually edged further until she breathlessly palmed Arizona's breast. She moved her hand under Arizona's arm and gripped tightly, breaking away and nuzzling into her neck. Panting, Callie chuckled and Arizona smoothed some dark hair away from her face. "I think we spilt some cheese," Arizona whispered and Callie jumped back.

"Whoops." Callie rebalanced the plate and swiftly picked up nuts and cheese from the duvet cover. "Here," she said with a smile, spreading some Brie over a cracker and handing it to Arizona.

"You taste better," Arizona insisted with a hint of a whine. Callie nodded eagerly and moved the plate from the bed; they both took a few more mouthfuls of sparkling wine, glasses almost empty.

Settling back on her stomach, Callie tugged Arizona down the bed. "I want you down here," she insisted quietly and Arizona shuffled down, hands slipping around Callie's waist. "I'm happy just being here with you, we don't need to…" Callie trailed off and an uncharacteristic blush of embarrassment crossed her features.

"I want to," Arizona murmured, one hand pressed to the small of Callie's back whilst the other traced the neckline of her shirt. Callie shivered. "It's just been a crazy few days…weeks even."

"And waiting is perfectly okay."

"What I actually want to do is tear your clothes off," she countered quickly, using her little finger to pull Callie's shirt away from her skin. She deliberately peered into Callie's cleavage, offering an exaggerated groan. "But can you put up with waiting, just a little longer? 'Till we get back…back, home," she said quietly.

Callie nodded, kissing the corner of Arizona's mouth. She lingered there, feeling Arizona's fingers dance over the bare skin of her chest. "Oh honey, anything you need."

"I have a bit of a track record, with jumping into bed with people who I don't care about; usually in the midst of some crisis. But you," Arizona said, fingers curling around the pendant at Callie's neck until she formed a fist, "you I care about."

"So," Callie teased, shadowing Arizona's hand, "the ones you don't care about get to sleep with you and the one you do, doesn't?"

Arizona was shaking her head before Callie finished her sentence. "No, that's not it. And that makes me sound fucked up…when you and I, well, when we get together, I don't want to be distracted. I don't want to be thinking about anything else but you, because you are amazing."

"I was only teasing," Callie countered. 'Good things come to those who wait."

"Yeah, something like that. Or rather, an ability to move comes to those who give their body time to heal."

"And hurting you, not on my list of things to do." Gripping Arizona's hand, Callie leaned forward and kissed her softly, feeling Arizona lift her head when she pulled away, seeking out more of her gentle touch. Callie chuckled. "We have a half of a bottle of champagne left and the cheese that didn't end up all over the bed. Maybe we can order some room service too, what do you think?"

Arizona nodded, but she held Callie in place, pads of her fingers creeping inside the waist of her jeans. "You always wear this, don't you?" she asked, carefully rolling a thick gold pendant and observing it quietly.

Callie nodded but didn't elaborate. "Mmmm, I do."

Arizona continued to examine the piece of jewellery; it was large, bigger than it probably should have been for the fine chain. Arizona guessed it was strong though, expensive despite it's thinness. The pendant though was unique and she had mistakenly assumed it was a locket with her previous glances but under closer scrutiny, she couldn't quite guess what it was. It was cylinder in shape; almost an inch long and the thickness of a common ballpoint pen. Arizona glanced up to Callie and back down again' Callie just watched quietly. "It's pretty," Arizona stated, eyes narrowed, "different, but pretty."

Callie sighed. "Don't freak out."

"What?" Arizona shook her head and looked back up where Callie lingered over her body. "What do you mean _don't freak out_?"

"No one knows about it, what it means; what it is, and I don't want to freak you out."

"Lucky I don't freak out easily then."

Callie smiled, brushing some blond hair away from Arizona's temples. She smoothed the messy curls back with her thumbs. "It's a memorial pendant," she explained softly. "It has some ashes in it." Arizona exhaled heavily and the air whistled. "I know," Callie muttered, "weird."

Gripping Callie tighter as she moved to untangle herself, Arizona stopped her with a shake of her head. "Not weird," she whispered, carefully resting the cylinder in her palm. She raised her head and pursed her lips, kissing the smooth gold before falling back to the pillow and pulling Callie with her. "Definitely not weird," she repeated again, voice barely audible as she smoothed Callie's hair as she curled in.

"Thanks," Callie uttered, resting her face on Arizona's shoulder, temple just below her collarbone. Arizona rhythmically ran her hand back and forth, soothing her quietly. She was intrigued to say the least, this unidentified person who had obviously meant so much. Arizona could only guess at the relationship, a grandparent perhaps, some nurturing figure that had left a massive gap in her life. Or a mother figure maybe, someone who had been everything to Callie that her parents never had. Arizona had barely had the opportunity to build those kinds of relationships outside of her family; they had never stayed in one place long enough. And when her parents had finally settled, she had well and truly left home, not to mention been scarred enough to want to avoid those connections.

She assumed, though rightly or not, that Dubai would bring the context; still, she didn't need any more information to see the importance to Callie. The impact this person had on her life and the gaping hole the loss had left.

Death had the uncanny ability to do that.

* * *

**TBC…**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN:** I sound like a broken record, but seriously – thank you. You're all so fantastic with your reviews, thoughts, alerts. I love it and I'm so glad you're still enjoying this. :-)

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

"_Everything I wanted, that never was_

_Just dust and shattered hearts_

_Amongst the grass."_

Callie talked more than Arizona, when she was nervous and stressed. Where Arizona had a tendency to withdraw, to disappear into her own thoughts and the revolving door of her own mind, Callie externalised. As the flights progressed and their day of arrival ticked over, Callie talked more and more, about her childhood and her family, about the schools she went to and the friends she had. She pointed out the best shopping malls in Dubai, a run down of which shops were at which and what order to visit in.

She talked about anything except the reason they were in Dubai to start with.

Until they were standing in an air-conditioned room; a quiet comfortable and reflective space that would have been a pleasant reprieve from the heat, had it not been adjacent to a crematorium and memorial garden.

"You want to sit for a while?" Arizona asked gently, leaning her body into Callie's so their arms pressed together. Callie had a tight grip on her hand.

"Mmmm hmmm," Callie murmured, nodding.

She led her to the corner of the room, just one other couple at the opposite side, quietly talking to each other. Fortunately for Arizona, the environment was different enough from the army burials she had experienced, to not be thrust into a rush of overwhelming sensual cues. Mostly. The flowers always made her chest feel heavy; the same boxed arrangements in funeral homes, the world over. Always the same.

"Sometimes," Arizona said softly, sitting down next to Callie with one arm draped along the back of the two seater chair, the other resting on her thigh, "I think we don't really do death that well, in western cultures."

Callie raised her eyebrows. "Why do you say that?" Even in the midst of her own issues, she could listen to Arizona's thoughts and opinions all day. She had seen places and people that Callie couldn't even dream about, and had the most incredible perspective on life. Callie supposed that came from stepping outside the box, not remaining in the small world that they all tended to be born into.

Arizona laughed lightly. "Do you often wonder what I'm going to come out with next? Who starts a conversation like that?"

"You do," Callie answered honestly, and her head rested back against Arizona's forearm, thick hair loosely gathering. "And I like it…so keep going."

"I know it's different, for everyone and families and religion and all that, but I think that generally, western cultures are more separate. My experience is that when someone dies, they're taken away and I suppose, dealt with, and everything else is planned away from that. Sometimes we don't even see someone after they've died, that's not really unusual." Arizona articulated herself slowly and deliberately, careful with her words without knowing Callie's exact experience. But Callie nodded at her words. "When I've travelled to other places, I've been kind of lucky to see how other cultures experience it."

Rolling her head to the side, Callie glanced at Arizona's profile as her blue eyes focussed on the window next to them. It stretched out to an expanse of green grass and tall trees; she could only imagine the work it took to maintain such a space in the middle of a desert. "Like what?" Callie asked.

"I don't know exactly, and I don't mean to generalise…but when I was in Nepal," Arizona started and it just rolled off her tongue. Like it was the most normal thing in the world to have travelled to some of the places she had. And she never talked about it as if she was this amazing person, it was always just simple facts that she found interesting or thought provoking. "I was there to do the Everest Base Camp hike and ended up staying a little while, going into some towns up in the mountains and I stayed in Kathmandu for a few weeks too. But they have all these rituals when someone dies and it was just the most amazing thing to see."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, the family stays with someone when they die and they have this process of getting them to be cremated, which is along the river in this really public place. And the family do washing rituals and it's all very hands on; they even carry the body from wherever they died to the river; and it's totally normal, this outpouring of emotion. There's family and friends present, everyone is supportive; almost like a group grieving." She racked her mind, searching for the details. "I think it's different for groups that live further away though, I don't know if it was there or not, but I remember that bodies are left for the birds, that whole cycle of life thing."

"That whole big grieving thing is different, we're pretty much expected to just hold it together, because we wouldn't want to make others uncomfortable," Callie compared, enthralled.

"Right, that's exactly what we're expected to do. We're expected to be able to deliver eulogies with just a contained tear or something. It's a balance, we're criticised for being cold if we don't cry but then for being melodramatic if we cry too much. It's crazy."

Callie laughed bitterly. "Yeah, my ex-husband used to tell me all the time that I was a drama Queen."

Rolling her eyes, Arizona pressed a kiss to her temple. "Ridiculous."

"Mmmm, maybe. You do recall that Christmas phone call, right?"

"And what was melodramatic about that? Completely normal," Arizona soothed. "What I really like about the Nepalese way though, is their post-death stuff. I can't quite remember the exact days, but I think when someone dies, their wife or child or whoever it might be, gets maybe something like twelve days off, or is it seventeen? I don't know, something like that. And then they have these rituals that start off as daily for those days, and then it goes to monthly up to one year and then yearly for, well, forever I guess. So on those days, they do particular things, and remember or celebrate the person that has died."

"Really?"

"Yep, so there's a real connection to the person that dies. While, we're just expected to almost forget that they even existed. Like I spoke about my brother when I was planning Dad's funeral with the chaplain and my Aunt just about threw something at me. She asked me why I would want to remind everyone that Tim had died too?"

Callie shook her head. "Are you serious?"

"My Aunt is a little eccentric, but still, that's not exactly surprising. My point, in this very long story; is that we don't give people an opportunity to grieve, to talk about this super important person that has died. We're all so keen that everyone _move on_, that we don't let them _move with_." Arizona stilled for a moment, she could feel herself getting slightly fired up, it was something that completely frustrated her and if Callie wasn't so distracted, she probably would have made the links with some parts of her book.

"I like it," Callie said softly, hand falling to rest on top of Arizona's, fingers brushing together. "We should do it, start some rituals."

"We should," Arizona agreed, "we definitely should. Starting with you not feeling all this pressure to not be upset."

"Although, that said, maybe it would be good, if people we loved stopped dying."

Arizona nodded, dropping her arm from the back of the chair to drape around Callie's shoulders. She squeezed at the top of her arm. "Yeah, that would be good too."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just the soft sound of doors opening and closing in the background. "When we were back home, did you go into the spare room at all?" Arizona jumped slightly at the sudden break in quietness. "Sorry."

"No no, I was miles away. Ummm, no, not at all."

"Oh," Callie responded, "well, it's a nursery. A little girl's room."

Arizona stilled and calmed her voice deliberately, containing her recognition. "Oh, really…you had a baby girl?"

Callie nodded yet shrugged at the same time, tears burning her eyes. "Sort of," she managed to scrape out from her constricted airway. "She was stillborn."

Sighing, Arizona shuffled a little closer, taking her hand out from underneath Callie's to wrap around her opposite hip. "That's…that's just horrific," she murmured, although she had to admit she was lost for the appropriate thing to respond with. If there was even such a thing. "What was her name?"

Callie blinked a few times, a couple of rogue tears escaping. "Her name?"

"Yeah, what did you call her?"

"Ummm, Zalia…Zalia Millie."

Arizona smiled, ducking her face to murmur into Callie's ear. "Beautiful," she whispered, "but I was expecting something entirely traditional for some reason."

Responding with a tearful laugh, Callie sat up a little straighter; how could this woman make her cry and laugh in a matter of minutes? "She would have," Callie explained, "but _he_ didn't care so much when she was…when she wasn't, when she didn't live."

"Of course," Arizona muttered, unable to hide a bite of anger. "Excuse the lack of filter, but your ex-husband; complete arse."

Again, a small laugh escaped Callie's lips. "Yeah he was, still is no doubt. Did you know that no one has ever asked me her name; not once. Not one person in my family or friends; all I heard was _oh, well you can try again_, or a number of variations of that anyway."

"People are stupid."

"And anxious I guess, the last thing they would want is to make me cry."

Arizona shrugged, she had no tolerance for people taking out their own insecurities on someone else. She just wanted to yell at them to grow the fuck up and think about someone else for a change. "Yeah, God forbid; they might have to show some humanness."

"Ah, for that they would have to be human."

Arizona chuckled. "Love it and so true. I can't imagine Callie, I just can't even remotely imagine what you've been through. But I'll listen, to anything at any time; whatever you need."

Callie nodded. "You get it, you get what it's like to lose something so important. The most important thing in the world."

"Mmmm, maybe. There's no worse or anything, but I don't think it gets much harder than what you've been through. And hey, I won't ask questions or anything, but really, I hope you can feel like you can tell me anything."

Callie turned and pressed a kiss to Arizona's cheek. "Maybe ask me things sometimes; it helps. It helps me to talk about stuff."

"Okay," Arizona confirmed, observing Callie take in a deep breath before standing.

They paused, watching each other before Callie held out her hand. "Come with me?"

Arizona breathed a sigh of relief. "Of course."

* * *

Weaving through small paths, Callie and Arizona followed some basic instructions on a card. The heat was sweltering and sweat beaded quickly on their foreheads, they unbuttoned collared shirts to expose cotton camisoles, shoulders still respectfully covered. Arizona silently debated whether to idly chat or allow Callie's silence to settle between them; deciding on some gentle touch and the occasional neutral comment.

She tapped at Callie's back with her fingertips, keeping each movement platonic in the more public space. It was the silent price they paid for their orientation; where they might meet challenge and religious fanatics in the States or UK, other cultures were irreverently opposed.

"Left Callie," she directly softly, catching Callie's elbow when she took a step down a pebbled path to the right.

"This place is a maze," Callie murmured back.

"Not sure who's worse with directions, you or me. Hey, did you come here after the ceremony? Or is this your first time?"

"First time. Stephen had our flights booked back to Edinburgh, so we left literally straight after. He was on the phone in the car, making business meetings. I still can't believe that."

"I get that people grieve differently but there's a limit. And he should have been supporting you."

"Leopards don't change their spots do they? It took me a long time to learn that; he was never there for me. Not sure why it took me as long as it did actually."

"When you want something to work…" Arizona trailed off, though she knew that concept intellectually, she certainly didn't know it personally. She didn't keep working at something that was broken; even when it was working, she tended to be distant. Always better to bail first, save the heartache.

"Yeah,' Callie responded nonchalantly, "I always thought that what I had was the best it would get. Not the only thing I was wrong about." She glanced at Arizona, meeting her eyes for just a second before she slowed her step. On either side of the path were tall, cemented structures, with elaborate murals across the expanse of slightly greying material. Amongst the water theme, were large whales and dolphins, sea turtles and fish, a boat that seemed to glide through the water's surface. Littered in perfect lines, were small glass squares and casting their eyes over them, there seemed to be endless number of them. Some had names and dates on them, others were still perfectly clear, presumably not yet holding the ashes of a tiny human. "Should be here," Callie whispered, and when she held her hand out in front of her, scanning the small plaques, it was shaking uncontrollably.

Arizona nodded, standing a step behind Callie with eyes running along the rows. She was still looking intently at the wall when Callie stepped back, forcefully crushing into her. "Arizona," Callie pleaded and Arizona gripped both of her arms firmly. "I can't breathe."

"You can," Arizona responded softly, voice low and even. She wrapped an arm around Callie's abdomen, the other hand holding tight to her bicep.

"I think we should leave," Callie muttered and her stomach trembled under Arizona's touch.

"You're panicking; it's okay. Just stay here with me and breathe, slowly." Blinking away the same familiar painful tug at her side, Arizona stood firmly with Callie leaning heavily against her. The heat made Callie's hair stick to her face when Arizona tapped her chin to the back of her shoulder. "It's just you and me at the moment, see; it's just us here."

Drawing in an audibly shuddering breath, Callie tilted her head back a little, eyes casting skywards. "I should never have agreed to this," she murmured.

"Agreed to what?"

"To having her here. I wanted to take her back home, or even to Scotland. We were mostly living there anyway."

"Did you really have a choice?"

Callie shook her head and gave a soft cry. "No, not really." She continued to shake her head. "I was meant to move on, to forget. It's made it harder." Her breathing was still uneven with short, sharp inhalations interspersed with the occasional deep sigh. "What am I meant to say now? When people ask if I'm a parent, if I have any children?"

"I have the answers either; that seems so hard," Arizona responded after a moment, and she really had no idea. What does the death of a child do to someone's identity; to who they are and who they planned to be.

"My marriage was fucked, just years of lies and make believe but I wanted a baby. I really did but I didn't deserve her, things happen for a reason apparently. And I wasn't meant to be a mom."

"I don't believe that," Arizona countered, quickly kissing Callie's shoulder. She ran her fingers down Callie's arm until she stroked the inside of her wrist with her thumb. "Shitty things happen all the time, there's no reason."

"It's not fair," Callie whispered and she turned in Arizona's grasp, hiding her face amongst blond hair as she cried into the nape of her neck. "It's not fair."

Arizona nodded. Indeed, life had a strange habit of not being fair, everywhere and all the time. All you had to do was walk through a hospital to know that; drug addicts shooting crystal meth in the car park whilst professors die in the oncology wards. Fertility clinics that are full of desperate, childless parents when teenagers have children placed in state care from the maternity wards. People jump off cliffs and survive with the odd broken bone yet loving families get in a car to go to work and end up in a morgue.

Young men serve their country and never come home.

Life was anything but fair.

* * *

Sitting back in the cool comfortable waiting area, Callie and Arizona took the brief opportunity to cool down. It really was hot and humid, and even in the shade outside, there was no escaping the heat. The air felt thick and impenetrable, like it was slowly engulfing them in dense smog. Arizona scooped her hair up off the back of her neck, fishing out a hair tie from her pocket and wrapping it around in a knotted bun. Callie slumped next to her, light headed from the heat and rush of emotion that was still hitting her in waves.

Waving her shirt slightly and airing her abdomen, Arizona turned to face Callie, hand on her knee. Callie offered just a weak smile, oblivious to her tears until Arizona wiped tenderly at her cheeks, collecting the falling drops of water. Callie rushed to wipe at her cheeks, pulling a tissue from where it was stashed in her bra and blowing her nose.

"You okay?" Arizona asked, rubbing her leg.

"Mmmm," Callie said, nodding. "Okay," she confirmed, "though I doubt I look it."

"You look beautiful," Arizona said, smiling, "like always."

Callie sighed heavily. "I needed to do this," she admitted wistfully, "but I never would have without you." She leaned in to Arizona, elbow jutting out slightly. It had happened almost without conscious thought, but they now moved together as if they fitted. The small movements; like a jutted cheek that was pecked with a kiss and knuckles that grazed twice before intertwining. Those were the things that made a couple, not the words or corny declarations, but the tiny actions that seemed so natural; that _were_ natural.

"Then I'm glad I could be here."

Shakily, Callie again smiled but it fell away before it was even formed. She looked away. "I feel guilty," she muttered quickly, though Arizona wasn't sure if it was for her to hear or not. "And I still do, leaving her here. God."

"You have nothing to feel guilty about," Arizona insisted, yet somewhat aware that her challenge could be perceived as empty. "There's nothing I can possibly think of that you should feel guilty about."

Callie shrugged. "I must have done something, babies are born in freakin' forests and third world countries and…" she trailed off. "I must have done something."

"Like?"

"I don't know, I should have noticed that she wasn't kicking. I should have known something was wrong, mother's instinct or whatever." Callie lolled her head. "It still would have been too late."

"I don't really know much about this stuff, but from what I do know, there's little that you would have had control over."

"The logical me gets that but most days I find myself apologising to her. For failing her," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. "For killing her."

"Calliope, no," Arizona gasped, pulling Callie into her chest again. She held her tightly. "I can't imagine how that feels."

"If I could make it go away, I would."

"You can't punish yourself, you didn't do anything wrong."

"What if I did?"

Arizona's fingers dug in to Callie back, shaking her slightly. "Did anyone say that to you? Did anyone say that you could have done something different?"

"No," she responded, voice strained.

Pulling back, Arizona cupped her face. "Then what makes you the expert, huh?"

"I have to blame someone and who else is there?"

"It's hard not to blame anyone. It's hard just to say that it happened and no one had control over that."

"He said that he was relieved; Stephen, he said that he was relieved because it meant he didn't have to be tied to me. That he could fuck off and live his own life again." Arizona shook her head, mouth slightly ajar as she dropped her hands to the small space between them. "Who says that? Who says _hey, you are such an awful person that I'm glad our daughter died, now I don't have to see you ever again_. Fuck."

"An awful person says that, that's who." Arizona shot up slightly, a hint of anger edging her voice. "You were grieving and probably crazy hormonal and he was treating you like you were trash. He should have been sharing your grief, comforting you, each other. Instead he was firing insults and hurtful comments. And I don't care that he had his own stuff going on, you never treat people like that no matter how bad you're feeling."

"See," Callie sniffled, covering her face with her hands. "I am so fucked up, do you know what you're getting yourself into?"

Arizona tugged at her forearms. "I figure we cancel all the fucked up-ness out, so we're all good." Callie couldn't help but laugh. "You wanna go?"

"I want to go shopping." It was random and tearful, and brimming with the ridiculous. Callie took Arizona's hand and with a quick glance around, pressed a chaste kiss to her fingers.

"Well, okay then," Arizona agreed with a cheeky smile. "If that's what you want."

"Yeah, it's that or I'm going to spend the rest of the day curled up in bed crying into you, and that's no fun for either of us."

Arizona rolled her eyes. "I'm good with whatever. I could do with some food whatever we decide though, and a cold drink. Alcoholic preferably."

"You'll love the shopping, we can buy clothes, have lunch, go to a million different cafes and bars and not once leave the air con of the mall."

"Mmmm, so now probably isn't the time to tell you that I suck at shopping?"

"What?" Callie asked with disbelief.

"Yeah, I walk into a shop, glance around and make a split second decision whether there's anything I like and then I'm back out again. I shop like a man."

Callie laughed. "You're going to hate shopping with me then, I never get tired of trying on and buying." She hesitated, rid rimmed eyes clearing slightly. "Actually, Manolo Blahnik has the most incredible boots this season, you will love them and," she said, brightening as she leaned in to whisper in Arizona's ear, "would look so hot in them."

"Hmm, I don't know a lot but doesn't he do those crazy heels that no on can walk in?"

"Hey, not no one. But yes, that's it…he designed these boots though; I've seen them in a catalogue. Freakin' amazing."

"Okay okay, if it gets that smile from you then they must be good. Should we go?"

Callie nodded and they both stood, straightening their clothes and Callie tapped at her lower eyelids. They were puffy and with dark rings, but the compact she had in her handbag would conceal most of it. She glanced back as they left, sighing and closing her eyes in a prolonged blink. She'd done it; she'd come back.

* * *

Their return to Scotland a couple of days later was more than welcomed, despite the freezing weather they flew in to. Doing a mad dash from the Edinburgh airport to the car, they had both hastily greeted Martin before tumbling into the backseat of the car.

The drive seemed longer though they both only managed to stay awake until the comfort stop half way home. They had returned to the vehicle, hot coffees consumed and settled in; distractedly engaging in a passionate embrace. Their heated exchange began with a simple kiss, growing to a teenage make out session within a few minutes. Arizona's cold hand had slipped under Callie's shirt and she had giggled at the touch, trapping Arizona's fingers by her elbow.

Arizona had rested against her then, ear to her chest as she closed her eyes. Only seconds later it seemed, she was sleeping soundly, slipping down to the rise of Callie's breasts. Callie had gently eased her to her lap, seatbelt half undone where she curled along the seat.

They were still in that position when they arrived home, Callie's head tilted back and mouth open as she snored quietly. Martin glanced in the review mirror, chuckling as he left the car running and removed their bags from the trunk. He nudged Callie and woke her, disappearing into the house and depositing their bags in their respective rooms. Callie slowly eased Arizona awake, despite the adorable peacefulness that she exhibited in sleep. And the tiny amount of tongue that Callie could make out, just dipping out the side of her mouth. Incredibly cute.

They stumbled inside, Arizona still half asleep and disorientated, slumping in the couch. "Is it morning or night?" she grumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"It's night time, sweetheart," Martin confirmed amusingly, "lucky for you."

"Humph. I feel like hell."

"It was only a seven hour flight, Arizona," Callie teased, scratching at her head as she slipped past.

"You two want any food?" Martin asked but they both shook their heads.

"No thanks, I think I'll just get this one to bed." Callie shared a cheerful grin, holding her hands out to Arizona and hoisting her up. "Come on grumpy," she insisted.

"Hey, I'm tired not grumpy."

"Sure you are."

Callie dragged her into the main bedroom and plonked her on the side of the bed, tossing her a loose tee to change into, a cursory glance at the bedside showing that Marilyn had turned the electric blanket on and the room heating up. It felt nice to be cosy warm and not sweltering.

As Arizona went about blindly changing, Callie pressed the messages button on her answering machine as she moved to undo her suitcase. Two messages emanated from the landline, the first a distinctly British sounding woman confirming something about the electricity company reading. Callie shrugged at Arizona. "Remind me to ask Martin about that, maybe we changed companies."

She paused though as a familiar masculine voice resounded through the crackled speaker, her hand held mid-gesture. _Callie, it's Stephen. I need to speak with you, call me on the cell; the number's the same. Please._

The message cut off with a distinct beep and the room fell into a haunting silence. Arizona looked at her across the room, t-shirt just hanging over a pair of black panties. She opened her mouth to speak but shook her head instead, walking directly out of the room.

"Arizona? Arizona!" Callie called out, quickly moving to follow her. She tripped on the edge of her suitcase, little toe catching. "Ow, fuck," she complained, hopping twice before falling back into step. "Arizona! Come on, I don't know why he's fucking calling me." She reached Arizona's door just to catch a pained expression before it shut gently in her face.

Callie groaned. _Shit._

* * *

**TBC….**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN**: Hi Everyone – thank you so much for your patient with this part. I've been having a brilliant vacation but am headed back home shortly, so updates will return with some more frequency. :-) Sorry about the wait, and thanks for your messages and encouragement – I like the impatience! And apologies for any typos/errors in this part, a bit of a hasty upload.

Warning: The M Rating for this fic is there for a reason, this part contains consensual sex scenes.

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

"_Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real."_

_Cormac McCarthy, 'All The Pretty Horses'_

Callie stood at the door, bewildered. She had caught a glimpse of Arizona's expression as she closed the door and she seemed quietly hurt, sad almost. She was calm but retreating, at a rate of absolute knots.

Waiting a few moments, Callie poised with her knuckles resting against the frame. She rapped them eventually, not hearing any movement at all within the room. "Can I come in?" she asked softly, leaning in close to the door. She opened it when she earned no response, sighing at Arizona sitting on the side of the bed, head bowed.

Callie hadn't even reached Arizona's side when the blond murmured, "I know. If it helps, I know."

"Know what? There's nothing to know." Callie sat gently next to her, mattress dipping and Arizona's hip tapped to hers.

"No, I know what I'm doing. And I'm trying not to; this is me, trying not to do what I do. What I always do."

"Right," Callie responded, articulating slowly. "Can you catch me up, what is it you do exactly?"

Arizona exhaled loudly, blowing air out of pursed lips. "Expect the worse."

"You know you're overreacting, right? It was a phone message; I don't have any control over who leaves me messages." Callie was completely confused and if she was being honest with herself, mildly irritated. It seemed to Callie, like all that they had shared had no impact on Arizona at all, as if they really were still strangers in an airport that meant nothing to each other.

"But he still did."

Callie exhaled noisily, unable to keep a distinct edge of irritation from her voice. "You're actually being completely irrational, it was a fucking phone message."

Arizona nodded, but she couldn't help the twisted feeling she had in her stomach. It settled the second she heard the message and in that moment, all her insecurities flooded back into her consciousness. The fact that Callie had an ex-husband who had the potential to flit in and out of her life at will; that Callie could in fact suddenly decide that he or someone else could give her what she wanted - a child, a family; a future. Arizona wasn't even sure she could do that.

She closed her eyes; _shit_. _She wasn't sure she could do that._

"I'm sorry," Arizona murmured, shoulders hunched and hand pressed to her injured ribs. They were aching and she knew it was because she was tense and contracting every major muscle in her body. Even the tiny ones in the back of her jaw; they made her temples pulse.

"You realise you just walked out; we were about to go to bed and you just walked out of my room like a…" Callie trailed off. _Like a freakin' teenager_.

"Yep," Arizona agreed, "I know okay."

"Can we just go back to bed?" Arizona hesitated and Callie angered, standing up. "Oh, come on." She paced the floor a few steps, to the door and back, hands on her hips. "Are you kidding me?"

"Just give me a second, okay? I know what I'm doing and if you stop jumping down my throat for a minute, I'll sort my shit out."

"All this from a phone call, Arizona? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Arizona shrugged and she could feel tears burning, but she was determined to keep her composure. These were the kind of conversations, arguments that never happened when she wasn't in relationships. She never had to try and explain her ridiculous behaviour, of the constant fear and anxiety that nauseated her; always on edge for the next person or thing to disappear out of her door. She had a cat once, and even the cat did a runner.

"I won't even phone him back if that's what you want, okay? I don't care; I don't want anything to do with him or anyone from my old life. My family have made that easy for me at least. Whatever it takes for you to; or to not do," Callie said, gesturing a hand between them, "this."

Arizona shook her head. "I can't ask you not to phone him back, and I don't want to. It could be important."

"Then what do you want?" Callie questioned, exasperated.

"I just need you to be a bit patient," Arizona stated softly, groaning as she tore her fingers through her hair.

"And I can be, you know. But what I can't be is this person that stands by while you up and walk out for no reason. How about you stop and talk, form words and tell me what you're freaking out about before you just walk out of my room without a word." Arizona nodded, she felt sick; how could she tell Callie that not only was she stressing out about the here and now, but the future as well. One where Callie would desperately want a family of her own. And that she had gone from one to a million within two microseconds. "All I wanted, was to snuggle in bed with you tonight," Callie said finally, voice softening. "I kind of hope I still can."

Arizona patted the bed next to her and Callie sat with a heavy sigh. Arizona took her limp hand and entwined their fingers. "You scare me, you know," she said tentatively, "'cause I have all these feelings for you and that scares the crap out of me. I was determined not to do this again."

"Is it a good scared? Because I need to know that you're in; I'm falling in love with you, Arizona and I really need to know that you're in."

Arizona nodded but she closed her eyes for a long time. "I'm in," she whispered, "but I'm not perfect. I'm not anywhere near."

"I don't need perfect, I just need you with me in bed tonight." Arizona nodded slowly. "I'm not so scary, okay? I'm really not."

"You should call him back," Arizona responding softly. "It's not what I'm stressing over and you can always talk to whoever you want to, I would never expect you not to."

"I don't want to talk to him, I'm not even remotely interested in talking to that asshole. But realistically, it could be something to do with the house or something. I don't know."

"The house?"

"Yeah, this house. I got this property in the divorce and an apartment in LA. He kept the businesses; he did have to pay me out a reasonable amount still, not that he cared. It all settled a few months ago though, and it was all through lawyers. I don't know what he wants."

Arizona shrugged. "I'm sorry," she murmured, turning and pressing her forehead into Callie's shoulder. "I'm trying not to be a crazy person."

Releasing a relieved breath, Callie shrugged. "I don't do quiet, you need to know that. Quiet sends me insane; stresses me out."

"I know."

"Did I tell you that it was Stephen that told my parents about the women? Aria confirmed it, but it was him. That's why I've been cut off mostly, it's not like they were happy about the divorce but they would have come round eventually. I guess he was trying to get back at me or something, ironic given it was him and not me that was cheating through our marriage."

"Guess it's bad for his ego."

Callie scoffed. "Yeah, men do wear their ego in their pants."

Laughing ever so lightly, Arizona rubbed at her eyes. "I wouldn't know."

"You've never been with a guy? Even when you were younger?"

Arizona shook her head. "Nope."

"Not that it matters, I was just curious." Callie squeezed Arizona's hand in her lap. "Now can we go to bed?"

Nodding, Arizona stretched her neck. "I have a massive headache."

"Really? I know a good cure for a headache."

Arizona deadpanned. "Paracaetamol?"

Callie grinned. "Yeah, that too." Standing, Callie led Arizona back to her room, oblivious to the hesitation and worry still coursing through Arizona. It seemed too early to have a conversation about the future; before they had even started really. But then the intensity of what she was feeling made it seem impossible not to. They were both too fragile to be in something where their hopes and dreams differed dramatically.

Still, she had no idea how to bring it up.

* * *

It wasn't particularly late in the morning, but Arizona was wide awake. She was turned on her side, head just on the edge of her pillow and in the stillness, she could feel Callie's breath on the back of her neck. Considering their time between relationships, they slept soundly and comfortably together, with Callie pressed into Arizona's back and arm around her chest. Arizona could hardly wait for the time that Callie could rest her hands on her waist, ribs completely healed.

She could feel Callie's legs shadowing hers, curled around her backside and along the warm skin of her hamstrings. The oversized t-shirt she wore to bed was gathered around her stomach, a two inch gap between the elastic of her panties, smooth but low over her hips. Callie's stomach was tapping at the small of her back with each breath.

Arizona closed her eyes, a feeble attempt at willing sleep to return. She was distracted though; by the conversation she knew she needed to have with Callie at some point. Conflictedly, her body kept drawing her back from her perpetually analytical space, to Callie's hand motionless over her breast, thumb and forefinger bare against the swelled skin. Her baby finger was just below her shirt covered nipple, and with a deeper breath she could have it brush the sensitive tip. With the slightest focus, she felt arousal, nipple tightening and tugging at the pit of her abdomen. She breathed in and out for a moment, heat quelling under the slight touch. Arizona sighed quietly.

She desperately wanted Callie.

She wanted to explore every possible inch of her body, to slowly remove her clothing and kiss the exposed skin. She wanted to find the random places that would make her squirm and demand more, like the inside of her thigh or the small of her back. Though she had experienced only hints at Callie's sexual appetite, she imagined her to be vocal and tactile, and perhaps a little assertive. If she wanted Arizona's fingers deeper inside of her, she wouldn't hesitate to ask; maybe she would just take her by the wrist and demand it.

They were adults and they were consenting; did it really matter if they hadn't talked everything through? Arizona was tired of thinking and processing; she just wanted to do what felt right for once. She had made a mistake the previous night, but things hadn't fallen apart. She was in bed with Callie, and she was being held in her arms despite her moment of crazy. And that was new for her; it was complicated and contextual, but she was trying to move with it and not against it. She was trying to grow and be brave.

And she so wanted to know what it was like to have Callie's fingers inside of her and her mouth devouring her breasts. She wanted to know if Callie liked being touched lightly or firmly; if she wanted to licked or sucked; whether she preferred to be on top or on the bottom.

She swallowed and Callie murmured quietly in her sleep behind her, humming lightly as she tightened her arms and then relaxed them again. Callie pressed her hips into her back, rolling them slightly.

Arizona's skin was firing, each touch sending little messages of growing heat to her centre. She closed her eyes and smiled to herself; clearly it had been a while. She paused in thought for a moment, calculating in her head. It had been months since she had even had a sporadic one night stand, and with the assault and the trip back to the States, she couldn't even recall the last time she had slipped a hand between her legs and brought about her own release.

No wonder she was a little eager.

Sliding an open hand along the mattress, Arizona splayed it over her hip and across her body, slowly moving over the curve of her thigh until she could rest it on Callie's. She ran her thumb tenderly back and forth as Callie pressed tighter against her in her sleep. She felt a soft squeeze at her breast and she stifled an exhalation.

For almost ten minutes she stroked Callie's skin, working her hand until the tips of her fingers could edge under her panties, earning the first touch of Callie's perfectly firm and rounded buttock. A delectable moan drifted to her ear and she felt wet lips on her neck. "Mmmm, morning," Callie whispered huskily, and Arizona noted a familiar pulse; that voice was devourable.

"Hi," she replied, not stilling her fingers. "Did I wake you?" she teased.

"Hmmm mmm," Callie murmured, nodding so her nose brushed back and forth over Arizona's shoulder. "But you can wake me like this anytime you like."

"Really?" Arizona's hand crept further beneath the material.

"Really," Callie confirmed eagerly, starting to almost subconsciously move her fingers where they rested over Arizona's breast.

"It's your fault," Arizona murmured after a few moments, breathing becoming slightly heavier. She swallowed. "You were feeling me up in your sleep."

Callie laughed, chest wobbling at Arizona's back. "Whoops."

"And then you wouldn't wake up and I had all this time to think about where else I wanted that hand."

"Mmmm," Callie hummed seductively again, and she started roaming Arizona's breast with more intent, lightly scratching at her nipple beneath the shirt material. She lifted her arm and focussed on the other. "Then I like this thinking you were doing."

Softly moaning, Arizona shifted her weight and edged her hips back; there was swelling between her legs and she noticed her labia felt damp. The thought alone elicited another half sigh, half murmur. "Pathetic really."

"Nah ah, and I'll tell you something one day just as proof."

Arizona shadowed Callie's hand over her chest, focussing her fingers at her tightened nipple. "Tell me what?" she questioned slowly, and her voice was lower than usual.

Detecting the first tingled sensation at her own centre as Arizona ran her hand awkwardly up the front of her thigh, Callie sucked lightly on Arizona's ear. She ran the length with the tip of her tongue before nibbling at the lobe, small earring cool where it was drawn into her mouth. "Noooo," Callie whispered and her hot breath elicited a shiver.

"Please?"

"Hmmm," Callie pondered slowly, tugging Arizona's shirt up and slipping her hand underneath. She teased, using her fingernails to lightly scrape over her nipples. "I'll just say that I've done my own thinking about where I would like your hands."

Arizona responded with an initial soft laugh that merged into a lengthy groan. "That's hot," she murmured and her index finger padded down Callie's underwear until she dropped one leg back allowing access. She pulsated against the nylon material, lace waistband under her wrist. "I'm hoping here was one of those places."

"Absolutely. Absolutely there, no question about that."

They both continued to tease, Arizona's complete focus between Callie's legs, but deliberately remaining outside of the thin material, relishing as they gradually became wet and Callie's hips involuntarily jolted. She could feel the sporadic tensing under the base of her palm with occasional sharp groans escaping Callie's mouth.

Similarly, Callie paid careful attention to Arizona's breasts, rolling the nipples between her fingers and squeezing them; at times flattening her palm and making large circles with her hand. She pooled some saliva in her mouth and dipped her thumb in, returning to wet the taut nub and slide hastily back and forth. Arizona was squeezing her thighs together, managing to gain some pressure against her throbbing clitoris, much to Callie's satisfaction at the impatience and clear need for stimulation.

"Arizona," Callie muttered distractedly, eyes close and mouth slightly ajar as she panted. "I don't want to hurt your ribs," she disjointedly articulated.

"My ribs," Arizona replied, "are not where I want you to touch me."

Dragging her hand from underneath Arizona's shirt, Callie slipped an arm under Arizona's pillow and down the wide neckline of the loose tee. She paused to hold Arizona's hand to her centre for a moment, rocking her hips and mumbling a few expletives before sliding her underwear down her thighs. She didn't bother kicking them off, pushing Arizona's fingers back into place. "Ohhhh," she muttered as Arizona disappeared her long middle finger into her folds, pooling thick fluid and sliding back and forth along the length of her. "Fuck yes," she gasped, entire hand gripping Arizona's breast.

A few seconds passed before she snaked her hand over Arizona's hip and down her leg, sliding back up between her thighs as Arizona tilted more on to her back. She groaned immediately at finding Arizona's fingers on top of her panties. "You mentioned hot," she mumbled, "well that is hot." Too aroused to blush or hastily remove her hand, Arizona continued to lightly press, rolling her clit. "Just so you know," Callie said, "I had planned to be all slow and sensual." Her breath caught momentarily, as Arizona focussed tight circles around Callie's burning bundle of nerve endings.

Arizona shook her head. "That can be next," she agreed, "but right now, I just want to fucking come."

It was enough to gain a quick movement from Callie and she slipped her hand beneath the waistband of Arizona's cotton panties. The gusset was wet against the back of her hand and her fingers slid easily with the pooled fluid. She entered Arizona briefly, just slipping inside of her a few times before moving her attention to where she could quickly and easily climax. "You're so wet," she whispered, barely audible into Arizona's ear, hesitant only as to how comfortable Arizona was with bed talk.

The immediate groan was answer enough and Arizona copied Callie's actions before tipping her head back. "And so are you," she observed.

Pausing involuntarily, Callie panted into the nape of Arizona's neck. "And very close," she warned, having quickly found herself responding to Arizona's touch.

Crawling the fingers that still rested at the edge of her own curls, Arizona moved to cover Callie's hand and wrist. "Fuck Calliope," she gasped and Callie shivered, feet starting to tingle.

"Say it again," she demanded with an innate gruffness that was all instinct and primal.

Arizona tilted her head back, mouth open and earning Callie's hasty hot breath against her temple. "God," she muttered, voice catching. "Fuck Calliope," she articulated, deep and slow. A protracted moan met her ear. Their fingers were both moving hastily, lacking coordination as they edged closer; more desperate. It occurred to Callie to briefly stop; to drag out their release and she tried to read Arizona, trying to learn quickly where the moment of no return was. "Fuck Calliope," Arizona repeated again after a minute and Callie could feel Arizona's fingernails digging into her wrist. Callie bit slightly at her ear in response, legs starting to burn and creep past her knees. She stroked Arizona three more times before stilling her hand, cupping her but not moving.

As if confused and unsure, Arizona paused too, only moments before Callie wouldn't have been able to stop from tumbling over the edge. She felt Callie stroke one finger slowly up the length of her before pausing again; Arizona emulated. "Ohhhh," Callie gasped, drawing it out; her lower abdomen trembled.

"I thought," Arizona murmured, moving her spare hand up to toy with her other breast, Callie's fingers still intermittently on one, "that you were going to make me come."

She felt Callie drag her finger painfully slowly along her slit again, two circles around her clitoris before stilling. "I will, I definitely will," Callie insisted, voice catching as Arizona copied.

"I really really need to," Arizona insisted, face contorting slightly as Callie vibrated the pad of her finger for a long few seconds. She was so close, the small of her back arching as she tried to gain more pressure; unfiltered moans and mutterings escaping her constricted throat. "Please," Arizona pleaded, drawing out the word and Callie jumped her hips back, bowing her head and pressing an open mouth to Arizona's shoulder.

"Whoa," Callie gasped. "You're…" she trailed off, completely lost for words. She was incredibly turned on and every word, every groan and every subtle movement from Arizona was too much. She had never been so affected by someone; anyone could touch and be good in bed, but what Arizona was doing to her was beyond words. "You're too hot," she muttered, sucking at Arizona's skin.

She moaned in response. "You want me to beg, huh?" she whimpered, completely unfiltered. In that moment, she would do anything for the woman behind her; absolutely anything. Callie slowly stroked her back and forth. "Faster," Arizona whispered yet Callie didn't alter her pace; returning so that Arizona could touch her again though. "Faster, please?" The pace changed momentarily and Arizona felt her stomach start to tingle. "Fuck Calliope," she deliberately stated and hastened her fingers to stroke at Callie. "Please."

Only a handful of seconds later and Callie gave a distinct warning moan before her teeth dug into Arizona's shoulder and she came in a tumble of rapid jerks against Arizona's hand, fluid dripping between her thighs and to the bed. Arizona followed quickly, just as Callie was riding the final moments of her own peak. She reached between her legs to firmly hold Callie's hand in place, lurching her hips and shuddering in a series of climactic waves. They trembled periodically for a minute, hands still firmly in place before Callie finally giggled lightly and Arizona dropped her hand away, creating space for Callie to conform against her. She kept her fingers in place, relishing the occasional shudder she was still managing to elicit.

"Best wake up ever," Callie said lightly, pressing a series of feather light kisses to the reddened skin of Arizona's shoulder. "Sorry," she murmured, blowing at the mark, "I don't think I broke skin."

"Oh," Arizona responded, glancing over her shoulder, "I didn't even notice. It's fine." She snuggled back into Callie, entwining their fingers where Callie still had one hand at Arizona's chest. "Really," she insisted.

Callie slowly removed her fingers from Arizona's folds, slipping out from under her panties and running her palm slowly up and down her thigh. "That was completely unexpected," she murmured, kissing up Arizona's shoulder, "in the best possible way."

Arizona smiled. "Good," she acknowledged slyly and somewhere in her was a sense of relief. They were compatible in another area of their life, comfortable with each other and sexually pleasing. It wasn't the most important thing, but it was still significant. Maybe it was because Arizona always looked for a reason for things to fail, but she really didn't believe that a relationship could work without mutually gratifying sex. And it wasn't necessarily about skill, though that helped; it was about not being completely guarded or holding back. She had had good sex; great sex even, hours long and with strangers but it didn't go close to the brief thirty minutes she had just spent with Callie.

Of course, for a relationship to work, they also needed to share similar ideals about the future.

Arizona physically shuddered and pushed the thought away. It was still too early for that conversation. "Cold?" Callie asked, breaking her reverie.

"No," Arizona said, shaking her head. "I'm all good."

"Mmmm," Callie murmured, "good, 'cause I want to stay right here with you."

"Me too." They fell into silence and Callie dragged lazy fingers over Arizona's leg and stomach, tracing patterns and lightly playing. She kissed over her shoulder and up into her neck, dipping behind the messy blond hair. Arizona smiled, and turned, laughing at Callie's mischievous expression. "Hey, Call," she said softly and Callie's eyes widened in answer. "I'm sorry about last night."

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm sorry I snapped too."

"No, no, it was all me. I'm a little complicated," she explained simply, a shrugging beneath Callie's hold. She felt a hand slip back beneath her shoulder and between her breasts.

"Complicated can wait for later in the morning; we haven't done slow and sensual yet."

"That's true," Arizona responded quietly, pushing her shoulders back to seek Callie's fingers.

"Because I really want to do slow…" Callie murmured, trailing off as her fingers lightly traced the swell of Arizona's breast, wide loose circles. "Is that okay with you."

Arizona grinned. "That's totally okay with me."

Yes, complicated could definitely wait until later.

* * *

**TBC…**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: **Thanks everyone, you're fabulous. Back home now (completely depressed) but regular updates to resume. :-) Thank you for waiting!

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen**

"_The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."_

_Elbert Hubbard_

Pushing the door to the office open, Callie balanced a steaming cup of coffee and a small plate in one hand. She had spent the morning in the kitchen with Marilyn, talking and cooking whilst Arizona continued to write. Arizona had disappeared in front of her laptop for almost a week, barely emerging and when she did, looking nothing short of eccentric. Over a couple of wines the evening before, Arizona had explained the writing mentality; the period of time where she could completely submerge herself in her novels were always the most productive. She became almost a part of the text, drawn into the characters and storylines as if she were living it. Although the lines tended to be blurred anyway with the parts of her that were so integral to the characters; it was hard to tell where she stopped and the people she characterised began.

Callie was respectful, not intruding on Arizona's space yet ensuring she drank water and continued to eat. She could imagine Arizona fading away for months on end and emerging, text complete but a shell of who she was before she started. That was the attraction of the fantasy world, Arizona had described with a wide grin. Those moments where reality doesn't exist are mystical and at times, unattainable; the perfect escapism. Perhaps it's what every writer craves, and most artists probably, those tiny few moments where the world ceases to exist.

When she stepped inside, the image that greeted Callie was similar to that she had found each day before, blond hair matted over rounded shoulders, back hunched over the small laptop. Truth be told, the computer was a little archaic and Callie had some secret plans to give Arizona a gift of a new one; it was her birthday coming up. Although Arizona's face had scowled at the acknowledgement; she would be thirty in a couple of weeks. Another milestone that Arizona wanted to forget, and yet another reason to celebrate in Callie's opinion.

"Just your coffee delivery," Callie announced softly, resting the items on a table behind Arizona when she entered. She placed an open palm between her shoulder blades and Arizona glanced up, eyes slightly blood shot and glazed from staring at the screen. Callie wasn't sure how she did it, the mere thought of focussing on a computer all day made her twitch. She much preferred to be outside or at the very least, moving around. A little attention deficit perhaps.

"Oh hey," Arizona acknowledged, face forming a wide smile. "Where did you come from?"

Callie laughed. "I teleported in, and you missed it all." She leant down and pressed her lips to Arizona's cheek, grinning when Arizona grabbed her by the collar and demanded a more passionate kiss. "And for that, you get a brilliant coffee."

"Not just a coffee, but a brilliant coffee?"

"Ah huh, I've been practising on the espresso machine. So far, I've mastered the milk frothing, but my espresso shots are still being worked on. They're a bit hit and miss."

"As long as it has caffeine in it, I'll be incredibly happy."

"Oh it definitely does, a double shot in fact. I thought you could do with a decent cup. And," Callie continued, placing the mug and plate next to Arizona's laptop, "Marilyn has been doing some baking. And you have a selection, there's a caramel slice and a stereotypical British scone that is to die for. That's a strawberry conserve that Marilyn's daughter made; and those little chocolate things are homemade fruit and nut creations. They're made with Swiss chocolate, pretty good." She picked up a small jagged piece of broken chocolate and popped it into Arizona's mouth, standing back up straight and smoothing Arizona's hair down.

"Mmmm," Arizona murmured, chewing lightly and nodding. She leant her head back so that it rested on Callie's stomach, casting her eyes up. "While you're there," she prompted, stretching her neck.

"Oh, so I bring you coffee, food and you still demand a massage?"

"I'll repay the favour," Arizona replied innocently, slyly smiling.

Callie laughed. "Okay," she whispered, fingers sliding around Arizona's neck as her thumbs kneaded the muscles leading to the base of her skull.

Taking a sip of steaming coffee, Arizona muttered some more approving nuances. Her novel was progressing nicely, edging towards the halfway mark and experiencing no recent instances of the proverbial writers block. As she always did, she was working through her fears and anxiety through her writing, delving into the depth of her complexities. She was yet to reach a resolution, content to flesh it out for the moment; though she had to admit, the further she explored, the more she questioned herself. She wasn't entirely sure how she could successfully build an equal and loving relationship with Callie, but she wasn't giving up. And that was something she was at least a little proud of. For the moment; there was always the potential, in the back of her mind, that she couldn't actually change the parts of herself that she so desperately wanted to.

"That feels amazing," she mumbled to Callie, eyes closed as she chewed a large bite of caramel slice, gooey filling sticking to the side of her mouth and dribbling over her lower lip. She licked at the remnants.

"You're making a mess," Callie murmured, crouching down beside Arizona and while keeping one hand working at her neck, kissed the side of her mouth. She exaggerated the miniscule taste of caramel with a wide sweep of her tongue.

"Well it should be enjoyed, right? Anyway, what have you been up to today? Been out riding?"

"Hmmm, I should have, but the weather is a bit crap out there. There's been another dusting of snow, but it's meant to clear up over the next few days so I'll go out then. You should come out with me…"

Arizona laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure my riding lessons when I was eight are really going to hold me up well out in the snow."

"You'd be surprised, I hadn't ridden for years but it all came back to me. It's like riding a bike, and honestly, the weather is meant to clear up so some of the snow might start melting; particularly if it warms up a little. I could take you on a nice easy trail."

"I'll think about it," Arizona placated, though she had little intention of going along. She didn't mind most activities, and in the summer she would probably even be keen to follow Callie. But she really hadn't had lessons since she was a child living in Idaho, and had only been on the occasional trail ride in her adult years. Once when she was in Iceland, but that probably didn't count, the horses were more like mules they were that close to the ground. "So if no riding, have you been helping bake?"

"I have. Marilyn has been introducing me to the concept of traybakes. Apparently that's what the British call slices and stuff; I'm not sure if I'm a help or a hindrance but she's been tolerating me well." They both laughed and as Callie stood, Arizona wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed her cheek against her stomach in a tight hug. Callie smoothed her hair and sighed. "If I run you a bath tonight will you soak in it?"

"Hmmm, I could be convinced," Arizona replied before an embarrassed look crossed her face. "Oh, do I smell? Have I not showered? I swear I have…oh, maybe my hair needs washing, it's not good, huh?"

"It's not so bad…a little in need of a shampoo perhaps but I was more thinking that your neck is so tense that a hot soak in the tub would do you good."

Arizona gave a soft chuckle. "And I might smell a little better, always a good bonus." She lifted her arm to give a slight whiff, smiling as she screwed her nose up.

"On the plus side, there's a range of bath oils that you can choose from."

"You can choose for me, I don't mind."

"And," Callie began slowly, "I was kind of wondering if I could talk something through with you. I know you're busy with writing and things, but yeah, I just thought maybe we could talk tonight."

Panic flashed across Arizona's expression. "Have I missed something?" she hastily asked, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, yeah, of course. I'm fine."

"Umm okay, sure. I mean, yeah. Are we not okay?"

"Hey," Callie soothed, crouching back down again and pressing her cheek to Arizona's she kissed her ear, "we're fine. I didn't mean to worry you; it's not bad. I promise."

Arizona audibly exhaled though her forehead remained creased and tense. "Okay," she said hesitantly.

"I'm sorry," Callie said, "I didn't mean to worry you. You stress too much, you know that? Which is weird, given how carefree you are about other stuff, travel mostly. Why do you worry about everything else so much?"

Arizona shrugged. "Travel is easy, nothing is really that disastrous." She paused. "Except maybe being assaulted in a foreign country."

"I guess," Callie responded, not even remotely convinced. She had a different perspective these days, far more relaxed than she ever was. But still, she couldn't ever imagine being as free as Arizona when it came to travel. Other things, yes but travel and that particular kind of risk taking behaviour, not likely. She once believed that life needed a plan; that the future could be mapped out and then it would predictably fall into place. And anything that deviated from that plan would elicit a great anxiety in her, a panic. But after everything she had been through, the plan was less important. Sure, it was an ideal or a loose direction, but the specifics, sometimes they just took care of themselves. Some might call it fate. "I just wish you didn't get that stressed look on your face when I say something like that." She laughed lightly. "That didn't make a lot of sense, I know. But I don't want to make you stressed, I want to make you not stressed; relaxed."

"You do," Arizona insisted, raising an open palm to Callie's cheek. She kissed her lips. "You really do," she repeated. "You see this document," she explained, pointing to her screen and Callie nodded. "Can you read what page I'm on?"

Squinting, Callie tilted her face closer to the screen. "Ah yeah, is that one hundred and fifty?"

"Yep."

"Is that good?"

"Yep, that's good. That's a hundred and fifty pages of awesome, which was about twenty pages of crap before I came here. To you."

"I help?"

"You do," Arizona insisted, though she stifled a yawn suddenly. "And you bring me coffee, and that makes you more than helpful. That makes you my saviour, in fact, my Editor may want to shower you in kisses when this is freakin' published."

"I would probably rather you shower me in kisses."

"I think that could be arranged. If you play your cards right and keep making coffee like this."

"You're gorgeous," Callie declared, hoisting herself back to her feet by the back of Arizona's chair. She gave her neck and shoulders a final squeeze before stepping back. "I'll give you a couple more hours and then come and interrupt you for a bath and dinner, is that okay?"

Arizona nodded. "And to talk," she confirmed and Callie nodded, smiling.

"And it's nothing to worry about. Okay?"

Breathing a soft sigh of relief, Arizona said, "Okay. Thanks for the coffee and cake."

"You're welcome…although I take full credit, I'll let Marilyn know too."

Arizona grinned and turned back to her laptop with a half wave as Callie slipped out the door, pulling it closed behind her. She took a long sip of coffee and a large bite of scone, cream all over her top lip. "God that's good," she muttered to herself, poising her fingers on the keyboard. She hesitated, reaching back to the plate and finishing the half. Then she focussed on the screen.

* * *

In the corner of Callie's bathroom was a large triangular shaped spa, though Arizona had adamantly declined the powerful jets, preferring to soak gently. Bubbles gathered on the surface of the water and just Arizona's head and the tops of her shoulders peaked through. She had initially gathered here hair in a loose tie but now the strands lay wet over her neck, still dry though at the top of her head and around her face.

"How's the relaxation level going?" Callie questioned, easing her way through the door with two glasses of champagne.

"Mmmm, exceptionally," Arizona said, smiling as she opened one eye.

"Here you go, it's always better with a drink."

"Thanks," she agreed, reaching a wet hand up to take the glass, water lapping under her arm and exposing a hint of the creamy white skin at the swell of her breast.

"You look much more relaxed than earlier," Callie insisted, trailing the back of her knuckles along Arizona's cheek who closed her eyes at the pleasant sensation.

"Are you joining me?" Arizona asked, nodding.

"Ahhhh," Callie hesitated, self conscious at the idea of peeling her clothes off and sliding into the tub; body on full display. Not that she needed to be concerned, Arizona could admire her body for hours without complaint. "I was just going to sit here actually, let you have all the space to yourself. And this way I can refill our glasses."

"Oh," Arizona murmured slowly, disappointed. "Sure, well, you're welcome to come in if you feel like it." It again elicited a kind of nervousness from her, and the mantra in her mind kept reminding her that it was far easier to run then to let someone hurt her. Breaking a habit that had developed over a lifetime was more difficult than she ever imagined. More difficult than she portrayed in her book, that was for certain.

"I like watching you when you're all calm, you know," Callie said softly, perching herself on a leather stool that backed against the wall and if she dangled her fingers over the edge and into the spa, she could stroke Arizona's calves. "On second thoughts, that makes me sound strange as," she joked, yet her face was intense. She was looking at Arizona intently, focussed and unwavering. Arizona coughed and squirmed under the concentration, but she remained silent. "Did you get some more writing done after your coffee?"

Arizona nodded. "Yeah, yeah I did. I've had no problems getting stuff written, it's good. Really good."

"How long until you think you'll be finished?"

Shrugging, Arizona sighed and placed her glass on the corner of the tub; it clinked against the marble. "Technically, I could have it finished in maybe two months. But I don't have the ending sorted, at all. I thought I did, but the further I get into it, the more I develop the characters, the less sure I am." She bit her tongue lightly. "So it might never get finished, and even if it does, there's a hundred back and forths from my editor, making changes."

"Can I ask what it's about?"

"You can," Arizona said, with a coy grin, not elaborating and giving herself a little time to articulate what it was she was writing about without actually disclosing it. Fortunately, it was an art she had developed quite well over the years.

"Sooooooo," Callie prompted, laughing politely. She ran the tips of her fingers through the water, just breaking the surface and creating swirls in the bubbles. "I'm only kidding, you don't have to tell me. I can always read it when you publish it."

Arizona laughed. "So true. Hmmm, how can I explain it? I suppose it's about trying to lose the façade; the main character, she's this person that she created. It's not someone she was born to be, but a lot of it's just an image…but that said, there're parts that she doesn't want to change but some she does. And the pretending, is the main thing, even though it's not always conscious. So yeah, it's about finding a way to be authentic."

"Okay," Callie said, considering the concepts, she rested her head back against the tiled wall. "So, the issue with the ending? What, she can't do it? She spends her life being this shell of a person?"

"I don't know yet, I can't seem to get her there. It's a process, and a lot of hard work. But stories don't always have happy endings, Callie."

"Sometimes they do."

"Mmmm, yeah, they do. But life doesn't, so why create a book, this entire massive story that doesn't reflect reality?"

"Life doesn't have happy endings?"

"Not really."

"Ever?"

Arizona stilled; did she really think that things never had a positive outcome? Surely she couldn't be that jaded. "They do," she conceded softly, and the look of relief on Callie's face didn't go unnoticed. "I just have trouble believing that sometimes and it makes me a little crazy to think that after all you've been through, you still have the glass is half full thing going on."

"Well yeah, giving up isn't part of my plan. You never know what's around the corner, what's waiting for you in the middle of an ordinary day. _Who_ might be waiting when you enter an Emirates Lounge."

Arizona laughed, but she sunk a little lower in the water, clavicles covered. "You wanted to talk to me Calliope…" she said softly, reluctant but accepting. Some things had a now or never kind of feel to them.

"I did. I do, actually." She drew in a breath and her fingernails grazed Arizona's shin, she shivered. "I kind of told you about what happened when I went to see my family, right?"

"Mmmm," Arizona said, one eye half closing. "Kind of, you said that Stephen had told them about the whole girls…women thing, and they wouldn't talk to you. Which reminds me, have you phoned him back? Oh, is that what you wanted to talk to me about?"

Callie smiled loosely; she desperately wanted to take away Arizona's stress and anxiety. She felt the most incredibly uncomfortable feeling in her gut every time Arizona looked upset or concerned, and she wanted to do anything she could to take it from her, and to protect her. It was unrealistic and completely inappropriate, but she couldn't change the instinctual responses she had when it came to the gorgeous blonde that was now such an important and irreplaceable part of her life.

"No," she said calmly, "I haven't called him back yet. When I'm ready to not scream down the phone at him, I'll do it, but I don't want to give him that satisfaction right now. And besides, there's someone who is so so so much more important around right now."

Arizona blushed and her eyes fell to the water before she looked back up again. "Did something else happen with your parents?" she asked, avoiding the implication of Callie's statement. She wasn't quite ready to accept the meaning in that yet.

"Not especially, but I want you to know my past, my situation. And when I went to see them, I still had some access to the family finances and business and stuff. But that all changed after they closed the door in my face, literally, I mean I was standing on their doorstep and my parents and sister were all there and they closed the door."

"I know," Arizona acknowledged quietly, "it must have been…crap, just awful."

"Yeah," Callie said, shrugging, "but it is what it is. Anyway, after that, they cut me off. And I guess I just want you to know my situation, what I have and what I don't have."

"Callie, I really don't..." she mumbled, drifting off. She had some resources herself, but nothing compared to what Callie had and she certainly didn't think she was entitled to know the details of Callie's financial situation.

"Just listen, please?" Callie asked softly and Arizona nodded. "So they signed over my trust fund and it's all in my name now and they sent me a copy of their Will, which shows Aria as the sole beneficiary." Arizona stifled a gasp, shaking her head. "I know, it's fucked but what can I do? It's not like the trust fund wasn't sizeable and with the payout I got in the divorce, there's no issue. I'm all good…and with this property and the LA one."

Arizona creased her forehead in confusion; she wasn't sure she was following. "You know, I don't have a property portfolio, right? And fortunately, my bank account has some money in it and I have some bits and pieces in investments, but if you're thinking we're," she hesitated. "Well, if you think we're both bringing equal finances to whatever this is or isn't, you're really wrong."

Callie was shaking her head all through Arizona's few sentences, she wasn't articulating herself properly. It wasn't about the finances at all, she was just trying to explain to Arizona where she was at and where she wanted Arizona to fit with it all. "Sorry," she said, "I'm not explaining well and I'm really not meaning to offend you. Though I seem to do that without even thinking about it. I just, Arizona…this is kind of me. It's me, and there's no one else. I have a past, a crazy, fucked up past, but right now, it's just me, and enough cash that it means I can just do whatever I like with my life."

"Soooo, that's okay? I don't know what you want me to say, it's not like money matters to me; not really."

"I know, I do. And it's more about what I don't have…I don't have any important people in my life anymore. I did once, well, I thought I did. I had a family and a husband and a…a baby on the way." Callie lost her focus for a moment, forearm sliding into the water and her open palm fell around Arizona's knee. "I thought that I had it all worked out, right?"

"You had a plan, huh?"

"Yeah, exactly. I had an entire life plan mapped out, but it was so stupidly flawed. And it fell apart a long time before I actually realised or accepted that it fell apart. And there's still lots of screwed up bits and pieces and I'm not all zen with it. I mean, the world is pretty cruel if it takes away a innocent little baby because her mother was clueless."

"Callie…"

Callie shook her head. "You see, I haven't been okay for a long time. A really really long time. But something has changed, and it's you. It's because of you and I want you to know that, and I don't know what it means because I'm only talking from my perspective. But I feel okay with you, Arizona. I feel like the rest of it doesn't matter when I'm with you." She took a deep breath. "I am, so…" she paused again with a nervous laugh. "I am so falling in love with you," Callie declared, words tumbling out. "And I don't expect you to feel the same because that's crazy and it's so soon. But I am and I wanted you to know that; I wanted you to know that this is important to me. You're important to me and that I'm not mucking around. I want to be with you Arizona, I want to wake up next to you and bake freakin' cakes with you. And debate what coffee is better or make sure you shower and eat when you're writing. I want to be with you; just you. Because I feel better than okay; I feel good. I feel good for once."

Callie exhaled heavily, and she had to put her glass down to wipe at her eyes with her knuckles before the tears escaped. She hadn't laid her heart on the line for a long time; in fact, she had probably never done it so genuinely before. Even standing at the church altar and saying her vows felt less important.

Breathing in and out, Arizona focused on keeping the air from whistling from her lungs as her heart seemed to make the water around her chest wave with each beat. She had to advert her eyes momentarily from Callie's, they were so full of honesty and openness; everything she was trying to be but in her own assessment, failing at. Callie was sitting opposite her, heart displayed on the outside and inviting Arizona in; wanting to have the conversations that Arizona was so fearful of. Scared that she wouldn't live up to the expectation; petrified that for the first time in her life, that she couldn't do the very thing she wanted to do.

She prided herself on that concept, that she could see what she wanted and make it happen. She created the goals and the dreams in her mind and then she worked like hell to attain them. That was with things, but not with people. She had always wanted _something_ more than she wanted _someone_; so what did she do now?

"Calliope," she whispered, drawing wide eyes up to meet the tearful ones that were waiting patiently for her response.

"It's okay," Callie rushed to excuse Arizona's uncertainty. "I'm not pushing you for anything, but I needed; wanted maybe, to tell you how I feel. I hope that's okay."

"Of course, of course it is." Arizona leant forward, drawing her knees up to her chest and Callie's fingers dropped away from her skin, left treading through the water. Tapping her chin to the boney curve of her knees, Arizona dragged her hand along the rim of the bath until her wet knuckles tapped at Callie's bicep. "And I'm so, hmmm, what's the right word for it? I admire you so much, as in, I couldn't possibly describe how much. Do you know how incredible you are?" Callie rolled her eyes and smiled, there wasn't a chance she was going to accept Arizona's compliment without sarcasm or direct protest. "Hey," Arizona insisted, "he was a fucked up arse to treat you like he did. And your family, they have no idea what they're missing out on, your attitude, your perspective, intelligence; your openness. After everything, how you've been treated and what you've had happen to you, still, you're here, laying it all out. I wish I was more like you, because you really are everything."

Callie padded her fingers through the water, splashing droplets as she weaved across the surface distractedly. "Everything you want?" she asked quietly, after a long silence.

Arizona melted; face falling and she could see the slow well of tears gathering in Callie's eyes. "More than everything I want," she whispered, "but sweetie, I don't deserve you."

"What?" Callie asked, confused.

Sighing heavily, Arizona reached her hand to linger over the sleeve of Callie's shirt until her damp fingers could press to her neck. "I'll hurt you," she murmured quietly, resolute. "And I don't want to hurt you; I want to love you, but I know I'll end up hurting you."

"How do you know?" Callie asked, and a tear tracked out of the corner of her eye and down her cheek; it dried before it reached Arizona's hand.

"Because it's what I do," she responded honestly. "There's even a few that would testify to that fact," she added sadly.

"I don't believe that you would deliberately," Callie challenged.

Arizona shrugged and sighed heavily. "Maybe not deliberately, but does that matter?"

"I think it does."

"Why though? You still get screwed over."

"It matters because there's always a chance that this is different, we're different. I'm enough."

"You're more than enough," Arizona insisted and Callie shuddered under her palm. "You are, more than enough," she stated again, each syllable articulated and emphasised. "I bail, it's what I do. The closer I get, the more I feel like I have to run. And I know I told you that I'm trying, and I am. I really am, but the closer we get, the more I feel like I can't live without you. And then my mind, it runs like a million miles ahead and I think that I can't stay because I can't be everything you need or want me to be."

"I just need you to be you."

"And I barely know who that is. I'm trying, I really am, you have to believe that. But I'm not there yet." Arizona scraped her thumb along Callie's jawline and she leant into the touch. "I have this history and I'm fucking ashamed of it. I'm like Forest Gump, I run like the wind as soon as I feel myself getting closer. It's warped and crazy."

"You haven't run though," Callie stated, yet the words were catching in her throat. She wasn't sure where this conversation was headed, but it seemed destined for tragedy. And it was worse, it wasn't as if they weren't committed to each other; they were both trying to protect the other and maybe themselves too.

"Yet," Arizona whispered and her chest trembled, she was admitting her weaknesses, airing them like dirty laundry. "But I do. There isn't anyone I haven't run from in a long time. Surely you know, Callie; I was on the other side of the world when my dad died and Mom, she's been in that place forever. And I phone, but I haven't visited nearly enough. And my brother, Tim, I saw his grave for the first time since he died when we buried Dad. How fucked is that? He was more than my brother, he was my best friend and I never went back." She folded her legs underneath her, hunching her body so that she stayed concealed beneath the water. Ironic that her physical exposure was parallel to her emotional one. "I'm just so scared I will hurt you and you're so resilient and strong; I don't want to be the one to take that away from you."

"I won't let you. We can make this work, you promised to talk to me, to communicate. You said you would do that."

Arizona nodded and she could feel emotion bubbling in her chest; she had never wanted to protect anyone as much as she wanted to protect Callie. Even keeping her own heart safe seemed to pale in comparison. "And I am, I will. But Call, you read my book right? You asked me how much it was about me, yeah?"

"Ah hmmm; yeah."

"Well, it's all crap. It was me, it was all me. Everything in that fucking book was me, except the outcome. There's no epiphany, it doesn't exist. My journey of self discovery and all that shit, it's not true. I didn't make it, I don't know how."

"So what? You never try? You're giving up on everything?"

"You're too important to me, I should practise on someone who is…not," she whispered in response and the tears started escaping from her eyes. "I think I'm irreparably broken; I'm just…I'm broken Calliope. And I don't want to break you."

"You're not broken," she replied quickly, taking Arizona's hand from around her neck and clasping it between to hands, crying. "You're not. You're hurt, and you've had all these reasons to not trust anyone but that isn't the end of the story."

Arizona stifled a cry, shoulders trembling; she gripped Callie's hands back. "Remember, I don't how to end it."

"We can try. Tell me that we can try; because I love you. I'm not falling for you; I'm not falling in love with you. I love you Arizona."

Fingers entwined and with a death like grip, they held on, staring into each other's eyes with tears trailing down their cheeks.

They held on and cried.

* * *

TBC…


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: **Can't thank you enough for all the continued reviews, alerts and all that jazz. Thank you!

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen.**

"_There ain't no way you can hold onto something that wants to go, you understand?_

_You can only love what you got while you got it."_

Kate DiCamillo, _Because of Winn-Dixie_

Days ticked by and neither Arizona nor Callie had brought up their discussion in the bathroom. They were polite and supportive, even communicative in many ways, but still, there was something strained between them. As if they were both scared of the consequences if they did turn the conversation to their relationship; their future.

And not for the first time, Callie couldn't help but think how naturally beautiful Arizona was, when she padded into the kitchen in thick socks and a loose sweater hanging low over her faded jeans. Her hair was tied back, a single hair tie looped twice though blond strands had long since fallen loose around her face. She had two pens pushed through the ponytail. She smiled at Callie and it felt so good, familiar. She even trailed her fingers along the small of Callie's back as she slipped past her and stood at the espresso machine.

"Coffee time?" Callie asked softly and Arizona nodded, frowning at the machine. She really should have listened to Callie when she gave her instructions, on multiple occasions.

"I might just have instant," Arizona murmured, rubbing at the corner of her eye. She inspected her finger curiously, wiping the sleep away on her jeans.

"Don't be crazy," Callie said, "I'll make it for you." Arizona gave a defeated shrug and stepped back, retrieving the milk and ground beans from the fridge. She placed two mugs on the bench before stepping back and watching Callie fluidly work. The way she moved was incredibly confident and skilled; movements that didn't have even a hint of hesitance. When the appliance stirred into life and noisily started heating water to form an espresso shot, Arizona stepped forward and pressed herself to Callie's back, hands wrapping around her middle. She felt Callie tense and then relax in her hold. "What's this for?" Callie asked quietly, tracing circles on Arizona's forearm.

Arizona shrugged, she didn't trust her voice suddenly and she wasn't really sure why. She tightened her grip and pressed her face to the centre of Callie's shoulder blades.

Waiting a few more moments for a response, Callie untangled Arizona's arms and turned, wrapping her in a tight hug. "You okay?" she asked, swaying them slightly.

Arizona nodded; drawing her head back and bringing glazed eyes to meet Callie's. She tilted her chin up and kissed Callie deeply, tongue slipping past her smooth lip, swallowing the taste of cherry gloss. When she drew away, Arizona offered a shaky smile before pressing her forehead into the nape of Callie's neck. She savoured the slow, gentle movements over her back and involuntarily; she gathered the material of Callie's shirt in two fists.

"It's alright," Callie whispered, lips to Arizona's temple. "You don't need to say anything."

They must have stood that way for ten minutes, barely moving.

* * *

Lost in thought, Callie sat on the sofa across the room from the large dining room table. She had a small bowl of pistachios untouched on the table in front of her and the coffee she had made earlier was half consumed but now cold and bitter. She was mildly aware of movement around her, as Marilyn went about her routine, wiping down furniture and preparing meals in the adjacent kitchen. She was leaving that afternoon for a week, returning to her apartment where some family were visiting.

She still hadn't phoned Stephen back, but knew at some point that she needed to; her energy for the moment was focussed on figuring out how to progress things with Arizona. The pattern or the stage they were in was uncomfortable and she needed to think of a way to ease Arizona. To help her feel more secure, although she wasn't naïve enough to think it was that simple. Arizona, as irrational as it felt, was trying to protect Callie from the parts of her that she seemed to think were so potentially hurtful; damaging. Callie wasn't sure how to convince her that she was willing to take the chance and that if Arizona did hurt her, then it wasn't anything she hadn't survived before. She had been to hell and dragged herself back; she wasn't afraid anymore.

Which was a realisation for her, if she was being honest; and it felt liberating to know that she wasn't breakable. Life could throw everything it had at her and she wasn't just going to give up.

"Can I get you anything Callie?" Marilyn asked quietly, fingertips squeezing at her shoulder. She was smiling kindly when Callie turned her face to glance up at her.

Callie shook her head. "No. Thank you," she replied and glanced at her watch. "I thought you were off today?"

Nodding, Marilyn said, "Yeah that's right, but not until this afternoon. I'll leave some time after lunch, just getting some meals frozen for you and Arizona. Is there anything else you need done before I go?"

Callie laughed lightly. "No, not at all. And honestly, we can cook; you don't need to do all that."

Marilyn shrugged. "I find it a bit difficult these days, I do half the work for the same pay. You're too kind to me."

"You used to be treated like Stephen's personal slave, which is hardly my philosophy. Just be grateful you were never on my father's staff."

Laughing lightly, Marilyn gave a small smirk. "I have heard some things…" she said, trailing off.

"Mmmm, his reputation precedes him, huh?"

"Possibly," Marilyn replied nonchalantly, she wasn't stupid enough to make too many comments but she had been told that the Torres family was one to avoid. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but is everything alright? You've been staring at that coffee cup for over an hour."

Callie smiled. "That obvious?"

"Meh, a little."

"It's a little complicated."

Nodding and smiling, Marilyn stepped back respectfully. "Things always are," she offered softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. Just thought you might need an ear."

Callie drew in a deep breath; she certainly did need an ear. "Oh, it's okay. Really; I'm just sitting here trying to figure out how to, well, what to do about…Arizona. I guess."

"What to do?" Marilyn prompted, stepping forward and perching on the edge of the coffee table.

"You've probably heard some things, right? Picked up on them; this place is hardly huge."

"Ah, not really, not a lot. I thought things were going well between you; you both seem fairly content here. Arizona is looking better, I thought."

Callie nodded. "Yeah, physically she's much better now," she confirmed quietly, offering a half smile. "And things are okay between us, it's just, she keeps implying that she can't stay here. With me; that she can't or won't stay with me even though she wants to."

Forehead furrowing, Marilyn crossed her arms. "She's scared?"

"I guess. I'm not sure; she says that she has to protect me from herself, that she'll screw me over." Callie blushed slightly at her choice in words; she was used to keeping her language relatively respectful with most people.

Marilyn waved the sheepishness away. "Do you think it's an excuse? I mean, what's her track record? She doesn't seem like the vindictive or dangerous type."

"I don't know, I don't think so either. She's gentle and caring and I don't think there's anything _mean_ about her. But she's so insistent that she'll hurt me; apparently she has a bit of a history of running from relationships…people."

"Oh," Marilyn said slowly, nodding, "which is what people do when they're scared, no? I've seen it before, when you get too close and it all becomes too serious and difficult, then it's easier to leave. It doesn't hurt so much if it all messes up, _screws up_, if you're not as close."

"Yeah, exactly," Callie murmured. "But what do I do? I don't know how to convince her that some things are worth the risk."

"And she is, for you. Worth the risk?"

"Yes, absolutely. I have no question about that, in fact, that's the only thing I'm sure about."

"Then you fight, Callie. Do whatever it takes to convince her." Callie gave her a pitiful look in return. "Anything, tell her every day or show her how trust worthy you are. Reassure her that you're not going to leave too, maybe she just wants to get in first."

"Yeah, I guess. I can do that."

"She's scared; how do you treat people who are scared?"

Callie shrugged. "I don't know, be there. Be constant and supportive, reassuring."

Nodding, Marilyn smiled. "Exactly."

Slowly returning the smile, Callie leant forward and hugged Marilyn tightly. "Thanks," she murmured quietly before pulling back. "So you go in a couple of hours?"

"Yep, there's been no snow for days so the roads are cleared. I'm not worried about driving later, and Martin was out earlier, apparently it's quiet and no problems."

"That's good, it can be pretty crazy out there when it's dark and icy. Actually since it's cleared up, I might go for a ride. Do you know if Martin has had any of the horses out today?"

Marilyn shook her head. "Nope, I think he took them for a run yesterday or maybe that was the day before, he said it was a bit slushy with some of the snow melting."

Callie smiled. "Good, a ride in the sun is exactly what I need."

"Sun? Well, I suppose it's out so that counts. It's hardly warm though."

Laughing, Callie stood up, scowling as Marilyn took her cup and plate when she went to collect them. "Thanks," she said, "and I hope you have a good week. Don't rush back if you need more time, okay? Just let me know."

"Sure, thank you. And good luck," she added, eyes indicated to the other end of the house where Arizona was huddled over her laptop.

Callie half grinned and disappeared, heading towards her bedroom to layer up for a midday ride. She tugged some long underwear from a bottom drawer and put them on, pairing them with a thick pair of jeans. She added a vest and a long sleeved shirt before zipping up a wool middle layer and hooking a thick thigh length coat over her arm. Adding socks and boots, she pocketed some gloves and a hat before walking down the hallway to the office.

Arizona was sitting back on the chair, arms crossed at her chest and staring at the wall behind the computer, oblivious to Callie weaving a path through the papers spread across the floor. In comparison to Callie, her coffee mug was bone dry, just the remnants of foam and chocolate sprinkles around the rim. "Hey," Callie said as she entered, tossing her jacket on a chair just inside the door as she made her way to Arizona. "I'm just heading out for a ride, you want to come along?"

Smiling, Arizona shook her head. "I need to work through a bit of a block," she explained quietly.

Pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek, Callie crouched next to her, both hands on Arizona's thigh. She let her gaze focus on her hands for a moment, before looking back up at Arizona, who watched her silently. "When I come back, I'm going to cook us dinner, pour a wine…maybe give you a massage…what do you think?"

"Mmmm," Arizona murmured quietly, sadly almost. "And what did I do to deserve that?"

Callie smiled. "Nothing at all, and you don't have to have. That's just how it's going to be between us; I get to show you how awesome you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life, whenever I like."

"Callie," Arizona said softly, and raised eyebrows met her gaze, "I'm not…" she trailed off briefly, before forcing a smile. "I'm okay," she whispered, though she looked anything but okay.

Callie maintained a forced lightness, though she was more than worried. "Of course," Callie agreed loosely, "but I still want to take you on dates…and ask you loads of questions about what your favourite Disney movie is or whether you played with dolls or trucks as a kid." Arizona laughed lightly, just a few soft shoulder movements. "And I want to rewind time a little; kiss you properly and pretend that it's our first kiss. Or lead you to my bedroom and just spend hours showing you how incredibly beautiful and amazing I think you are. We skipped the middle, Arizona and that's okay, but I just really want to let you get to know me, properly or better. I want you to trust me," she insisted, meeting Arizona's sad eyes intensely.

Feeling Arizona's open hand cup her face, Callie leant slightly into the touch and playfully turned her face to kiss her palm. "Honestly," Arizona said, "I'm okay. And you're taking responsibility for something that isn't yours…I don't want you to excuse my trust issues. That isn't fair, but can't you see, I'm already doing this to you. I'm making you feel like you have to make the changes and that isn't right. You're…well, you're perfect Callie."

Callie couldn't help but release a soft laugh. "I'm so not perfect," she insisted, relieved to elicit a tiny smile from the corner of Arizona's lips.

"You should go for a ride," Arizona said after a moment of silence and Callie squeezed at her leg where her hands still laid. The muscle moved under her touch and she wondered if Arizona had lost more weight beneath the loose winter clothing. She seemed to be literally slipping away.

"I will," Callie agreed, straightening her back and extending her neck to engage Arizona in a kiss. It was long and passionate, though it wasn't as either of them intended it to be when their lips met. Driven by something invisible, they allowed their tongues to meet and explore, air rushing through their nostrils when they finally separated. "And there'll be some more of that tonight," Callie declared, standing up. She paused, hand slipping around the back of Arizona's neck and stroking her skin softly. "I'll see you in a couple of hours, okay? Martin is around somewhere, but Marilyn is leaving for home soon."

"Sure, have a good ride. Be careful, 'kay?"

"Always," Callie grinned, clapping her hands. "It's the perfect day for it, you're missing out. But I'll take some photos on my phone for you."

"Next time," Arizona whispered and again, her eyes filled with tears. Callie sighed and left the room, pulling the door half closed behind her; maybe she needed to get Arizona someone to talk to, maybe she was struggling more with her dad's death then either of them realised. She wasn't sure.

* * *

Tossing her small daypack over one shoulder, Arizona smiled at Marilyn as she approached the kitchen. "You still good to give me a ride into town on your way?"

"Yes, of course," Marilyn replied, fiddling with the clasp on her handbag, concentrating. She cast her eyes up to Arizona. "You know you could just take the other car, right? Make it quicker for you."

Arizona shrugged, and her eyelids flickered. "Yeah, the whole driving in snow and on slippery roads…makes me freak out a little."

"Martin was out earlier, the roads are great. It's a nice break from what we've been having."

"Mmmm, Call's out for a ride, she said it was a good day for it."

"So have you organised for Martin to pick you up?"

Arizona nodded slowly. "Ah yeah, he's ummm, going to collect me from outside the post office around four." Marilyn stilled, frustratingly pulling the leather flap over her bag and tucking it under her arm. "Stupid thing," she muttered, eyes focussed on Arizona's. She wasn't sure what she was missing, but there was something. She had no right to be interrogating Arizona though, but she couldn't help but think her blue eyes seemed duller than usual and a little bloodshot. "You feeling okay?"

"Me?" Arizona asked, straightening up.

"Yeah, you look a little tired."

"Too much writing I guess, I have a bit of a headache. Nothing a break to pick up a few things in town won't fix."

"Of course, well," Marilyn said, checking her watch, "should we go? I thought Callie would have been back by now, I was hoping to let her know about the meals I put in the freezer."

"I'm sure she can figure it out," Arizona said. "And I can let her know," she added, almost as an afterthought.

"Well, I've left a list here of what I've put in there, depends on what you feel like. And there's plenty of fresh food in the fridge and pantry, so if you want to do some cooking then go for it. Callie's been getting in to it, she's quite the connoisseur."

Arizona smiled and nodded. "No problems."

She followed Marilyn then, outside of the house and towards her car. The day felt quite bizarre, beautiful clear blue skies but a biting coldness that made her wrap her coat a little tighter and stuff her hands into the pockets. Marilyn groaned on cue, shuddering. "Cold," she acknowledged, void of what else to say. Arizona wasn't listening, glancing back at the house and around the adjacent paddocks as if looking for signs of Callie. "Can't see any sign of her."

"No," Arizona responded after a moment, opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat. "Enjoying the dryness I guess."

They were almost a kilometre down the driveway when lights flashed at them from Callie's Jeep, driving directly towards them from the gate. Marilyn slowed the car to a stop and wound down the window, waiting patiently as Martin jogged from the car, door ajar. "Have you been out with the fences?" Marilyn asked, confused.

"Yeah, and I just saw Oscar running across the south paddock fully saddled. Callie isn't out is she?"

They all froze for a second, processing and Arizona felt a wave of nausea spread through her. "Yes," Marilyn murmured, eyes widening. "She's been out…for how long?" she asked, turning to Arizona.

Arizona blinked a few times. "Ummm, I don't know," she muttered, glancing at her watch. They both knew exactly what time Callie went out, but neither of them were thinking quick enough, thoughts focussed on the saddled horse, sans rider. "Maybe three…four hours? She went well before lunch."

"It's two thirty now," Martin responded gruffly, raking hands through his hair. "Okay, I'll start looking, she tends to take those trails out the back of the house. There's three or four, I'll have to go on horse."

Marilyn glanced at her watch. "My family are arriving tonight, but I can stay for a while. I'll help you look…I can't ride though. I'll take the jeep."

Martin was shaking his head before the words even fully left her mouth. "You _have_ to go on horse," he muttered, and his breath was coming in short sharp inhalations.

Mobilising, Arizona opened her door and stepped out, reaching back in and grabbing her backpack. "I can ride," she stated, with far more confidence than she felt. Technically she could ride, with some capacity. "You go," she directed to Marilyn, "and we'll let you know I guess. Maybe ummm, well, should you call the paramedics or rescue or something?"

Marilyn and Martin shared a glance, both waiting for the other to make a decision. Martin eventually cleared his throat as he glanced at the sky. "Yeah, call the paramedics, in this cold…" he trailed off and Arizona stifled the desire to vomit. This wasn't quite how the day was meant to end; traumatic in itself but not in this way. "Right, you come with me," he directed to Arizona, waving at the car. "We really don't have a lot of time."

Arizona worked at calming her racing pulse. "But we'll find her right?" she asked innocently. "She uses the same trails, so it'll be one of them."

"Did she say where she was going?"

Racking her brain, Arizona's expression looked pained. She had no idea really, but she didn't think so. She had been so wrapped up in her own shit, thinking and panicking that she hadn't concentrated on the details. "I don't think so," Arizona responded, swallowing at the heavy lump in her throat.

"Then we hope like hell it's one of the two we pick, because we don't have a lot of light left."

Arizona nodded and they silently raced towards the barn. Arizona tried to help, but ultimately allowed Martin to saddle a horse for her and hand her the reins. She fumbled into her backpack, pulling out a cylinder of water and a bag of sweet jubes, tucking them into the saddle bag. She also gripped an extra jacket and her phone, forcing her arms inside the jacket before checking her phone. "Martin," she shouted, pulling up a message from Callie. "It's a photo, she sent me a photo…umm, a while ago. Two hours?"

Rushing over, Martin squinted at the small screen, muttering a few expletives. "Get yourself a better phone," he said frustratingly, taking it off her and examining the image.

"Sorry."

"I don't know…it looks like the dam but I'm not sure from what angle. Ah…it narrows it down though. So, we'll head South but you go to the West of the dam and I'll go East." Arizona gave him a helpless look, she had barely been outside of the house let alone to orientate herself with direction.

"The right side," he muttered, almost angrily and Arizona nodded shakily. She hoisted herself on to the horse and nervously settled, placing her feet in the stirrups and trying to balance her centre of gravity. She held her phone to her ear, trying to call Callie; it went straight to voicemail. "No coverage past the dam," he explained, "so keep riding further. And don't fall off, I can't find both of you."

"Ummm, Martin?" Arizona asked, trotting after him and out into the open. The cold air hit her again and she shivered. "What do I do, I mean, what do I do if I find her?"

"Get her back here," he stated strongly, leaving no room for alternatives. "The ambulance service will be waiting."

"Okay," she whispered, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes as she followed his direction. The ground was wet and slippery, and she felt incredibly unstable with each step. Her fingernails dug into her palms where she gripped the reins tightly and she knew her legs were straining against the leather saddle; everything she wasn't meant to be doing when riding. Disappearing into the foliage, she felt like she was entering a movie, where the setting was some gruesome fight for survival which culminated in a ghastly murder. It was dark under the trees, just the occasional sunlight breaking through and with spectacular defined rays. And the ground was still snow covered, particularly to either side of the path where she physically jumped each time a lump of gathered snow fell from a tree branch.

She kept holding her breath with each slight incline or decline, getting to even ground and releasing a loud shuddering breath. She even stifled a sob at some point, wiping at her face with a wet glove. She hadn't brought her waterproof ones, she wasn't meant to be outside. Outside was not where she had intended to be that afternoon and evening.

Where the hell was Callie? And would she ever forgive herself if something had happened to her?

* * *

After almost two hours, Arizona was panicking. She hadn't discussed with Martin how long to go before she turned back though she knew the sun would be falling below the horizon soon. The light was already fading. She had passed the dam thirty minutes before and hadn't seen any sign of Callie, although she had thought at some point that some broken branches and prints in the mud could have been made by Callie's horse. Or any wild animal, she had said out loud. She had even started calling out, yelling Callie's name over and over until her voice started to croak. Martin could have found her by now and be back at the house, with the paramedics or on their way to the hospital.

Mid thought, and with images of Callie's body on a gurney filling her mind, her horse stopped. She kicked her heels before she looked up, finding Callie's limp body resting against the wide trunk of a tree, just to the side of the path. "Callie!" she exclaimed, awkwardly and stiffly sliding off the side of her horse and rushing the few steps towards her. "Callie!" she said loudly again, sliding in to kneel at her side and casting her eyes over the length of her; her jeans soaked on contact with the ground. There was no mass of blood; that was the first thing she noted before gently placing a palm under Callie's jaw. Her head was flaccid; neck muscles stretched where her ear fell to her shoulder; the same as someone who had fallen asleep on a plane or bus seat. "Fuck," she murmured under her breath, pulling Callie's face up and acknowledging the abrasion over her forehead and the blood that had dried down the side of her face and neck. "Callie, please."

Leaning in close, Arizona pressed two fingers to the pulse point in her neck and lingered her cheek close to Callie's lips. She cried at the warm sensation she felt on her skin as Callie blew air out of her slightly ajar lips; a soft beat met her fingers. "Callie, please; please wake up. Talk to me." Arizona had no idea what to do; she didn't have first aid training and she definitely hadn't done pre-med at College like Callie had. She had never felt more helpless in her life.

A long, barely audible groan escaped Callie's lips and her eyelids flickered a few times. Her tongue poked over her bottom teeth, just tapping the inside of her lip. "Calliope?" Arizona asked, taking her gloves off and shoving them in the pockets of her jeans. "Can you hear me?"

A string of poorly pronounced words fell from Callie's mouth and she kept sticking her tongue out as if it was bitter and swollen. She wasn't making a word of sense. Breathing a slight sigh of relief for a moment, Arizona ran her bare hands over Callie's face and neck; her skin was freezing. She glanced down her body and noticed her hands lacked gloves and her usually warm, soft fingers were white and the skin taut. Callie muttered another string of random phrases as Arizona fought to slide her gloves over Callie's hands.

She removed her jacket and pulling Callie away from the tree, she draped it around her shoulders and neck. "Are you hurt, Callie? Is anything broken?" she asked, although she wasn't expecting a logical answer. She squeezed each shoulder and arm; thigh and calf and watched Callie carefully for any sign of a grimace. She didn't receive any; repeating the process with her ribs and hips, again, Callie remained un-reactive. "Okay, we have to get you back okay. You hear me? You're going to be fine; I just have to get you back."

Arizona glanced over to her horse, patiently waiting in the middle of the path, standing guard almost. She looked back to Callie and stifled a sob; she had no idea what to do. "I'm sorry," she declared suddenly, crouching over Callie's legs and pressing her cheek in to hers, hands cradling Callie's pale cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, tears trickling silently down her cheeks. She felt Callie's eyelashes as she blinked and when Arizona pulled back, Callie was tracking her with her eyes. Her lips were the most incredible shade of red against her ghostly white face, chapped and with flakes of skin, but a crimson unnatural red. Arizona was truly frightened.

"I need to get you up," she said, shuffling her feet to plant firmly either side of Callie. She knew her ribs were going to push a wave of pain through her, but she had no choice and she didn't care. Hooking Callie's arms around her neck, she pulled her close against her chest and braced; standing up in one motion and with a loud cry. Once on her feet, Callie seemed to hold her weight and her eyes again, kept track of Arizona. As if she was distant but familiar and as Arizona worked at supporting Callie whilst manoeuvring the horse, Callie slowly started to shiver. "I'm going to get you to help, okay? I promise, I promise, okay Calliope? You hear me?"

And Callie nodded, confused as she raised a gloved hand to press against her head. "Humph," she mumbled, face dropping slightly before she caught herself.

"I know," Arizona muttered, both arms still hooked under Callie's. "It's okay, the ambulance is back at the house. You're okay…we just, I just, have to get you on. I'm so sorry." Stepping closer to the horse, Callie leant against its warm body, breathing in the familiarity though her knees were periodically buckling. Arizona kept trying to problem solve as her mind working hastily but not coming up with any easy solutions. Reaching for Callie's leg, she placed it limply in the stirrup and guided Callie's hand to the saddle. On autopilot more than any sign of strength, Callie tensed and lifted herself up though Arizona had to grip at her jacket to stop her from sliding off the other side. Callie looked back down at her pitifully and her entire body was starting to tremble. As she moved, her body had started pushing blood to her extremities, and her muscles were working hard at using energy as blood was pushed to extremities that had been dormant for hours. Her body temperature was dangerously low but each shiver meant she was slowly warming; still, they needed to be back at the house. And now.

Arizona kept one hand gripping Callie to keep her upright rather than slumping forward as she took a few steps along the path until she found a fallen tree to step up on. Awkwardly sliding one leg over the saddle first, Arizona somehow shuffled on; not that she was concerned with grace. Pushing at Callie's legs, she settled in the saddle, replacing Callie's feet with hers in the stirrups.

Callie moulded immediately to her back, cool cheek flush against the back of Arizona's neck, nose creeping inside the collar of her coat. Both of Callie's hands snaked around Arizona's waist and she limply held on, heavy as she conformed to Arizona's back. "Just hold on," Arizona whispered tearfully, as they slowly started to walk down the path, light fading quickly. "We're going home okay?"

Mumbling over and over, Callie deliriously articulated sentences as they gradually made their way closer until the path was simply an instinct. Arizona occasionally used the light in her phone to ensure they were still on the trail, but she should have had more confidence in the horse, rhythmically taking them home.

They were past the dam and lights were starting to sporadically appear through the trees in the distance when Callie uttered her first sequence of logical words. "Please don't leave."

"What?" Arizona gasped, turning her head slightly and Callie tugged her limp arms markedly tighter.

"You were leaving, please don't leave me."

"Calliope," she gasped, "how did you know?"

* * *

TBC….


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Thank you! You're all incredible with your reviews and thoughts, opinions. So great that you're not all bored to death and still somewhat interested and motivated to read more! Thanks to those that are new and still coming on board with your reviews and alerts – that's amazing for me this far in. I know it's a long fic to read. And for those that have been lingering around since the start – wow, I'm thrilled! Thank you again.

A slightly (sorry) shorter part, but that's just where the chapter divide fell. :-) More to come.

Oh…and a dodgy dodgy dodgy proofread, I'm literally falling asleep at the laptop and won't get a chance to update for a few more days, so it was a bit of now or never. Thanks for your tolerance of my typos etc.

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen**

"_The risk of the wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision."_

_Maimonides_

Despite Arizona's initial reservations on arrival at the small community hospital, she had eventually relaxed over the hours she had spent waiting and then being ushered in and out of Callie's bay. Initially taken to a trauma room, a CT had cleared her of any head injuries, although they were still awaiting collateral from a more experienced radiographer at a larger facility who was sent the images to review. The laceration, just below her hairline was small and didn't require any sutures, just a couple of neat butterfly plasters. She had little on Arizona's scars.

Callie's main issue, as had been explained multiple times to Arizona and Martin, was the hypothermia. Her core body temperature was hovering around ninety degrees on arrival at hospital, and her consciousness drifted in and out over several hours. They worked to rewarm her, unfortunately, not an uncommon patient presentation in the highlands of Scotland, particularly close to some spectacular winter hikes. Warmed saline infusions were pushed via an cannular in her arm and air was circulated around her body by specific blankets and devices as she lay oblivious on the gurney.

She quickly became a more mundane patient though, as her level of consciousness improved and she began responding to painful stimuli and some verbal commands. As a non-emotive Doctor had expressed to Arizona though, with a nonchalant shrug; Callie didn't have a cardiac arrest so it could have been much worse. Arizona had stifled a scowl at him, perhaps it could have been, but that didn't make her feel any better. Any less guilty.

Sitting down next to Callie, after being allowed to return to her bedside after retrieving her bag from the car before Martin returned to the house, she ran her fingers along the thin mattress. The steel frame was cool against her wrist, but when she located Callie's hand beneath the plastic, airflow cover over her, it was warm to her touch. It seemed in stark contrast to the freezing hands she had touched out past the dam, as did the small amount of colour starting to return to Callie's cheeks.

Her lips were pale now, which was a welcome sight from the unnatural red they were.

Arizona closed her eyes and blew a slow exhale of air through pursed lips. She was trying to calm the knots that hadn't left her stomach all day. Even before Martin had stopped their car, she had been struggling with the uncomfortable feeling. The indecision had been haunting her; every fear and concern for the future had snowballed, gaining momentum and becoming something unbearable. She supposed it was cowardly, to pack up her small backpack and throw in her laptop and passport, as if it gave her the option she was looking for. She still had no idea whether she would have gotten on a bus in town and travelled to the nearest airport, but she had made sure she had everything she needed if she made that decision.

She had asked herself a hundred times over the last few hours, _would she have?_ And she honestly wasn't sure; fear makes people do stupid things and it definitely made her indulge irrational and self damaging decisions. Decisions like walking away from the one person who had loved her so unconditionally and without any expectation, and with just a note on her bed.

Arizona sickened further; she had left a note on Callie's bed - a confusing, hesitant note that Callie would probably have interpreted in two seconds flat.

She felt stupid and immature, and ashamed.

She felt ashamed; again.

Pulling Callie's hand to the edge of the bed, Arizona held it tightly and bowed her head, resting it on the curve of her wrist. She kissed her skin, finding it warm but dry and she knew that Callie would turn her nose up as soon as she properly woke, asking for her favourite moisturiser. And to go home probably; Arizona couldn't imagine she had a great love of hospitals after Zalia's birth.

She wasn't even sure how Callie still got up every morning, and smiled and laughed; and the way she oozed love and affection. It was the way Arizona did too, until she allowed the insecurities to start messing with her head, and then she just became inconsistent and confusing. She knew that Callie had been tolerating the way she drifted closer and back out, with more patience than Arizona deserved. Love wasn't the issue for Arizona, and it was naïve of her to expect that love was enough to surmount the conflictual feelings that undeniable emotion had elicited.

Where she had gone wrong though, and she was more than willing to admit it to Callie, was that she hadn't done what she promised to. She had assured Callie that she would talk with her, to communicate what she was feeling and that she wouldn't run without having that discussion with her first. And then her mind messed her up; again.

And maybe it was too late; Callie had known after all, even lost in the peripheries of her altered level of consciousness; that she had intended on leaving her.

Callie would have to be almost super human to forgive that, wouldn't she?

"Excuse me?" Arizona felt firm fingers squeeze at her shoulder but she shrugged them away; she wasn't ready to wake up. She wasn't sure why her back was aching though and she could only feel one foot; where had she put her pillow? "Excuse me?"

Arizona jerked awake, blinking hastily to clear her hazy eyes. A pale green wall came into her view and a sea of blue swayed to the right of her. "Sorry," she muttered, wiping at her mouth and licking her dry lips. "Oh, sorry," she repeated, recognising the nurse from when they were moved from the trauma area and into a long row of bays.

A soft laugh emanated from the bed and Arizona turned her head quickly in surprise. "She needs to take my obs and you're inconveniently sleeping on my non-cannulised arm."

"Callie…" Arizona pulled her wrist into view, trying to ascertain the time between the blurry hands on her analog watch. "How…how are you? How is she?" Arizona asked quickly, turning to look at the bemused young nurse with expectant eyes.

She smiled in response and nodded. "She's fine, body temp is up, blood gasses have normalised."

"I'm fine," Callie insisted, repositioning the pillow under her head and shuffling to sit up slightly.

"Well, we're keeping you overnight but yes, you are fine and very lucky."

"Hmmm, I shouldn't even be here, right? Just a warm blanket and a hot bath would have done, I didn't need to come to hospital," Callie said, and grinned wildly.

Arizona opened her mouth to speak, but found herself sucking in air instead; she heard soft chuckling from the nurse. "Yeah, that's right. Look at your girlfriend's face Callie, does that look like the face of someone who could have just wrapped you in a blanket? Sometimes I wish we took recordings of patients when they came in, just as a reminder of what a difference a few hours make. Particularly the young drunk teenagers, delightful things."

"What?" Callie asked innocently, "I feel fine."

"Now you do, you were a rambling mess hmmm…six, no seven hours ago."

"Oh," Callie acknowledged softly and she glanced at Arizona, stepping away from the bed to allow the nurse access. "Right, so I have to stay until tomorrow?"

"Yes," Arizona interrupted and she had to cough to clear her voice. "Listen to the experts."

Pondering for a few moments, Callie raised her eyebrows. "What was my temp?"

"Low…too low, unless you're a hibernating lizard."

"I like you," Callie said, laughing again, "it's Sam, right?"

"Good memory, that's right."

"Well, what was my temp then Sam? I was pre-med once, I need to pretend I have some knowledge here."

"Really, pre-med, huh? Well, you were around thirty two."

"Thirty-two?" Callie clarified, confused.

"Celsius," Sam countered, rolling her eyes. "S'pose I can't make a judgemental comment about Americans? Nah, I'll be nice. Translates to about ninetyish…I think. If my memory is serving me correctly."

"Ahhhhh, that makes more sense. Shit," Callie murmured as Arizona silently watched the exchange. It occurred to her suddenly, that Callie could probably have anyone she wanted; she was confident and articulate, communicative and effortlessly flirtatious. Even when she had no intention of being any of those things. In comparison, Arizona spent so much time in her head, not surprising for an Author, that it felt like two different people for her sometimes. The one that disappeared inside of herself and wrote for hours, days, months on end, and the one that tried to engage with life and people. No wonder she wasn't great at it. "So, I'm cold…to put it mildly, soooo you used that air flow thing that you took off before and anything else?"

Arizona forced a smile on to her face, bringing herself back to the conversation. Sam went about taking Callie's blood pressure, temperature and redoing a check on her heart beat. "Warm fluids and we kept you in the trauma room, well, as much of a trauma room as you get here, but they can turn the heat up so we had it warming up when the paramedics phoned through. You were a bit combative for a while, but after some oxygen and some time, you settled. You maintained your airway but kept kind of drifting in and out; we had to kick Arizona out a few times." She smiled kindly, casting her eyes behind her to where Arizona was leaning back against the wall. Despite her relatively recent hospital experience, she felt out of her depth. She felt like she did when her mother first went into the psychiatric ward or when Tim died; she was a family member.

She was family; Callie's family.

"Guess I was a sight, huh?" Callie murmured sheepishly, giving Arizona a guilty glance when Sam stepped away and towards the end of the bed.

Looking down awkwardly at her muddy shoes and back up again, Arizona said quietly, "Better when you got here."

"Which was no easy task from what I heard," Sam interjected, jotting a few readings into Callie's chart. Arizona blushed, running her fingers through her hair and finding them stuck in a range of knots.

Callie raised her hands in question and Arizona gave a nervous laugh. "There was just a horse…and you and…me…and an ambulance waiting at the house…" Sam patted Arizona on the arm and slipped out of the curtains, pulling them closed behind her.

Callie shuffled her weight again, tugging the blanket over her chest and placing her arms over the top of it. "I don't really remember, though I remember falling, sort of. And then sitting against a tree and I was going to just use my gloves to clean my head up and then walk back."

"Mmmm, good plan that. You may have happened to have sat in snow and had a bit of a concussion," Arizona explained gently, sliding back into the vinyl seat next to Callie. She placed her arm on the bed and curled her fingers around Callie's elbow, their forearms pressed together.

"How did you possibly find me?"

"I'd like to take all the credit but really, it was Martin that knew. Your horse came back and then I had that photo you texted, he figured it was one of two trails and yeah, that's how I found you."

"And you rode? And you rode us back?" Callie hesitated for a moment before whispering, "Yeah, I was behind you." Any other recollection was left unsaid.

Arizona nodded. "Mmmm, with no skill and completely petrified but yes, you were…you were out of it."

"Oh my God," Callie muttered, emulating the way Arizona was holding her elbow, "that must have been crap. I'm so sorry, if I hadn't thought it was alright, I never would have went out. The trail was heaps more muddy and icy than I thought it would be, I'm a complete idiot."

Arizona sighed and dropped her gaze, as she had predictably come to do when she was overwhelmed. "Couldn't leave you out there, Callie."

"Well," Callie replied softly, fingers scratching lightly at Arizona's skin, "I'm really really glad that you couldn't."

"I ummm," Arizona murmured quietly and Callie strained to hear her before Arizona's fingers dragged from her arm and she stood, leaning over Callie and ever so softly kissing her. "I love you," she husked out, eyes closed as she leant over her blanket clad body.

Callie wheezed a breath and reached up to tug Arizona into her, arms around her shoulders and into her hair. She smelled distinctly of dampness and mud, the remnants of horse sweat still lingering over her skin; Callie whispered into her ear, "Thank you." It wasn't time for an _I love you too_, it was a different moment. One for Arizona to realise and accept; and for Callie to relish in the declaration.

It was perfect on its own.

"I'm sorry," Arizona said, pulling away and perching precariously on the edge of the bed, foot on the chair she had been sitting in. Her hand trailed across Callie's stomach and stilled over her side; Callie frowned and shook her head at Arizona. "No, I am," Arizona insisted, and the tears in her eyes seemed different to Callie; her expression wasn't as tortured or sad. "I've been…ummm, I've been pretty awful," she acknowledged but again Callie shook her head. "Let me apologise to you," Arizona continued softly, "because I have been. I've been completely, unlovable…but you've still been, well, amazing."

"You're anything but unlovable, Arizona."

"I was leaving," Arizona said simply and suddenly found Callie's index finger over her lips, halting her from speaking.

"Shhhh, I know. I know. But we can talk later," Callie whispered, detecting the slight tremble under her touch. "Because you'll still be here."

They settled a lingering glance, eyes locked before Arizona slowly nodded. "I will."

"Then we can talk later."

"Okay."

* * *

"Hey," Callie said, glancing over her shoulder as she was wheeled out of the hospital, despite a long debate over hospital policy and her need to independently walk to the car park. "I know I asked, but Oscar is okay, right? No injuries or anything?"

Arizona shook her head, "Nope, all fine. Martin got the vet out, just to triple check but other than a scrap on the side of his neck, which was probably just from a branch, he's all good."

"He would be spooked, we've never had a stack like that. The poor thing."

"Mmmm," Arizona murmured, still more concerned for Callie than her horse, "I think he came out of it better than you so Oscar will have to cope with my lack of attention."

"Does that mean I get all your attention then?" Callie teased, it seemed as though all their conversations eventually came around to the topic they still needed to talk about. Arizona hadn't left her side for the twenty-four hours she was in hospital, even showering in the patient bathrooms and changing into one of two shirts she had bought in the small hospital store. One was for Callie, along with a few tabloid magazines for her to read but her efforts to find a complete change of clothes and some decent shampoo and conditioner were futile. Callie had complained, clearly feeling well enough and not at all tolerating the hospital issue gown she was forced to remain in until Martin arrived to collect them both.

Arizona laughed lightly and shrugged Callie's comment away. "You will be resting, completely and utterly. Any questions about that?"

"I know," Callie groaned, "you've lectured me all day."

"You need to Call, you heard what the doctor said. No pressure on your body, it needs time to recover, get back to the status quo."

"I was listening, I just don't like it. I'll get bored, surely I can do some cooking and maybe I can clean out some the office and spare room, I've been meaning to do that for ages."

"That isn't resting. At all, actually."

"You'll have to entertain me, then," Callie insisted, reaching over the arm rest and tacking the small strap tapping against the wheel; it was attached to the bag on her lap. "For a while at least."

Laughing, Arizona rolled her eyes. "I have some books you can read, it'll be good for you." She hesitated at Callie's definite scowl of disgust. Despite often sitting down to read novels, the idea of having to relax was not something she was appreciating. And she really did feel fine, a little tired maybe, but mostly well. "Well, maybe you can read mine," Arizona offered softly, and Callie thought for a moment that she hadn't heard her correctly.

"As in the one you've been writing?"

"Mmmm."

Excitedly, Callie twisted her head around, looking up at Arizona. "Are you serious?"

"For the moment," Arizona conceded, "but don't ask too much, I might take the offer back."

"That would be excellent, you have to! I will definitely stay in bed for that, the whole time. I will not get out of bed until I've read it all."

"That sounds a little weird, you might want to shower or something. Eat maybe; but you can also help you know. Maybe you can help with the ending, I'm, I'm stuck."

Callie nodded slowly, lifting her hand to wave at Martin as she noticed hi standing next to the car out of the corner of her vision. She had to resist the urge to make a sarcastic comment or even a slightly annoyed one; were their lives so paralleled with Arizona's storyline that she had to bail on them as well? She had to create some traumatic ending to her novel because of a jaded disbelief in happy ever afters? She knew that she needed to come clean with Arizona, in the same way that Arizona needed to talk through how she had justified the idea of walking out of Callie's life without so much as a goodbye. Callie was pissed off, and she had good reason to. It didn't mean her feelings for Arizona had changed, because they hadn't, not one little bit but it did mean that she was human too. She wasn't someone who could just be pushed around without feeling the effects of that, because she was.

Part of the reason she had fallen was because she wasn't concentrating on where she was going; she was a little too busy crying. And then the trees blurred and Oscar's footing slipped, and she responded with a jerked reaction rather than the calm and smooth response that was needed. She didn't even see the branch that hit her in the head, or rather, that she half rode and half slid into; and by the time she was being knocked off, it was too late. All because she was thinking about losing the most important person in her life; and accurately so it seemed.

"I have a feeling we can write the ending together," Callie said softly, subtlety had never been her strong point.

Arizona let the comment slide, smiling and nodding to Martin as they came to a stop aside the car. Taking the bag off her lap, Arizona tossed it in the middle of the backseat and stood back as Martin guided Callie into the car. She slid in with only a small grimace, the corner of her eye twitching. "Thanks," she murmured as the door closed and shut her off from the hushed and terse exchange between Martin and Arizona.

"You joining us?" Martin asked curtly, leaning towards Arizona with both hands on the arms of the wheelchair.

"Ummm, yeah," Arizona answered.

"You better give some thought to how long that's for," he muttered, and Arizona could easily detect the anger in his tone. Masking a protectiveness of Callie, no doubt. "She probably didn't need to come home to this," he added, thrusting an envelope in Arizona's chest, folded multiple times in the palm of his hand.

"Ah…"

"You make her happy," he uttered with a low growl, taking the chair out of Arizona's grasp, "who knows why with the way you seem to have treated her." There was no end to what both him and Marilyn were privy too, just by their presence. "But she's like family to me, so screw her over just like that bastard before you and I'll…let's put it this way, I'll look after that girl as I would look after my daughter."

Arizona swallowed, straightening up and shoving the envelope into her jeans pocket. She tossed the small duffel bag over her shoulder and nodded, eyes falling to the bitumen. "I understand," she said quietly and even Martin had to soften a little at the genuineness in her blue eyes. "Wish I had someone to back me up too, Callie's…she's lucky to have you."

Martin gave a stern nod, taking a step back towards the hospital entrance where he would return the wheelchair. He turned back, finding Arizona still standing motionless and watching his back; just accepting of his disguised threat with an almost silent defeated agreement. She was hardly dangerous or aggressive; stupidly armoured to protect herself maybe, but deliberately harmful; no. "Sometimes if you stick around long enough, you earn the right to have people go into bat for you. I would never turn down another daughter; but not if she's going to disappear every time she feels frightened," he said, in a low but gentler voice, pointing towards her pocket. It held a letter with a few simple lines. "My girls are more than that," he added, tapping at his chest. "More guts, more heart."

He wandered off then, leaving Arizona contemplative in his wake. Slowly, she drew in a few breaths before dropping the bag to her hand and crossing around the back of the car to the other side and slipping in beside Callie. She smiled at her, taking a few minutes to settle their belongings at her feet and to buckle her seat belt. Leaning her head back against the headrest, she turned to find Callie in the same position, watching her silently.

Reaching across the gap between them, Arizona took Callie's hand and entwined their fingers, resting their hands on Callie's thigh. "When we get home," she said quietly, "I'll settle you in bed and then heat us up some soup and make us some toast; if you feel like it." Callie nodded, responding with some affirmative noises. "We can eat under the covers and with hot water bottles, what do you think?"

"Sounds good, Arizona."

Sighing, Arizona nodded and loosely grinned before her face became serious again. "And talk, if you're not too tired."

"I'm never too tired to talk with you," Callie encouraged.

She squeezed Callie's hand in response and they settled back in silence, waiting for Martin to re-join them in the car and drive them home. His glance at their tight grasp didn't go unnoticed as he slid into the driver's seat and looked back to check on them. His smile in the rear view mirror was obvious too, and it lasted at least the first mile.

* * *

TBC…


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: **Thanks so much for the thoughts and opinions – love reading them all. On with Chapter Twenty – Happy Easter to all those who celebrate. :-)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

"_To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength."_

_- Criss Jami_

Sitting up in bed, Arizona and Callie were surrounded by pillows, gathered behind them and against the bedhead. The thick duvet was pulled up high over their laps, and gathered around their stomachs, soft music playing in the background from Callie's phone, connected to a dock on her bedside table. Arizona cast her eyes over the small cut on Callie's forehead, just to the side where she was sitting; it was hard to comprehend that the abrasion was the only lasting injury that Callie walked away with. It still had two white butterfly platers in place, but they would be discarded in the morning. The possibility of what could have been made her stomach drop.

When they arrived home, Arizona had prepared dinner, taking some pasta and sauce from the freezer and heating it up. She liked having something to focus on while Callie had a long bath and settled in bed, it gave her time to think and relax. A bit of stern self talk as she replayed Martin's short but direct words over in her mind. She hadn't given much thought to the fact that her issues would translate to something observable, that she was so hesitant and indecisive, that her behaviour would be obvious. It had clearly been though and for what it was worth, she appreciated Martin's directness.

It elicited a few pangs of jealousy though, and he had picked up on that too, inviting Arizona into his world with just a couple of conditions. Arizona had always considered herself to be fairly emotionally mature, intelligent and independent, and she was probably all of those things to some extent. It just seemed like her need to analyse and be self-reliant had compromised her ability to sustain an emotional connection.

As always, the knowledge wasn't an issue, it was action she struggled with.

So, they chatted easily over dinner, eating on trays on their laps and playfully chiding each other; Callie's horse riding and Arizona's writing mode. Callie patiently waited for Arizona to initiate their more serious discussion, she was taking a quiet stance; the ball was in Arizona's court. And as subtle as it was, it shifted the dynamic, something that was needed.

Still, Arizona remained casual, until they both held steaming hot chocolates in their hands and Arizona slowly and painfully observed the distinct red line that marked Callie's face. The scar would fade with time, but it would be there as a reminder for a while, a few weeks perhaps, a couple of months. She didn't like to think about it much, but they were in stark comparison to the scars from Arizona's assault, which would likely take years to fully disappear.

Coughing, Arizona squirmed and Callie glanced into her cup; she could feel Arizona's eyes on her. "Does it hurt?" Arizona asked softly, pad of her index finger tracing the peripheral of the sticky white adhesive. She lingered her fingers for a moment, running into Callie's washed hair; soft without product or styling.

Callie shook her head. "Nah, not at all. I'm really fine, thanks to you."

"It could have been much worse." It was hard to know who was most traumatised by that fact, but Callie had seemed to shrug off the experience as nothing more than an insignificant accident.

"And would have been too, you're pretty amazing…I know how you weren't confident about riding." Callie was so casual, accepting; very little elicited fear in her.

Arizona shrugged and let the compliment drift over her. "You would have done the same."

Nodding, Callie murmured, "I would have. Definitely, if it was you."

"Callie?"

"Mmmm?"

Arizona's eyes fell to the sheets momentarily, out of habit; she forced them back up and offered a shaky smile. She whistled a sigh and nervously laughed. "This is hard, huh?"

Giving a nonchalant shrug, Callie took a sip of her hot chocolate. "Lots of things are, aren't they? I mean, the important stuff usually is."

"Yep, ah huh," Arizona agreed, tracing the mug in her hands distractedly; she wasn't really aware of her movements, just one of those simple soothing actions that she did subconsciously. "So, I should have been out there with you…" she said quietly, though Callie gave her a confused look in return.

"Why? I go out all the time on my own, you were writing; there was nothing strange about that is there?"

"I guess, I freaked out when I saw you on the ground. You could have died out there."

"I know, I do. Guess we're becoming masters of close calls, but that doesn't make it your fault. I can probably imagine what it was like for you." She grimaced a little at the memory. "A bit like when I saw you in the airport, all bruised and beat up."

Arizona smiled softly. "Yeah, fun times. Maybe we're like cats and have nine lives or something."

"Can we not test that theory out?" Callie asked, laughing lightly.

"Mmm, okay." Drinking out of her cup, Arizona turned away from Callie and placed it on the bedside table; she shifted as she turned back, pulling her knees up and settling more on her side so she faced Callie. Her ribs tugged, a little reminder that her stomach muscles had worked hard to keep her and Callie upright on the horse. Her legs were just as sore. "Sooooo," she drew out, and Callie smiled, trying to calm her. "So, I ummm, I don't _want _to go; I don't _want_ to leave you. I guess I wanted to say that first."

Callie swallowed the angry 'but' that echoed in her head. "You were though, weren't you? Leaving?"

"I was, I think. I mean, I gave myself the option. I don't really know if I was going to use it, but yeah, maybe."

"I think you were, Arizona." Callie's voice, though not at all angry, left little room for challenge.

"You're probably right, you usually are," Arizona acknowledged sadly.

"I feel like this is Groundhog Day, Arizona. You're telling me you don't want to leave but you are…is that we're you're going with this?"

Arizona shook her head. "You should be angry with me," she said, picking up on Callie's frustration. "I told you that I'm not good for you."

Callie drew in a sharp reactive breath, and her fingers curled tighter around the handle of the cup she held. "That's just an excuse, well, it feels like an excuse. You have this reason that you hold on to, for why you can't get close to people. Well, look around, we're close. We're already there, you don't need to be constantly stressed out, we're good together, we're fine. If you just stop running."

"I know, I fucking know," Arizona muttered, exasperated at herself. "It's not like I want to, but I get how stupid and childish it seems."

"I'm not saying that, okay, I'm really not. But you're worried about us never being, what we already are. It doesn't make sense to me."

"It barely makes sense to me."

Sighing, Callie dropped her voice and shook her head at the room. "You weren't even going to tell me."

Silence fell between them, awkward and lingering. "I left you a note…a letter. I would have called," Arizona offered feebly, knowing it wasn't nearly enough.

"Do you know how that feels? And I'm not trying to blame you and I don't want to but that, the fact that you would have left and I would have come back to a note? God, Arizona."

"And if this is too hard for you, if I'm too much work; not worth it. Then just tell me, please; I don't want to do this to you. If you want me to go, tell me and I will." The lack of confidence; the self esteem that seemed to be fraying at its foundation, was completely obvious, but Callie couldn't help the frustration the statement elicited.

"Are you kidding me? If you want to leave, you can look me in the eyes and tell me that. You don't get to use me as an excuse, okay? I am here and I am willing to work this out with you, to support you."

"But?"

"But nothing, there's no huge conditions. I've told you, I love you and I don't even want to imagine my life without you now. There is not a chance though, that I am going to live every day petrified, that when I get home, you're not going to be here. And all that you left behind is a…is a note," Callie stated, calmly but strongly. "And that's your choice, not mine. Yours; you need to be accountable for your decision in this because this isn't me. I'm not pushing you away, you're tearing yourself out of my life."

"I'm not blaming you Callie, I know this is all me."

The lack of emotion from Arizona was clear, the way she had seemingly accepted this inability without ever considering that she should fight against it. It was a long way from the person she was when she spoke about travel or writing; or even her views on human rights or international aid. She was animated then, excitable and passionate. It was such a stark contrast to this splintered shell that Arizona disappeared behind when it came to relationships.

"What do you want? If you forget everything else, what do _you_ want?"

"What do you mean?"

Callie dragged a hand through her hair and drew in a breath. "If you stop and just pretend that you can have whatever you want in life and there's a complete guarantee that it will work; what do _you_ want. Not what you think you should want or have, but what you actually want."

"I want to be with you," Arizona responded, without missing a beat. "But without the constant running commentary in my head." A smile crept into her expression and one of her dimples creased.

"What? The commentary that says I'm going to turn out to be some psychopath?"

Arizona laughed lightly, lifting her hand to slide down Callie's arm before pausing and dropping it back to the pillows. "That you'll realise that I'm far too complex, too screwed up and not worth the hassle."

"Not gonna happen," Callie replied nonchalantly. "I already know you're screwed up," she teased, "and totally worth the hassle." She drank a few more mouthfuls of the creamy liquid before settling the cup to her side. "And to be serious for a second, I just want to see that I'm worth it too, that I'm worth you fighting whatever it is that you need to fight to stay with me."

"You're the only one that has ever been close to worth it."

"I'm not so confident either, Arizona. I need to hear and be shown that I'm kind of important too."

The guilt tore at Arizona, washing over her in a wave of regret. "And I'm so so sorry that I haven't done that; been doing that."

Callie nodded; she didn't want or need Arizona's apologies. She wasn't always one for words, they often seemed empty to her, a façade. Action though, the everyday messages that people send, that was what she valued. "What do we do?"

Arizona sighed, and when she spoke her voice was barely above a whisper. "Can you help me?"

"Oh honey, I have no idea how. But yes, over and over again, yes."

"When I was twelve," Arizona said quietly, sinking further down the bed and into the pillows, "I saw my father in bed with a woman, in bed with someone that wasn't my mum."

"Ack…" Callie murmured softly.

"I never told her, or Tim or anyone. But he knew, my father knew I saw him. On the surface they had this supportive marriage, but underneath it was fucked. I'm sure he had more affairs, probably a crapload of them."

"And I know what it's like to find that out; and to see that as a kid, almost a teenager. That's just crap and it makes sense that you think all relationships are doomed."

"Even if not all, definitely mine."

"Not this one," Callie prompted, dropping her hand to lay palm up between them. Arizona pointed her index finger and traced lazy circles over the skin. "And, for the record, when it comes to cheating, I could not be more anti that if I tried." Arizona smiled slightly. "I just, well, I think I've experienced a fair few things, mostly bad stuff, and if I based the future on that, I'm not sure I would ever do anything now. I may as well have called it quits."

"What you've been through," Arizona responded, "God, I couldn't compare. Wouldn't."

"It's not that," Callie said, trapping Arizona's finger mid circle and pulling her arm to hug to her chest, "it's more about making a decision not to base the future on the past. Which is easier said than done, but I think making that decision and naming it, helped me a lot."

"That worked for you?"

"It did. I mean, I'm not naïve and think it's that simple, but honestly, the place I was in, how low I was. I really could have just given up and figured the entire world was out to get me so why even bother. Really making that conscious decision and telling myself that, it did kind of work; I still tell myself it sometimes. In my head that is, although I do talk to myself frequently," she joked lightly.

"I think I feel more sane when I'm on my own and people aren't privy to all this crazy."

"Mmmm," Callie said, nodding and smiling, "the sex is a little different though." She earned a laugh from Arizona before letting her tone fall. "It's easier 'cause you don't have to open yourself up to anyone…it's all surface level and that might be fun and yeah, easy but is that really how you envisaged your life to turn out? Alone just because you didn't have to deal with the important shit?"

Slowly, Arizona shook her head. "Not really, I used to imagine spending my life with someone, when I was really young. Having the house and the backyard, two big dogs that we would play with. But then life happened I suppose, that got harder and harder, further out of reach."

"Mmmm, until it wasn't. Until it was actually a reality."

"Yep. And then I go all super crazy."

"Crazy doesn't have to be bad, but what it might mean is that you try this whole new strategy and prepare for this, 'cause it's pretty out there. You ready?" Callie asked and Arizona rolled her eyes. "Yep, you _talk_; you talk to the person who is head over heals obsessed with how hot and awesome you are. Tough, huh?"

"Very funny Calliope."

"I know, I should have been a comedian…"

"Callie?"

"Yesssss?"

"What if I can't give you what you want, later on…in the future?"

Callie narrowed her eyebrows, quickly brought back with Arizona's serious and concerned voice. "I don't get what you mean," she replied, squeezing Arizona's hand.

"Well, I don't really know what I want, down the track. I never used to want…well, I didn't really want kids for a long time and I know, I really know, how important that is to you. And it should be, it really should be, after everything; I shouldn't be the one to stop you from having kids."

To Callie's credit, she absorbed Arizona's words calmly and carefully considered them. She even shocked herself with her calmness and a sense of growth flooded over her, as if she had just made a gain that she wasn't sure she had intended to. Having kids used to be everything she wanted, her big focus. "Is that what you're worried about? That I'll want kids and you won't?"

Shrugging, Arizona finally nodded. "Do you?"

"Want children?"

"Yeah," Arizona confirmed and she felt Callie shudder a little; maybe it was something she just perceived but she felt like Callie's heartbeat began to race.

"Maybe," Callie responded slowly, "probably." She glanced up to the ceiling. "Life doesn't always give you what you want though, and that doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad outcome."

"What if I end up not wanting a family?"

"Why do you worry so much about what ifs? I had my life figured out, planned and sorted, like tick boxes; but here I am, a world away from where I started."

"Mmmm, guess I like to have it all sorted, different contingencies figured out."

Callie dropped her head back and slowly drew wide eyes to glance at Arizona, she empathised; that kind of anxiety was impossible. How do you possibly cover every different scenario? But Arizona didn't, she ran instead. Keeping her voice as soft as she could, Callie murmured, "You're a control freak…with yourself." Arizona stared back at her, of all the things she had been called or labelled in her life, a control freak was not one of them. The opposite in fact, people usually called her a free spirit; occasionally brave and adventurous. Callie had just seen through all the layers and no one ever had, not once. "I think, the thing is, that shit in life will always hurt, no matter what. And as much as you try to protect yourself, all that effort that goes in to controlling what comes your way and avoiding it. It won't work."

Arizona slowly nodded; she didn't trust her voice.

"So, kids? Yeah, sure, but I've given up on having something abstract become more important than what is in front of me."

Clearing her throat, Arizona looked to the side of the room and back to Callie. "I'm not anti babies, I'm just not sure."

"And in a few years, that might be an important discussion but who knows what else might be important then too. Unless you've been carrying around a crystal ball in you backpack, we don't know." She tested a small smile and joked, "With your passport that is."

Arizona blinked hastily at tears burning her eyes. "I'm just," she paused, taking a slow breath, "so sorry. It seems ridiculous right now, but I know it was me and what I was doing…"

"I haven't been pushing you, have I?" Callie asked suddenly, concerned briefly, that she had placed unrealistic expectations on Arizona but she earned a shake of the head in response.

"Nope. No."

Callie released an audible sigh of relief. "Good, because yeah, not what I want to do." Arizona quietly smiled and sunk a little lower under the covers, edging closer to Callie's side. "And I really don't, okay? I don't want to push you, but there is a tiny but in that. I guess I need to know what you want to do, because I can't be stressed all the time that you're going to disappear. That's something that I can't do, yeah? I'm just, when it comes to that, I'm just not strong enough to live with that…with wondering constantly."

"Yeah," Arizona muttered, drawing her face up when Callie interrupted.

"Because that's worse, having that in the back of my mind. That's worse, harder, than actually having you go."

Despite the calm persona Callie had been exhibiting, emotion swelled her throat and made her voice tremble. It wasn't quite an ultimatum, but it was close; a blatantly necessary question that had to be asked. There was no negotiation around that; Callie couldn't keep up her patience, because the uncertainty and the constant fear was something she couldn't live with. And it was okay that she asked; a moment of growth for Callie too, as she was recognising that she was important too.

Arizona opened her mouth and made a few sounds, just half formed words and stilted syllables. Callie watched, tears immediately tumbling from her eyes when Arizona lifted back the covers and silently slipped from the bed. Her bare feet met the floor and she walked away slowly, without glancing back at Callie.

When she returned, less than a few minutes later, Callie was curled on her side crying. She had shifted down the bed and her head had slipped off the pillows, knees drawn up under the duvet. With one hand pressed to her face, she collected the wet tears while her other arm stretched out into the space that Arizona had silently left. "Calliope," Arizona whispered, climbing onto the bed and hastily tangling into the sheets rather than easily sliding under them. She gripped Callie's hand to her chest, squeezing. "Callie," she repeated, leaning in close and kissing Callie's forehead, "I just wanted to get something for you. I'm sorry." Her voice was shaky too, nervous and heightened with emotion.

It took a few additional shudders and quiet strangled sobs before Callie dropped the hand from her face. She kept her eyes squeezed shut for a moment, sucking on her bottom lip before exposing her glazed eyes and wet cheeks. Callie wanted to apologise for her quick emotive reaction, but she couldn't quite bring herself to do it. She was more on edge than she realised.

"I'm," Arizona said slowly, pausing, "how did you put it? In. I'm in." Callie gave her an almost blank expression in response. "But I want you to trust me…and that well, I've got some work to do on that. Right?"

Callie shrugged. "Mmmm," she weakly acknowledged with a sniffle.

"I want you to keep my passport, just as…what, security maybe? I don't know, because I want you to know that I'm serious and maybe I don't want an easy out either."

Shaking her head, Callie swallowed before responding. "No Arizona, no. I can't keep your passport, I won't. I get the offer and I appreciate it, but I won't do that. That's what crazy violent people do, I won't take away your right to leave."

Arizona considered for a moment, nodding as she crawled up to her knees and leant over Callie. She pulled the drawer out on her bedside table and threw her passport in, feeling Callie's hand wrap around her hip as she held her weight over Callie's chest. Awkwardly moving back, she fell next to her. "We both know where it is, this way," Arizona explained softly. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah," Callie murmured with a rush of air, "that's okay." Lifting her arm up, Callie silently encouraged Arizona to lie against her. She waited for Arizona to wrap an arm around her middle and to share her pillow before dropping her hand to splay on Arizona's back. "Sooooo," she drew out slowly.

"Mmmmm, sooooo," Arizona confirmed.

They both laughed quietly. "You're doing okay with all this?" Callie gently probed in a completely non-specific way.

"I am," Arizona replied, with a hint of conviction and honesty. "It's tough to change something that has taken forever to develop, as dysfunctional as it might be. But you're not like everyone else, and maybe I can be someone…hmmm, maybe I can be the person I want to be, with you, rather than the person I've had to be." Callie nodded silently and Arizona kissed her cheek chastely, damp tears tracks still apparent. "Are you okay?"

Though barely a smile moved her lips, Callie murmured, "Yeah, I think so."

"You can tell me if you're not; or if you need to be upset or angry with me some more, I deserve that."

"I'm not sure we should mess with this very mature conversation – no one has yelled or thrown anything," Callie stated, only minimally joking, still, Arizona's grip tightened a little around her side. "You're pretty hard to be mad at."

"I'm not sure that's a good or a bad thing."

"Good I think; you're just trying to find your way, that's not something I should get frustrated at."

"Even when it effects you? Which it has, it does."

"Mmmm, I guess. The more I understand, the easier it is and that negative stuff that I feel, goes away." Arizona's expression emanated confusion, even out of Callie's peripheral vision. "You told me about your dad, Arizona, and it helped things make sense. I want to know you, I want to know more about what you're been though. It's like I've told you everything about me but I barely know your past."

"Some of it isn't that exciting," Arizona conceded or attempted to avoid perhaps, "and some of it…well, I haven't been angelic or the victim in everything. I've made plenty of mistakes."

"Haven't we all?" Callie questioned and Arizona nodded slowly; she always felt like less than others, that she was less moral, less intelligent; just, less. "I'm not going to judge, you know. But I want to know, because I want to know you, everything about you. I want to be your person."

"You are my person," Arizona whispered after a moment. "Who did I call when it all turned to shit in Belgium? And I want to tell you…everything if you want; I'm just not great at doing that. At knowing what you want to know, are interested in. Sometimes things seem unimportant in my head, like I would be making you listen to something boring."

"Oh God no, no way. I hang on every word you say and when it's about you, and your life, what you've seen – I'm like a dog, lapping it up."

Arizona laughed; it did seem a little incredulous to her. She can still see the glazed look in her father's eyes when she won a State writing award at age eleven; and the way her mother brushed over it, and dropped her off at the ceremony on the way to her brother's baseball game. Or when she told them of the College she had been accepted into and they breathed that obviously disappointed sigh before murmuring a brief string of empty congratulations. She had a whole lifetime of baggage. "What do you wanna know, then?" she asked lightly; she was always better at answering questions than starting conversations.

Callie shrugged and moved her hand slowly to trace up and down her spine. "Whatever you like."

Blushing slightly, Arizona squirmed, pressing her face into Callie's shoulder before settling back on her pillow. She snaked her fingertips under Callie's top until her palm was flat against the warm skin of her abdomen; the contact relaxed her. She stilled for a minute, just quietly thinking and breathing evenly, and Callie didn't press at all, content in the silence. Eventually, Arizona withdrew her hand and held it up in front of Callie. She made a fist and jiggled her wrist, beaded bracelet moving loosely. "I got this when I was in Asia, doing my retreat thing. I had just had a crazy, messy breakup and it was all awful and then I got news that Tim was being sent to Afghanistan. So I bought this, and by bought, I mean, paid all of about twenty cents or something; and sent it to Tim. Because I couldn't get back before he left." Pausing, Arizona puffed her cheeks before continuing. "He was wearing it when he was brought back, so I took it off and kept it. Now I wear it all the time, I never take it off. It's knotted on; I'd probably have to cut it to get it off. Guess it'll fall off one day."

Slowly taking in the information, Callie was keen for Arizona to continue to talking and to be comfortable with that. She gently prodded her by asking, "You were close with Tim?"

Hours later, they were still sharing sibling stories, exchanging their diversely different childhoods. Where Arizona and Tim had built swings off tree branches and made go karts out of old car parts, Callie and Aria had swapped party dresses and snuck coloured hair ties under their ribbons.

And somewhere, not long before the sun would start edging up behind the mountain ranges, they slept.

* * *

TBC.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: **Thanks all! Glad you're still reading and (hopefully) enjoying! :-)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty One**

"_Where there is love there is life."_

_- Mahatma Gandhi_

Fingers stilling after flying over the keyboard, Arizona gave an audible cheer and sat back, arms crossed at her chest. She had spent multiple weeks in a rush of motivation and writing energy, culminating in a very rough ending to her book. Rough or not, the shell was completed from beginning to end. Now, she had weeks, months maybe, ahead of her of editing, rewriting scenes and restructuring chapters. Which was almost as frustrating at writing the initial version; the time she would spend second guessing herself and changing miniscule details. She could toy with the notion of a simple adjective change for hours until she frustratingly returned it to the original word choice.

Still, she felt a sense of achievement. Six months ago, she was giving up and strategising ways to refund her advance.

Things had certainly changed.

Using the mouse attached to her laptop, she clicked save and then went about ensuring her two backups were up-to-date. One on a USB stick and another on an external hard drive; no way in hell was she losing it now.

Giving a satisfied smile to the inanimate object in front of her, Arizona rolled her shoulders and stood up, leather office chair wheeling back behind her. She leant over the desk and shut down her laptop, bouncing up and down on the ball of her feet. The sense of relief was like nothing she had felt before, bricks falling off the back of her shoulders.

Slowly, over the last weeks, she had worked hard at rebuilding her relationship with Callie. They had struggled with the stage they were in, as if standing astride two worlds almost. One foot on this incredibly close connection, forged on the crises and trauma they had shared, whilst the other foot was at the foundation stage of a newly formed couple. It was difficult, trying to negotiate the middle ground and not miss out on all the parts they had skipped; they'd never survive if they just rushed forward and disregarded the small steps they had missed.

So they tried to, as much as they could; making plans ahead of time and scheduling in time together. They planned date nights for the weekends and an occasional day off where they went out for lunch and afternoon walks through town, subtle handholding as they shopped. It was less intense that way, and each day, Arizona felt her confidence grow a little. She looked forward to seeing Callie and their planned time together, rather than the conflicted feelings she had earlier, when she either _needed_ to see Callie or feeling an anxiety over the strength of her emotional connection to her.

Arizona was good with slowing down and gradually building things up, as weird as it was, given everything they had shared.

At times, Arizona even slept back in the guest room, particularly the nights where she was up writing until the early hours of the morning. She had joked with Callie that they had yet to have their second 'first time', where they both had certain visions of something more sensual than Arizona's hastily initiated release, that was so void feeling. Nothing more than another complex layer to the difficult spaces they had been in.

There was something enjoyable about the affectionate cuddles though, and the long, drawn out kissing sessions, with hands that roamed on their own accord. It meant they were building up to something important, rather than jumping right in at the end.

With a small uncoordinated jump, Arizona stumbled over some papers on the floor and walked out of the office, poking her head down the hall to see if Callie was in her room before heading to the living room. Callie was sitting back on the sofa, iPad on her lap as she squinted in concentration at the screen. She looked up at the sound of Arizona's footsteps, smiling at the welcomed interruption. "Hi," she said.

Arizona grinned, placing both hands on Callie's side as she leant in and kissed her enthusiastically, tongue sneaking playfully over Callie's lip. She smiled into the kiss before pulling back, turning and collapsing dramatically onto the cushions, legs falling over Callie's lap and knocking the iPad to the side. "Whoops," she acknowledged, "but hi!"

"You're in a good mood," Callie observed, leaning her head back and placing her hands over Arizona's legs. She massaged the muscles loosely through casual sweats.

"I am; first draft is done."

"Seriously?"

"Yep, now is the really fun bit. I get to ignore it for at least a week and then start again with fresh eyes." Arizona fell backwards, hands behind her head, wiggling her toes for Callie to continue. "We should do something to celebrate, go away for a few days of something. Up for it?"

"Am I up for it?" Callie asked, jokingly. "Do you even have to ask? Of course!"

"Good, I'll organise something, maybe a spa retreat or something, we can get pampered. Good idea?"

Callie nodded eagerly. "Excellent idea."

"So what were you concentrating on? I completely interrupted you."

Rolling her eyes, Callie stilled her hands and smiled. "I was doing some research into med schools here. Crazy, huh?"

"Oh, the thought hasn't gone away then? You're really thinking seriously about it?" Arizona asked, eyes wide.

"I think I am; it's not like I can go on doing nothing for the rest of my life. And it's what I was good at and interested in, so why not?"

"I'm all for it, if it's what you want to do than I think go for it. I'll happily be your patient to practise on, too."

Callie laughed. "You might regret that when I've taken your blood pressure and listened to your heart for the hundredth time."

"I just draw the line at having you put those things in my arm, a line."

"A cannula? Yeah, that's probably fair enough. I promise not to give you needles then." Callie pointed her index finger and jabbed at Arizona's arm until she earned a playful swipe and a childish giggle. The small sparks of the Arizona she had first met were starting to sneak back in, becoming more and more frequent as the weeks progressed. Amazingly, being happy wasn't so scary. "It's different here though," Callie continued, chewing at her bottom lip, "it's a five year degree because they don't really do pre-med and I don't think I would get any or much credit for what I've already done. Maybe."

"Wow? Five years, after what you've already done, that's huge."

"I know. It would be four years back home, so it's just an extra year; but there's other stuff to consider right? I mean, your visa is one hurdle, that's even if you're keen to stay here, for this to be home."

Arizona nodded and shrugged, _home_ wasn't a big concept for her and hadn't been for a long time. Her attachment to places had historically been even worse than her attachment to people. Which even she had to acknowledge, was saying a bit. "I can write wherever," she explained, "if I get another publishing deal, so that would come down to where you prefer. To be honest, I'm not really desperate to settle back in the States, but if you wanted to go back to Harvard than I would. And," she added sheepishly, "I've been kind of toying with the idea of trying to get into some teaching, even at a community college or uni here; running some writing classes."

"You haven't mentioned that?" Callie asked with a wide smile. "But I like it, sounds fantastic actually. You would make a great teacher."

"There is the odd visa issue…"

"Mmmm, not something I know anything about really. I do know a migration agent, or I did; I could get her contact details if you want."

Arizona slowly nodded, smiling. Brushing some hair out of her face, she rolled her shoulders and stretched her neck. "A normal job is seeming pretty appealing right now."

"Doing something is appealing to me, I think I've reached my limit of relaxing. I need a plan."

"A plan? Five years at med school is a bit more than a plan!" Arizona said with a chuckle, the idea of going back to grad school or to do her doctorate sent Arizona into a state of panic. She had survived college on the barest of incomes, trying to balance work and study and still keep her grades up.

Callie's hands stilled where they worked Arizona's feet and she screwed her nose up. "Am I being crazy? To think of going back now? There's school and then my intern year, residency; I'll be geriatric before I even get completely through."

Struggling to sit up, with her legs outstretched over Callie's lap, Arizona cupped her cheek and stared intensely into her eyes. "Screw it, screw the long term plan or how long it might take. If it's what you want to do, I think you should do it." She earned a slow, hesitant nod from Callie and a slight smile. "You know, when you talk about that kind of stuff, medicine, you get all…smiley."

Callie laughed. "Smiley?"

"Yeah," Arizona eagerly said, shaking her head shyly. "That was meant to be a compliment. I just think if it makes you happy then why not? Don't worry about me and what suits me, I'm good wherever. Honestly."

"Maybe I should get my transcripts then…" Callie murmured, trailing off as her fingers tapped at Arizona's legs. It had just been an idea, a crazy distant idea, until Arizona had adopted it with such enthusiasm. It was one of the little signs that she had been patiently waiting for from Arizona, just a small little signal that they could plan together.

"You should...and while you organise that, I might get something booked for us. I'm so keen for a big spa and a few massages, and leaving my laptop back here."

Tilting her head back, Callie laughed. "You're really going to leave it behind?"

"Yep!"

Picking up Arizona's legs, Callie laughed as she plopped them down on the cushions and straddled over her. "I don't have to share you with a word doc…your email…internet?" Callie asked teasingly, holding herself above Arizona.

"Ha ha," Arizona murmured, hands trailing over Callie's shoulders and down her arms. "You're so funny."

"I totally am."

"I might book her a separate room for that."

Callie forged a shocked expression, mouth forming a wide circle. Her eyes sparkled and Arizona kept her gaze fixated, dimples on display. "I'll be good, I promise."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay then," Arizona conceded with a cheeky grin; she was so playful and relaxed. Tilting her face up, she sought out Callie lips, making a series of air kisses. Callie resisted, laughing as she tapped her nose back and forth against Arizona's. "You're so beautiful," Arizona murmured, unfiltered and spontaneous.

Callie reacted quickly, devouring Arizona's mouth with fervour, lower body resting against hers. "I so like this you. The you that just finished a novel and has a week completely stress free."

"Ah huh," Arizona agreed, fingers sliding around the back of Callie's neck and drawing her back in. "I like this me too," she whispered, before smiling and returning her lips to Callie's. "And bring on a week away," she added breathlessly when they paused.

* * *

"This is really where you got my book?" Arizona asked, small backpack over her shoulder as Callie wheeled a suitcase behind them. She glanced back to the small café and bookstore, hesitantly winding her way down a small pathway to the side of the front building.

Tall dry grass and a handful of flowering weeds lined the sandy, rock filled path which Callie struggled along, case bouncing sporadically. "Why didn't we bring your pack instead?" she asked, not realising that she had completely ignored Arizona's question.

"You want me to take it?"

"No," Callie muttered, looking up to see Arizona waiting for her amusingly, standing in front of a large wooden veranda. "Okay, so it wasn't that bad, I'm just being grumpy."

"And grumpy isn't on, we're here to unwind for a week, remember?"

"Okay, I'm good. There's champagne waiting for us, right? That drive was fucking ridiculous."

"My turn, I'll lift it up the stairs," Arizona insisted, hand out in front of her before she took the extended handle off Callie. "Oh, smile Callie," she added, "and yes, there is champagne and wine and a cheese platter. Will that cheer you up?"

"Maybe."

Wincing as she lifted the case up seven steps, Arizona turned her face away from Callie. She had been insisting for the past week that her ribs were completely healed, that they weren't bothering her any more but the truth was, if she twisted the wrong way then a quick pull made her stifle a groan. It was annoying now, more like a pulled muscle or a sprain, just enough to annoy and frustrate her. Pull her back a little, like a reminder not to get too confident. That she wasn't a different person, just the same girl she always was but trying to be better, stronger. Braver. "Come on, the drive will be a distant memory in about ten minutes," Arizona said, puffing as stopped at the top of the stairs, "and, I want you in a good mood…"

Callie scoffed and smiled, hands on her hips and handbag over her shoulder. "Well, if you want me in a good mood…" Callie trailed off suggestively, winking with a deliberate sleaziness.

Shaking her head, Arizona laughed. "Now that was attractive. Can you taste the champers, yet? I think you'll approve of the request I made." Stepping inside the door, a large room expanded in front of them with a four post dark wooden bed against the far wall. A sofa was closest to them, just to the side of the front door, next to large wide windows and an open fire, already lit. "Oh shit, you were right, this place is divine."

"Whoa," Callie murmured, slowly smiling so that her eyes creased and she exhaled with a lengthy breath. "What did you do, promise to do a book signing or something? This is stunning."

"Hmmm, well you mentioned that she was a fan, so I may have made sure that she knew who I was. Is that bad?"

"Bad? This is all good," Callie stated, and walked across the room. Even with her extravagant tastes, she had to admit that the room was incredible. It was cut off from the main area, the bed and breakfast rooms with water views, hence the barely established path. But it meant that it was quiet and not accessible to other guests, just their own sanctuary in an already decadent area. And the extra touches that had been made, fresh fruit in a bowl and a range of food on the bench; a small fridge held a range of drinks and sweets.

Arizona nodded, poking her head through two double doors to a bathroom, a huge open shower in one corner and a spa bath in the other. Plush towels and robes were folded on a shelving unit, next to a range of organic body products; and back by the bed were two pairs of slippers for the warmed wooden floorboards. "Seems almost a shame to mess this up," Arizona said quietly, indicating loosely to a range of rose petals on top of the duvet.

Stepping slowly towards Arizona, Callie slipped in behind her and rested her chin on Arizona's shoulder, giving a perplexed look at the bed. "Is that some kind of bird?" she asked, tilting her head back and forth.

"A dove maybe? It looks like wings right, angel wings?"

"I don't think we should be to concerned about messing it up."

"A traditional heart shape might have been easier."

"Ya think?"

Arizona laughed. "It's kind of cute, whatever it is."

"Mmmm, like you're cute," Callie subtly hinted, nuzzling into Arizona's neck and kissing along her jaw.

"I thought you wanted some champagne?"

"I do, but I can multi-task."

Tilting her head back to rest on Callie's shoulder, Arizona briefly closed her eyes. She felt peaceful; and she wasn't so sure the last time she could have used that term to describe herself. Never, probably. "We should fill some glasses, unpack a little and fill the tub."

"Ah huh," Callie replied, "I'm all for those things, with the exception of the unpacking." Sliding her hands back to rest on Arizona's hips, Callie kissed the corner of her eye. She felt Arizona's smile under her lips.

"But we might need some clothes and…stuff," Arizona whispered, a childish hint to her tone.

"Nope, clothes are definitely not going to be needed. Besides, we have robes. That's all we need for at least a few days, until we get bored."

"Bored of?" Arizona teased.

"Playing scrabble, I put a travel version in the suitcase. Why? Did you think I meant bored of nakedness and brilliant sex?"

"I do like a girl who can play scrabble."

"I'm having bad flashbacks to drinking games when I was a teenager."

Arizona laughed and turned in Callie's arms, hands joining behind Callie's neck before she leant back. "Drinking games with scrabble?"

Grinning, Callie nodded, pulling Arizona's tighter against her pelvis. "Yep, did they not teach that at writing school?"

Arizona rolled her eyes; Callie frequently referred to her college years as 'writing school'. "So I'm thinking something to do with shots and…what? Certain words? Scores?"

"I admit, the rules were a little flexible. But generally yep, double or triple word score equalled double or triple shot. Or dirty scrabble, if you couldn't make a _dirty_ word, then you had to drink a shot…or whatever was going."

Arizona screwed up her face and Callie laughed, her expressions were endlessly adorable. "Is it bad if I'm too old for that shit? I just want to drink wine…more than a bottle preferably, and all afternoon and night, but still…I'm old aren't I?"

"You don't look old to me," Callie insisted, seeking Arizona's lips in a long kiss; her eager tongue found a willing recipient. "I think I'm too old for drinking games too if it makes you feel better," she whispered and Arizona laughed, warm breath flooding across the small distance between them.

"Not too old for this though," Arizona insisted, tugging Callie closer; her fingers splaying across the back of her neck and applying pressure, subtly keeping Callie in place. "And, you want to know what else?" Callie nodded, pupils dilated. "I'm thinking _you_ in the spa; candles, champagne, some music…"

"_Fucking_ awesome idea," Callie said, grinning. She stepped away from Arizona, who grazed her fingertips over Callie's shoulder and down her side, trailing lightly across her stomach. "I'll sort the music and you, sort the drinks."

Licking her lips, Arizona nodded her approval, smiling as she turned away. "Done."

* * *

With her head resting back against the porcelain rim of the tall tub, Arizona had a hand towel folded comfortably under the back of her neck and her eyes were closed. She was in that surreal space between being fully awake and asleep, thoughts and images slowly running through her mind and she wasn't at all interested in deciphering the real from her imagination. Callie was awake but still, settled in between Arizona's legs and flush against her chest, long wet dark hair drifting loosely under the surface of the water, brushing against Arizona's bare breasts.

She sipped quietly on her champagne, glass precariously close to empty as she hummed along to the soft music that emanated from a dock out by their bed. Arizona's fingers had worked at her neck for just a few minutes before they sporadically stopped and started, until they eventually rested on Callie's arms as she drifted into a state of semi-consciousness.

Waiting a little while, Callie tried to close her eyes and relax, but the drive had her wired; the concentration that it took and the strange amount of road works they had to negotiate. Not to mention a few over enthusiastic drivers who insisted on sitting right behind her before dangerously overtaking with the smallest of margins. She sighed, that was all behind them now; she just had a week of relaxing and spending time with Arizona. Who was not only seemingly happy, but calm and light too.

And she couldn't stop touching Callie; after the weeks where she had withdrawn, and the time it took them to slowly edge back to being in a good place, even the platonic touches mid speech filled Callie with a sense of belonging. Like things were right; finally.

Pointing her toes to just touch the other end of the expansive spa, Callie braced her body and sat up slightly. Arizona jumped, elbow flying and glass tapping the tiled wall before tumbling into the bath. "Was just going for a refill," Callie explained sheepishly, looking back at Arizona's quickly blinking eyes. "Guess you need another now too, probably without the oils."

"Crap, was I just asleep?" she asked, raking a hand through her loose hair and when she dropped her hand to scoop out her glass, her bangs pointed haphazardly upright.

"I would be going with yes," Callie said grinning, taking the glass off Arizona and leaning forward, she turned the faucet on and rinsed the glass, pausing as Arizona's hands cupped warm water and trickled it down her exposed back.

"Sorry."

"For being relaxed? I was quite happy…my glass just got empty. I tried to hold off on a refill."

Chuckling, Arizona rolled her neck before leaning back, hands still outstretched and trailing down Callie's spine whilst she twisted and refilled their glasses from the ice bucket sitting on a small table next to them. A small candle flickered from the middle, casting slightly mixing shadows as two wide tall white candles on wooden frames lit up the bathroom. Taking the glass when Callie handed it to her, Arizona took drank a couple of gulps, fingertips still exploring the ridges of Callie's spine. "You have, the most beautiful skin, you know that?" she said after a moment.

Brushing the tender compliment off, Callie blushed and placed her glass on the corner rim, slowly lowering herself back into Arizona. "It's nice to hear you happy," she stated lightly, turning her face and kissing the wet skin at the front of Arizona's shoulder. "I was worried you wouldn't be."

With her arms wrapping around Callie, Arizona smiled as water lapped and spilled over the rim of the tub. Her fingertips grazed Callie's abdomen, muscles tensing as she reacted to the ticklish sensation. "I feel…" Arizona paused, pondering, "weirdly settled. And yeah, happy. Without the book deadline looming and all the family crap becoming a bit more background noise; it's good to be able to just, live in the moment. I'm just not really trying, but that's sort of how it is, I'm just trying to enjoy the now."

Callie grinned. "So, maybe I'm a little bit wise?"

"What? All that rambling about not stressing about the future? Maybe."

"I'm totally wise," Callie sternly stated before laughing, chest jiggling under Arizona's arms. "I'm pretty proud of you," she added after a moment, "for having the guts to well, not to be all psych like, but to actually confront your fears. How many people say they do that? Or that they will, but never do? I wasn't so sure you would, to be honest."

Arizona's eyes drifted up to the corner of the ceiling and she sighed. "I wasn't so sure either," she agreed quietly. "But you were…you are, too important not to. I just clearly needed a shove or a reality check. I didn't really think through what it would be like to not be with you."

"Completely boring right?"

Laughing, Arizona bowed her head and kissed the curve of Callie's ear. "Completely. And you know, lonely; painful." Feeling Callie shrink back further in her arms, Arizona turned her hands and squeezed Callie's. She pressed a few more scattered kisses into Callie's hair and the side of her face. "Besides," Arizona added, voice deliberately lighter and teasing, "you're the only one I want naked and between my legs." She tensed her leg muscles and pressed at Callie's thighs as if in evidence.

"Mmmm," Callie responded, exposing her neck to encourage Arizona's ministrations, "let's see what else you want."

"Ah huh, let's…"

* * *

TBC…


	22. Chapter 22

AN: As always, thank you so much for your reviews and messages. Thrilled (!) that there are still people fledging their way through so many chapters, catching up and coming on board. You're all fantastic. Thanks!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**"_De ilusión también se vive__"_**

Spanish Proverb

'Also of hope and aspiration do we live'

"I think we should rock, paper, scissors for it," Callie said, voice muffled as she slowly turned her face from where it was buried in the pillow.

"I'm not sure I can move," Arizona groaned from where she lay prone, arms limp by her side.

"It's hard to say what hurts most, my head or my muscles…everything aches."

Pointing her feet under the covers and pulling them back up again, Arizona screwed up her face but offered a short, quiet laugh. "I genuinely think I've pulled a hammy."

"Really?" Callie asked, smiling as she reached across the space between them and heavily dragged her hand over Arizona's bare stomach and down her leg. "I don't remember you complaining last night."

"Hmmm, I think it was the shower session, or maybe it was the time against the fridge."

"Oh God, we fell from the bed, do you remember that?" Callie groaned, curling into Arizona's side and pressing her forehead to Arizona's shoulder.

"We fell from the bed?" Arizona gasped, rolling her head so her cheek brushed against Callie's hair. "That could explain the bruise on my arm."

"It's possibly not the only one."

"So, I'm never drinking again. You?"

"Moderation has never been my strong point. Yeah, definitely never drinking again. Until, maybe, tomorrow."

"Water and paracaetamol and ummm, fried goodness…that's what we need. Recovery breakfast, and coffee; words cannot describe how much I need coffee."

Callie lifted her head, smiling painfully at Arizona with a series of prolonged blinks. "Yep, we're rock, paper, scissoring for it and the winner gets to laze in bed."

Groaning, Arizona dragged an arm out from under the thick duvet, holding a fist up in the air. A distinct inch long bruise lined the underside of her forearm. "I always lose," she mumbled weakly. "Alright, one…two…three,"

They both half-heartedly pumped their fists, Arizona hand flattening as paper and Callie's staying curled in a rock. "Shit," Callie murmured.

Grinning, Arizona relaxed back into the pillow with a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank fuck for that," she mumbled, "I'm not convinced I can stand yet."

"I thought you always lose?"

"Maybe it's like billiards, I improve with alcohol."

Callie laughed, curling up a little and nuzzling into Arizona, nibbling at her neck. "Hmmm, you smell good."

"You know what else will smell good? Coffee and bacon."

"Okay, I'll get up," Callie conceded, stopping her intention to rant when Arizona pulled her in for a long kiss. She grinned as they broke apart. "God, I'd die for those kisses."

Laughing, Arizona nodded. "I think we just about did." She watched admirably as Callie shuffled up into a seated position, resting back against the bedhead and sheets falling down to expose full breasts.

"Ha ha," Callie mocked, running a hand through her matted hair, "now I know we didn't unpack but I did have clothes on when I arrived."

"Yeah," Arizona agreed, looking up at Callie with a cheeky smile. "I think those cute lace panties of yours are hanging over the lamp."

Callie clapped and quickly winced. "Too loud," she explained, turning and letting her feet fall to the floor. Standing, she paused, testing out the swaying in her head and body. "When we're old, I still want to be having mind blowing sex where we have to find our underwear in the morning. Deal?"

"When we're wearing those gigantic white cotton things? Do you think that will have the same effect?"

"Oh yeah, completely. I find white cotton very hot."

Arizona shook her head, crawling up a little before slumping back against the headboard. She stared unfiltered at Callie, walking bare feet and naked around the bed and across the room. Images from the night before flooded Arizona, and the most incredible look of guilty pleasure tugged at one side of her lip.

That body, she could explore forever; she would explore forever.

Pulling on her panties, Callie put her hands on her hips and scanned the room. She held her hands up in front of her. "Ah, I'm actually happy for you to stay just in those," Arizona commented, tipping her head at which Callie immediately swayed her hips, before stopping and rubbing the bridge of her nose. "But I think your clothes are still in the bathroom. Oh, there's a robe over there, on the chair."

Callie nodded and taking a few steps, grabbed the robe from the chair. Utilising a few moments to negotiate the tangled arms, she slipped it on and secured the tie at her waist. "Breakfast?" she confirmed to which Arizona eagerly nodded, rubbing at her bloodshot eyes. "Okay. Let's start with water," Callie instructed herself, balancing carefully as she walked across to the kitchen, feet kicking a number of magnets as she entered. "So we're going to stay in bed all day right? Watch trashy DVDs or talk shows?"

"Absolutely, there's no fucking question about that. What time is it, anyway?"

"Ah," Callie mumbled and looked at her wrist, of course she didn't have her watch on. Another item that she had no idea where it would be; it had been a long time since she had to play the game of finding items of clothing after a night of unadulterated sex. And despite the horrific heaviness in her head and the ache at her lower back, she had never felt better. "Ummm, oh, microwave, twelve thirty apparently."

"We had an awesome sleep in."

"I don't think we were in bed early…" Callie said, trailing off and pouring two tall tumblers of water. She placed one next to Arizona, leaning in to kiss her forehead; back of her fingers trailing briefly over her cheek. "Okay, bacon, eggs, tomatos, ummm," Callie slowly opened the fridge door, smirking distractedly; Arizona had looked incredibly devourable, gripping the top of the fridge with her legs hooked behind Callie's back. "Ummm, yeah, is toasted Turkish bread okay? Hang on, let me check the basket, that's right, muffins and croissants, yum."

"That all sounds good, whatever you like. God, I'm hungry all of a sudden."

"I can't believe we have a whole week of this, this was the best idea you've ever had."

"Ever?"

Callie laughed. "That and the shower head thing last night, that was definitely one of your bests."

Blushing, Arizona covered her face with her hands. "Nothing like going from zero to a hundred in one night, huh?"

"Hell, I'm not complaining!" Callie exclaimed from the kitchen, whisking some eggs in a bowl and setting the pan on the stove. "It's been a long time since I had a night of, what? I lost count, let's just say a number of times."

"A number of _good_ times," Arizona agreed, blowing a kiss when Callie glanced over at her.

"God you're cute…and does this mean I don't have to keep my hands to myself now?" Callie asked but Arizona gave her a confused look. "I've been trying to be a bit well behaved."

"You didn't have to be well behaved Callie, I'm no prude. Nor an angel, as you now know."

Callie nodded, smiling;_ that_ she did know. "It's not that, I just wanted you to get to choose, to pace things. I didn't want to be all smothering."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're too nice?"

"Mmmm, I'm far too hungover for this conversation."

Arizona giggled. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, you can put your hands on me whenever you like. Hands, fingers…tongue…"

"Oh stop!" Callie exclaimed, placing some bacon in the pan that quickly sizzled loudly, sending a delicious aroma through the room. She leant over the bench, flopping down on the countertop with a hefty whimper. "We need some recovery time and words like that, are not all about recovery."

Arizona shook her head and laughed, taking a number of long gulps of water. She placed the almost empty glass back on the bedside table. How had she ever hesitated about Callie?

* * *

"Hey Arizona?" Callie interrupted Arizona, from where she held a book limply against her chest, having managed only a few pagers before snoozing. The day was incredible, blue skies and soft clouds in the distance, sun on full display. They had rugged up in thick hoodies and jeans with woollen socks pulled over their feet and ventured outside to two recliners on the wide patio. Arizona had a colourful crocheted blanket tucked up under her chin and Callie too, though hers was an earthy green and brown.

"Mmmm?" Arizona murmured in reply, just one eye opening.

"You sleepin'?"

"Nooooo."

"You did ask me not to let you snooze, and I quote," Callie said, fingers up in the air in playful air quotes, "_I will never sleep tonight_."

"Clearly, I was joking," Arizona replied with a laugh, closing her eyes and leaning into Callie's palm when she tenderly stroked her forehead and hair. The days had passed in a blur, too quickly for either of them. They were just a haze of long nights, bottles of wine and countless hours of amorous foreplay and long drawn out climaxes. And the mornings, as a result, were spent sleeping for as long as possible, tangled together until slowly they roused into consciousness and tightened their hold on each other. Until a stomach rumbled.

Afternoons were a mix of slow walks, hand in hand, loud chatter and good coffees down at the café. Arizona had befriended the owner, talking distractedly about various contemporary authors and some polite debate about where the reviews had positioned her and how she viewed her own writing. Critics, she went so far as to say, she enjoyed; and an educated discussion with someone in the field, that, she hadn't had since she worked in an office with her Editor. It elicited a similar sparkle in her blue eyes as when Callie spontaneously kissed her temple or the blush of energy in her cheeks when Callie discovered _her_ spot.

"You want me to do another coffee run? I can bring them up here."

Arizona shrugged sleepily, squirming and trying to blink away the tiredness; she took Callie's hand and entwined their fingers. "I'm good, you?"

"Not as sleepy as you."

Laughing, Arizona tugged on Callie's arm. "Come join me, I'll help you get sleepy."

Callie tilted her head slightly, eyes drifting to the sky. "That sounded kind of seductive but not quite right."

"Come on," she insisted, created space for Callie to lie next to her, "it wasn't meant to be a dodgy invitation, I was after hugs." She grinned, and Callie melted, those dimples would be the death of her. "Sleepy cuddles," Arizona added childishly, voice like a toddler.

Callie eagerly conformed, slipping out from under her blanket and carefully moving until Arizona wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her hastily into her body. Arizona inhaled slowly, nose buried in Callie's loose hair before breathing out a rush of warm air against Callie's neck. She kissed the curve of her ear. "I really don't want to go home tomorrow," Callie murmured, sorting the throw over them and covering Arizona's arm around her waist.

"Ack, I know. Back to reality."

"Yeah, I guess. Back to decision making time."

"About study?"

"Mmmm, not really, I think I'm keen. There's nothing to lose really, and it was always my dream. So I should, don't you think?"

Arizona nodded slowly, chin moving over Callie's shoulder. She breathed in again, that familiar shampoo that Callie used sent a cascading calmness through her; it was weird how the senses worked. "I think," Arizona said slowly, "that your dreams are the most important thing in the world and you should do whatever it takes to make them happen."

Callie hesitated for a moment, thinking, Arizona had slowly been making Callie believe that what she wanted should be a priority. She shouldn't be spending her life putting everyone else first, that she was important. It was a new concept, delightfully new. "Not the most important, well important but equally with yours. And what we can create, together."

"I used to think that I was giving up something by being…you know, all in; but it's not. I haven't, I've only gained. So your dream, Call? That's awesome and I'm right beside you, because both of us being happy, that's my dream."

Arizona's lips worked tiny patterns against the nape of Callie's neck, blowing hair out of the way and soothing her skin. She could feel a slight change in Callie's breathing, heart rate increasing which sent a faster pulse just detectable on Arizona's arm. Patiently, Arizona waited, working hard at staying in the moment and not trying to prepare for what was going to come out of Callie's mouth. It was her new mantra, being present. Her mind was her greatest enemy but it was a battle she was feeling more confident at fighting; and the woman in her arms, who wouldn't fight for her?

"I might be completely crazy," Callie said slowly, tone soft, "and maybe fucking up this moment but it seems right or okay and I've spent ages trying to find the right time to ask. I'm not even sure why I need to know, but I do."

Breathing in and out three times, Arizona nodded. "I'm sorry you're scared of me," she whispered, "of asking me something. That's not what I want, so please ask. Anything and I'll answer." That statement, barely considered, made her feel briefly brave, fearless and then her stomach churned and she held Callie tighter. It was a little extra security for both of them, a sign that she was there and okay.

Callie shakily released a long breath that she wasn't even sure why she was holding. She hadn't even asked the question.

"It's okay," Arizona soothed, and Callie tried to tip her head back, perhaps gain a small visual clue that Arizona's expression was matching her words.

"It's just about your book, the first one."

"Yeah?"

"It's all built around the character, right? From that catalyst, where she disappeared?"

Arizona smiled slightly, at least Callie had interpreted her storyline as intended; many hadn't. "That's right, that's what I was going for."

"She walked out on her wedding day; she got up in the morning and checked out of the hotel and she never came back."

"Ah huh."

"Was that you?"

Arizona released an odd sound from her mouth, sucking on the inside of her cheeks and drawing air in through closed lips. "Would it change things if it was?" she eventually asked, indulging her pet hate of answering a question with a question.

Callie sighed. "So it was?"

Swallowing, Arizona nodded once. "Yes."

"Shit."

Arizona clicked her tongue. "Yep."

"It doesn't change things," Callie said softly, "sometimes I wish I had done it. Before, or on my wedding day, whenever. Everything was already crap and then it turned more to shit, everything I touched."

Sighing, Arizona relaxed a little, taut muscles releasing. "I left a trail of destruction and I should never have done it. As you would have read...there's a lot of truth in that book. I should have had the guts to say what I felt a long time before that day, no one really deserves that."

"Maybe it was better than marrying someone you didn't love."

"Mmmm, maybe. I loved her though, just not enough for me or for her."

Callie drew in a shaky breath. 'I didn't love _him_."

"It's hard when you look back, but I'm guessing you did a little. Or you thought you did. It doesn't matter so much now, does it?"

"Hindsight's a bitch."

"Yep, surely is," Arizona responded quietly, opening her arms when Callie tried to roll over, catching sight of her watery eyes. "Come 'ere," she instructed gently, and Callie smiled, resting her face on the inside curve of Arizona's shoulder and draping a leg over hers. "So I have a snooze and you go all reflective and sad, huh?" Arizona said lightly, sneaking her fingers inside Callie's hoodie, warm fingers rubbing soothingly against the back of her neck and between her shoulder blades.

"Whoops," Callie acknowledged.

"Any more questions for me?"

Callie shook her head, but swallowed against the burn in her throat, a brazen tear quickly absorbed by Arizona's clothing. Slowly, Arizona sustained a soft even flow of touch, over Callie's back and arms, through her hair. She assumed, that Callie had more to add, and the question about her was just a subtle segue.

After a few minutes filled only with the odd bird chirp and distant sounds of people talking, Arizona asked, "Is today something, Callie? That I don't know about or haven't remembered?"

"No," Callie answered quickly, sighing, "not at all. I just, can you be all super calm for me, 'cause I'm not feeling super calm and I really really need you to."

"Look at me, I'm a picture of serenity."

Callie tearfully laughed. "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"For having my crazy backpack on today."

Arizona couldn't quite stifle the laugh, lowering her face and pursing her lips into Callie's hair. She wasn't sure why she wasn't completely worried and panicking, and it was likely she would at any time, but right then, she felt secure. And protective. "You'll need a bigger pack to be competitive with my crazy, you know."

"Okay, I know. I'm catastrophising," Callie said, taking a deep breath. "Alright, okay, I had another message on my phone today. Actually, I had two."

"Ohhhh," Arizona responded, "from Stephen, hey?"

Callie nodded. "Yeah, am I that obvious?"

"Just explains the freak out, its okay, and I'm good. So what did the asshole say?"

The easy way it rolled off Arizona's tongue was perfect and Callie felt the first semblance of relief. "Two assholes, one was my dad and the other Stephen. Or _the_ asshole."

"Asshole one and asshole two, got it."

"Yep. So _the _asshole is apparently landing on our doorstep in a few days, he seems to think he has some belongings left at the house. Reckons he got tired of waiting for my call back so he contacted my dad."

"What?"

"I know, fucked up," Callie mumbled, throat burning again. "Anyway, it's a long story with how they would have got it, but Dad has managed to get a set of house keys that I keep in a security box in the States and given them to Stephen."

"_What?"_ Arizona's mouth was ajar and her body felt prepped to fight at any moment.

"I know."

"What?" Arizona repeated yet again, voice much higher pitched than usual.

"It's not even the keys…" Callie trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut. "He just backed him. It's not enough that my family ignore me? Wrote me off, but they actually have helped him. Why the fuck would they do that?"

"I have no idea." Arizona softened, shaking her head. "That doesn't make sense to me."

"They're insane, aren't they? Normal people don't screw over their own kids. They stand up and they back them, they look after them and they hate, they hate the people who hurt them. Why? Why can't I have family like that?"

"I wish I knew the answer to that one," Arizona continued her calming movements, quietly pleased to see Callie angry as well as upset. She hated seeing her become the passive victim of her family's ridiculously discriminative views. Not that she didn't understand the need to lie down and cry her way through yet another family crisis.

"And now he's just going to show up whenever he likes, Arizona. He's got a key, he doesn't have to call or make sure we're home or someone's home. And he didn't say on the phone, he's just coming whenever the fuck he likes, like the controlling prick that he is. Just a bit more power."

"I know, it's…it's just so typical." She acknowledged, reaching a thumb to brush at Callie's cheeks, finding them damp and half hidden amongst her hoodie. "Honey, I'll be there and we'll have Martin and Marilyn maybe, we won't let him fuck around with you, okay? We won't let him."

"I just don't want to see him," Callie conceded, biting at her lower lip. She wasn't scared of him, he wasn't violent or aggressive but she had put so much time into managing her emotions towards him, containing it all. And to have to see him, she just didn't want to; she didn't want to have that twisting of her stomach, the nervousness; the anxiety. "There's nothing there that's his…there's nothing."

"Then he'll see that and we'll send him on his way." Arizona paused. "After we make a small incision in his fuel line…"

Callie laughed loudly, a cry catching as she did so. Shaking her head, she lifted herself up and shuffled, before slumping against Arizona again, half lying on top of her and burying her face in Arizona's neck. "Can we do that?"

Arizona smiled, arms tight around Callie's back. "Absolutely."

* * *

Following Callie as she paced the length of the lounge room, Arizona rubbed at the bridge of her nose. A few muttered phrases of Spanish were sporadically emitted from her mouth, which Arizona had come to learn were distinctly cursed words. Not that Callie's appearance left any room for misinterpretation; who needed to know Spanish when Callie was as expressive as she was.

"Okay," Arizona murmured calmly, standing up and halting Callie's path, "you really need to take a breath." The instruction was strong, but soft, and Callie deflated with a quick nod. "Martin has given us the heads up, so you just need to try and relax."

"He's only a few minutes away Arizona. I don't want to do this."

"Yeah, I get that," Arizona said, rubbing Callie's arms, "but you don't really have a choice."

"And that, isn't working out so well for me right now. Gah."

Cupping her face, Arizona stepped in a pressed a chaste kiss to Callie's lips, leaning back but keeping her hands in place. "Just stop, and breathe."

"I know, I do."

"Shush." Callie smirked, taking Arizona's hands from her face and held them down between the two of them. She met Arizona's eyes, trying to lose herself momentarily into the brilliant blue, breathing in and out at Arizona's pace. She emulated until a slow smile spread over Arizona's lips. 'Good," Arizona said softly.

Nodding, Callie ran her thumb anxiously over Arizona's knuckles. "Stay with me, okay?" Arizona gave a look of disbelief, Callie would have to give her a swift kick to get her away; she didn't trust this man one little bit. "Just making sure," Callie said quickly, closing her eyes at the sound of a car approaching.

"You're fine and you're in control," Arizona encouraged, though it didn't matter if Callie was in charge or she was, there was no chance _asshole_ was going to be.

"I am?"

"You are."

"Right."

"You ready?" Arizona asked as an engine stilled outside, door slamming.

"_Maldito bastardo._"

"Yeah Call, yep, he is." Arizona waited, both hands still tightly gripping Callie's until the doorbell chimed. Callie whimpered in front of her before drawing in a long breath and hardening her features. "Perfect," Arizona observed, dropping one hand and leading Callie to the entrance.

Opening the door, Arizona stood firmly beside Callie, proud as she contained the tremble in her hand. Arizona wasn't sure what she expected, but Stephen didn't challenge or consolidate whatever it was she had envisaged. He looked unfortunately normal and somewhat dissatisfied, arms crossed defensively at his chest. The suit he wore was clearly worth more than Arizona had earned some years during College and a pair of unnecessary sunglasses was placed on his head, collecting some wax residue Arizona guessed. She stifled a smirk at her initial impression, aware suddenly that neither Callie nor Stephen had muttered a word but he had cast his eyes from top to toe over both of them in a sweeping expression of disgust. Arizona squeezed Callie's hand. "What do you want?" Callie grated out through gritted teeth, interpreting Stephen's full visual assessment of Arizona correctly.

He grinned although it didn't even go close to reaching his eyes. "Callie, it's been a long time."

Callie shook her head. "Not long enough."

"You look well," he slowly articulated, and Arizona thought briefly that the cool exterior was masking something more, but she quickly dismissed it. He turned to Arizona and muttered, "And I've heard quite a bit about you." Arizona raised her eyes and he coughed away an arrogant laugh. "My condolences, for your father, I do hope your mother is doing better."

Callie reacted quickly, stepping back and shaking her head. "Get out," she muttered, voice low and gruff. "Get out." She reached for the door and gave it a hefty shove, and Arizona braced for the heavy slam. It didn't come.

Foot in the doorway, Stephen pushed to door back open and rolled his eyes. "No," he said sternly, "not until I get what I came for."

Fuming, they all stood stationary in the doorway and waited, one of them had to make the next move.

* * *

TBC…


	23. Chapter 23

_**Sorry for the double email alert - trouble with the upload.**_

**AN**: Thank you all so much for your reviews, alerts and messages. It's really nice to know that people enjoy what is a hobby for me, something that relaxes me and I do in my spare time. That's a long way to say 'thanks' but I probably don't say that enough – months down the track and still having new readers come on board, that's just really awesome to me. And to those who have commented on every chapter – how great are you? :-)

(This makes it sound like the final chapter, but it's not! Close, but not yet!)

On with the chapter – thank you!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Three**

_"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow,_

_but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them."_

_- Leo Tolstoy_

It felt like a standoff to Arizona, with Callie and her ex-husband standing face to face, staring just over each other's shoulder. Waiting, she supposed, for someone to make the first move. Arizona considered doing it, saying something, anything really, that would break the bizarre power struggle that was playing out in front of her. No one wins those kinds of games.

Releasing Callie's hand, her fingers slipped out unguarded, though she noticed Callie's breathing hitch, nostrils flaring. Lowering her palm to the small of Callie's back, Arizona found the bare skin under her clothes, and rubbed the pads of her fingertips against the tense muscles.

Callie exhaled. "What do you want, Stephen?" Looking him over, she wasn't sure what she hated more, the fact that after all this time, he still had an ability to make her feel worthless or the disgust that still coursed through her veins at the memory of how he treated her. He was more than arrogant, and it exuded from him despite the way his abdomen hung over the suit pants, belt somewhere beneath the fold of indulgence. She swallowed; where she had lost a handful of pounds in the divorce, he had clearly gained them. And then some.

"In the spare room," he stated, arms crossing at his chest, "are some of my things. I need them back now."

An irritated expression crossed Callie's face and the annoyance was easier to manage than the anxiety that she knew his presence was evoking. Arizona's thumb stroked at her back and it kept her grounded; she perceptively pressed into Arizona's open palm. "I could have sent them to you."

Stephen scoffed and he rolled his eyes. "I doubt that, sharing was never your strong point Callie."

"And it was yours?" she bit back.

"Are we really going to do this?" he asked, as if bored; though Arizona was objective enough to notice the way his fingers curled sporadically and he shifted his feet constantly. He wasn't anywhere near as confident as he acted, which, she interpreted, was probably where his ego had grown to compensate.

Callie's heart raced, was she going to do it, after the time that had passed? Shouldn't she now be filled with compassion for this clearly damaged man, and given Arizona's presence in her life, why should she even be bothered by him? But she was; and she couldn't deny that there were so many things that had been left unsaid, so much that she felt she had never had opportunity to say. "Why shouldn't we? I have plenty I have wanted to say to you," Callie spat out, though the juvenile and expletive filled accusations that she was compelled to scream at him were probably a waste of time. That boat had sailed.

"Let me save you the time," he muttered back quickly, and Arizona snaked her hand around Callie's side, pulling her back towards her. "I'm evil, you were perfect and that was our marriage. I've heard it all before."

Callie reeled, and she knew her cheeks would be reddening as they flushed with anger. "I was far from perfect," she slowly articulated, careful and deliberate like every word needed emphasis, "but you, you are a disgusting, revolting excuse for a human being."

Looking briefly wounded, Stephen rallied, forcing the false smile back on his face. "I'm not the one playing around with…" He looked to Arizona and she gritted her teeth, daring him almost. "With a timid little toy."

The weak insult splashed over Arizona, and she gave him a nonchalant glance with a slight shrug. "You want me to call the police, Call?" she asked. "He is trespassing." Her voice was light and relaxed, unfazed.

Callie conceded a strained smile. "That's a hint Stephen, get your shit and leave because we're not going to put up with this in our own home."

"You're the one who wanted to start something," he tossed back angrily.

"And you're the one that is standing on my doorstep."

"Are you going to let me in?" he asked after a moment. Callie stepped back slightly, bring Arizona with her and creating the smallest of margins for him to walk through. "Always so accommodating," he muttered, squeezing past and striding in the direction of the bedrooms.

Callie audibly hissed and Arizona placed her chin on her shoulder from behind. "I love you," she mumbled quietly and Callie deflated, resting her cheek on Arizona's head for just the briefest of moments.

"Don't say that," she said quietly, stepping out of Arizona's hold and closing the front door, "I'll cry."

Arizona smiled, squeezing her forearm. "You're doing awesome."

Shaking her head, Callie indicated to follow her and they walked through the house, where Stephen had rudely taken himself without invitation. The door to the guest room and the office were closed, as they had left them to conserve energy, heaters still constantly running. Callie felt a heaviness settle in the pit of her stomach, stilling at the entrance to the fourth bedroom. She hadn't stepped foot in that room for over a year and a wave of dizziness forced her to reach for the doorframe. "What the hell are you doing?" she grunted out, low and uneven, the words grating through her tight throat.

"Getting what's mine," Stephen responded from inside the room, though only the back of his feet could be seen from where he was kneeling on the carpet. A few seconds later the sound of wood scraping echoed through the room and he grunted in effort before standing and striding across to lean the adjustable side of a crib against the wall in front of Callie. He was slowly dismantling it, mattress on the floor and an embroidered blanket balled up and thrown at the large teddy bear in the corner.

"What do you mean?" Callie asked breathlessly. "That's not yours…that's, that's not yours. What do you think you're doing?"

"It is mine," he shot back, uncensored and cutting, "in fact it was literally mine, my parents gave it to me."

"To us," Callie yelled back, voice escalating for the first time, "for our daughter."

"It's a family heirloom or whatever, and now I'm taking it back."

From behind Callie, Arizona paused; she wasn't sure whether she should pull Callie back and away from the scene unfolding or, to encourage her to scream endless abuse. She waited instead, trying to read the situation and to trust her instincts. She knew Callie and she understood her, she just needed to not think and just act; and Arizona wondered, if that was exactly what Callie needed to do in that moment as well.

Stepping in to the room, Callie held her hands out in front of her, gripping the side of the crib where Stephen angrily worked a screwdriver. "I spent hours, days on this…I scrubbed it and I peeled it back, stained it. It was ready for the trash when your parents gave it to us, when they told me that I _had_ to use it."

Stephen grunted. "Move."

"No, I won't move; get out of my house. This is not yours to take; this is our daughter's. _Our_ daughter's!"

"Have a look around, it's in an empty room, you mad bitch." Callie's nostrils flared and she leaned backwards before forcing her body weight forward again, rocking the wooden frame. "I need it now," he mumbled, voice dropping mildly, "I have a baby and if I didn't come and get this than my parents were going to. And I assure you, you don't want to see them right now, they think this," he said, waving his hand towards Arizona, standing in the doorway, "is sickening."

Callie had stilled and her eyes stared at him wildly. "You have a what?"

He exhaled, hands on his hips. "What? Did you think I would be celibate?"

"Say it again."

"I have a daughter, Callie; and, I'm taking this crib."

Callie's open palm was raised and slamming across Stephen's cheek before she realised she was doing it. The loud slap drew a sharp gasp from the back of her throat and she covered her mouth, staring unblinking at the bright red mark her action had immediately drawn. Stephen stepped back, rubbing his face and muttering under his breath.

Appearing beside Callie, Arizona threw an intolerant glance at Stephen before stepping to stand between them. She pried Callie's hand off the top of the frame and directed her out of the room with a gentle push before glancing back at Stephen and muttering, "Hurry the fuck up, and get out." Arizona licked her lips. "And don't ever contact her again or that slap, that'll feel like a hug, asshole," she angrily spat out at him, having to work at unclenching her jaw.

She swallowed the verbal rant quelling in her gut and guided Callie down the hall and to the main bedroom, pushing the door closed behind her. Sitting her on the edge of the bed, Arizona knelt in front of her, hands running down her arms and thighs, before encasing her hands. "Call," she said softly, bowing her head and kissing Callie's knuckles, hands trembling in her hold.

Wide eyes stared back at her and Callie opened her mouth a few times in an attempt at forming words. She shook her head in disbelief before eventually murmuring, "I don't know what to say."

"Oh God, no," Arizona whispered, "don't say anything. You don't have to say a thing."

Callie nodded and she let her gaze lose some intensity and fall on to Arizona; their eyes fixed on each other. Callie shrugged her shoulders and sucked in air, silently pleading for something she wasn't even sure of. Feeling a rush of emotion, Arizona absorbed the feelings that were tossing her stomach and making her chest feel tight and heavy. She was hurting, because Callie was; every nerve in her body was firing, telling her to protect Callie and to nurture her, to share rather than fix.

Closing her eyes in a long blink, Arizona crawled to her feet and sat next to Callie on the bed. She enveloped her from the side, pulling Callie into her body, who limply conformed to Arizona's contours. Lips pursed, Arizona kissed Callie's temple before replacing them with her forehead, calmly soothing her. "You don't have to see him," she assured softly after a number of minutes, "I'll get rid of him. Okay, you just stay here and I'll take care of it."

Callie nodded, fingers grasping at Arizona's jean covered thighs as she kept her eyes closed, too shocked and overwhelmed for tears. "I just want him gone."

"Yep," Arizona agreed, and although Callie wasn't aware, she could hear pieces of wood brushing together and scrapes on the floor, through the adjacent wall. Stephen was still working at dissembling the crib.

"I'm okay," Callie said suddenly, distantly, reassuring herself perhaps.

"Yeah, you're okay," Arizona assured, air flowing over her lips and across Callie's ear. "This was all him, not you. If he can live with himself than let him Call, this doesn't change anything. This doesn't change you."

Callie shuddered. "She was his too, I don't get it. Zalia was his little girl too."

Sighing, Arizona rubbed Callie's back. "I don't get it either."

"I want him out."

Leaning back slowly, Arizona held Callie by the shoulders. "You stay here," she instructed gently, "and I'll be right back."

Offering a small sad smile, Callie nodded. "Thanks," she murmured gratefully and Arizona leant back in to linger a long soft kiss to her cheek.

"I got it," she said, squeezing Callie's hand briefly before she stood up. Looking back, she confirmed that Callie was still sitting upright on the side of the bed and slipped quietly out the door before securing it in place behind her. "I got it," she repeated to herself.

* * *

After wordlessly waiting at the door for Stephen to complete multiple trips to his hire car, Arizona made one sole demand for Callie's keys. She was direct, concise and assertive, locking the door immediately behind him when he stepped out.

Then she breathed a long sigh of relief.

Returning to Callie via the kitchen, she drew a plastic water bottle from the fridge and unsealed the cap, swallowing a number of mouthfuls. That wasn't an experience she was keen to repeat, and she guessed that Callie would probably consider that an understatement. She wasn't sure whether Stephen's disclosure was likely to cause Callie more or less stress than the actual act of taking the crib; not that either were appropriate actions. Stephen seemed malicious to Arizona, the way that he went about the visit and getting back was he clearly wanted. Or his parents wanted; he looked a little bit like he would have rather walk over hot coals than have that exchange with Callie and his interest in the _family heirloom_ appeared minimal at least. There was some satisfaction in his eyes though, seeing Callie react and retreat, like he had managed to have the last word.

It sickened Arizona. She could almost get her mind to a place where she could understand his want for the crib, sort of. At a very long stretch; but that kind of arrogance and superiority complex, that she would never understand.

Heading back, water hooked between two fingers and swinging at her side, Arizona stopped at the door to the nursery; Callie was sitting in the middle of the room, cross-legged, an infant's blanket in her hands. Arizona recognised it as the one that Stephen had thrown with the sheet. "Do you have some sewing skills that I don't know about?" Arizona asked softly, one hand on Callie's knee as she sat down, mirroring positions.

Callie looked up from her lap, face noticeably more relaxed and eyes glazed but clear. "Definitely not," she responded, spreading the blanket over her lap so the detailed image was on display. "My mom has, she made this. Amazing, huh?"

"Incredible," Arizona responded quickly, running her index finger carefully over the fine stitching, tracing a number of animal shapes. "That giraffe is gorgeous."

"She wanted to do fairies but I didn't know I was having a girl when she started."

"I wish I could do stuff like that, I think it's beautiful."

Callie nodded. "I'm going to keep it," she stated quietly.

"Mmm," Arizona murmured, "you should. You could bring it out when we celebrate Zalia's birthday this year; I'll ah, bake a cake. Or buy one."

"I'd like that," Callie answered, folding the blanket up and tucking loose dark hair behind her ears. She smiled sadly at Arizona, yet she couldn't help but be comforted; Arizona wasn't so afraid of death. She made her feel like it was okay to remember, everything didn't have to be hidden and not spoken about. "Did you have any dramas with him?" she asked after a moments of comfortable silence.

Arizona shook her head. "No, and I got your keys back, they're just on the kitchen bench. I didn't want to make things worse, so I didn't say anything to him. But the way he treated you, that's not okay with me."

Slowly nodding, Callie morphed it into a shrug and she glanced to her side where the crib had been. A few chips of wood were on the carpet and some noticeable dust, no one had really been in the room for over a year, and even Marilyn wasn't comfortable without Callie's explicit permission. "It's just an object," she said.

"An important object…it's not about stuff, it's about what it means. To you. Not to mention that it came with a little extra news as well."

"Yeah," Callie watching Arizona's hands trail over her crossed legs, "that was a nice touch I thought. She was probably pregnant when he was still here, and I'm apparently the bad guy."

"From my end, for what it's worth, there's no question of who the bad guy is." Arizona resisted the urge to toss in a few extra terms, but she maintained her softness. It was a softness that Callie was really responding to, a quiet strength that she believed Arizona had, but had a niggling hesitation in her mind. She hadn't really seen it, or heard it, since she had phoned Arizona in the midst of a meltdown when Arizona was in Bruges. She had been incredible with Callie that day.

The niggling hesitation had been blown apart, not that she was consciously aware of that, but she would be. Later on, days down the track, maybe.

"I'm not going nuts then?" Callie asked innocently. "He didn't need to act like that?"

Arizona shook her head, blowing her cheeks out as she exhaled. "No, no way. Is that what he was like? When you were together, I mean."

"I don't know, you look back and see things differently, right? That thing he did, putting me down, I realise now that he was always like that."

"Yeah, it's always different looking back," Arizona acknowledged quietly, tilting her head slightly. She couldn't conceptualise how Callie hadn't fired up and told her where to go, when she lost herself in her head and threatened to run. She couldn't do it to Callie; she couldn't beat her down when she had worked so hard to build herself up. " He always put you down?"

Callie nodded. "It was little things at first, and it took me a while to notice. As it does, I guess. I remember going out to dinner with his friends, just after we started seeing each other, and he laughed with his friends because I listened to country music. And then I put an egg roll on my plate and he took it and ate it, made a joke that I didn't need it."

"Shit," Arizona mumbled under her breath, drawing the word out as she reached across the space between them to press her palm to Callie's cheek. She waited until Callie lifted her eyes, now brimming with tears; Arizona raised her eyebrows, clutching her gaze. She paused, holding, making sure Callie didn't shrug her away in embarrassment. "You know I'm pretty crap at speeches, even though I can write awesome letters," she said quietly, with a small smile. "But I want to make one, I want to somehow make my mouth say everything you deserve to hear and haven't."

"You don't need to Arizona," Callie murmured, barely audible.

"Shhhh," she instructed, "you have some listening to do. You have to believe me, when I say that you are the most amazing, caring, and strong person that I have ever, ever met. You are gentle and patient, and so full of love. And I know that you've been through hell, more than once, but the idea that you could still be with that man and not here with me; well, that is just impossible to me. Everything he said, every derogatory comment and stupid thing he said to you; he was wrong. Do you hear me? He was wrong, every time."

Callie blinked and tears spilled from her lower eyelids, she closed her eyes and her stomach convulsed once before she grasped Arizona's hand from her cheek and held it to her mouth. "I'm sorry about what he said, about you and your family."

"It's fine," Arizona replied softly, wiggling her fingers slightly; Callie gave her a tearful smile. "But you didn't answer my question, you know he's the asshole, right? You are everything that he is not."

Dropping their hands to her lap, Callie clasped Arizona's fingers tightly, lowering her gaze to focus on them. She shrugged. "It's not always easy to remember."

"Fortunately, I'm pretty good at reminding."

"Is that right?"

"Yup, awesome actually." Her face losing it's lightness, Arizona sighed. "Honestly Calliope, you are so close to perfect, it's insane. And I'm not naïve enough to think that relationship breakups are all one sided and it's always one persons' fault, but I know you. No one I have ever met in my life has shown me the same patience and understanding that you have. You need to know how rare that is; I mean, when I pushed you and I know I pushed stupidly hard, you didn't push back like everyone else. You didn't tear me to shreds and blame me for being nuts, you waited and you listened. If that's not being an amazing partner, I don't know what is."

"Ack, too many compliments," Callie murmured, she wasn't completely comfortable with being showered in praise. "You have to stop, I'll never stop crying at this rate."

"You cry as long as you like," Arizona said quickly, and Callie gave a small sniffle in response. They sat quietly for some time, hands together and surrounded by the heartbreak of an empty nursery. A sombre heaviness settled in the air, giant soft teddy bear a witness in the corner where it sat alongside a set of drawers, filled with newborn onesies and tiny pairs of socks and mits. A set of open shelves in the corner still displayed packs of disposable diapers and wipes, not to mention a range of wraps and blankets. Everything that was needed to bring a baby girl home from hospital.

It had a surreal feel to it, for Callie at least; the time that had passed and the massive changes that she had lived. A year and a half ago, she was busy planning the nursery, waiting to find out the gender of their unborn baby before choosing colours and wall decorations. She had a husband and a network of friends; a baby shower that was attended by countless women who consumed bottles of Moet like it was water. She thought she was happy; she thought it was what her life was meant to be.

It was all false, of course, the façade of a happy marriage and friendships that were all cheek kisses and strained hugs. It wasn't perfect; in fact it was toxic and damaging. She could only imagine the shell of a woman she would have become had she stayed in that marriage, slowly losing everything that made her the kind of person that Arizona was passionately declaring Callie was.

And she didn't want what Stephen had, a tokenistic new wife and a child that he would never prioritise. Perhaps he would watch their soccer games, but only if they didn't clash with his business meetings or poker afternoons with his friends. He might make a school recital, if he wasn't fucking the school teacher.

Leopards didn't change their spots.

Callie though, had a whole new life ahead of her; one that she never expected and certainly hadn't planned. But it seemed right, all the same. And there were so many things in her past that she would change if she could, and if she could in any possible way, have her little girl with them right then, than she would. But time can't be reversed; it just is. And always will be.

Just like Arizona couldn't change who she used to be; the shame that she felt for walking out on a marriage before it even began. But she could sit silently, unwavering calm hands strong, in her quietly tough way.

People forget sometimes, that only the present is in their grasp and tomorrow, their only hope. Everything else doesn't matter.

So Arizona barely blinked when Callie finally looked up, drew in a deep breath and asked, "Would you be upset if I wanted to move from here? Sell and live somewhere else?"

She just gently shook her head, smiling. "Of course not," she assured, observing Callie to nod and then fall silent again. "It took me a while," she added softly, "but as long as I'm with you, I'll be happy."

"I'm happy too," Callie murmured, glancing around her surrounds. "I didn't think I could, and even if I could, I wasn't sure I was allowed."

"You're allowed honey."

Tears welled again, but Callie smiled through them. "Yeah, I don't remember a time when I was. Not really."

"And then what you thought would make you happy…" Arizona trailed off, releasing Callie's hands to wave around the room.

"Yeah," Callie said sadly, "but she wouldn't have fixed my marriage, or me. Not that I've admitted that to anyone, but I know that. Maybe this protected her from…whatever damage I was going to cause her."

Sighing, Arizona slowly shook her head, _no_. "I don't believe that, you would have been the most incredible mom to her, I know that. We can look for reasons for shitty things all the time, but in the end, it doesn't stop crap from happening to good people. It just does and it isn't fair and it's okay to think that it isn't fair without having to make a silver lining."

"I guess," Callie said, leaning back on her arms and tapping her knee to Arizona's, "and I suppose it's me kind of saying that my life wasn't what I wanted it to be. And I know that you're not sure about kids and all that, but one day, if that's something we want, then that will just make us more happy; add to our happy." She smiled, shrugging. "It won't be about trying to make something that was never going to work, work." Callie looked around the room again, eyes scanning each side of her and over the ceiling. "I can't believe I've never been back in here."

"Pretty hard, huh?"

"Yeah, hard, and kind of good too. It hasn't destroyed me, coming in here. It hasn't made me lose it."

Arizona's eyes narrowed. "You were worried about that?"

"It took so much to get myself off the ground, metaphorically…I didn't want to go back to feeling like that."

"That I get," Arizona said gently, shuffling herself back to lean against the wall, fingertips trailing over the leg of the oversized teddy bear. Callie followed, settling close to Arizona's, thighs pressed together and elbows touching as she lolled her head to rest on Arizona's shoulder. "I have a little box, like tiny, just a ummm, maybe an enveloped sized box in the bottom of my pack. A little bigger I guess, but it sits at the bottom of my pack and inside a bright red water proof travel sack. It has a few things from home, but I haven't looked at it since I put it there. I even keep a pair of hiking pants on top of it, that I never wear or move; so I don't even have to see it." She laughed lightly, it sounded ridiculous as she described it.

"Don't laugh," Callie murmured, moving her face so that she could kiss Arizona's neck lightly. "I have one too, but it's in the cupboard up there, behind a box of old vinyl records and two boxes of my fat clothes."

"Maybe," Arizona said after a moment, tracing patterns on Callie's leg, "that's all we take of the past when we move. Just our boxes and the things we really want, that are important to us."

Callie exhaled quickly. "Whoa, that sounds oddly liberating." She closed her eyes and added, "And we build our life, together."

"As corny as it sounds, yeah."

"I can take my clothes though, right? And that kind of stuff….my boots!"

Arizona laughed quietly. "You're going to need your own wardrobe aren't you?"

"Of course, that goes without saying."

Chuckling, Arizona nodded. "Whatever you like, I think it's the symbolism of it all rather than the actual stuff."

"I like it," Callie agreed, curling into Arizona and draping an arm around her middle. "Can I show you my box?" she asked, ever so quietly.

"Hmmm," Arizona murmured, "and can I show you mine?"

* * *

TBC…


	24. Chapter 24

_**AN: **_Thank you all so much for your gentle encouragement for me to get moving on this chapter! I'm so sorry, life has been insanely busy and unfortunately, writing is the first thing that has to go (well, that and sleep) :-) Thanks heaps!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Four**

"_Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."_

_- Henry Van Dyke_

The apartment leasing process was simple and carefree, though the move had taken almost two months in the end. The timing was perfect, just a few weeks prior to Callie's enrolment at medical school and Arizona's sessional appointment with a few junior teaching roles in English Studies and Creative Writing. One of the professors would be going on Maternity Leave mid way through the semester, and the expectation was that Arizona would step into that role if all went well.

They had methodically packed up the highlands' house, a pile of furniture and random items to donate to charity, and another pile that they relocated between storage and their apartment. They were both proud to admit that the charity pile was by far the larger of the two.

And then the house was on the market.

It made furnishing the rental relatively easy though, pooling some funds and spending two full days choosing sofa suites, dining tables and bedroom furniture; and everything in between. The decisions were made amongst fits of childish giggles and endless innuendo, particularly when Arizona successfully argued for a bed head with concealed storage; plenty of space for the various sex toys she insisted they would acquire. It became their running joke, the ottomans with space beneath the top cushion and bedside tables with drawers to hold various tubes and tubs. Sales assistants tolerated them with good humour, and if some were being honest, complete jealousy at the way their affectionate touch was flawlessly natural and intermitted so easily with playful tugs and pushes.

And the way their eyes always fell to each other, holding gaze for just that extra moment until a smile tugged at their cheeks.

Although, they had to admit, the smiles and laughter become more hysterical and irrational the further they immersed themselves in flat pack shelving units and never ending loads of laundry; new sheet sets drying across banisters and the new white dining room table. It was quite the image that greeted Callie, peaking over the kitchen bench and across the combined lounge dining. Stilling her hands where she had just secured the water tank to the espresso machine, Callie could make out Arizona's strained expression, planks of plywood over her crossed legs. Stifling a laugh, Callie jutted her chin and asked, "You right there, hon?"

Arizona groaned loudly, shaking her head compulsively and pulling her shoulders up. "Why? Why are there not six of these fucking short stumpy screws? There's six of the little skinny ones, but not these. There's meant to be six stumpy ones, Callie. Six."

"I suppose now isn't the time to remind you that you wanted to put this shit together yourself? We could have gotten someone to do it."

"No, you're right. That's not useful, not at all," Arizona muttered, pouting, dragging a hand across her forehead and leaving a black mark. She exhaled heavily before offering a pitiful laugh. "Can you help?"

"Hmmm," Callie reluctantly agreed, "not really my strong point." She crossed the room carefully, sock covered feet quiet on the hardwood floors until she reached Arizona and knelt next to her with one hand on Arizona's shoulder and the other on the frame of the book shelf. "It looks alright, don't you just put the shelves in now?"

"Seriously?"

"What?" Callie asked with a cheeky grin, releasing the shelving unit and wrapping two arms around Arizona's waist. She dragged her across the floor, nose nuzzling through strands of blond hair until she could press warm kisses to the back of Arizona's neck. "Time for a pizza order?"

Arizona whimpered. "I wanted to finish this stupid thing first."

"I think pizza would be good for your focus," Callie insisted, "sustenance and all."

"You're not good for my focus," Arizona responded, tracing Callie's arm to reach inside of her sleeve and caress the soft skin surrounding her bra strap.

"We don't need everything done on the first day," Callie murmured, warm breath spreading over Arizona's ear. "We have our bed upstairs and…the coffee machine."

"We might have a bed frame Call, but no sheets on yet."

"Point taken, well, that leaves coffee and with pizza, that's a well rounded meal. Who needs books and dvds on shelves?"

"If you think dinner isn't including wine than you're delusional," Arizona huskily said, turning and pushing Callie on to her back. "And potentially shots of tequila," she added, straddling Callie's hips and devouring her lips.

"You hate tequila…"

"I do not," Arizona insisted, hands under Callie's shirt, "well a little, maybe we should make long island ice teas."

"Or I could just pass out now and save us the trouble?"

Arizona giggled, collapsing her body weight on Callie when strong arms wrapped around her shoulders. "I'm so sore," she conceded after a moment, "my fingers kill from holding that stupid screwdriver all day and I'm going to have bruises all over me."

"Cuddles will help."

"They will?" Arizona asked, turning her face to press her ear over Callie's chest, soft beat of her heart resonating.

"Yep, 'cause I love you gorgeous girl."

Arizona sighed, closing her eyes. "I'll never tire of that you know."

"Good, I plan on saying it a shitload of times a day."

"A day, huh? What about when you're angry at me? For being all weird or stubborn…like when I insist on putting furniture together?"

Callie laughed and Arizona relaxed further, her body moving with Callie's. "Even then."

"Awesome."

"So you want me to order some pizza?"

"Hmmm mmm, I do. Just not yet."

Callie smiled, inhaling the musty smell of Arizona's hair, post a day of moving boxes and unpacking. "Go floppy," she whispered, tugging at Arizona's hips. "Go on."

With a soft sigh, Arizona kicked her feet out, and dropped her arms to the side, allowing her weight to settle over Callie. "And wine," she muttered, a half smile evident as Callie kissed her forehead, smudging the mark. She tightened her hold.

* * *

Door swinging shut behind her, Callie jumped in place as she untangled herself from her satchel, hair and jewellery tangled in the strap. "Arizona!" she called out from the doorway, not bothering to unzip her knee high boots which clicked loudly on the floor. Finding Arizona waiting expectantly in the kitchen, dishwasher open and dishes lining the bench, Callie skipped a step towards her. "I'm so glad you're home!"

"Did you get them?" Arizona asked quickly, hands in the air where she turned to face Callie.

"Yep," Callie replied grinning, tumbling into Arizona and knocking her backwards two steps before they hit the bench. "I didn't just pass, I aced them. First exams Arizona and I kicked arse!" She engaged Arizona in a passionate kiss, grinning into her lips before leaning back and lifting Arizona in a full circle. They stumbled together, laughing and grasping at shirt material and the table top.

"You did? That's so awesome Call, freakin' amazing. I'm not surprised, you knew that stuff inside out."

"This week is…it's so good. This decision, coming here, best decision we ever made."

"I agree," Arizona responded, untangling herself to place two open palms to Callie's cheeks. "I'm so proud of you," she said intently, blue eyes bright.

"I'm just, relieved and excited and we still have your launch to do. Fuck we're amazing, we're like successful and happy and…"Callie trailed off excitedly.

"Whoa," Arizona interrupted with a smile and a chaste kiss, "let's not to be too loud about that. Things are likely to come crashing down in some apocalyptic disaster."

"Oh Arizona, stop it. Celebrate, dance, jump up and down, because we're _that_ couple."

Eyebrows rising and falling, Arizona nodded. "We are," she whispered, pushing at Callie's shoulder. "Now go get sorted, we have to leave in an hour, you need to pack some clothes and whatever else you need."

"Yep, on to it." Callie rolled up on her toes, jumping a little with a wild grin. "Have you heard how the invite response has gone? Got the interest you were hoping for?"

"Mmmm, and more. There're reps from the States even, a couple of publishers from Europe. And apparently that gorgeous woman has a whole heap of independent store owners who are loving on me and coming along. And, if you can believe it, they're doing some internet podcasty thing; apparently this second book has created a bit of a stir."

"Does this mean I'm going to get to read it now?"

Arizona grinned. "I'll even sign you a copy."

"See, how good are we?"

"Shhh, stop it," Arizona replied playfully, index finger to Callie's lips. She earned a kiss against the underside of her knuckle.

"Do we have to go right away?" Callie asked coyly, fingers curling around Arizona's wrist.

"Ah, kind of. We don't want it too dark when we arrive. Why?"

Callie laughed. "You're so adorable sometimes," she murmured, shaking her head, "in that case, I'm booking you in for a marathon sex session tonight, agree?"

"Ah…" Arizona stumbled, confused.

Waving her hands between them, Callie laughed. "Well, with all my studying and your midnight meetings with your publisher, I am insanely desperate to devour your body."

"Ohhh, yes…yes, yep. I, ah, I wholeheartedly agree. Your body, I want to do more than devour your body."

Smiling at Arizona's quick change in demeanour, from confused to pointedly keen, Callie stepped away with a slight spring. "Glad we agree."

"Oh we do, we definitely agree."

"I should get ready."

"I'll ummm, finish the dishwasher."

Callie nodded, and walked towards the bedroom, calling out over her shoulder, "I'll pack that cute red bra and pantie set you bought me."

Pausing, Arizona shivered as the image of Callie in the lacy underwear flooded her every sense. She had placed an internet order from Callie's favourite brand, keeping it hidden in a ribboned box until she spontaneously left it sitting on Callie's pillow one night. No occasion, no reason and with a simple pink post it note on the box. A unassuming message in her distinct cursive writing, _love you Calliope._

* * *

After a lengthy drive, they arrived to the now familiar seaside bed and breakfast, where the book launch would be held the following afternoon. Arizona stumbled into the open arms of her editor, publisher and the publishing company's media representative. She was showered with praise, lifted in the air and complimented a thousand times over.

Callie watched in awe almost, she had never had the opportunity to see Arizona in her work environment, the way she was idolised and respected. It seemed insane to think that the at times insecure, complex woman that she loved to death, was someone completely different in that context. To be so competent yet so humble; Callie would never have had any idea of the scale of Arizona's fame if she hadn't been standing witnessing it. And this was just the people she knew; incredible.

And Arizona didn't hesitate to include Callie in her every move; she introduced her to each person, slowly and carefully. She held her hand and draped an arm over her shoulder at every chance, replacing her wine glass as soon as it was close to empty. Arizona was balancing the different aspects of her life and it was all falling together. It all fitted in an effortless kind of way.

They were chatting easily as the night progressed, a countless number of wine bottles consumed between the group of nine or ten. Callie listened and laughed to stories of Arizona's procrastination and complete disregard for deadlines, not to mention her refusal to change a range of scenes in her books. They talked, they smiled, they drank; they celebrated something unidentifiable, something that felt a lifetime away from the past.

Interrupted at some point, by the gruff sound of a male voice, Callie and Arizona both turned and the table fell into a muffled distant sound of laughter and monotone speech. "Arizona Robbins."

A wide smile spread over Arizona's face and she stood quickly, chair grating back behind her. "Jack," she gasped, fingertips running along Callie's neck as she gained momentum into a quick run. "Jack," she repeated, voice cracking as she tumbled into the middle aged man. Callie watched quietly, searching her memory for any mention of _Jack_, though she had to admit that she was drawing a blank. He was a tall man, but round around the middle, and Arizona had to stretch on to her tippy toes to even get close to wrapping her arms around his neck. When he stretched up, her legs hung limply off the ground.

"How did…? I haven't been able to get hold of you," Arizona said, words scraping through a constricted throat. "How did you know?"

"Sweetheart I'm sorry, I missed the funeral and then when I got back you were gone. You are as impossible as always to track down."

"I'm impossible to track down?" she asked incredulously when he returned her to her feet. Arizona shook her head, one hand cupping her mouth and the other on his chest, she bowed her head, tears pooled in her eyes. "So much has happened."

"Your second book darling," he prompted, placing two fingers under her chin and drawing her gaze up to meet his concerned eyes. "I hear it's a good one."

Arizona shrugged and slipped her hand into his, turning back and beckoning Callie with a wave of her hand. "I want you to meet someone; Callie, Call, come over here." Walking concernedly towards her, Callie slipped in behind, fingers curling around Arizona's elbow. "This is, ah, this is Jack. Jack is, well, like family. Ummm, and this is Callie, my partner."

A wide smile spread across Jack's face and he dropped Arizona's hand, reaching out to shake Callie's before leaning in to kiss her cheek and briefly embrace her. "It's an absolute pleasure," he murmured.

Callie nodded. "Lifewise," she said quietly, squinting slightly as she struggled to place him.

"Sorry," Arizona acknowledged, "Jack lived near us at a few bases when we were growing up, he's Nick's father. He used to house us when Dad was going off or we needed somewhere to crash for a few days."

Callie nodded, smiling. Nick she knew, it was all making sense; Arizona and Jack were clearly close and it was almost a relief to see someone from Arizona's past that didn't fill her with angst and hurt. "Ah, Nick who manages that great motel we stayed in for a few days."

"Yes," Jack affirmed, "although he's already moved on. If I could get that boy to settle down, I would."

"He will," Arizona insisted.

"There's still hope," Jack replied, eyes darting from Arizona to Callie, "after all, if I'm judging right, it looks like you ah…might have?"

Laughing, Arizona nodded and pressed a kiss to Callie's cheek before leaning forward and wrapping her arms again around Jack's shoulders. "I have," she whispered, "I really have." Pulling back, she rubbed at her eyes and glanced around the room. "Ummm, can I get you a drink? You're staying aren't you? I really want to catch up with you."

He nodded. "Yes, I am staying. But I'm actually going to check in and get some sleep, what the hell made you have this launch in the middle of nowhere?"

Laughing, Arizona's cheeks blushed. "Sorry, I know, insane right? You didn't have to come, I mean, I'm so so happy to see you but yeah, it's so far, from anywhere."

"Arizona?" he said softly, reaching out to place a hand on Callie's shoulder. "I would have travelled anywhere to see you this happy, you, you're like my daughter."

Tears again filled Arizona's eyes though she smiled through them. "I remember when you first said that," she whispered.

He grinned at Callie, and dropped his hand to scratch at his beard. "She was this little eight year old girl, running after the boys and they kept hiding from her. She said that she hated them, but I told her that one day she would like boys and she would marry one and I would be at her wedding, just as proud as her father."

Callie scoffed and Arizona laughed.

"Well, I was wrong about some things."

"Including my dad," Arizona murmured, leaning into Callie. "You were a more supportive Father than he ever was."

He nodded slowly. "Your father was a damaged man."

Nodding, Arizona agreed. "Yeah, yeah he was."

"I am sorry, about missing his funeral."

Arizona shrugged and shook her head. "It's fine, really. We can talk more tomorrow, I'm just so glad you're here. You have no idea."

Callie pulled Arizona close, kissing her temple. "We should get to the room too, it's lovely to meet you Jack. I look forward to hearing more about this cute little Arizona," she joked, laughing lightly. "How about we meet down here for a late breakfast? Ten?"

"Great," he responded, leaning forward and kissing Arizona's cheek. "Go on, you go and get some sleep."

Arizona nodded and let Callie lead her away, up the side of the café and treading the same narrow track that they used during their last stay. Their room was the same too, in all of its isolated and decadent glory. They laughed lightly as they walked, stumbling and swaying from the alcohol they had eagerly consumed. Arizona talked the entire time, saying repeatedly how overwhelmed she was that someone would fly all that way just for her; the amazing influence that this father figure had had on her life over the years. They hadn't always stayed in regular touch, but even when she disappeared from the world for a year and dropped back on his doorstep, he had welcomed her with open arms and a place to stay. His wife too, until she had died, well before her time. They were the family she always wanted, but never had. They had become her pseudo family, so to speak.

Until Callie; until Callie bowled into her life with the biggest heart she had ever known.

And by the time Arizona was aware of it, Callie was standing opposite her, dressed in the stunning red underwear set, slowly peeling layers of clothing off Arizona's body. Kissing each miniscule section of exposed skin as every item was discarded to the floor. She moaned into her touch, arching her back and enveloping Callie, legs tangling together and moving in a symbiotic rhythm. "God, you've driven me crazy all night," Callie murmured, sitting on the side of the bed and tugging at Arizona until she sat on her lap, breasts falling to her mouth.

"And I was so hoping you had this underwear on," Arizona murmured into Callie's hair, fistfuls gathered at the base of her head. "It looks amazing," she whispered, slowly spreading her hands until they smoothed down Callie's back, thumbs hooking into the waistband of her panties and fingers kneading at her backside.

"You have exceptional taste."

Glancing down between them, Arizona chuckled. "Does that go for those too?" she asked, her own simple black hipsters paling in comparison.

"Mmmm, they're practical and you look hot in anything."

"You only care about what's under them."

Callie shrugged, consuming one of her Arizona's nipples as she reached between them, fingers sliding into Arizona. "True," Callie murmured, stroking.

"Callie," Arizona offered in reply, rolling her hips. "We should move up the bed."

Continuing her onslaught, Callie made a few encouraging sounds. "Okay," she eventually whispered, feeling Arizona lift herself slightly and ride her hand. "These need to come off," she murmured, flicking at Arizona's cotton panties.

Grinning, Arizona slipped off the bed, feet landing hesitantly on the ground. She slowly pushed her underwear down her legs and stepped out of them, palms falling to her hips as Callie cast her eyes up and down sweepingly. She stood exposed in front of her, and their eyes slowly came to rest on each other.

They stilled; arms limply at their sides and expression relaxed, neutral almost.

And they stared, unbroken for the longest of times until their breaths came in equal lengths and their chest rose and fell in unison.

Sliding back along the bed, Callie reached behind her and unclipped her bra, tossing it to the side of the bed. It tumbled unnoticed to the floor. Pressed back against two pillows, Callie lifted her lower body and slid the red lace down her legs, smiling as she spun them around her finger until they flew off. Arizona grinned, eyes still locked intensely on the darkness of Callie's irises.

Slowly, tucking hair behind her ears she crawled up the bed, straddling one of Callie's legs before lowering and meeting her mouth with a thick tongue. They slowly built momentum, thumbs flicking at nipples and fingers tangling in hair and tugging with growing moans.

Fluid pooled across their thighs, as they rolled their hips in increasing urgency; slowly and even at first, before becoming more rapid and erratic. They knew each other's bodies intimately now, and they responded instinctively. Gone were the hastily moving fingers, desperate to find the right spot or sudden position changes out of some misguided need to altruistically please the other first.

So when Arizona's shoulders rolled back, Callie cupped her breasts and traced patterns with her index finger.

And when Callie's pelvis shuddered, Arizona pushed her thigh firmly against her, mouth slightly ajar where she held herself just inches from Callie's face.

They stared at each other, unblinking; their expression mirrored in rushed breaths and jagged urgent whimpers. "Arizona," Callie finally rasped out and Arizona pressed her lips together.

She nodded.

Wordlessly, they emitted primal grunts and moans; mouths open but lips sporadically touching lightly as they rode out a prolonged climax, fingernails pressing into skin and hearts racing.

They sought extended kisses as the adrenalin rushed over them, shivering limbs entangled as beads of sweat slowly dried.

With that kind of connection, once was never enough.

* * *

**TBC…just an Epilogue awaits…**


	25. Epilogue

**AN: **It's hard to write an ending (enough said?). To all those who have reviewed, messaged, alerted (etc) – you're pretty amazing. Thank you so much. I hope this does your feedback and encouragement and views justice. Thanks.

* * *

**Rewriting The Ending: Epilogue**

"_Hitch your wagon to a star."_

_- Ralph Waldo Emerson_

There were things that Arizona was good at; exceptional even. She was a writer, confident and skilled and even in teaching the art and science of putting words on a screen, she was elaborately verbose. Excitable and tangential yet incredibly passionate and competent.

Telling the world how amazing she was though, that pushed a lead weight into her chest and made her fidget with anxiety.

Even wedged securely between Callie's knees, where she perched high on a bench in their guestroom, her fingers flicked and scraped at each other and her body moved with each tap of her feet. Callie quietly soothed her, massaging her neck and smoothing the soft capped arms of a simple dress down over her biceps.

"Why can't I just write it and let my publisher market it? I don't want to do this."

"They want to see you honey, and hear from you. Not some pompous guy in a cheap suit. You're the amazing writer who they love and have come here to see."

"But I'm not; I put words on a page. I'm haven't cured cancer; I'm just a chick who hated nine to five jobs, so wrote a couple of books."

Callie laughed, dropping her face to press a kiss to the crown of Arizona's head. The shoulders under her touch shivered with a soft chuckle. "Should I mention the Pulitzer now or later?"

"Shush," Arizona replied quickly, turning in Callie's hold so she stood facing her, hands flattened over her thighs. She traced them up and down by her fingertips, sighing before offering a pitiful look and dropping her chin to fall against Callie's chest.

She was stopped quickly by Callie's firm hands on the front of her shoulders, blond hair across her lap. "Your makeup and hair is done, no smudging it or you're going to miss this launch."

"I think I want to miss it."

"Just think, in a couple of hours it will all be over and done with and you can get started on the next one…" The comment earned a loosely closed fist against her leg and Callie giggled into a kiss when Arizona finally raised her face. "I have two things for you Arizona, would you like them now or after?"

"Things?" Arizona enquired.

"Hmmmm, yep. One is a bit of a, how should I say it, a kind of good luck message from back home." Arizona raised her eyebrows in a confused expression. "The States, from home home, your home."

"Ohhh," Arizona said slowly, shaking her head; Callie wasn't making sense to her.

"You want to see?"

"Yeah, I guess. Do I?" She was uncertain, hesitant; good things had seldom come her way from _home._

"You do, trust me."

Arizona nodded slowly. "I trust you."

Grinning, Callie leant back, feet hooking around the back of Arizona's legs as she reached across the bench before fingering an opened envelope. She reached in and withdrew a photo before resting it on one open palm between them. Arizona gasped initially, looking up at Callie before back down again; she repeated the motion a number of times. "Amazing, hey?"

"Is she really reading it? They haven't just set it up?"

Callie shook her head, thumb rubbing at Arizona's side through the material of her dress. "I phoned to talk to them, and no, she's actually reading it. And saying some words, just a few but the occasional phrase."

Arizona shook her head in amazement, glassed blue eyes fixated on the image between them. It was a photo of her mother, thin and emaciated but sitting relaxed in a recliner. Her feet were stretched out in front of her and an old fashioned pale pink knitted blanket was spread over her lap; in her hands was Arizona's new book opened midway. There was a smile on her face.

"Glad you sent that advanced copy?"

Nodding, Arizona opened her mouth to articulate words, but nothing came to her. She was shocked, overwhelmed even; it was the last thing she had expected Callie to give her.

"You okay?" Callie asked quietly.

She earned another nod in response. "She's said a few things?"

Smiling, Callie softly said, "Yeah, apparently. A few things about the book, and when people come in she holds it up and says _my Arizona_. The staff were so excited, I was almost in tears and they were all grabbing the phone and telling me the phrases she had said to them. I couldn't keep track."

"Callie…"

"I know, we'll go and visit before School starts up, already started planning."

"I never let myself think," Arizona said, pausing and sighing. She worked at swallowing the emotion.

"Yeah, I get that." Callie leaned forward tipped Arizona's chin up by her fingertip; she engaged her lips in a tender, long kiss. "It's hard to top, but I got you something too. Just to say that I think you're amazing and I'm so proud of you and that I love you," Callie murmured softly.

Arizona blushed. "You didn't need to do that."

"Oh come on," Callie declared, a little louder than she intended and Arizona mocked a retreat. "You showered me with a crazy number of gifts when I started med school, how can I not return the favour?"

"You deserved them all," Arizona insisted, teasingly, cocking her head to the side.

She had deliberated for far too long on what to wake Callie up to on her first day back at college, eventually settling on a number of gifts. She wasn't completely used to the interests that Callie had, the brand names and labels that rolled off her tongue and although she had known Callie wasn't the same person she had met in the airport lounge, she still had the most incredibly expensive tastes. An imported Italian leather satchel was her first gift though, a one off original handmade by a manufacturer in Florence. The second were a pair of intricate drop earrings, miniscule angel wings spreading from a tiny diamond centre, because, as Arizona had described softly, _Zalia would be proud too_. They were stunningly detailed and given Callie only ever changed her bracelets and earrings, they were perfect. Now she only changed her bracelets.

The third was a novelty bright red buzzer, that when pressed emanated a high pitched screech and a cartooned voice stated _Doctor_. It was horrific but they had laughed on and off for hours; more so when it sporadically woke them up from Callie's study, apparently having short circuited so it continually repeated until they managed to extract the battery. It was the small things that sent them into hysterical laughter.

"And you," Callie said, sliding off the counter top and padding across the floor to her handbag, "deserve a little spoiling too." Rustling a little, she eventually returned with a small tied velvet bag and dropped it into Arizona's hand with a smile. "It would have been in a box," Callie explained sheepishly, "but I thought you might freak out it was a ring."

Arizona laughed and closed her eyes. "Probably would have."

As Arizona slowly untied the ribbon and dipped her fingers in, Callie, voice low and serious, said, "I love you Arizona, and I am so incredibly amazed, honoured even, to be your partner."

Stilled, Arizona blinked hastily. "How do I even respond to that?" she asked quietly, cheekily almost, a little bewildered by the intensity of Callie's conviction.

"Oh you don't."

"Oh but I do," Arizona countered, smiling. "Because I love you too."

"You do?" Callie asked, teasingly; she had known Arizona loved her well before Arizona had found the courage to accept it. And courage it had taken.

Arizona laughed, returning to draw a long chain out of the small bag. "I really do." Slowly, she held the fine chain up in the air and dropped a pendent against her palm. "Callie, it's…it's gorgeous."

Shrugging, Callie shadowed Arizona's fingers. "I didn't want to be too full on," she explained softly, "so I hope that's okay."

The pendant, a flat oval shaped gold plate had tiny diagonal cursive writing engraved. _Yours_

"I kept thinking up all these phrases about family and choosing family and some long complicated thing. But honestly, you're everything to me…you're my family, my best friend, the hot hot woman I get to have amazing sex with. So yeah, I'm just, yours."

"Calliope." The word was exhaled rather than spoken and Arizona's eyes were locked with Callie's, she blushed in embarrassment.

"We should go, you have a crowd waiting and internet feeds and it's all set up and ready for you. You should go."

Arizona drew in a deep breath and raised a slow moving hand to cup Callie's cheek. "Thank you," she murmured, rising up slightly on her tiptoes to kiss her in a lengthy exchange. "Thank you."

* * *

Callie watched quietly, from the side of the room with a glass of champagne in her hand. Arizona, despite her protest, spoke eloquently and almost poetically; the epitome of exceeding expectation. She was softly spoken and casual, bohemian in sense and she oozed that persona of being everyone's favourite friend and next-door neighbour.

But her eyes kept drifting to Callie, seeking her out even when she switched from a chair at the back to standing by a bookshelf to the side. She relaxed Arizona with an endless supply of encouraging smiles and distinct nods as Arizona read out a lengthy excerpt before inviting questions. There was a flurry of hands and gestures, and Arizona squirmed in her seat, darting her stare from Callie to her publisher and back again.

"Arizona, given this book is well past the proposed release date, can we infer that it was a difficult journey to write?"

Arizona offered a small smirk to the journalist, she knew there were various theories amongst the sector; mostly that she had disappeared and had no intention of ever completing her second book. She hoped they were pleasantly surprised. "I've found that writing a novel is as much about me, as the author, as it is about the characters on the pages. It's a challenging process."

"There are some distinct similarities between _Things My Mother Should Have Told Me _and this, would we be correct in assuming there are some autobiographical components?"

Laughing lightly, Arizona glanced down, flicking the end of a pen with her thumb. "As I said, for me, writing is as much about self discovery as it is about getting the words out. I wouldn't say either are autobiographical but I've drawn heavily on the people I have had the displeasure and pleasure of having in my life."

"Would you agree that this is a story of love, compared to your previous story of solidarity?"

Nodding slowly, Arizona shrugged. "Perhaps a story of learning to love despite a flawed sense of solidarity."

"Do you think women all over the world will now flock to Scotland in the hope of finding a way through their insecurities?"

To the side, Callie stifled a laugh, chewing on her bottom lip; she could see the bewildered look on Arizona's face as she answered, voice amused. ""I suspect if a simple little novel changed the tourist industry, authors all around the world would be forming partnerships with governments." A soft ripple emanated through the crowd.

She continued to field questions for more than an hour and then another meticulously signing books with personalised messages.

Finally reaching the end of the queue and watching people slowly leave, Arizona reached Callie, patiently waiting on a stool and moulded into her. "Exhausted?" Callie asked gently, leaving her champagne on the table and closing her arms around Arizona.

"A huh," Arizona confirmed, voice muffled from Callie's neck, "but I just want to stay like this for a few minutes."

Callie grinned, palms flattened to Arizona's back and moving slightly, just enough to rock her lightly. "You were amazing today."

"You think?" Arizona asked, a hint of self-consciousness creeping in. "I felt like I rambled and the questions were full on."

Scoffing, Callie kissed her temple. "Seriously, you were so good."

"Thanks."

"Did you sign me a copy, amongst that mass out there?"

Tilting her head up, Arizona engaged a prolonged blink, nose just scraping at Callie's cheek. "You got a dedication on the first page, I think that trumps a crappy signature."

"Mmmm, made my head swell."

Laughing, Arizona leant back, entwining her fingers with Callie's. "I never would have finished it without you, you know that."

"Kind of surreal, right? Seems like everything has fallen into place a bit; your book is done, you're working at Dundee and I'm studying…your mom has turned a corner. And we're, well, we're good."

Arizona nodded, smiling widely with dimples on full display for a few moments before her expression softened. "I wish things were better with your family though, I mean, that would be awesome for you; for you to have things fall into place."

"I wish that too," Callie confirmed quietly, though her features were neutral, "but I would rather them not in my life than in it and causing me, us, problems. You're my family, Arizona and if one day they want to be than fantastic but if not, you and I are totally enough."

"Totally, huh?"

"Totally." Callie confirmed, sliding off the stool and steadying herself with Arizona's arm. "Sorry, those Moets have been going down a little easy."

"Coffee back in our room?" Arizona asked softly, one hand on Callie's hip, steadying her.

"We're like an old married couple."

"But with more sex," Arizona whispered, eyes sparkling as she tugged Callie to weave through the chaos of discarded chairs and tables. Callie laughed easily as she followed behind, warmed by the glasses of champagne and the undeniably settled feeling she had. It wasn't hard to see that they were both incredibly content. Happy.

They passed a poster just before they left through a staff door at the back of the bookstore, an enlarged version of Arizona's book. She had deliberated for some time over the cover, working with the design team to get it right, emailing proofs back and forth at least ten times. When Arizona had finally showed it to Callie, the impact had been a rush of tears, humbled and touched.

Two abstract hearts were centred on the cover, various colours and cracks evident on the shapes; splintered, broken, shaded and simply imperfect. They were connected by interlocking chains and it took readers a few moments to identify the origins. One was an identical representation of Callie's necklace and pendant, and the other, the old frayed bracelet that Arizona wore. They looped around the hearts and then twisted in the gap between, around and around.

The simple title was positioned below.

_And I love you_

_So I stay_

"Yeah," Callie whispered to herself as they slipped outside and on to the narrow track to their room, "she stayed."

* * *

_Fin._


End file.
